Deadly Identity (15 page)

Rachel understood. She'd had five years to digest the “real” Dirk that the FBI had provided to her as way of information during the trial. “Yet, his dark side took over. He tried to kill me and he killed Sarah.”

“Knowing what fuels Payson helps us some, but not completely,” Brenda agreed, sadness in her voice. “And you paid the ultimate price for what he wanted and didn't have the ability to move toward. He fell back into being a drug dealer just like his parents.”

“Bad blood.”

“Yes,” Rachel agreed. She saw Cade pulling into the slushy driveway. He was on duty today and was coming home for lunch. “Brenda, I need to go. Cade just drove into the driveway.”

“Okay, I'll keep you informed. Throw that cell away and go to the next one on the list.”

“You bet I will,” she said, flipping the cover closed. Turning, Rachel walked back into the warm kitchen. Cade had asked for a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch today. That was easy enough to fix. After stuffing the cell into the pocket of her jeans, Rachel quickly went about gathering the items. Under no circumstances did she want Cade to see her on the phone. He'd ask who she was talking to and Rachel was sick of lying to him.

Her hands shook a bit as she placed the skillet on the stove. She'd almost blurted to Brenda that she loved Cade!
Where
had that come from? Upset, Rachel brought out the butter and the block of sharp cheddar cheese from the fridge. She heard the porch door open and shut.

“Hey,” Cade called, entering the kitchen. “How are things in your corner of the world?” Rachel seemed harried as she sliced the cheese at the counter. Cade always looked forward to being in the area of the ranch during his shift so he could drop by for lunch. So far, it had been a quiet day and he was grateful.

“Doing fine,” Rachel said, looking up to his warm
gray gaze. In that split second, Rachel realized with a terrible, sinking feeling that she was falling in love with Cade Garner. “How's the day going?” she forced herself to ask with a lightness she didn't feel.

Cade set his briefcase on the table and then got out of the warm nylon jacket and hung it on a hook. “Great. I'm here. It doesn't get any better than that.”

Rachel nodded. “There's no place like home.”

Grinning, Cade walked to the table. He opened the briefcase and brought out a bunch of papers and set them next to the plate and flatware Rachel had laid out earlier. “Amen to that. You look worried. Everything okay?”

Trying to stop her frowning, Rachel's heart leaped in fear. Cade was a deputy. He had honed his visual skills much more than most people. “Uh, yes, just a busy morning is all.”

“Jenny?”

“Oh, no, she's fine. She's sleeping right now.”

“Good,” Cade said, putting the briefcase on the floor next to his chair. “Anything I can help you with?”

“No, I'm fine. Thanks. Just sit there and relax.” How badly Rachel wanted just to turn around, run into his arms and cry. Crying always helped relieve her tension, but she couldn't do it. And now, knowing that she loved Cade, Rachel had to be extra careful with her body language and her choice of words with
him. Under no circumstance could Cade know how she really felt.

Hearing him rustle through papers, which he routinely brought home to work on, Rachel felt a tiny bit of relief. She forced herself to think about the grilled cheese sandwich in the skillet. She got a jar of sweet pickles from the fridge, and, after putting it all on a plate, she turned and walked over to where he sat.

Cade had a wanted poster in his hand. As she drew near, Rachel gasped and nearly dropped the plate.

Cade looked up sharply at Rachel. She had stopped, her face turning pale, her eyes huge and filled with terror. “What?” he asked, dropping the papers and getting up. “Rachel? Are you all right? What's wrong?” Without thinking, he put his hands on her shoulders, the plate between them.

Gulping, Rachel stared past Cade and down at the paper on the table. It was a photo of Dirk Payson. Then, she remembered Brenda had told her that they were sending out new information to every small police department in the U.S. That meant this one. Trying to breathe, she thrust the plate toward Cade. It broke the light hold he had on her shoulders.

“Here,” she rattled, “take this. I'm fine. I'll be back in a minute…” And she turned on her heel and hurried down the hall to the bathroom.

Stunned, Cade stood in the quiet kitchen with the sandwich in hand. He watched Rachel disappear into the bathroom, the door shutting louder than usual.
What was wrong? Scowling, he went to the table and sat down. Once more he had to remind himself they weren't married. She was an employee, not his lover, as he so desperately wanted. If Rachel wanted to ask for help, she'd ask. Muttering under his breath, Cade pushed the papers aside and sat down. Women had ups and downs men never had. He reminded himself that women had an awful lot more hormones in place than men did, too. And who knew? Maybe her hormones were making her more out of sorts than usual. As he enjoyed the grilled cheese sandwich, Cade thought that maybe Rachel was getting cabin fever. It struck anyone who faced eight months of winter every year. And she wasn't used to being housebound for so long, so this was probably just a bad day for her.

Sooner or later, Cade knew, she'd reappear. And tonight he'd broach the topic with her when she wasn't so upset. Picking up the papers once more, he read about Dirk Payson. The FBI had called his office captain and they were making a big push to find this guy and get him back behind bars. Cade committed the man's face to memory. As a patrolling deputy, it was his job to be on the lookout for such a criminal.

C
ADE WAS CONCERNED
as he drove his cruiser along the dirt roads of Teton County. After Rachel had seen the wanted poster on Dirk Payson yesterday, she'd paled like the proverbial ghost. Worse, he hadn't seen her after supper that night. She'd gone directly to her room, and his shift forced him to be up and out of the house long before she was awake in the morning.

The gray, scudding clouds signaled the end of a front coming through with a promise of much more blue sky. Slats of sunlight, like flashlight beams, flooded the valley. He was on a call to another small ranch, the Bar T, where there'd been a fight between cowboys. One of them had a busted jaw and Cade had been sent to collect the information. The winters were long and hard in Wyoming and about this time of year—late March, early April—cabin fever struck even the hardiest of residents. This was no place for the faint of heart.

The snow and mud combined, and he could hear it against the cruiser as he drove slowly but surely down the rutted road toward the ranch in the distance.
His mind turned once more to Rachel. Why had she blanched when she saw that poster? Something was going on. Grimly, Cade's mind wandered from the sublime to the ridiculous. Did Rachel know this suspect? Worse, was he a family member? Their names weren't the same and Rachel had said she'd never been married. There was nothing in her background check to tie her to Payson. So why the violent reaction?

As he slowed down and drove through the large timber entrance to the Bar T, Cade decided that tonight after dinner he would gently try to broach the subject with her. God help him, he was falling in love with her and he knew it. But did she love him? Cade didn't think so. Rachel was always careful around him, didn't give him “the look” or any other body language to suggest it. Yet, their one melting kiss haunted him. He wanted to taste her more deeply, gather Rachel into his arms and make tender love with her. Cade thought his fervent dreams of needing Rachel showed that he was emerging from the death of his family. That wasn't a bad thing, but Cade wasn't interested in just any woman. He was interested solely in Rachel.

As he pulled up to the log ranch house, a couple of black-and-white Australian heeler dogs came out barking to greet him. Most ranches had sheepdogs or heelers to help herd the cattle along with the cowboys on horseback or on ATV machines. For a moment,
as Cade gathered his clipboard and made a call to dispatch to let them know he'd arrived on the scene, he was still centered on Rachel.

His mother, Gwen, had fallen in love with Rachel in so many ways. When Abby had died, he'd seen a little bit of his parents die, too. They had loved her. And now, Rachel and Jenny were bringing the rest of his family as well as himself back from that dark, shocking event. Cade had seen his family go from depression and grief to hope once again. The combination of Rachel and Jenny was like an IV given at the local hospital, a blood transfusion. As Cade opened the door to his cruiser, the cold, cutting spring wind rushed into the interior, wiping out the warmth.

No, tonight, he would have to have a talk with Rachel and get to the bottom of this. What would the answer be? Something as simple as that she was repulsed by the picture? Should he not bring his work home and spread it across the table where she had to look at it? Cade felt that was probably the case and he was willing to change his habits and use the small desk in the master bedroom to work on, instead. He didn't want to upset Rachel like that again. There was no need for it.

 

“I'
D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU
about that wanted poster I brought home yesterday at lunch,” Cade said as
they sat with their after-dinner coffee at the kitchen table.

Rachel frowned. “Oh…that.” Instantly, adrenaline shot to her bloodstream. Her heart beat harder.

Searching her closed expression, Cade studied Rachel in the tense silence that suddenly sprang up between them. He kept his voice gentle. “I know these posters can be upsetting. These guys aren't stellar and some are pretty ugly and threatening to a normal person.” Searching for the words, he held her shadowed, fearful gaze. “I've had these posters out on the table before and you never had that kind of reaction to them.”

All day, Rachel had found herself in the worst turmoil of her life. She seesawed violently between telling Cade the truth and trying to build lies once more to cover her reaction at seeing the picture of Dirk on the table. The weight on her shoulders pressed down upon her to such a degree that Rachel felt as if she could barely get a breath into or out of her body. Pushing the coffee cup away, she nervously folded her hands.
Oh, God! What should I do?

“Cade,” Rachel began, a wobble in her voice, “what I'm going to share with you is…is shocking… And I'll understand if you want me to go once you hear it.” Rachel saw his gray eyes widen in surprise. How ruggedly handsome Cade was in his dark green flannel cowboy shirt and jeans. His stubble was always dark by evening and it gave him a dangerous and
alluring look that she had come to love. Yes, Rachel admitted, she was falling in love with Cade.

Sitting back, Cade rested his hands on his thighs. “What's going on?” He felt the tension around them. The set of her mouth told him she held some terrible secret.

Cade's face was set. Suddenly, Rachel feared telling him the truth. Her handler, Brenda, had put the fear of God into her about ever telling anyone. Sometimes, Rachel realized, rules had to be broken for the good of all. She simply couldn't go on putting this family in jeopardy.

Dragging in a deep breath of air and spreading her hands before her on the table, Rachel began. The more she told Cade, the more she saw his brows draw down. She thought as she was about to tell him the worst, about losing Sarah, that she could speak about it. Instead, her throat closed up on her.

“I—uh, give me a moment, Cade.” She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“What else?” he demanded in a strangled tone.

The look on his face was hard. As if he were a deputy sheriff with a suspect. It didn't matter. The truth had to come out. “After Dirk put me in the hospital and I lost…I lost my baby, Sarah…” Suddenly, Rachel sobbed. No matter how much she tried to throttle back the reaction, it just wouldn't be stopped.

Cade heard the raw grief in her off-key voice. “Oh,
God, no….” Cade sat there stunned. His head swam with memories. Of Rachel loving Jenny. Of her telling him all she wanted was a family and children. Now, it all made sense. In an instant, he was on his feet and pulling her out of the chair. Cade wrapped his arms around her and felt her tremble violently. Without a word, he pressed Rachel's head to his shoulder and simply held her.

All the years of never being able to let it all go hit her hard. With Cade's strong, protective arms around her, the tears flooded out of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. The gentle stroke of his hand barely grazing her hair just made her cry all the more. Rachel had no idea how long the sounds of loss and grief tore out from the depths of her soul. The man holding her was strong, steady and caring. The opposite of Dirk Payson.

Finally, the storm passed and Rachel pulled out of his arms enough to look up at him. What she saw pulverized her raw, bleeding heart. He had tracks of tears down his cheeks, his mouth was drawn in at the corners. He was crying for her. For her loss of Sarah. And when he lifted his hand and his fingers grazed her dampened cheeks, Rachel closed her eyes. A ragged sigh escaped her contorted lips.

“You never deserved what happen to you,” Cade told her in a whisper, his own voice unsteady.

His mind whirled with problems. Payson was on the loose. He and his family were in danger. His heart
pounded with fear. Fear for Rachel, for his family. What should he do?

“I've put all of you in danger,” Rachel whispered. She pulled out of his arms, wiped the tears from her face and stared up at Cade. “I'm so sorry. It was wrong of me to do this to you. I—I tried to tell my FBI handler it was wrong. But she said I was fine here.”

Cade's slow-burning anger took over. It wasn't aimed at Rachel so much as the FBI. “When you're in the witness protection program, everyone you deal with can be in danger.”

“Yes,” Rachel whispered. She felt all the fight go out of her. “I need to leave, Cade. Now.”

“No!”

The word was spoken so sharply that Rachel jumped. Cade's eyes narrowed.

She pressed her hand to her heart. “Cade, I love Jenny and your family too much to put you at risk.” She wanted to say,
I love you,
but couldn't. Instead, she watched as he digested the whole messy situation.

“I'm putting all of you in danger. You know that,” she added.

Cade held up his hand. “Give me a moment. I need to think through this, Rachel.”

She went to the sink and sniffed. Outside, the April sky was blue with bright sunshine. As beautiful as it was, she felt awful inside. Gripping the sink, the tile
cool beneath her damp fingers, she said, “I've lied to you, Cade. I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't want to do it to you.”

“I know,” he answered irritably. Pacing the length of the kitchen, Cade tried to push his feelings aside and think coldly and logically. His heart swung from abject fear of losing Rachel to the fact she'd lied. And by lying, she'd put everyone in his family in the crosshairs of Payson's gun. Rachel wanted to leave.

“Where would you go?” he demanded abruptly.

Rachel turned around and faced him. “I'm not sure. I'd have to talk to Brenda and find out.”

Cade gritted his teeth. “I hate this.”

“Me, too.” Rachel wished she'd never said yes to coming here in the first place. The love she had for Cade would never leave her heart. She felt herself spiraling down into a black pit. She had no one but herself to blame.

“You can't go,” he said, his hands resting on his hips. “Jenny has bonded with you.”

Shocked, Rachel stared at him. “Are you serious?”

“You can't leave. Jenny needs you.” Cade almost blurted,
I need you.
But he didn't. He searched her features.

Closing her eyes, Rachel fought his words. Jenny! Oh, God, what a mess! She met his gaze. “Dirk is a loose cannon, Cade. I don't want what he did to me done to anyone else. Especially Jenny—or you…”

Cade wanted to tell her how he really felt, but he put a steel grip on himself. She had enough to handle right now. Never had he thought something like this could happen to him. “There's more than us involved in this, Rachel. My mother and father have to know.” He saw her face crumple with guilt.

“You have no idea how many times I wanted to tell them. I owe them an apology, too. I know they'll hate me for what I've done….” She chewed on her lower lip, all the guilt from the past months like a weight on her shoulders.

“Enough,” Cade snapped. “This isn't settled—at all. We need to talk with them. It's their ranch. Their lives.” He breathed raggedly wondering how they were going to react. It hurt to see more tears come to Rachel's eyes. “Look,” he said, “this isn't your fault. I know that. I'm in law enforcement. But my parents may not understand that you didn't deliberately lie to them. They aren't familiar with the witness protection program.”

Blinking back the tears, Rachel whispered brokenly, “I'm so sorry, Cade. I've hurt all of you. I never meant to, I really didn't…I—I've fallen in love with—” and she stopped the words from tumbling out of her mouth. She watched as his eyes widened, and then grew feral.

Another wave of shock washed over Cade as he stared at her. Was Rachel going to say she'd fallen in love with him? She'd already said she loved Jenny.
Who was left? Staggered by the nearly blurted admission, he swiftly took strides over to where she stood. Rachel looked pathetically vulnerable, her arms wrapped tightly around her body, the tears in her eyes. His hands fell on her shoulders. “I want to help you, Rachel. My parents aren't stupid. I know they love you. Everyone's been happy since you got here.” He stared into her ravaged eyes. “We can support you until Payson's recaptured and back in prison.”

His hands felt incredibly steadying. There was such quiet strength in Cade. “I…yes, I'd like that.” Rachel felt his narrowed gaze burning into hers. “I—I'm so afraid for you, Jenny and your family. I know Dirk. He's a sociopath. He has no conscience, Cade! If he found me here, he'd kill anyone he found beside me.”

Against his better judgment, Cade drew Rachel against him once again. He couldn't stand to see her cry like this. His jaw rested against her silky hair. “I don't know how you've carried this all by yourself since it happened. You're stronger than you realize, Rachel.”

Pressing her face into his shirt, Rachel gripped him hard, as if to lose him would be to lose her grip on sanity. “I'm not strong, Cade. I feel weak. Defenseless. I know Dirk. He's a chameleon. He changes his appearance. I've seen him do it, although at the time he lied about why he was doing it, and I just swallowed his explanations.”

Easing his fingers down along her tense spine, Cade wanted to absorb some of her fear and grief. “Look, his kind always manipulates others. You are the innocent in all of this, Rachel. You were only eighteen at the time he hooked you in and used you.” Cade's heart was in chaos. His mind tumbled with shock. Never had he expected such tragedy from Rachel. She seemed ordinary, normal and was a loving human being. Yet, she had carried this nightmare within her. Cade's respect for her internal strength grew moment by moment as he absorbed the entire story of her rocky life.

Rachel was warmed by Cade's embrace. She loved him without question. That scared Rachel even more now: did Cade love her? How could he? She had such a shameful past. And she presented a threat right now to all he loved: Jenny and his parents. Rachel couldn't grasp how Cade would allow her to stay here under his roof and protection. She pulled away enough to see his face. There was such seriousness in it, in the way his mouth was compressed, in the anxiousness in his gray eyes. Yet, his arms, oh, God, his arms felt so good to her!