Authors: Brandilyn Collins
Couldn’t…reach.
Somehow I pushed to wobbly knees. Knocked the phone off its base. Picked it up.
Gasps escaped from Melissa. She shifted on the floor.
I hit
talk
. My right hand wouldn’t lift. I dropped the phone on the floor and used my left hand to punch in the number.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
My tongue thickened.
“911, you there?”
“Yeah. I’m…”
“What’s your emergency?”
“I…did it.”
“Did what?”
My voice hitched. “Stopped her.”
“Ma’am, what’s happening? Stopped who?”
“Melissa…Harkoff…I got her.” My eyes filled with tears. “She killed Linda. She killed my best friend.”
The world blurred. I don’t know how much time passed. Five minutes? Twenty? The quicksand beckoned, but dull fire lit my veins. My eyes closed, dragged open. Closed, dragged open.
Melissa lay crumpled on her side, unmoving. Blood stained the floor beneath her.
Was she dead?
Somehow I managed to drag myself from the office into the hallway.
In the distance—a keening. It grew louder and louder, then doubled. Tripled. Sirens wailed to a stop outside my house.
I lifted a shaking left hand and unlocked the front door. Then collapsed before it.
Darkness drifted over me.
Then voices. Footsteps.
Someone calling my name.
I was lifted. Rolled. Lights and movement and people touching me.
A siren started up again. So very
loud.
Quicksand shimmied…rose…swallowed the horrible noise whole.
I awoke in a hospital room, my right shoulder bandaged. It felt like I’d been asleep for hours. My body swam in a thick and languid sea. An IV tube led to my left arm.
Perry sat by my bed.
I blinked at him. “Wha—?” My voice was little more than a croak.
His face lit. “Hey.” He stood up, touched my hair. “She’s back in the land of the living.”
“That what this is?”
“Yeah. And pain meds.”
Oh.
“How do you feel?” Perry’s hand lowered to rest gently against my neck.
I swallowed. “Why aren’t you at your store?”
He gave me a look. “And miss the excitement?”
Even my sodden brain saw through the tease. Who couldn’t see the concern tugging at Perry’s brow?
No, not just concern. Something more…
The thought warmed me.
But I couldn’t go there now.
I licked my lips and concentrated on breathing.
As if a switch flipped, memories and realizations pierced my mind. For a moment my tongue froze, unable to choose what to ask first.
“Melissa?”
Perry’s expression clouded. He shook his head. “She didn’t make it.”
I ogled him. “She’s
dead
?”
He nodded.
My mouth flopped open, but no words formed. Dead. I killed her. I
killed
a person.
“Joanne.” Perry stroked my jaw. “She tried to kill you first.”
“How…were you there?”
Wait. That made no sense.
“You told 911 and the ambulance attendants.”
“I talked in the ambulance?”
Perry smiled. “You downright blathered.”
Oh.
“You told them how Melissa came in with a gun. That she shot you.” Perry surveyed me, as if not quite sure I was in my right mind. “You said she told you
she
killed Linda.”
Melissa’s spiteful words washed over me.
“And you know what? I didn’t care!”
My eyes closed.
“Joanne. Is that true?”
I wished my mind could think clearly. I tried to see down the tunnel of days, weeks, months. What would happen now with Baxter? Would we ever find Linda? And
where
did I fit? I’d spent six years believing a myth. Even now I didn’t know how to let it go.
“Hey.” Clearly Perry read my thoughts. I heard a firmness in his tone. “If you hadn’t pursued Melissa, the truth would still be hidden. You uncovered it. You got through all the deceit.”
“Not all of it. Baxter’s still around.”
“Yeah, well. Wait till the legal system gets through with him. He’ll have a lot to answer for.”
If he ever answered at all.
No. Unacceptable.
I wouldn’t rest until he did. Now only he could tell us where Linda was buried. My friend deserved to come home. To a real grave where I could visit her, talk to her.
Carefully I shifted a little. My shoulder throbbed at the movement. I winced.
Perry drew back his hand. “I should let you rest.”
“I need to talk to Dan.”
“He wants to talk to you. Told me to call him when you’re ready.”
“That would be now.”
“Sure you’re up to it?”
As if I’d been “up” to any of this.
“If you bring me some Jelly Bellies.”
MAY 2010
A brilliant sun warmed my head as I leaned over to place fresh flowers at the base of Linda’s white headstone. My right shoulder vibrated with pain when I stretched out my arm, but I ignored it. I was making progress in my physical therapy. Some day I’d be back to normal.
I was alone in the small cemetery outside Vonita, which suited me just fine. All the better to talk to Linda. Using my left hand I lowered myself down to sit on the ground, knees to one side.
For a while I said nothing. Just ran my fingers through blades of spring grass, felt the slight breeze on my skin.
In my mind I heard Linda’s boisterous laugh.
My eyes fell on her headstone, the etched dates of birth and death. My heart panged, first with sadness, then joyless satisfaction. At least I finally had a grave to visit.
“Well, I did it.” I focused on the flowers, pink and white, with sprigs of green. “I visited him yesterday.”
In a surprising move, Baxter Jackson had asked me to come see him. I’d never been in the county jail before. Never wanted to go again. The place reeked of dinginess and grim existence, played out in the dull colors of the walls, the lifelessness of inmates’ faces. For Baxter this was a holding tank—and a refined one, at that. In a few days he would be transferred to a much harsher and meaner state prison.
Baxter had experienced a “change of heart before God,” he’d told me through his attorney.
Yeah, right
, I thought. But a prompting in my own heart nudged me to go.
To that point I could only look at Baxter’s actions. After his arrest on that February morning, police had searched his home. They’d found the prepaid cell phone he used to contact Trovky. And they’d found a taped-up box with the name “Ann” written on top. Inside were sheets of blank computer paper.
Even to the last, Baxter had tried to out-deceive the deceiving Melissa.
Eventually, however, he’d broken down and confessed his complicity in Linda’s and Cherisse’s deaths. And he’d led police to Linda’s grave in the forest. But that was after weeks of legal machinations, threats from law enforcement, and promises of lighter sentencing if he cooperated. Even though Baxter didn’t kill Linda, due to his conspiracy to kill Melissa and me, a shadow still hung over him regarding his second wife. “What are we going to find if we disinter Cherisse’s body?” Dan had pressed. “Some other wound not consistent with falling down the stairs?”
Meanwhile Trovky stood more than ready to testify against Baxter in exchange for his own lighter sentencing.
The further Baxter had been backed into a corner, the better the promise of reduced punishment appeared.
That’s
when he agreed to talk. And there was no way to tell his story without including a confession of abusing both his wives.
And so Baxter Jackson finally told the truth—to save his own skin.
His hatred for Melissa Harkoff poured out amid his confession. How manipulative and self-serving she was, feigning sincerity, empathy. “I’m convinced she killed her mother,” he told police. “I think she pushed her when the woman was drunk, made her fall and hit her head. Melissa told me she had recurring nightmares about her mother’s death. Now I know those dreams were from guilt.”
When I heard the accusation, I wasn’t surprised. Nothing about Melissa would surprise me anymore. But now the truth of her mother’s death would never be known.
Baxter pled guilty to two counts of solicitation to commit murder plus involuntary manslaughter of Cherisse. Charges for his cover-up of Linda’s murder were dropped in exchange for his taking authorities to her body. Baxter could have received twenty-five years for his crimes, but the plea bargain reduced his sentence to a mere eight years. For his part in the solicitation scheme, Trovky received three years—also a reduced sentence.
I ran my finger over the pink and white flowers at Linda’s grave, feeling their velvety strength. “I didn’t know what to expect when I went to that meeting.”
At the San Benito county jail check-in, I showed my driver’s license and stowed my purse in a locker provided in the lobby. I was not allowed to carry anything with me into the visiting room. Each step of security wound invisible bindings around me until I felt I could hardly breathe. Only then did the dark reality of what Baxter faced hit me. How very far the proud had fallen.
Baxter slumped into a seat opposite me at a table, looking nothing like the man I knew. His hair had been cut short, his eyes were dulled. Gone was that pulsing power, the confident arrogance. In their place hovered shame and brokenness.
I straightened in my chair, arms folded. Remembering his “sincerity” in front of Pastor Steve at my house that fateful day.
Baxter leaned forward, hands laced upon the table. His shoulders were stooped. “Thanks for coming.”
I nodded.
Baxter watched his thumbs rub over one another. He cleared his throat. Looked at me. “I just wanted to tell you in person how sorry I am. For…everything. Linda. The fear I put you through. The chase I sent you on. The lying.”
The rawness of his expression and tone, of
him
, left me flailing.
Surely he couldn’t be telling me the truth. He had to have some angle.
But what would be his reason for now playing the penitent? He was in
jail
, far away from the church and town.
I filled my lungs with dusty air. “Okay.”
One side of his mouth curved the slightest bit. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
How does one know when a liar stops lying?
“I don’t know what to believe.”
Baxter dipped his chin. “That’s understandable. It may take a long time for people to believe I’ve changed.”
“
Why
, Baxter?” The words burst from me. “What happened to you and Linda? She was so happy when she married you.”
He swallowed and looked away, as if wanting to turn from the memories. I waited him out. He wanted forgiveness? I wanted answers.
“I never hit Linda until after we were married.” His voice ran low, pained. “I grew up watching my dad hit my mom. Thought I’d never be that way. Especially as a Christian. But one day this rage just welled up. And I lashed out. I was horrified. I apologized all over the place. Promised it would never happen again. And then it did.” He paused. Sighed at the table. “After awhile I couldn’t control it. Fear built up inside me. Of who I was becoming. That Linda would tell someone. That I’d lose my reputation. The more fearful I became, the more I lashed out. Then the more I had to hide. Around and around we went. Linda…” Baxter’s voice caught. “…was a saint.”
My own throat tightened. Yes, she was.
If only I’d reacted differently the day she came to me. Once I missed that opportunity, Melissa arrived, and Linda and I had no more private time together.
Baxter shifted in his chair. Blinked a couple of times. “The ironic thing is, Linda wanted a foster child because she believed having a third person in the home would stop me.” He shook his head. “She had me believing it too. And I tried. I really did.”
“You obviously didn’t try hard enough.” I couldn’t keep the accusation from my voice.
He lowered his eyes. “No.”
“You could have prevented all of it, you know.” My anger spilled out. “That very first time you hit Linda—did you ask anyone for help? Confess to our pastor, go for counseling? Did you ever ask
God
to forgive you? To
help
you change?”
Baxter could not raise his eyes to my face. “I was too ashamed to pray.”
I made a disgusted sound in my throat. “Too ashamed, that makes a lot of sense. Like God didn’t know the truth.”
Baxter raised a hand, palm out. “Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’ve been over this a thousand, million times? I stepped off the path. It wasn’t that far to step right back on, with God’s help. But I didn’t. And then I just got farther and farther away…”
I couldn’t stand to look at Baxter a moment longer. My head snapped to the side, my eyes glaring at the wall. Emotions raged through my veins like floodwaters. I wanted to strangle the man for his arrogance. I wanted to rage and cry. Turn back time, like Superman. Everything that happened—it was all so
avoidable
. So totally, completely
stupid
.
Why hadn’t I forced Linda to tell our pastor, the police?
Why
did I let her get away with her silence?
“I’m sorry, Joanne.” Baxter’s words were a mere whisper. “I wish I could change everything.”
“Me too, Baxter. Me too.”
My eyes burned, and the tears fell.
Now at Linda’s grave I reached out to slide my palm over the smooth top of her headstone. “I still don’t know if Baxter’s ‘change of heart’ is real. I know God can change people. He can. But I just…”
Out of nowhere, Melissa’s sneering voice surfaced in my head. “
Miss Lying Christian
…”
I closed my eyes.
“God’s changing
me
, Linda. That I do know.” I aimed a wan smile at her flowers. “I have some things to sort out.”
Like willing myself to forgive Baxter—whether he was still lying or not. I hadn’t been able to say the words yesterday as we parted. But I needed to get to that point, or bitterness would overwhelm me.