Authors: Michelle Evans
Give
your emotions a new identity.
You’re
unhappy with your life just now because you’re either focusing too much on past
experiences, or are living in fear filled with anxieties about the future and worrying
about things that may never happen.
When You Change
Your Attitude, You Change Your Future.
Step One:
Live in the now
Better
decision making happens when you live your life in the present. You aren’t overly
influenced by the past, and you act on the opportunities that present
themselves to shape your future.
Decisions
made without fear, regrets or worries open a
world of possibilities
.
Step Two:
Create your vision
Everything
you have in life must serve a purpose. You can close your eyes and visualize
anything you want, but you need to be real. You shouldn’t focus on having
everything, or even a lot. Focus on having enough.
Let go of
your expectations. Forget about fears, worries, friends and foes. Let go of
emotions by grounding your thoughts on the present. Surround yourself with
experiences that matter to you—not objects filled with emotional attachments—experiences
that fill your mind with a burning desire.
Step Three:
Attitude Adjustment
Acknowledge
every thought that passes through your mind. There are thousands of them every
day of which 80% are habitual and form your attitude. In order to change your
attitude, you need to focus on changing your habitual thought patterns. That’s
the difficult and challenging part, but it is doable.
Instead of
feeling angry, ask yourself why you feel that way. Reframe the
thought
wording
from angry to batty, as in this is driving me batty, which is a
much less powerful word. Take the negative power words, such as mad,
infuriated, raging, fuming, blood-boiling—and tone the thoughts down. Head to
thesaurus.com
and describe in one word how you feel. Feeling infuriated? Type it in the
search bar. You’ll see rile on the list. “I feel riled,” is much mellower than “I
feel infuriated.”
Step Four:
Don’t over think things, or just don’t think at all
Get into the
habit of making decisions. When you find yourself over-thinking and excessively
analyzing potential outcomes, stop yourself. Visualize the stop sign at the
intersection in your mind to give yourself a visual cue to stop thinking.
Call on deep
breathing, and soothe your mind so you aren’t wrestling with your thoughts to
the point of self-defeat. This will drain your energy before you even start a
task. Stop in that moment and address how you feel in one word. Ask yourself
why you feel that way. Does it really matter that you’ve a bill due to be paid
in two weeks? Yes, probably, but is it going to change the direction of your
life? Probably not.
Bring
yourself into the here and now, and decide what you can actually do now. Not, “what
if” you don’t get this, that or the next thing done. Stay in the present, don’t
dwell in the past, and try not to predict what’s in the cards for the future,
because life doesn’t deal you anything. You get back what you put out.
Step Five:
Write down your feelings
Acknowledge
your thoughts and question why you feel that way, then write down the emotion
you feel—especially when you have a negative thought. Whatever that emotion,
tone it down using a thesaurus as described in step 3. The more in touch you
are with your thoughts and emotions, the better you assert control over your
attitude. That will help you reframe a negative attitude into one of opportunity
which will help your progression towards a positive mental attitude.
Know
thyself.
Master
the art of saying no!
Everything that
is cluttering the world around you is a direct result of you permitting it to
happen, simply by saying yes.
Step One:
Think before you agree
The next
time you feel tempted to say yes to anyone, stop and respond instead with,
“let
me think about it and get back to you tomorrow.”
Always sleep on it and be
selfish. Is it going to be of benefit to you and further your goals? If not,
don’t agree. If yes, then do it because you must stay on top of your priorities.
Step Two:
Say no when it collides with your morals
This comes
back around to knowing yourself. Your skills, your values, your beliefs and
your goals. Everything you agree to should serve your life with purpose. There
are plenty of ways to serve others while maintaining your priorities and goals without
the inherent chaos brought by making commitments that are inconsistent with who
you are and who you want to be.
Step Three:
Keep all doors open by saying no with grace
Be firm when
you say no. No ifs, buts, or maybes. Half certainties open the door for further
responses. Be honest.
“I’m afraid I’m not able to assist. Thank-you for
asking.”
If you really are not interested, do not add “at this time” or
you’ll be asked again.
This
response is gentle but firm and doesn’t invite a second request.
Do not
be afraid to ask for help.
“The only
thing we have to fear is...fear itself” — Franklin D. Roosevelt
Fear is defeating...crippling.
The fear of looking stupid prevents you from being smart. The smartest people
in the world do something extraordinary. They recognize their true limitations,
work within them and seek help, advice and support when they need it.
Do you know
your limits?
A
foolproof three-step process to ask for help and come out way ahead
Step
One: Ask specific questions
Don’t be
general with the question you ask. Get specific and down to the nitty gritty.
Explain your circumstances, the goal you’re trying to accomplish and the obstacles
you’ve hit causing you to get stuck.
Step
Two: Ask the right person
There’s no
point asking the janitor about legislation issues. Direct your questions to
those who you feel have more real knowledge than you.
Ask those
whose opinion you value on the subject you’re struggling with. When you do,
you’re also giving him or her a vote of confidence as well.
People
instinctively love that validation, and that’s why most are more than accommodating
when it comes to lending support and advice.
Step
Three: Be grateful for any advice you receive
Never forget
gratitude. You may not get the answer you want, or get a completely different
perspective that means you doing a lot more work, but always say thank-you.
Never take the attitude of
thanks but no thanks, so sorry I asked
. Every
door will eventually close on you and every person to experience that attitude
will get defensive when you turn to them for advice. Sometimes the most
important advice is the hardest to hear. Always say thank you with a smile.
Journal
your way to a clear mind.
In this
lifetime, you have but one friend you can
always
count on and that is yourself.
Before you make friends with anyone else, you must make friends with yourself.
Get to know
yourself by creating a two-way dialogue with yourself. Use a
journal
as
your medium to enlighten your journey to self-discovery. A journal is the only
friend that will ever know your deepest and most intimate desires—that is what allows
you to get to know yourself.
This will
guide you through life. It will begin as a habit and become a routine. Eventually
this can become a cherished ritual. Your journal gives you direction throughout
your life.
Getting
Started
Step One:
Find the time
Everyone has
different stages of alertness and we also respond differently to writing. For
some, writing helps them set the tone for the day by journaling in the morning,
whereas others find it relaxing, and therefore choose to do it at night. Or,
you could find you love the escape during your lunch break where you can
immerse yourself with your thoughts and break free from the hustle and bustle
of your day. Find the best time that works for you.
Step Two:
Make it a part of your habit loop
Cue the
trigger to start writing and get to it. When you’re done, reward yourself for
it. A cue could be leaving a pen and journal on your night stand, or the
kitchen table, or just having that special pen that you only use for journaling
and you leave that on a peaceful spot by the back window. Set something up to
trigger a cue to start writing and follow through to do it.
Step Three:
Variety is the spice of life
Aim to be
creating a journal entry daily, but always something different from the day
before. If you wrote about work on Monday, write about walking Tuesday, or your
best picks from the web you’ve discovered during the week, or by writing the
names of new connections you’ve made when networking.
Step Four:
End with questions
It’s easier
to start your next journal entry when you have a question to answer. Wonder how
work will be tomorrow? What was the most interesting conversation today? What five
things were noticed today?
When you
begin to write questions down at the end of a journal entry, it forces your
mind to focus on that during the following day. It puts that question into your
subconscious and causes you to be more aware of your surroundings, yourself and
the people you communicate with throughout the day.
Your journal
is the only true friend you have that will never leave you. You may part for a
spell or two, but one day, you will begin reading through it again. The instant
you begin to read through your journal entries, you begin the journey of self-discovery
again—from where you left off.
You and
your mind will always keep growing.
Breathe.
Have you
ever had those times when you feel over excited, extremely anxious or flat out
raging?
Anytime you
need to calm down fast or even just to restore your focus in a flash, these
three numbers will help you do it.
4, 7 and 8—in
that order.
It’s a breathing
technique or
sequence
for a better word.
Give it a
try:
Step One:
The posture
Sit up straight,
relax your muscles, and get yourself comfortable.
Step Two:
Tongue and groove
Put your
tongue to your gum just above your front two teeth.
Step Three:
Diaphragm breathing
Breathe from
your diaphragm
(not your chest)
and inhale deeply through your nose for
four
seconds
.
Step Four:
And hold
Hold that
breath for
seven seconds
.
Step Five:
And out
Keeping your
tongue at the tips of your two front teeth, open your mouth to form an O shape
and exhale steadily for
eight seconds
. You will hear a sort of whooshing
sound. Aim to keep that sound steady for the eight seconds.
Step Six:
And again from step three
Do steps
three through five again for four cycles.
Feel calmer?
If not, try it again and this time focus on breathing from your diaphragm,
because when it doesn’t work, it’s generally because you’re still shallow-breathing
instead of deep-breathing.
Use
aromatherapy.
Here’s a new
hobby you would do well to learn. Aromatherapy. It works miracles for the mind.
Five in
particular are excellent:
Using Aromatherapy
Step One:
Pick a scent you’ve never smelled before
This is important
because scents are powerful memory invokers. That’s why Yankee Candle does so
well with their festive scents.
The first
time you smell this new smell, you want it to be so mind blowing that you
recall that experience each time you smell the same scent again. So for first
time use, pick a scent completely new to you.
Step Two:
Create the first time experience
Book
yourself a spa day if you need to. Otherwise, clear an evening out just for you
to soak in the bathtub by candlelight, or if you’ve got a planned vacation
coming up, associate the smell with the beach or another happy place.
Step Three:
Get your kit
You need one
of the essential oils from the list above, and then a blank inhaler stick. Do
not be tempted into smelling the oils in the store first, otherwise, the future
use won’t be so powerful.
Step Four:
Prepare your inhaler
If possible,
ask a friend to prepare your inhaler stick by soaking the cotton in however
many drops it takes and then making sure the cap is tight. If you’re preparing
it yourself, block your smell either by holding your nose, or use a lot of
Vicks vapor rub under your nose. Anything to prevent you from experiencing the
scent before the time is right.