divorced divas 02 - crimped to death (14 page)

“Holly.” Donovan leaned on the door and put his head up against it too in a cute kind of way. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I would pop over and tell you about the new evidence concerning Bernadine and Henry.” I held the little calendar in my hand.

“It’s late.”

“It’s eleven.” I laughed and took a step closer. “I’ve come over way later than that.”

He closed the door a little tighter around him.

“Now isn’t a good time. I have to work in the morning.”

I put my hand on the door and gave a little push, but he didn’t let it move at all.

“I have to work too.” I laughed hoping to get a positive response from him, but there was nothing.

“Good night, Holly.” His eyes were blankly staring back at me.

“Wait.” I put my hand on the door to stop it from completely closing. “Donovan?”

“Not now, Holly.” He went to shut the door again. Again, I put my hand up. “Holly, late nights aren’t convenient for me.”

“Really?” I tilted my head to the side, trying to figure out the vibe that wasn’t good between us.

“Yeah, really.” He took a deep breath. His bicep contracted into a tight muscle as he lifted his hand and ran it through his hair. I about died then and there. “I’m not looking for a night time hook-up or a night time shoulder to lean on with you. I’m looking for a mature relationship where my partner wants to be seen with me in the daylight around anyone. Including her ex-husband who treated her like crap and still continues to make a mockery out of her.”

I stood there with my mouth dropped to my feet and watched the door shut. For a second I forgot all about Bernadine, all about dead Henry, all about my ex-ass. It wasn’t until I literally made a conscious effort to pick up one foot at a time did I realize exactly what had just happened.

“Oh my God!” I beat the steering wheel through my tears with my hand and realized my ex-ass was still controlling my relationships whether he meant to or not. “Oh my God!” I screamed.

My heart felt like it was about empty. Completely empty and sitting in the bottom of my shoe. I wanted to cuss out Donovan and Sean, but logically I knew it wasn’t either of their faults. It was mine. Mine for not fully letting go of my life with Sean and not allowing myself to see what could be with what was standing in front of me. A kind, loving man that didn’t care what I did for a living nor cared about my extra curves.

Like a lovesick crazy teenager, I grabbed my phone and dialed Donovan’s number. If he didn’t want to look at me, surely he’d take my call.

“Holly, please just let it go.” Donovan didn’t even answer with a hello.

“I’m sorry. Please,” I sobbed into the phone.

I had to pull the car over because if I didn’t I was going to crash. Driving through tears was worse than trying to drive through a thunderstorm.

“I can’t do it anymore.” Donovan’s voice was tired. Quiet. “Not too long ago there was a killer after you. When we make plans, I expect them to be kept or at least a phone call telling me you can’t come or that you are okay.”

“But Bernadine. . .”

He cut me off. “I had to go to the shop where Cheri told me what you were up to. I thought we were. . .,” he paused, “more than friends. I thought we were dating, Holly. My mistake.”

“Donovan,” I couldn’t bring myself to confirm that we were in fact dating, “I’m so sorry. I just jump into saving my friends mode and nothing else matters.”

“See. I want to matter to someone.”

“It didn’t come out right. You do matter. It’s just. . .” I struggled to find the words. My head was all jumbled up and not making sense.

“I have to get up and teach over two hundred college students some sort of computer junk tomorrow. I’m going to bed.” Donovan had the matter-of-fact voice I had come to know all too well. Only he used it when he wouldn’t let me be alone in fear of my safety. This time I think it was the safety of his heart he was protecting.

“Can we talk tomorrow?” My voice quivered in fear of his answer.

Tomorrow was better than nothing.

“I’ll see. That’s all I can promise, Holly.” Donovan’s voice was thick with strength.

The line went dead. I dropped my hand in my lap, still gripping the phone. Slowly I picked up my head and looked out the windshield. I didn’t realize that I had pulled over in The Livin’ End’s parking lot. And right up front was Sean’s beat-up work truck next to a little Fiat.

I grabbed my bag and threw the phone and calendar in it before I jumped out of the car and slammed the door.

The music was blaring out of the bar when I entered.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I shouted and threw my hands in the air when I saw Sean and Charlie entangled in each other’s arms dancing to Elvis’s
I Can’t Help Falling In Love.

I grabbed a twenty-dollar bill out of my bag and smacked it down on the bar.

“Get me a shot of tequila and I know you can override that damn jukebox.” I needed a little liquid courage. I was going to tell Sean off and accuse Charlie Hot Pants of killing Henry Frisk. “I will give you the whole twenty for the shot and you put
Suspicious Minds
by Elvis on the jukebox next.”

A smile crossed the bartender’s face. He had seen a lot over the years between me and Sean. Sean would know it was me playing the song seeing how I played it over and over when I accused him of all sorts of stuff and it ended up being true.

I grabbed the shot glass and held it in the grip of my hand. “This is it?” I asked looking at the measly little bit of liquid.

“Darlin’,” The bartender poured another one and slid it in front of me. “I don’t think you can handle much more than that. You seem to be disappearing. Getting smaller and smaller every time I see you.”

“Really?” I tugged on the elastic waistband of my jeans and sure enough there was enough room for me to pinch at least an inch of material.

Come to think of it, I had forgotten to eat a few times this week and when I did it was mostly from Bernadine’s Ziploc baggie of veggies, which was what I was supposed to be eating anyway.

The bartender’s brows lifted and he nodded his head. I picked up the shot glass and gave an air cheers to him before I slammed it down my throat, then the second one.

By the time I turned around Sean and Charlie were gone. Elvis was belting out
Suspicious Minds
. My eyes darted around the room and they were gone.

“Damn,” I said through gritted teeth. They must’ve slipped out when I was talking to the bartender. It probably was a good thing because I really wasn’t in any shape to confront anyone. Not that I was tipsy from two shots, but my heart hurt and I wasn’t sure what would come flying out of my mouth.

Though the compliment from the bartender did make me feel better. I was good enough to go home, crawl in bed and meet up with Bernadine in the morning to decode Henry’s calendar.

“Nice move in there.” The voice in the dark startled me when I walked out of the bar.

I turned around and Sean walked out from the shadows and into the moonlight. He flashed his million-dollar smile and shook the shaggy blond hair out of his eyes.

“When are you going to get that crap cut?” I asked.

“Still harping on my hair.” He laughed. “You always hated my hair.” His eyes captured mine. “Tell me, Hol, what did you like about me?”

“I. . .” I stuttered, as he got closer, feeling a little dizzy. It had to be the tequila shots.

He placed his hand on the small of my back and slightly pulled me closer.

“I never once complained about you or your weight until you started harping on my appearance.” His lips moved in slow motion, getting closer to my face. “Then I got tired of hearing it so I pushed back.” His breath was hot on my ear as he continued to whisper. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how hot you have gotten lately. Kind of like the Hol I first married. But I figured you were off limits since big bad macho man came into your life.” I put my hands on his pecs and gave a little push, not much. He held tight. “Maybe I’m wrong since you played your little Elvis song.”

“Great!” Someone called out from behind us.

Sean and I jumped around when we heard someone behind us.

“Donovan.” I gasped and jerked away from Sean.

He stood by his running car with his hands in his pocket.

“This.” He shook his head and laughed. “I was kicking myself for turning you away tonight thinking about what could be when you got a little more confidence in yourself and the idea that I would help you overcome it.” He gestured toward Sean. “Overcome him.” He bit the bottom of his lip as if he was holding back anger. “I see you didn’t need my help after all. You seemed to have bounced back pretty good. Good luck, Holly.”

“Donovan wait!” I yelled and took a step forward, only to be held back by Sean’s large hand around my wrist.

“Let him go, Hol,” Sean encouraged me.

Images of him and Charlie all snuggled up on the dance floor played over in my head. Donovan’s taillights disappeared down the road.

I jerked my arm from Sean.

“Don’t call me Hol!” I screamed. “You lost that privilege when you left me.”

I ran to the Beetle and didn’t look back as the tires peeled out. There wasn’t any more looking back. No looking back at my life with Sean. No looking back.

Chapter Sixteen

I had definitely made a complete mess out of my love life the night before, though I could say that the crash and burn was a process in the making. In the pit of my gut, I knew that if I didn’t break all ties with Sean that Donovan and I weren’t going to work out. Either way, Donovan was too good of a guy for me to leave it like the way it had been left. He had walked up to something very innocent on my part.

I would like to think that it wouldn’t have gone any further than Sean sweet talking me, but the way my body tingled, I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure.

“Hello?” I answered my phone that lay by my bedside table all night. I kept it there in case Donovan tried to call me. He didn’t.

Willow happily snored away at the bottom of my bed. Her lump-lump body almost made it impossible for me to pull the covers up when they would wiggle down to the middle of the bed.

“Well?” Bernadine asked on the other end. “Are you going to let me in or not?”

“Are you outside?” I asked.

“Been outside for ten minutes knocking,” she said.

“Oh. I guess I was out of it.” The last time I had looked at the clock was four a.m. and I had probably just passed out from exhaustion. “On my way.”

I pulled myself out of bed. I felt nauseous just thinking about what Donovan had walked up on. His face said it all and it’s something I will never be able to get out of my mind.

“Oh,” Bernadine was perfectly dressed in her khaki pants and cardigan sweater, but the outfit which usually was a little loose on her was a little tighter.

I would probably be eating everything in sight if I were under as much pressure as she was, but it definitely wasn’t like her to gain so much weight so fast.

“I would say that Noah caught you breaking into Henry’s office by the way you look, but I would think you would have called me if that happened.”

“Henry.” I planted my palm on my head, noticing I still had on the clothes I had worn the day before. “Crap.” I held the door open. “Come on in.”

“Are you sure it’s a good time?” she asked.

Before she stepped into the cottage, she looked in and her eyes darted around the room as though she were looking for something. The pitter-patter of hooves darted down the hall, carrying all of Willow as fast as they could.

“There’s my little buddy.” Bernadine stepped into the cottage.

Groink, groink.
Willow nudged Bernadine’s calf. Bernadine and I both knew what she wanted. . . food.

“I have something for you.” I walked into the kitchen and grabbed Willow’s leash and Henry’s calendar.

Willow needed to go potty and I had to get Bernadine out of my mind as a suspect.

“I hope you can shed some light on all this chicken scratch.” I handed it to her before I clipped Willow’s leash to the collar.

“Holly,” Bernadine flapped. “You found it!”

She jumped up. The bag of snack fell on the floor and Willow dashed around snorting up the scattered carrots.

I tugged to get her to stop, but she was just a little too mighty.

“You are going to have to stop losing so much weight.” Bernadine shot me a look before she began to thumb through the calendar. I pulled on Willow’s leash, her hooves skidding across the floor in defiance, but I won.

The day was already taking shape with the bright and warm sunshine beating over the lake.

“Henry’s handwriting has gotten worse over the years.” Bernadine walked outside and stood on the door stoop. “Before we dig into this and you tell me exactly how you and Flora got this, tell me what’s going on with you?”

Willow pulled me around every single bush that lined the front of the cottage, smelling, sniffing and snorting whatever she could.

“It wasn’t real late when Flora and I got finished.” I pulled a little more, but Willow was persistent on walking over to the unattached garage. “Flora made me mad so I went to see Donovan.”

“Why did Flora make you mad?” Bernadine asked.

“Did I say that?” I clenched my jaw when I realized I had let that little detail slip.

“You did.” Bernadine didn’t miss a beat.

“Oh nothing.” I brushed it off. “And Donovan informed me that he wasn’t in the market for a relationship where I saw him only at night.”

I stopped. Hearing those words leave my mouth didn’t sound so great. Donovan was right. The few dates that we had went on were either at his house or mine. The few sleepovers were me showing up late and needing his expertise in the computer department. And then I didn’t sleep in the same room with him.

“I’m sorry, Holly. But what was that about Flora?” Bernadine showed no signs of relenting. She was determined to find out about my little disagreement with Flora.

“That’s not the end of it.” I followed Willow back over to the cottage steps where Bernadine had sat down on the stoop. I sat down next to her and Willow found her way into the center of Bernadine’s legs. “I was so upset that I had pulled over and found myself at The Livin’ End.”