But were Bernice’s sins any different than Pam’s? Pam had looked the other way, too. She had allowed the worst kind of abuse in her own house, under her own nose.
Jack wasn’t as brutal as Harold had been, or was he?
Jack having given her AIDS was proof that there was something else in his life yet to be uncovered. Pam was suddenly cold in the August heat.
What more was there to be discovered?
Ben had let Pam in when she knocked on the door, and showed her to the den. She inquired after Bernice’s well-being, and he would only say, “Madam is well.” Mildred came in next with the offer of coffee, but Pam wanted to take Bernice out as soon as she came down, so she refused. Her purpose in showing up today was to let Bernice know she had decided to spend some time that winter living in the mansion. It was hers, after all. She held a mortgage on it, and although the house had been paid for many years ago, the money Jack had given his family in return for the lien had been frittered away on who knew what. She would lay hands on the title to the property and sell it without hesitation if there was any resistance to her request. For some reason, Pam felt empowered by this for the first time in many years. Not normally a bully, this vindictiveness allowed Pam to be assertive. She would only play those cards if she were forced. This was her children’s legacy, this giant old place in the most prime area of the city. What had been stolen from them by their father’s perversity would be restored in brick and mortar. They would never want for anything, those two.
Bernice came into the den on unsteady feet. Even though she saw her mother-in-law just a short week ago,
the change was dramatic. Pam hid her surprise and went to her, putting her arms around her with a cheerful hello.
Before they completed their hug, Bernice said, “Sandra wants you to call her before you go home. She is going to brunch alone and can’t join us.”
Pam thought Bernice was pouting and let it slide.
My mother-in-law likes Sandra better than me, but so what?
“All righty! Let’s you and I go to Tavern on the Green, shall we? I haven’t been there since Bill’s wedding!”
Pam had pushed the right buttons as she lead Bernice out to the hall and the front door. Bernice cheered right up. “Oh that was a beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?” she asked. “I’ll never forget the music and dancing into the night. The Tavern on the Green was a monument to grace and civility, don’t you think? I heard it was in bankruptcy. How can that be?”
Ben brought the car around front, and the women got into the backseat while he waited, holding the door, a servant from an earlier time when people had expendable wealth as they never would again. Bernice still acted like a rock star. But that would be coming to an end. She was having a time of lucidity and sharp memory. She spoke of the changes the city was going through, the grittiness of some parts of Manhattan that made places like Columbus Circle stand out. It made her sad, she said.
“I used to love going to Anne and Bill’s in the Village. I knew Anne wasn’t thrilled with me being there, but the change from the mansion, the vibrancy of those little boys, it just revived me. What is going on with Anne and Bill, anyway? No one will tell me anything.” She looked directly at Pam, with clarity and not her usual derision.
“Anne is in jail. I thought about dropping the charges and still might. Bill is back at Rikers for holding Sandra against her will.” Pam saw no reason to hide the truth from Bernice. “You and I can go to visit both of them—Anne tomorrow and Bill on Wednesday. Would you like that?”
“I suppose. How do you survive visiting your only son in jail?” Bernice stopped there, knowing that if she voiced her opinion of her son’s innocence that Pam might argue with her. It was easier just to keep one’s mouth shut. She would be able to act the lady for a few hours in her daughter-in-law’s presence.
Pam thought it was time to change the subject. “I am going to stay with you for a few days, Mother Smith. It’s lonely at the beach right now. The children will be home Thursday, but I thought it might do both of us some good to have company. What do you think?”
Bernice had turned to look at Pam, mouth agape. “You are kidding, correct? Why would you stay with me when you have that lovely apartment?” Bernice did
not
want Pam staying with her, no matter what the circumstances. “I think it would be somewhat of an inconvenience to my staff,” she said, with her chin in the air. “Really, Pam, have you lost all sense of propriety? Ha-ha, aren’t you supposed to ask before you swoop in to invade someone’s home?” Bernice snickered out loud.
Really, my daughter-in-law is a hick
.
“Well, Mother Smith, be that the case, I am staying at the mansion. Also, I intend on moving in for the winter. I don’t relish the idea of being alone at the beach in the snow and wind.” She rearranged her purse on her lap, and her posture said,
No more need be spoken of this
.
However, Bernice was far from finished. She threw her body forward and pounded on the glass partition. “Ben! Stop the car!” Her driver pulled over to the curb. “Pam Smith, you will not tell me what you are going to do in my own house. That’s preposterous. I can’t imagine where you got your manners! I don’t want you to stay with me. Is that clear enough?” Bernice was trying for an intimidating glare at her daughter-in-law, but she wasn’t able to pull it off. She reminded Pam of a cartoon character. Pam didn’t want to hurt the old lady, so she stifled her laughter. But she was going to pull the “foreclosure card,” after all, not wanting to be a brute, but having to have the upper hand.
“Bernice, I don’t want to rub this in, but I own the mansion now. You haven’t paid a dime on the mortgage for more than a year. Do we really want to go into that? Wouldn’t it just be easier to allow me access to what is legally my home, too? After all, I pay the bills here and the staff salaries. I’m lonely, and my mother and you could keep each other company.”
Bernice exploded then. “Your mother? I will not have that lowlife of a woman in my lovely home, not for a minute or a day! What in God’s name has come over you?” She fell back onto the seat, out of breath.
Pam tapped on the window and told Ben to return home.
“I never thought this would happen to me. My own home, taken over by scum.” And then she started crying, childish boohooing. “I don’t want you to move in! I want to be alone with my memories! It’s my house!” she whined.
Pam had to turn her head to prevent from laughing out loud. The woman was a lunatic.
“My mother is great, and you and she have enjoyed each other’s company in the past. You’ll be fine, I promise you.” And then to herself, Pam said,
I will tell you that if you don’t allow me to come, I am going to fire your staff, and you, my friend, are moving to assisted living. There will be nowhere else for you to go
.
P
am and Bernice returned to Columbus Circle without having had brunch. Mildred was waiting for them with a questioning look on her face, but Bernice was not finished with her tirade. Bernice didn’t notice that Pam had her arm and was helping her up the steps to the entryway.
Pam asked Ben to bring her bags in and put them upstairs.
“Mildred,” Pam said as they were helping a sobbing Bernice into the house, “I’ll be staying with you for a few days. What room do you suggest I use? I’d like to be as close to Madam as possible.”
That brought a fresh torrent of cries from Bernice.
Mildred and Pam were trying not to smile, although Mildred did think it was appalling for Mrs. Smith to be acting so ungrateful.
“Yes, Miss Pam, I have a room for you” was all Mildred said.
“I don’t want her too close to me, for God’s sake,” Bernice cried out. “What ever happened to privacy? Oh! I wish I were dead!” she moaned over and over. “I want to go to bed!”
Pam shook her head no to Mildred. “We need to get something to eat. Let’s call Sandra and ask her to come.
That will brighten your day!” Pam led her to the den while Mildred went to tell Alice to fix something for lunch.
Bernice visibly brightened up. “Sandra! Yes, let’s call her!” Bernice slumped into a high-backed leather wing chair, once her throne, now her prison. It would take two of them to pull her out of it later in the day. “Sandra always has something cheerful to say!”
Pam dug her cell phone out of her purse and keyed in Sandra’s number. She answered on the first ring, saying she would be over in a half hour. She was done eating and only had to get a cab to Bernice’s.
There was an immediate change in Bernice after the call
“I’m going to go upstairs and change my clothes since we aren’t going to brunch,” Pam said.
Bernice ignored her. She rang for Mildred, who came through the door wiping her hands on a towel.
“Yes, madam?” she said, successfully hiding her frustration. She was trying to help Alice prepare lunch. “Luncheon will be served shortly.”
“Thank you, Millie. Sandra is coming, and she has already eaten, but I would like something available for her.”
Mildred nodded her head and left the room.
One day at a time
, she thought to herself.
I can take one more day of this
. And then Bernice rang for her again. Mildred took a deep breath before she went through the door.
“Oh, Millie, I forgot to tell you that you are not to take orders from Pam. Do you understand me? You are not her personal servant!”
Mildred waited for a few moments, hoping that Bernice would get it all out before she went back to the
kitchen. “Anything else, madam?” she asked, grinding her teeth.
“No, that will be all, for now.” Bernice leaned forward, struggling to reach a magazine to read while she was waiting for Sandra to appear. It was just out of her reach, and as she was going for the call button again, Pam walked in and saved Mildred from having to make another trip.
As soon as Sandra arrived, Bernice had a turnaround in attitude, was gracious and kind, spoke to Pam with respect, and tried to be more independent. But the weeks of inactivity had taken a toll. Mildred served lunch, Bernice falling asleep with her chin on her chest shortly after the last bite was taken.
“She really failed in a week,” Sandra whispered, nodding toward Bernice. “What brought you into town? I’m happy you’re here!”
“After we talked last night about me moving into the city for the winter, I decided to spend a few days here with her to ease into it. She’s not happy about it!” Pam giggled. “Saying she is annoyed would be putting it mildly. We were in the car to go out to eat, and she had a temper tantrum.”
“Poor Pam. Poor Bernice! She looks awful! What the hell happened?”
“I’ll have to dig around and see. It is Bill and Jack and Harold, I think. Too much for one person.” Pam avoided repeating her theory about Bernice facing her sins. “By the way, I like your young man very much!”
“Well, it’s already over,” Sandra replied. “He left me a Dear Jane letter when he left last night. Didn’t even have the balls to tell me to my face. I mean, it’s not like there
was any great love between us yet. I’m disappointed, but jeez, get over yourself, buddy! It’d only been a week!”
“Oh, well, I’m sorry, for whatever it’s worth,” Pam said. “He seemed like a nice guy. I’m almost afraid to ask what happened.”
“He could handle another man’s baby and the fact that I was HIV positive, but not my relationship with you and Marie. Here’s the letter,” she said while she dug in her purse for the folded-up paper.
Pam took it from her and began reading it. Then she read out loud, “
Your future will be tied up in the lives of your lover’s family, and I don’t have any desire to be involved with them myself
. Well, I suppose he has a point. I don’t think most men would be able to be so enmeshed in the life of the former boyfriend. As strange as it seems, I understand him. Do you think you could give up your friendships with us to sustain a relationship?” Pam asked.
“He didn’t even give me the option!” Sandra replied. “He made up his mind, and that was that. I think he was looking for an excuse to leave, that he had made a rash decision and was regretful and didn’t know how to get out of it. I was grateful that I had someone kind and hot looking who was willing to overlook so much, but the truth is that I won’t be shedding any tears over him. I have to grieve, too. I want to be alone for now. The loneliness will get worse once the baby is here.”
Pam didn’t say anything, remembering her own postpartum loneliness that her sister Marie had rescued her from.
“If I begin now to accept that I may be alone for the rest of my life, it might be easier for me than to have some
trumped up idea that prince charming will rescue me. I really should be pissed at Tom for doing that!” Sandra could feel the tiniest bit of self-pity creeping in. She knew it was best to squelch it immediately, because its companion, depression, often followed it close by.
“I’m going to tell you a story, Sandra. May I?” Pam asked. “It’s about our beloved Jack. I have never told a soul about this, but since you know all my secrets, one more exposure is not going to hurt me, and it might help you. Shall I?”
Sandra was blowing her nose, trying to cover up the tears that were right on the surface. She shook her head yes.
Pam looked at Bernice to make sure she was still sleeping; she was out cold. It was safe to go on.