Duty Bound (13 page)

And I missed Levi. More than I could have imagined.

I hadn’t talked to him since that night. If he’d called me, I’m sure I wouldn’t have hung up on him, but he didn’t call. He knew as well as I did that we had no future—not between us.

He lived a life he could perfectly control, never letting himself be vulnerable or open, never trusting someone with his heart. Even his apartment testified to this. Stark and barren and impersonal.

And I lived a life that refused to be controlled.

Those two lives could never come together.

So the fact that I was still thinking about him, worrying about him, wanting him—both emotionally and physically—was ludicrous.

But there it was. And I couldn’t talk myself out of it.

I was walking out of the coffee shop with a coffee for me and a chai latte for Jack when I nearly collided with Levi on the sidewalk.

He obviously wasn’t working on the project site nearby. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but he didn’t appear to have been doing manual labor.

He was walking a dog. A smallish terrier.

I was so astonished I stared down at the dog.

When my eyes lifted at last, I saw him giving me a searching, almost questioning look.

“Whose dog is that?” I blurted out, without even a greeting.

“Mine.” He made a motion with his hand, and the dog moved closer to his heel.

“You got a dog?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“He was a stray.”

That didn’t answer the question. I couldn’t believe he would have adopted a dog. It didn’t seem Levi-like at all, and I had no idea what would explain the change. “Oh,” I finally said.

His searching eyes and familiar face were too troubling, too confusing. I lowered my eyes and mumbled, “I better get going. I’ll see you around.”

So I moved on physically, walking away from him. But I definitely didn’t move on mentally. I kept thinking about him, wondering why he’d decided to commit to a dog, wondering why he’d made such a change.

Maybe he was settling into his life here. But that didn’t mean anything had changed about his feelings for me or the possibility of our ever being together.

So there was no reason—absolutely no reason—for my heart to flutter like it was.

Damned heart. Always fluttering when there was no call for it.

Levi

Spike tilted his head and looked at me like I was crazy. I was beginning to think I was. Sitting out on the front steps of my apartment building, I waited for the furniture delivery. I had slept all of three hours in the last three days as I put all of my energy into getting the place painted before the furniture arrived.

It was time.

It was something that Harper had said over a month ago, and she had been right. I wasn’t really living. I wasn’t really getting involved. I was alive, but I was simply going through the motions.

Not anymore.

This may not have been the life that I’d imagined for myself, but this was the life that I was given and, unlike Gavin, I had the opportunity to actually live it. To have a future. I’d be the world’s biggest jackass to let it all pass me by while I hid myself away and pouted because things didn’t go like I’d planned.

I heard the truck approaching and stood up. My clothes were covered in paint, and when I looked down at Spike, I noticed more than one spot of blue on him. “Sorry, Bud,” I told him with a shrug as I jogged down the steps to meet the truck.

I was signing paperwork and talking to the movers when I saw a vehicle slowing down on the street.

Harper.

Her windows were rolled up, but I could see her expression pretty clearly through them. Shock. Her jaw was open, and her eyes went wide before narrowing.

I loved that look.

“Excuse me,” I said to the movers before walking over to the car. Behind me, Spike barked. “Stay,” I commanded over my shoulder and gave him a stern look before closing the distance between myself and the side of Harper’s car. She rolled down the window, and I leaned in. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she said, a little distractedly. “What’s going on? Someone moving into the building?” I nodded. “Anyone you know?”

“Yeah. Me.”

She gave me the same look Spike had given me a few minutes earlier. “I figured it was time to stop living out of boxes.” I tried to sound casual, as if I’d thought of this all on my own.

Leaning in a little closer, Harper sniffed the air and made a face. “Is that paint I smell?”

I nodded. “I figured a fresh coat of paint couldn’t hurt.” I heard the sliding door of the delivery truck open and glanced over my shoulder to see the crew stepping up the ramp to start unloading. I took one last long look at Harper and smiled. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. “I better go. I need to direct traffic and make sure Spike doesn’t get in the way.”

“Spike?” she asked in confusion.

I motioned over my shoulder to where Spike was sitting. “My dog.”

“That’s a pretty big name for such a little dog,” she said with a hint of a smile.

“I figured it would be good for his Napoleon complex. No need to emphasize his unfortunate size.”

“So being small is unfortunate?”

I couldn’t help but smile. Would she forever make everything a debate? “Some of the best things in life come in small packages,” I said as I straightened and then ducked back down and looked into the car. “Or so I’ve been told.”

Without another word, I turned and walked back over to the truck and called out for Spike. Together we stood to the side and let the crew get the first load of furniture off the truck. The need to chase after her was so strong that I almost forgot about the furniture.

“Hey, Mister,” one of the movers called out. “Can you get that door for us?”

And just like that my focus was back.

There would be time for chasing. Later.

****

“Are you sure about this? Do you need me to stay and lend a hand?”

One of the things I loved most about my dad was that he always wanted to help but still left the decision up to me. I had to get some practice on how he did that. It would definitely come in handy. “Thanks, but I think I’ve got this one.” I smiled at him, feeling like I was close to him again. “That is, if you think you can trust me.”

“Levi, there isn’t a person alive that I trust more.” He took one last look at the building in front of us and put a strong, reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re going to do something great.” And with that, he turned and walked back to his truck and drove away.

I was glad for the vote of confidence, but the reality was I was scared shitless. The run-down building had been an eyesore in town for more than a decade, and here I was, volunteering my time and energy to renovate it and turn it into a homeless shelter. It had never been the construction business I was opposed to. It was the sense of not making a difference.

Transforming this old building was going to make a difference.

My father’s company had donated most of the supplies. The community had held a fund raiser. Hell, even Sebastian and his family had made a substantial donation to it.

The local newspaper was sending a reporter to cover the ground-breaking.

As if on cue, emerging through the small crowd of on-lookers and volunteers, Harper appeared. She was reading her notes and almost walked right into me. When she stopped and looked up, her mouth formed a perfect O. “Levi? What are you doing here?”

I chuckled. “Didn’t you do your research?” I watched as she bristled at what she considered to be an insult.

“Well…I…” she began.

“Easy there, Scoop. I’m just kidding.” I waved to several people walking by before returning my attention to Harper. “I’m heading up this project.”

She looked at me quizzically. “But…I don’t understand. There was no mention of your father’s company doing this.’

“His company isn’t doing this. I am.” I crossed my arms across my chest and let that statement sink in.

“So you have your own construction company now?”

I shook my head. “No. I have a need to do something productive. This building has been rotting away for far too long and there’s a need for it. I figured, why not do something about it?”

“You?” she asked with disbelief. “You’re going to transform this building all by yourself?”

I motioned to the crowd of people milling about. “Me and about fifty volunteers. It’s not going to happen overnight, but I’m overseeing the project, and I’m thankful to each and every one of these people who are willing to give up their Saturday to help out.” I nodded toward the notepad in her hand. “Aren’t you going to write any of this down?”

Harper looked at me blankly for a moment, and just when the fog seemed to clear and she had pen poised to paper, one of the volunteers walked over. “Actually,” I began, “why don’t you talk to Mike here.” I nudged the man in front of me. “He’s been working with me on the plans and would probably make for a better interview than me.” She looked ready to argue, but I turned and walked away and called out that we were ready to get started.

***

My entire body ached from head to toe. There was something to be said for how gratifying demolition could be, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt like a son of a bitch. It took four full days to get the entire building down to the studs and cleaned out, and now, as I sat on my new sofa on a Tuesday night, all I could think was that I must be getting old.

I never used to hurt like this from a little labor.

I leaned my head back against the cushions and kept a tight grip on the beer in my hand. Spike let out a little whine beside me, and I groaned. “Didn’t we just go out?” He whined again. Peering out of one eye, I looked at my watch and noticed that it had been an hour since our walk. “Damn it, Spike,” I grumbled, forcing myself to stand up. “I’m going to have to limit your water intake at this rate.”

He giddily danced around me.  Although I wanted to remind him that we were guys, and guys don’t dance, I couldn’t help but smile. The damned dog had worked his way into my life and into my heart and made the place feel a little more like a home. It was a good feeling to have someone waiting at home to greet me at the door. “Come on,” I said as I reached for his leash and hooked up his harness.

Our usual route had us turning to the right when we came out of the building and going around the block. It wasn’t a particularly long walk, but tonight it felt like a damn mile. My legs were killing me, I was starving, and I needed about twenty-four hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Spike pranced along and christened just about every tree that we came to. As we finally made our way back to the front of the building, I stopped. There, sitting on the front steps, was Harper.

My heart rate kicked up more than it should have at the sight of her, and I suddenly felt a bit more alive than I had just minutes ago. She stood as we approached. She was wearing a flowery sundress with a white sweater, and in her hands she held a plant.

“Hi,” I said, as Spike and I came to a stop in front of her.

“Hi,” she said, her smile warm and bright and welcoming.

I drank in the sight of her. With our history, it seemed safer to stay silent. The minute I opened my mouth, I tended to piss her off. Unfortunately, my curiosity got the better of me. “What brings you by?”

She held out the plant. “A housewarming present.”

I quirked a brow at her. “A what?”

True to form, she rolled her eyes, but this time she did it with a smile. “A housewarming present,” she repeated. “It’s a gift for your new place.”

Now I was confused. “But my place isn’t new. I’ve lived here for months.”

“True, but it seems like you finally decided to move in.”

I remembered our conversation from the day my furniture arrived. “Would you like to come up?” I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. “You know, to see the new furniture and all, I mean.”

Her smile deepened. “Sure. Why not?”

During the entire exchange, Spike had sat there like a little gentleman. It was almost unnerving. It was as if he was aware that this was possibly an important moment. I tugged slightly on his leash, opened the door to the building for Harper, and followed her inside and up to my apartment.

I felt oddly nervous. Would she like it? Did I do it right? I unlocked the door and once again followed her inside. She stopped about three feet in and seemed to look everywhere at once. I wanted to ask what she saw and had to bite my tongue to keep from speaking.

“Wow,” she finally said.

Wow?
Wow?
What did that mean? Wow, this is great. Or, wow, what was he thinking? “Do you like it?” I finally asked, hating how needy I sounded.

“Oh, Levi,” she said in awe, walking further into the apartment. “It’s incredible. I can’t believe what you did with the place.”

At the time it didn’t seem so bad, but once I started splashing paint on the walls, I realized how bleak it had been before. Now with warm color, the place felt homey. The furniture wasn’t simply functional, it was big and comfortable. Spike was particularly fond of the throw pillows on the couch and liked to use them as chew toys.

Obedience school was definitely in our future.

“It’s just some paint,” I said, feeling oddly self-conscious.

Harper turned to me, the plant still in her hands. “No, it’s more than that,” she said. “It’s totally transformed, like someone really lives here.” She looked around the room and placed the plant on the windowsill before coming back to stand in front of me.

“Thanks for the plant,” I said, busying myself with unhooking Spike’s leash and harness before standing and shoving my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and touching her.

“Thanks for inviting me up to see the place,” she said and then chewed her bottom lip. I wanted to do that for her. She took a step forward, and we were practically toe to toe. “And thank you for being there for me. With Gina.”

I shrugged. “We’ve already covered that, Harper. You don’t need to thank me.”

Looking down at the floor, she seemed to fidget. Her hands gripped at the skirt of her dress as she looked back up at me. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize you were trying to help.”

“When?”

“All of the times. Ever since you came home you’ve tried to look out for me. Yeah, you should have been less pushy about it, but I still should have known what you were doing. I should have trusted you. Trusted your instincts.”

“I definitely could have gone about it all with less attitude,” I admitted, glad to get the words said at last. “I should have respected your feelings more and not gone behind your back. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t take care of yourself.”

We stood and stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity. “Obviously I couldn’t do everything on my own,” she said at last. “I know that Gavin would be thankful that you were here for me. He always considered you his brother, and I really do appreciate that you wanted to be there for me when he couldn’t.”

Unable to help myself, I reached out and gently cupped her cheek. “I wanted to be there for you…because of
you
. I may have tried at first to tell myself that I was doing it for Gavin, that you were just a duty to me. But the truth is, Harper, I
wanted
to be there for you. I wanted to take care of you.”

She took a shaky breath. “Oh.”