Authors: N. Michaels
Something my Biology teacher said that always stayed with me. ‘The change begins with you. No matter how small.’
Of course she meant it regarding the environment and clean forests, but I try and fulfill it in every aspect of life.
I changed. I took a big chance by leaving my parents house, by getting cut off, and with that change, my life took a different turn, to the better and the better turned to best because it brought me to Eric. He makes me feel happy and alive, like no other person did, or any vacation or shopping spree… and I love him… and he loves me.
I walk happily down the street, looking up, expecting to see the blue sky I saw before I walked into the store, but the bright blue had changed into a cloudy, light grey. Still, I smile at the sky, not letting its moodiness affect my joy. When I see the entrance to Eric’s building, something wet falls on my thumb. I stop and look down at it.
Water…
I feel another one dropping on my head. I look up again and sigh.
Rain.
But when I remember our plans for today, my smile comes back.
We’ll be indoors all day long.
I smile at the doorman who holds the door open for me. He smiles back politely and I head to the elevators. Happily, I hum Frank Sinatra’s, ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’ until the car reaches Eric’s floor. I walk out of the elevator with a silly smile on my face, clutching the brown bag to my body with my left arm, while I fish out the key Eric gave me out of my purse. Slowly, I slide the key into the lock.
Maybe he’s still sleeping…
I turn the key as smoothly as possible and step inside his apartment, gently closing the door behind myself. I tiptoe through the foyer, trying to get to the kitchen when I hear Eric’s hushed voice.
“She can’t see you here...”
I can’t hear the rest. Eric’s voice drops even lower and I stand there, rooted to the spot.
Why is Eric whispering? Who’s here?
I will myself to move again. Silently, I tread towards his voice. I walk slow, setting one foot after another, straining my ears to hear his whispers better.
“You have to leave. I told you we’re done.” Eric snaps quietly.
“I understand that, and I told you I’m leaving. Just…”
Eliza’s voice drops low and I lose the rest of her words.
No. Not her. Why is she even here? Why would Eric let her in? After everything that happened last night… after we finally confessed our feelings, he lets her in?
With my heart beating out of my chest, I take the last step and stand in the corner of Eric’s living room’s entrance. I have a profile view of both of them but the first thing my eyes focus on is Eliza, who stands in front of Eric, wearing some tight outfit as usual, pushing her deep V-neck cleavage upwards.
“Leave, Eliza. Now.” Eric’s voice comes out deadly.
I’m relieved that Eric is dressed. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and his black boxers briefs.
“Kiss me and I’ll leave. After everything we’ve been through together Eric, after I
helped
you cope with everything, I think you can do that little for me.” Eliza purrs breathlessly.
Eric tenses and his frown turns into a full-blown scowl.
Yeah right... like Eric will ever touch you again. There’s no-
My eyes widen at the sight of Eric’s head lowering towards Eliza’s while she fists his t-shirt, and the unbelievable happens right before my eyes. Their lips connect and I feel like my eyes cover half of my face. My blood freezes in my veins at the horrifying display I am witnessing and for a moment, I think this is just a dream… a nightmare.
My breaths come out haggard as I feel a fierce stabbing pain in my chest and I realize that I
feel
my heart breaking, that gut wrenching feeling that tears you to pieces and burns your heart, that devastating realization that your heart and soul just crashed down like some weak house of cards. I’m fighting for air as Eliza’s smug words from the gala come rushing back into my head,
‘He might fuck your brains out but he’ll always, always come back to me.
’
Then Patrick’s,
‘Later on he started cheating on her with some other woman.’
‘I don’t want this happening to you. I’m giving you the heads up now. He’s not who he claims to be.’
I want to scream at them but nothing comes out, my throat is so tight, I can barely breathe. My mind can’t comprehend what I'm seeing. It’s refusing to register that the man I love with all my heart, the man I spent the night making love to, is kissing someone who isn’t me. Instead of me, Eric is kissing the woman he slept with for years. When I see her tongue sliding into his mouth, I can almost taste the bile rising in my throat.
I have never been cheated on... I don't even know how to handle all these emotions that are crashing over me like angry waves crashing against the rocks… disbelief, hurt, anger, denial and pure devastation.
I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to see them together.
The thought repeats in my mind like a mantra, but my eyes won’t close, they don’t respond to the screaming commands my brain is shouting at them,
Look away! Close your eyes!
Nothing…
Finally, my self-preservation mode clicks in.
I feel numb, cold to the bone. My heart has been ripped into shreds and is bleeding in agony. Distantly, I hear the sound of glass shattering and my eyes gaze down, focusing on the brown paper bag I was holding, which is now on the floor. The vegetables roll towards Eric and Eliza and a pool of orange liquid travels away from its smashed bottle. Numbly, I lift my eyes from the mess that’s on floor and find them looking at me.
Eric is staring at me with a horrified expression. He’s as white as a ghost and his breathing is labored. Eliza, who’s still holding on to his shirt, looks at me as though she’s terrified but I see it, I see the triumph in her eyes. The big loud and fucking clear, ‘I told you so’.
Eric takes a step towards me and instinctively, I step back. He blurs for a moment and when I blink, I feel the tears streaming down my wet cheeks.
When did I start crying?
“Wait, Katherine… It’s not what… No!” Eric draws a shaky breath, frantically shaking his head. His painfully beautiful turquoise eyes are wide and full of dread. His expression is so broken, so agonized it makes no sense to me.
“Katherine, let me explain… please, kitten…” Eric holds his hands up, as if he’s talking to a frightened child.
“I can’t.” I choke and take a step back. I don’t sound like me, I sound like a dying person fighting for air.
“Katherine, stop! Please… no…” Eric cries in agony.
I sob and cover my mouth.
I feel like I'm about to hurl.
I turn around and run back to the foyer. I quickly unlock the door then slam it behind me. I race towards the elevator, pressing the button rapidly. Thankfully, the doors open immediately and I throw myself inside. I press the button for the lobby then quickly press the ‘close doors’ button.
“Katherine, wait!” Eric shouts with desperation and I pray the doors close before he reaches me.
Just as Eric lifts his hand to try to stop the doors they blissfully close.
I walk backwards until I’m completely pressed against the wall and try to breath, gasping for air. I’m trembling and sobbing uncontrollably as my sweet world comes crashing down on me. Nausea hits me hard and I gag, trying to breath through it. When the elevator reaches the lobby, I run pass the doorman and scram outside, into the now pouring rain. I breathe haggardly and look around, searching for a way out of here. My tears mix with the rain and my soft tunic is soaked in a matter of seconds. I spot my car across the street and run to it. I quickly find my keys and get in. Crying, I start it and immediately merge into traffic, which earns me an earful of horns from alarmed drivers, but I don't care. I have to get away from here, from
them
.
Delilah comes out of my speakers, singing about, ‘Never Be Another’. I cry harder and my vision keeps getting blurry. I make my windshield wipers work faster, but it still it doesn’t help. I squeeze my eyes shut and instantly, I see Eric leaning down, kissing Eliza and fresh sobs escape my throat. I force my eyes open.
I don't want to see that, I wish I never saw that, I don't want to see that!
I hear myself begging inside my head and I know I’ve been broken like never before. In some way I know something inside me died, something I might never recover from.
Why did I believe him? Why did I give all of myself to him, all of my heart?
Eric will always belong to
her
. No matter what he tells me, he will always go back to
her
.
The traffic light blurs so I squeeze my eyes shut again, trying to rid of the endless tears. I hear the horn blaring a second before my eyes flash open. I look sharply to the right and the only thing I manage to do is gasp as the fast coming truck collides with the side of my car, hitting my passenger door with catastrophic force. In a nanosecond, the airbags in my car deploy and the seatbelt bites into my chest and neck, restraining me back. I hear the metal whine as it bends and feel the shower of glass flying at me when passenger’s window shatters, piercing my skin. I feel the shift in gravity and scream, terrified as my car flips over twice, throwing my head against my window.
The sharp pain is throbbing against my left temple and I feel warm liquid dripping down my hair. I open my eyes and the world swims before me. It’s also upside down. No… I'm upside down. I hear the raindrops falling furiously on the metal. I hear voices calling out for me, but they sound so far away… and Delilah… she’s not singing anymore. I close my eyes again… I'm so dizzy. I hear a familiar voice calling my name, asking me to open my eyes, and weakly I open them.
Eric’s upside down wet face materializes before me. He’s blurry so I blink the fog away. I hear his voice, but he sounds like he’s underwater.
“Katherine! Can you hear me? Katherine! Please say something...”
I close my eyes again…
I’m so tired.
“Katherine! Open your eyes, baby. Please, look at me!” Eric begs with a choked voice.
I open my eyes again but when I focus on Eric’s face, I see his eyes. I see that mesmerizing color that will haunt me for the rest of my life, and feel the devastating pain in my chest coming back with a vengeance.
I don’t want to see you... I don’t want to see anything... I want to sleep.
The thought keeps circling in my mind and my heavy lids drop and close. The last thing I hear is Eric’s voice begging me to stay with him, whispering that he loves me.
Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…
My alarm clock sounds its annoying little peeps. I raise my hand to smack it, but I can’t move far… my arm… it’s restrained. I make a plaintive sound that comes out dry and weak.
Wait a minute... my alarm clock doesn’t beep, it tunes into my favorite radio station.
What’s wrong with me? Why does my head feel funny? Why is it so –
“Katya? Katya, baby, are you awake?”
Mama… what is she doing here?
“Ma… mama?” I rasp.
Oh God…
My throat feels like someone took sandpaper and went to town with it.
“Gregory! She’s awake!” I hear mama’s voice further away.
Distant footsteps sound louder on the floor, nearing me. Someone holds my hand, a soft delicate hand. It’s mama. I open my eyes and blink.
I smell clean antiseptic scent and the air is cool, not naturally though… like the A.C is on.
“What’s going on? Where am I? Why is it so – “
“Katya! Oh my God…” papa exclaims.
He sounds weird, chocked up. Papa’s arms wrap around me gently and he presses me to his chest. I smell his scent, my papa’s scent, clean clothes and his aftershave. I inhale deeply. He hasn’t hugged me for so long.
I missed his scent so much.
“How are you feeling Miss Slavsky?” a voice I don’t recognize asks me.
Papa kisses the top of my head then puts me back against the pillow.
I blink again…
“Fine, what’s happening? Why – “
“My name is Dr. Banner. You were in a car accident, do you remember that?” Dr. Banner’s voice is soft and low.
Accident?
The memories rush to me like a fast forward movie. Our first date together, the necklace, Eric carrying me to his car. Our perfect night filled with loving, tender words and breathtakingly passionate lovemaking. My devastating morning… him and Eliza… I close my eyes and feel a tear slipping down my cheek.
“I remember.” I whisper.
“You’re in Lenox Hill Hospital, you arrived a few hours ago. There are no severe injuries but some minor cuts from the glass and a small bruise on you left temple. Other than that, you’re very lucky. You’re receiving pain relievers through your I.V. we’ll take it out in a few hours.”
I lift my free hand and put it against my forehead. I feel a gauze bandage wrapped around my head. I realize my other hand is not restrained but connected to an I.V.
“Why…” I swallow through my dry throat. “Why is it so dark in here? Turn on the lights… I can’t see anything.”
Silence.
Dead, still silence.
“Mama?” I squeeze her hand.
“Ka… Katya, the lights are on.” her voice wavers.
Confused, I frown. I open my eyes and see darkness. Nothing. I blink rapidly then try to find the smallest hint of light, something… anything.
“Why… why can’t I see? Wh… what’s happening!” I cry out.
Panic seizes me and cold sweat breaks through every pore, I shake uncontrollably and start to hyperventilate.
“Mama! Why can’t I see?!” frightened, I scream at her.