Every Day is Like Doomsday (2 page)

Innya’s jaw fell.This lame, blue do-gooder could fly?
In her two months at the VA she hadn’t seen any students
who could fly. She was impressed in spite of herself until
she saw the jetpack strapped to his back beneath his cape.
He was a fraud. It figured. Her mouth snapped
shut, her scowl returned and she spent a few moments
wondering how his cape managed to not catch fire as
he hovered above the field. Then with all his might he
pitched the bomb straight up into the sky. And then it
exploded.
The force of the explosion knocked the super-hero
back to the ground and shattered all of the lights in the
stadium. Innya was thrown into the bleacher railing from
the force of the blast. It didn’t even really hurt. It started
to snow then, little bits of ash and paper raining down
around her.
Well, the football game was definitely over now.
She stood up, brushed the ash from her shoulders, and
picked her way carefully down the bleachers toward the
VA buses.
The announcer yelled, “Thank you, Mr. Magnificent for saving the day, yet again!” His voice crackled
in the speakers and rang out over the empty field. The
few remaining spectators burst into applause and cheers.
More muted shouts of joy rose from those amassed in the
parking lot. Mr. Magnificent, still hovering over the field
and looking like a bird on his way to an aerobics class,
waved to the crowd, saluted the police, and jetted off.
Innya was intrigued. She now had an adversary.
The Villains started to shuffle out of the stands,
understanding without being told that there was no way
the game was going to continue. Some of them joked
and jostled one another as if one of their own hadn’t just
attempted to blow up a stadium full of people. Some
walked with their heads hung low, as if saddened by the
body count of zero. They trailed into the parking lot and
made a beeline for the buses, a line of SWAT team members and local police creating a human wall that separated
them from the Norms.
Innya scoffed at the idea of a human wall. If they
had really wanted to get to the Norms some flimsy riot
gear and a couple of guns weren’t going to stop them.
It was only after most of the Villains were being
loaded onto their buses that Innya made her way to the
parking lot. The excitement was palpable but overwhelmingly disappointing. Some of the Norms in the parking lot
were mimicking Mr.Magnificent’s supposedly daring rescue, much to the delight of their friends. What could have
been chaos was instead a cause for celebration and Innya’s
spirits flagged. Chaos was so much more interesting.
In the spaces between the bodies of the law
enforcement officers Innya scanned for Dean Woon.
She spotted him speaking with an officer beside a parked
police cruiser. She figured he was giving a quick statement to cover his own ass and was about to move on
when a pair of men in suits, possibly detectives, stepped
out of the crowd, dragging a limp body between them.
The officer stepped out of the way so that the men could
load the body into the cruiser and as they did his head
fell back and she recognized the face of the Norm who
had gone off with Billy and Greg. So Billy and Greg
hadn’t killed him, after all. If they had he’d probably
be in a body bag on a gurney instead of unconscious
between two officers. She wondered what he had done
to deserve being knocked out and shoved into the police
car. Norms who tried to be bad were just so quaint.
“Get moving, jailbait,” said one of the SWAT team
members in a booming voice. The officers around him
laughed.
Innya backed up a few steps and considered taking
the guy out with a swift kick to the throat then decided
against it. It wasn’t worth being banished. Instead she
offered the man her wickedest smile and turned swiftly
enough for her very short pleated skirt to flare up, exposing even more of her perfect legs to his view,and sauntered
toward the bus. She knew without looking that the eyes
of all of the officers were locked onto her swaying hips
and she could easily have disarmed each and every one of
them and they’d have thanked her for it afterward. As it
was they’d be going home to their wives and girlfriends
and finding them somehow lacking. Innya truly enjoyed
being a girl.
By the time she climbed onto the bus the rest of
the Villains were already on board. Most of them were
marveling and spewing praise all over Billy and Greg and
their “great plan.”
“Yeah, but no one died,” Innya muttered. No one
was listening to her. At least someday they would all
have
to listen to her if they wanted to live. The thought made
her smile and the smile made her normally dour face look
positively radiant.

When Elliot came to he was lying on a hard cot in
a beige concrete room. He sat up and groaned. His body
felt sore, as if he had just run a triathlon that he had forgotten to train for and his forehead throbbed just above
his right eyebrow. He touched the sore spot and found a
bulbous goose egg protruding from his brow.

He didn’t wonder how he had gotten it. He remembered talking to those Villains and that they had told him
they had a surprise for halftime, so he had shown them
a hole in the fence where they could sneak it onto the
field without being detected. Afterwards he had sat in
the stands with his friends, Adam and Sarah, too giddy to
concentrate on the game. His friends had asked him what
was up but he’d just smiled.

When the surprise turned out to be a bomb, Elliot
had been shocked even as he chided himself for ever
expecting a non-lethal surprise from people who attend
a Villains Academy. It was part of their name, for crying
out loud. The flight from the stadium felt like something
out of a dream. The panic, the screams of his peers and
their families hadn’t been able to reach him through his
blanket of guilt. But the barbs of the Taser that had hit
him in the back as he searched for his friends in the parking lot had. That was the last thing he remembered. Now
he didn’t know where he was but he certainly knew why.

He had screwed up. His dad was going to be so
pissed.
Elliot lay back down on his cot, feeling terribly
sorry for himself, just as the electronic lock gave a little
beep and the door opened. There stood two men Elliot
didn’t recognize. One looked like a police officer and the
other looked very out of place in this dingy holding room.
“Well kid,” said the detective, “You’re being
remanded into the custody of the VA. You’ll be with your
own kind from now on and from what I’ve heard they’re
going to eat you alive.”
Elliot wondered if he would pass out again as fear
thrilled his limbs and made his head all swimmy. But
after a few more moments of remaining stubbornly conscious he decided to just go with it until he was outside of
the police station. Then perhaps he could talk some sense
into the stranger.
“You’re smaller than I expected,” said the tall,
anonymous Asian man. He extended his hand. He wore
cream-colored leather gloves that felt as soft as they looked.
Elliot stood up. He first tried to have a firm, impressive
handshake, then he just tried not to look surprised when
the man’s handshake wasn’t very firm at all. In fact, for a
super Villain, which Elliot guessed the man was, he found
it rather disappointing. At least the guy looked the part.
He looked like a character straight out of a comic book
or an old silent film. He wore a smartly tailored dark gray
suit, a tangerine-colored ascot and had slicked back, shiny,
black hair and a pencil thin mustache. Add the gloves and
Elliot half expected him to twist the ends of his miniscule
mustache with a dramatic flourish and laugh.
“What are you?” Elliot asked.
The man smiled and it contained more warmth
than Elliot would have thought possible for a Villain. “I
am Mr. Ian Woon, Dean of the Villains Academy, where
bad seeds are planted. And you are our newest pupil.”
“But I’m not a bad seed.”
“We’ll just see about that, won’t we? Now come
along.” He put his arm around Elliot’s shoulders and his
touch was surprisingly gentle. “Thank you, Mr. Detective,” he said as he steered Elliot toward the front doors
of the police station.
“Don’t let me see you in here again, kid,” said the
detective.
Elliot didn’t answer and when he went outside he
was surprised to see the sun still low in the sky. The early
morning air cooled his burning eyes and quickened the
throb in his head.
“What time is it?” Elliot asked.
“Seven fifteen,” came the reply.
Dean Woon led Elliot to a wicked-looking black
Cadillac Escalade. The windows were all tinted so dark
Elliot couldn’t see the streetlights on the other side of the
SUV. When the Dean started the engine before he even
opened the door a series of red LEDs lit up like little rays
of evil all over the sleek black car. Bright red lights highlighted the spinning chrome rims, lit up the windshield
wipers and even the wiper fluid nozzles. Red light pooled
beneath the car and as Elliot opened the door he noticed
the ghost of a flame design barely visible on the hood. It
was the coolest car Elliot had ever seen.
“I know,”said the Dean,“Now stop staring and get in.”
Elliot settled into the vehicle’s soft leather seat and
once they were on the road the terror of his situation
washed over him. He had nothing and no one and was
about to walk into a place where everyone was evil.They’d
probably be able to smell the sweet scent of innocence on
him. He suddenly hoped that there wasn’t some humiliating initiation for new students because he wasn’t sure he
could take it.
Elliot kept glancing over at Mr. Woon, at the
way the red dashboard lights played across his strangely
smooth features, making him seem even more like a cartoon Villain than he had earlier in the holding cell. After
a while the silence in the car was so complete and uncomfortable that Elliot had to start talking just to keep his
mounting panic at bay. He cleared his throat.
“So, we’re going straight to the VA?” he asked tentatively just to test the waters and see if Mr. Woon would
even answer him.
“Yes,” was the reply. “And I’ll answer any reasonable
question.”
“Don’t I get to see a lawyer? Have a trial? Due process and all that?”
“No. Due process doesn’t apply once you’ve been
pegged as a Villain. Think about it, I would be too risky to
have years of court dates and appeals with someone who
could destroy a room by making a fart noise with his armpit.”
Elliot didn’t want to admit that it made sense so
he said nothing and the Dean continued, “In the past
the authorities have used the VA as a sort of quarantine
while they sort out what’s to be done.”
“So then I might get out?” Elliot asked, the tiniest
spark of hope igniting in his chest only to be snuffed by
the Dean’s words.
“Not likely. The sorting part takes a while. You’re a
student in the VA now, Elliot. Get used to it.”
“OK, then what about all my stuff ?” Asking about
his belongings made him think of his dad and Elliot
groaned and sunk deeper into the plush leather seat. He
wondered just how slowly and painfully his dad was going
to kill him once he found out about this.
The Dean sighed then and his whole demeanor
changed. “Elliot, I know your father well and you’re right,
he is not pleased with you at all. But it is possible that
your extradition to the VA is in your best interests.”
“How do you know my dad?” Elliot asked before
he could stop himself. Of course the Dean of the Villains
Academy would know the illustrious Senator William
Vane. Anyone who paid attention to the politics of Villain affairs, and certainly anyone who lived in Fort Rose,
knew who his father was.
“Your father has done so much for our cause. His
crusade to get the New Fundamentalist Reform Church
accepted as the national religion was a huge step. And
then the support he lent us when we wanted to open the
school five years ago… He’s a man of integrity. He’s a
man who puts his money where his mouth is, if you know
what I mean.”
“No, I don’t,” said Elliot. After a moment he added,
“Can I call him?”
“No.”
Mr. Woon glanced sideways at Elliot and even
though it was dark Elliot saw it. It made the Dean seem
very untrustworthy. Then he reminded himself that Mr.
Woon was a Villain so of course he was untrustworthy.
From now on he was going to have to change his view of
the world because he wasn’t going to be surrounded by the
righteous,those pretending to be righteous,the upright citizens, the nice people anymore. He was going to be a lamb
among lions. He wasn’t sure which would be worse, facing
his father’s wrath or facing the Villains at the school. Elliot
pouted and thought sadly that his mother never would have
allowed him to be carted off like this.
“Are you sure?” asked the Dean.
“Sure about what?”
“That your mother wouldn’t be letting this happen.”
“I don’t know,” Elliot admitted, his shoulders
slumping. Great, now he was feeling sorry for himself for
being motherless on top of everything else.
“Why don’t you ask her the next time you get a
chance?” the Dean asked.
“I can’t. She’s dead.” Even though she had died
when he was three and he barely remembered her Elliot
felt her loss like a brick in his stomach every time he
spoke those words aloud.
The Dean clucked his tongue. “You say tomato…”
Elliot felt tears rising in his eyes and mumbled,“I’m
not a Villain, you know.”
“I know this. I can tell just by looking at you. You
positively reek of normality. And I’ll bet your father
knows this as well but he was under a lot of pressure
from his constituents to send you to the VA. He finally
relented and contacted me to come collect you. However, I don’t believe that you should be imperiled simply
because you made an incredibly stupid mistake. And
believe me when I say that it was incredibly stupid.”
“I know,” Elliot said darkly.
“As a favor to your father I have arranged to make
sure that you won’t be done in by any of your classmates,
at least not right away. This protection is limited so you
must be on guard at all times.”
“Wow,” said Elliot, surprised by the unexpected
kindness. “Thanks.”
“It wasn’t easy, mind you, or cheap, but arrangements have been made for someone to look out for you.”
That a Villain would be his protector seemed an
odd turn of events but for the first time since waking up
in the holding cell Elliot felt a little more hopeful about
his situation. He wouldn’t be alone after all. He’d have a
built-in friend… sort of.
“I never said you’d have a friend but don’t worry
about that at the moment. Things will all fall into place.
They always do.”The Dean’s tone changed suddenly, shifting from something akin to compassion to businesslike.
“So, you will not have time to unpack and get settled until
this evening. The first classes start soon. You’ll have just
enough time to go to your room, shower and change your
dreadfully odorous clothes, and get to your first class.”
Elliot made a face. “Why do I have to attend classes
if I’m only going to be there while they decide what to
do with me? This isn’t my thing. I’m really not a Villain.
Everyone will know this.”
Mr. Woon laughed and his laugh sounded almost
whimsical, which was entirely off-putting. “You’d be
surprised how many of our kids say exactly that when
they arrive. Once they have been with us for a while
most of them find a niche, recognize a power within
themselves that wants to destroy, maim, kill, or simply
control or create, and then they choose their majors and
continue their studies. We haven’t been around for long
but many a great Villain has come into being through
our programs. Who knows, you might not be a Villain
but you might surprise yourself.”
Elliot didn’t like the idea of trying to channel his
inner badass. He had never been a badass before and was
sure that if he tried to channel one it would probably beat
him up for being so presumptuous.
“You’ll be fine.”
“What happens to students who don’t graduate?”
“We banish them to Antarctica,” said Mr. Woon
in a flat tone that did not invite discussion. “We’re here.”
Elliot looked around and saw nothing except for a
plain, grey stone wall that was currently about a foot from
the front of the Escalade.
“This is it?” Elliot asked, a little disappointed. He
had expected something a little flashier, a little more sinister, a little more… penetrable.
“You’ll see,” said Mr. Woon with a smile. He took a
long, silver chain from beneath his shirt. At the end of it
dangled a little silver thing that was roughly doorknobshaped. He rolled down the window and pressed this tiny
doorknob into a black panel beside his window. Once the
little knob was in place Mr. Woon placed his hand on the
flat black space beside it and suddenly, what had looked
like a normal brick wall just vanished and revealed an
ornate, black iron gate with the letter V on one side and
the letter A on the other. A moment later the massive
gates started to swing inward, admitting them into the
VA compound.
Wow, thought Elliot, his mouth too agape to form
actual words.
“I know,” said the Dean. “It was designed by our
brilliant Weapons teacher.”
The Dean pulled into the compound and steered
the car to the right along a row of leafless trees. Against
the low clouds Elliot could just make out the various
buildings that made up the VA. Again, it wasn’t what he
had expected. He had always imagined it to be more like
Hogwarts or a huge Victorian mansion. But the campus
looked more like a college campus than anything else.
There were grassy areas (mostly dead given the season)
and well swept walkways, low, one story buildings, some
with windows, some without. They turned left to follow
the edge of the brick outer wall of the compound. Up
ahead, on the left stood two very large buildings that
would have been identical except that one looked new
and the other looked like it had been through a war.
“What are those?” Elliot asked, pointing to the
twin buildings.
“One is the gymnasium.”
“After the disaster of the football game I figured
the VA didn’t really do athletics.”
“We don’t, not really. We don’t have teams. We
don’t really have enough students yet to make full teams.
And, as evidenced by Friday night, we’d probably kill any
team who went up against us, and not in the competitive
way. We use our gym to meditate at the end of every day.”
Elliot started to laugh then choked on it when he
saw that The Dean’s expression hadn’t changed.
“I’m being quite sincere. We find it helps to bring
mental clarity and also helps to subdue those students
who would otherwise be impossible to control.”
“Interesting. What about the other one?”
“The other building is the classroom for the ‘Use
What You Have Available’ class. You’ll see it this afternoon. It’s your second period.”
“What is that class for?” Elliot asked. He found
himself alternating now between being eager to know
what the school had in store for him and being terrified
that they would be able to tell he was a Norm just by
looking at him and then would murder him in elaborate,
comic-booky ways.
“Basically it’s a class that teaches you to be very
observant of your surroundings so that if you ever enter
into a battle with your arch enemies you will be able to
use anything in your environment to your advantage.That
way even if you are bare handed and unarmed, you really
aren’t. The world becomes your weapon.”
Like MacGyver, thought Elliot, that could be kind
of cool. Maybe he’d eventually learn to make a bomb out
of a stick of Wrigley’s gum, a paperclip, some damp toilet
paper and a match.
Mr. Woon turned left and parked in front of a large,
nondescript brick building polka-dotted with circles of
orange light from the strange phosphorous streetlamps
that were still lit at this early hour. “That would never
work,” he said.
“What?”
“This is your dorm. Get out.”
Mr. Woon exited the car without waiting for a
reply and after a short hesitation Elliot climbed out as
well. Already his heart was pounding in his chest and
he swallowed hard but he was sure that no nervous tick
would make this utterly strange transition any less awkward. Their breath plumed in the air and floated away
like spirits as Elliot followed Mr. Woon up a concrete
walkway to the door. He turned to Elliot and handed
him a key ring with two keys dangling from it.