Every Soul (3 page)

It’s not long ’til I pull up to the newly built Starbucks that I manage. I’ve worked my ass off to get this job and I truly love it. Some might say it’s not much, but to me it’s the world. I wasn’t fortunate enough to go to college, so I’m proud to be in the position I’m in, especially at the age of twenty-three.

Thankfully, there is only one car waiting in the parking lot, and it’s Roger, one of our regulars. I smile and wave to him as I run by and unlock the door. Then I make quick work of the opening process, turning off the alarms, and powering up the place, from the lights to the machines, everything has to be brought to life.

As I get my headset on and ready for any cars coming through the drive through, Jason comes in with Roger and they are both laughing. “Morning, A,” he says as he breezes by me. “Where do you want me?”

I smile looking up at him and take two gallons of milk out of the cooler. Then start to brew our daily roasts. Jason is about my age, tall with messy, brown hair and works his ass off. Well most of the time. We have fun here, that’s one of the reasons why I love my job so much. “It’s up to you. Sasha’s late, so you can have your pick.”

“Hell yeah, drive through,” he says.

I can’t help, but laugh at him. I know with my headset on, I’ll have to listen to him joke and make customers laugh all day. But that’s the job of the manager. Just then Roger emerges from the restroom. “Good morning. How’s the beautiful Arion this morning?” he asks with a warm smile spread across his face.

“I’m tired,” I respond, holding back a yawn.

“Late night?” Jason asks me, handing me Roger’s coffee.

“You could say that.”

Our attention is diverted to Sasha as she comes through the front door with her massive mound of brown hair piled atop her head. Even running late, she’s gorgeous. My hair, on the other hand, is stringy. I pulled it back into a ponytail on the drive.

“Morning,” she says. “Arion, I’m sorry that I’m late. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, it happens.” I can’t really come down on her considering that I wasn’t on time myself. “Let’s have a good day, guys,” I say as the first customer chimes in on the drive through and another walks through the front door. Roger goes to pay me, and I politely hand him back his twenty-dollar bill. He always over-tips us, so the least I can do is take care of his drink this morning. My gesture backfires, as he takes the whole twenty and leaves it in our tip jar. Before I can tell him to keep it, he is walking away and I am faced with another rich New Jersey customer. Work keeps me busy for a good part of the morning and once it finally dies down, I step outside to take a break, enjoying the cold chill on my skin. I check my cell phone and notice a missed call from my roommate, Aubrey. I dial her back, and light a cigarette.
God, I really need to quit smoking.
Isn’t that what all smokers say?

“Hey, girl,” she answers in a bright tone.

“Hey, sorry I missed your call, works been a B.”

“No problem. How are you feeling?”

I laugh, exhaling a puff of smoke. “Uhhh, I’m hanging, but I’ll get over it. How ’bout you?”

“I’m good. I drank my hangover remedy and feel like a million bucks.”

“You bitch, you should’ve made me some.”

She snorts and says, “Hah, yeah right. You leave at the ass crack of dawn.”

“Whatever, that’s no excuse.”

“So Brady, you really gonna break it off with him?”

“Aubrey, there is nothing to break off. We fuck and that’s it. I told him no feelings and he’s been pushing it. So I just won’t answer his calls anymore when he wants to fuck.”

“Hmmmm, we’ll see how long it lasts. Wanna go out tonight and see what trouble we can get into?”

“If you’re driving, then yes.”

“Fuck no. I picked you up last night. You drive.”

“Fine, I’ll drive. But I get to pick where we go.”

“Deal. See yah later, whore.”

Laughing at her comment, I hang up and lean back against the rough brick of the building. A shiver courses through me, and for the first time since I came out here, I feel cold.
Stay the night with me?
Brady’s words ring in my head like he’s right here speaking them.

I wish I didn’t have these problems or fears, but I do. Ever since Nate died, I’ve changed. There’s no point in fighting them. This is the person I’ve become, and I have to learn to accept that. He was my everything and my future. Unfortunately, he was taken from this earth earlier than he should’ve been. I know what we had was once in a lifetime. Well, at least I know you don’t get two soul mates anyways, so I’ve learned to cope the only way I know how, by satisfying the need within. If I can feed my need for sex and keep my emotions out of it while doing so, then this is the best I’ll ever have.

Dropping my cigarette to the ground, I step on the remnants and head back in. Things are slow, so I work on the next week’s schedule before I get the bank deposit ready. It doesn’t take me long to get everything done. Before I leave, I check in with Sasha. “Hey, girl, do you mind if I run to the bank real quick?”

“Nope, go right on ahead.” I smile gathering everything I need, then remove my apron. I go to head back into the office, but Jason calls me over to him.

“What’s up?” I ask.

Covering his microphone, he whispers, “There’s some chick in the drive through that’s pissed that we’re all out of croissants.”

“Did you offer her one of the new chocolate-filled ones?” He shakes his head. “Then do it.”

I glance outside before leaving, waiting to make sure that he doesn’t need me. The sun is peeking through the clouds, which is deceiving to say the least. I know it’s not hot today.

Jason turns to me with a thumbs-up, and I grab my coat.

Are you still coming home for Mom’s birthday?

I text my brother, Bain, as I try and decide what to wear to class. It’s snowing like a bitch so I know it needs to be something warm. Looking through item after item, I decide on leggings with a big, tan sweater and my favorite Ugg boots. Pulling my brown hair into a low ponytail, I apply a thin layer of lip-gloss. Then I head downstairs to grab a bite to eat on my way out, and my phone vibrates just as I enter the kitchen. It’s my brother, of course.

We have our last game on Friday before break. Then I’ll hit the road.

“Good morning, honey,” my dad says kissing me on the cheek. “Who are you texting?”

“It’s Bain.”

“Tell my son I love him,” my mom chimes in.

“I will, Mom.”

“What do you two feel like for breakfast?”

“I’m just gonna grab a granola bar, Mom, I’m not hungry.”

“That’s nonsense. You are going to eat with your father and I, like we do every day.”

I roll my eyes. Jesus, she’s so controlling. “Fine. I’ll eat whatever you’re making.

“How do blueberry pancakes sound?”

“My favorite,” my dad says, and I sit next to him at the bar. “Are things still set for Bain to come home?” he asks me whispering.

I nod my head and hand him my phone, showing him Bain’s last text. My mom is going to go through the roof when we surprise her.

I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this dinner without any pills, but I need to be able to have a conversation that I remember and to be as alert as possible. My coach is very perceptive and I know he’ll see right through my bullshit. Hopefully a strong ass Americano will sober me up enough to be able to pull my shit together.

He called and said some NBA scouts were coming to visit the university for a game against one of our big rivals. He really wants me to be there, meaning he wants me to play. I’ve been waiting for this day all of my life – my dreams of playing in the NBA have always been my drive. But since losing Kinsey, I just don’t have the fire anymore.

“Eight fifty-seven,” the cashier requests.

I hand him a twenty and wait for my drinks.

“What’s up, Dad?” I answer my phone, grabbing the change back.

“Bain, are you almost home? I really need some help with your mom.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon. Is everything okay?”

“She’s pissed that I won’t let her drink.”

“Jesus,” I mutter. “I’ll calm her down. Sorry, Dad, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“It’s not your fault. See you soon.”

Hanging up, I focus on getting home. Inside I’m nervous – nervous to see my coach and having to face him when I have no drive or ambition to return to school. Now, my mom pulls this shit. It’s the last thing I need. I really couldn’t care less about graduating and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I don’t think I want to play in the NBA anymore either. Since I’ve been out of school, I’m sure my chances of getting drafted in the first round are gone.

Also, I would have to stop self-medicating and right now I just can’t. They are my lifeline and give me the only release from this excruciating pain, and quite frankly, the only things that get me out of bed every day. Pulling into the driveway, I check the time and notice that I have a little under an hour before my coach arrives. Upon entering the house, my mom is screaming; I can hear her loud and clear.

“Please, Renee, don’t do this. Think about Bain.”

“Fuck you, Jack,” she slurs, and I know right away what’s going on. Her back is to me and she’s walking away from him with a bottle of vodka clutched tightly in her grip. Setting our Starbucks down, I sprint over to her and rip the bottle away. She turns to me with venom in her eyes and a snarl across her face.

“How dare you?”

“Don’t, Mom,” I snap as I pour the foul liquid down the sink. The moment the first splash hits the drain, she lunges herself at me and my dad grabs her.

“Calm down,” he pleads, but she thrashes in his arms.

Once I have the bottle empty, I step towards them and tightly hold her face, forcing her to make eye contact with me. “You can either pull your shit together, for me, or we can do this without you!” She stares back at me stunned, completely shocked by my words. “Believe it or not, Mom, Dad and I can handle things tonight with or without you. I just thought we could still present ourselves as a family since losing Kinsey, but apparently not. I guess Dad and I are the only ones with the strength anymore.”

Tears well in her eyes and I can see the despair as she looks at me. For months, she has stumbled around this house, neither of us asking her to do a thing ’til now, and the one time I need her – she can’t. Christ, it makes me angry. “Don’t cry. That shit doesn’t work on me. If you forgot, I lost her too, Mom. It hurts just as much for me every day.” Letting go of her, my father drops his arms at the same time. She stares at me with that blank, empty expression, the one she’s worn since the day we first got the call. I walk off, leaving them both standing there and head to Kinsey’s room. I know my mom won’t come in there and bother me.

As I open the door, the scent hits me hard like it always does, immediately taking me back to when she was alive. I flop down on her teal comforter, letting the exhaustion soak me into the mattress.
I need a pill. Fuck, I need them.
But I know I can’t, so instead I focus on keeping my emotions in check. I always used to come in here while she was getting ready. I can hear her words now…

“Why do you have to flop on my bed like that?”

I shrug my shoulders, nuzzling the pillow. “’Cause I’m used to sleeping on a cardboard piece of shit box at school, Kins. This is so much better.”

She laughs. “Then go and sleep on your own bed.”

“What? You don’t miss your brother?” I tease.

“You know I do. That’s why I don’t understand why you won’t come home and just go to school around here, like I do.”

I open my eyes and watch her apply her makeup. “I’ve told you before, UConn is one of the best schools when it comes to ball.”

“So you really want to play in the NBA?” she asks lying down next to me. I look at her long, brown hair, and close my eyes imagining how great my life is going to be before I answer. “Absolutely, I fucking do! More than anything in this world.”