My plan was pretty simple. I already knew where the service entrance was and I also knew rich people. They didn't really look at the help. I didn't have anything that could let me pass for kitchen staff or something like that, but I did have a tux that I could wear and pretend to be one of the staff hired for inside the house. Most of the time, it wasn't about the clothes anyway. It was the attitude.
A couple hours later and I was standing inside the ballroom of the Saja palace. I'd gone through the open service gate with a huge vase of flowers, then spent the rest of the time before the wedding letting myself be ordered around by some high-strung woman in a serious-looking peach business suit. I'd waited until the last possible minute and managed to slip into the back of the room. Huge statues stood around the edges of the room and I tucked myself into the shadows. I knew I'd be practically invisible now, and that was what I wanted.
The bridesmaids came first. I recognized the girl I'd seen that night, the one I knew had to be Halea. The girl Nami was sacrificing her own happiness for. I had to admit, when I looked at that sweet, innocent face, I couldn't blame her. I didn't even know the girl and I wanted to protect her.
I turned with the rest of the crowd to watch as Nami walked in. Her dress was simple and elegant. White silk fitted to complement not only her coloring, but her figure as well. There was no veil or elaborate train, and the dress itself was relatively unadorned. I wasn't really paying much attention to the dress, however. I was too busy watching her face.
She was staring straight ahead, eyes fixed on her destination. While she was smiling, I could tell it was fake. She didn't look at her fiancé the entire way and, as I glanced towards Tanek, I saw that he wasn't looking at Nami either. He might've been turned in that general direction, but he wasn't watching her.
I didn't understand how they could do this. It was clear that neither one of them loved the other. Hell, they barely knew each other. How could Nami agree to marry this guy? Him, I got. Nami was rich and would be the queen someday. By marrying her, he'd be king and his kids would get to rule Saja one day. And if what Nami had said was true, he could fool around as much as he wanted because his bastards wouldn't have a claim on the throne. Nami's line was the one that mattered. So long as he got her pregnant, it wouldn't matter who else he knocked up.
My hands clenched at my sides. I didn't want to think about Nami conceiving a child with him, with anyone besides me. The realization hit me hard enough that I physically felt it. It wasn't that I just didn't want her to sleep with him. Yes, I hated the thought of him touching her, kissing her, being inside her, but it was more than that. I could picture her in my mind's eye, her stomach swollen with a child, and I knew that I wanted it to be my child.
I'd never really thought about kids before, not in any real sense. With Britni, we'd been expected to have a child, but I'd never imagined it, and certainly had never pictured Britni pregnant. I'd always wanted kids, but the idea had been far off, in a distant future, no matter how the years had passed. I hadn't even thought about them with Piper. Even though I'd insisted that I was in love with her, I'd never once imagined a future beyond a wedding. I hadn't considered what it would be like to grow old with her, what kind of mother she would've been. I knew she'd be a good one and when I thought of her and Julien having a child, I liked the picture I saw in my head.
I didn't want just a few more days or months with Nami. I wanted forever and everything that came with it. I wanted the strange food cravings and being yelled at in the delivery room. I wanted late night feedings and irritability from lack of sleep. I wanted the terrible two's and teenage rebellion. I wanted all of that as long as she was at my side. Dark curls streaked with silver. Aching bones and fading eyesight. All of the things that came with old age, they didn't scare me when I thought of going through them with her.
Her voice drew me back to the present. She was reciting her vows, repeating words similar to the ones I'd said not too long ago. I supposed it was hypocritical of me to question her choice, or to assume that her fiancé was only after the power and money. Hadn't I been there, marrying a woman I didn't love because it was what my parents expected of me? How could I fault either of them when I'd made the same choice? I would have regretted it now if it hadn't been for the fact that, had I not married Britni, Piper never would have chosen Julien and I wouldn't have left Philadelphia in the first place, which meant I never would've met Nami.
I had sometimes wondered if I hadn't married Britni, if Piper and I would have lasted. I knew we would've at least been together for a while because we'd had a true physical attraction to each other and had enjoyed spending time together. What I didn't know was if it would've led to a life in happiness or if she would've come to the same conclusion, that we really didn't love each other, not in the way we needed to.
As Nami and her fiancé joined hands, my heart twisted. It was almost over and Nami hadn't stopped it.
Had it been this way for Piper, I wondered. Had she felt sick to her stomach? Like her heart was being ripped from her chest? Like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs? I'd thought a lot about my wedding day over the short time Britni and I had been married. I'd thought about what would've happened if I'd stopped the ceremony, told Britni that I couldn't do it. If I'd walked down the aisle and claimed Piper right then. I'd never once tried to imagine what she must've been going through during the ceremony.
Was there a difference though? She'd said herself that we weren't truly in love. What I felt for Nami was real. I knew it in every fiber of my being, every cell. I'd never believed in soulmates or true love, even with Piper. Nami made me question everything I'd ever known. I wasn't whole without her. She was the one. The only one.
I missed the pronouncement, but looked up just in time to see Tanek kiss her. It was a fairly chaste kiss, but I could see the possessiveness even from where I stood. Tanek was making it clear to everyone present that Nami was his.
I leaned against the wall as the couple were presented to their people. I no longer trusted my legs to hold me. The pair walked down the aisle, Nami's arm looped through Tanek's, their stride evenly matched, as if they moved in perfect sync. Neither of them looked at anyone in the crowd and I was glad. I didn't want Nami to see me, and more than that, I didn't want to see her face, meet her eyes. I didn't think I could bear it if I saw her look at me with pity.
The wedding was over and the reception would begin shortly, so I knew I needed to leave. I forced my legs under me and began to walk out the way I'd come. I wasn't nearly as careful, but I wasn't seen. I wouldn't have cared if I had been spotted. Nothing mattered anymore. It was over.
Chapter 17
Nami
I wasn't entirely sure what I was expecting from my wedding day, but I did know that, as a child, when I'd pictured getting married, I'd always thought I would at least be happy. I'd always known that I wouldn't be allowed to choose my spouse, but when I was young, I'd dreamed that the man my parents chose would still, somehow, be the man of my dreams. He'd be worthy of the title prince, and later, king. A fairy tale in which the couple has a happily ever after.
Of course, as I'd gotten older, I'd realized that those kinds of things didn't exist. Still, I'd hoped for a marriage like my parents at the very least. Theirs had been arranged, but I knew they cared for each other. I didn't know how deep that ran or what kind of love they had for each other, but I knew they had been faithful and I'd seen them share affection. If I could not marry the man of my choosing, at least I could take comfort in the fact that my parents had married the same way and had spent the last thirty years in a good marriage.
Not once had I considered the nightmare to come. Saja had a low crime rate and laws that quickly and harshly punished violent offenders. Domestic violence and child abuse were treated the same as any other violent crime. We had always prided ourselves on how safe our country was, for visitors as well as citizens. Even if I hadn't been a princess, I wouldn't have ever thought my future husband capable of hurting me. As princess, the idea had been ludicrous, unthinkable.
And yet, I'd had to carefully apply make-up on my arms and neck to cover the fading bruises. Even as I walked down the aisle towards Tanek, I experienced twinges of pain from his assault. It wasn't so bad that I let it show. Aside from not wanting anyone present to know how he'd hurt me, I refused to give Tanek the satisfaction of knowing I still felt it.
The thing was, I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid it later tonight. It was my wedding night, and consummation was expected. It didn't matter that he'd already fucked me, or that I hadn't been a virgin when he'd done it. We'd be expected to have sex, and there to be proof of it on our sheets tomorrow morning.
After the ceremony, there would be a reception where we would be expected to greet our guests and pretend to be content, if not happy. Even the regular people in Saja knew that the marriage was arranged, though I was sure most of them thought it was something romantic. The other high society people at the wedding would better understand the truth, but I would still be expected to play my part.
I pushed aside thoughts of what was to come and tried to focus on the now. I didn't exactly want to think about where I was now, but it was better than what was coming. I forced myself to focus on repeating the words my father said, a mix of the standard vows of several different religions. I didn't particularly care about any of them. I said what I had to say and that was enough.
When my father asked for anyone who protested the marriage to speak up, I tensed, half-expecting to hear Reed's voice declaring that I couldn't marry Tanek. I could imagine him saying he loved me and we were supposed to be together. I'd accepted my fate, but in that moment, I knew that if Reed had indeed shown up, I wouldn't have been able to turn him away.
I missed what my father said next, but I didn't need to hear it to know it had been him telling Tanek to kiss me. It was all I could do not to pull back and slap him as his mouth came down on mine. It was a fairly chaste kiss, the kind most would expect from a couple who barely knew each other, but it hadn't been our first. I hadn't been able to forget the feel of his lips, hard and demanding, his tongue nearly choking me.
I managed to get through the kiss without gagging and then took his arm as my father announced us. I allowed myself a quick moment to scan the crowd and my heart skipped a beat. Golden hair. Reed? Was it him, lurking in the shadows? Why would it be, though? I'd told him I'd made my choice. He'd probably been on a plane back to America that same afternoon. In fact, he was probably in bed with some gorgeous blonde right now, forgetting all about me.
Pain laced through me at the thought, but I kept a smile on my face. It wasn't a real one, but it was good enough to fool the people, if not my parents and my husband. Husband. I didn't even want to think the word, but I made myself dwell on it. I had no right to be jealous or hurt over anything Reed had done. I'd been the one who'd sent him away, who'd broken his heart.
Or maybe I was overestimating what we'd had, how he'd felt. Perhaps his heart had only been bruised alongside his ego. Perhaps I only wanted to think that he felt the same way I did, like my heart was being torn to shreds, every beat sending a new wave of pain through me. I'd felt like that from the moment I'd told Reed that I was choosing Tanek over him, and it had only gotten worse when Reed had showed up at the palace the next morning. Now, it was constant, a familiar presence that I'd almost become accustomed to. I wondered if I'd become numb to it after a while, and if that would be a blessing. Would not feeling anything be better than feeling what I felt?
Time began to move in jerky leaps and bounds as I found myself being moved from one table to another, shaking hands, kissing cheeks. The wealthiest and most influential of Saja's people were here. Some I knew well from seeing them at various functions over the years, others were strangers in all but name. It didn't matter though. They all wanted the same things: make sure the king and I both knew that they were present. The king for now, me for the future.
I danced and smiled, saying all the right things and behaving in a perfectly pleasant manner. I let Tanek put his hand on my arm and shoulders, pretending that I didn't find being near him repulsive. I smiled at my parents, pretending that I didn't hate them for what they were doing to me. I supposed I'd eventually forgive them, but at the moment, all I felt towards them was anger, and even that was not a strong enough word.
As evening turned into night, my father announced the end of the party. A few select guests were asked to stay, among them, my new in-laws. My already knotted stomach tightened even more. I knew what was coming next.
“We shall escort the new couple to the bridal suite,” my father announced.
I allowed Tanek to take my arm and I curled my fingers under to keep anyone from seeing how badly my hands were shaking. My parents walked on either side of us, Tanek's parents slightly behind them. The others my parents had asked to stay were back there too, but I didn't look at them. The only positive thing I could feel was gratitude that Halea had been allowed to leave and not be a part of the processional.
When we reached the doors of what was to be our new room, Tomas and Kai were waiting. Bodyguards outside the bridal suite on the wedding night was another tradition, to ensure that no one interrupted the consummation. I had a suspicion that my parents had put them there as much to make sure I didn't run off. I wouldn't though. I still had Tanek's threat ringing in my ears. Even if I told them now what he had done, I didn't know that it would make a difference. They wouldn’t believe me. Besides, my parents had already shown that they put the country above me. A divorce would tear things apart.