Authors: G.T. Marie
The hostel's owner was nice and
let us keep the keys for another night, so we were in no hurry to get back. As the others ordered, I told them I’d meet back shortly. I’d seen an internet checkpoint at a nearby café, and I wanted to see if there was an email from my mom. I had promised her an email this weekend. She liked to know when I was travelling, just in case. I handed over a Euro to the person behind the deck, logged on, and perused my email. There was already an email from my mom. I clicked reply, but before I could enter anything, my blood ran cold.
Chapter
Thirty Four
I returned to the group, tried to paste a cheery expression on my face, and ordered the strongest drink on the menu. I listened to them discuss whether electronic cigarettes were actually bad for you, but I didn’t – couldn’t make a contribution to the conversation. I smiled gratefully when my drink arrived and took a big gulp.
“I didn’t think you were a gin kinda girl,” Andrew commented.
“Things change,” I said, my voice weaker than usual.
Emilia studied me closely. I shrugged in her direction.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing, nothing,” I said. “Here’s to vacation!”
“What happened at the café?” Emilia asked. Andrew and Megan looked on without speaking.
“My grandpa died,” I said. I couldn’t help it, the tears started to fall. Emilia came and hugged me. Megan and Andrew murmured their apologies. I tried to smooth the wet spot out of Emilia’s shirt with no success.
After a long embrace, Emilia stepped back and held me at arm’s length. She gestured to her shirt. “I’ve been wet all weekend; these few drops are nothing.”
I laughed through my tears. A hiccup startled me.
“Thank you guys, I’m glad you’re here,” I said almost losing it again. Even Megan had damp eyes.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“Not really. I just, I don’t really know what to do,” I said.
Emilia put her hand over mine, “Take it easy, Dana. Let’s have dinner, hang out at the hostel. You can talk about it when you’re ready.”
I nodded, “Thank you.”
I had no appetite, but forced myself to pick at a
slice of pizza. I finished my drink, then one more after. We eventually made our way up to the hostel, and the conversation drifted to childhood stories. Only once did I start to mention my grandpa, but I got choked up and fell quiet, letting the others’ voice soothe my guilt. They were good listeners, and I felt relieved that I had such close friends surrounding me. A couple hours later, I was emotionally drained. I told the others I was tired and they agreed; it’d been a long day for us all.
Everyone climbed into bed, reading, listening to music, drifting off to sleep.
Andrew lay very close to me, his arms wrapped around my shoulders, his fingers caressing my skin. I felt his fingers grow heavy, slow their pace, and eventually stop. He began breathing long, slow breaths, and I detangled myself from his arms so as not to wake him. I slid out of bed and went outside.
I was a little tipsy,
but in bed my mind had been thinking a million thoughts a second. I couldn’t stare at the ceiling any longer. I trudged along the waterfront under the bright stars, finding a rather obscure set of stairs about a half mile down the path that lead to the town. I started down the staircase and perched precariously on a ledge over the ocean. My fear of heights seemed irrelevant. I stared at the ocean. Looking into the distance, yet not seeing.
I don’t know how long I’d been sitting when I heard leaves crackle in the background. I turned around, tipping wildly on the edge of the small wall. A hand reached out, steadied me.
“I missed your cold feet,” Andrew said.
“Andrew! Why are you here?”
“How did I get here is a better question. I walked around forever looking for you, and I’m willing to bet my feet are
actually
colder than yours.”
“I’m sorry if I woke you,” I said, relieved to see him.
“I wouldn’t let you wander the streets in the dead of night alone,” Andrew said climbing onto the wall next to me. He took my hand. We sat in silence for awhile, looking at the moon, my hand secure in his strong grip.
“I loved him a lot,” I began. “It wasn’t an expected thing. I shouldn’t have come here. To Italy. I wasn’t home, I couldn’t help. My grandma…now…”
Andrew stroked my hand, “I’ll bet you anything he wanted you to go to Italy.”
I nodded, “He did, actually. He encouraged me to go more than anyone else. Whenever I had my doubts, or worried about how sad I’d be away from home, he’d tell me that I had to do what was right for me. That it would be an experience… That he was proud of me.”
“I
know
he’s proud of you. Dana, from what you told me you have a pretty kick ass family. No one is mad at you for being here. Your family will be there for your grandma.”
I was full on cried now, “Of course, I just think the world is a little worse off after losing a man like that.”
“That is absolutely true. But life is full of beginnings and endings, and as long as we still have people around that care as much as you, I think we’re not doing too shabby,” Andrew said wiping salty dampness from my eyes. I smiled up at him through misty eyelashes.
“Look,” Andrew whispered. A lighting bug alighted on a leaf in front of us. It paused for a long moment, blinking. “I’m not one to believe in signs, as you know. But that’s pretty cool.”
I held my hand out slowly. The lighting bug landed briefly on the back of my hand, blinked once, and flew off into the darkness. I watched until the light was completely swallowed by the darkness, gone back to where it belonged.
I stood up and extended my hand to
Andrew. “Let’s go.”
Andrew
stood and we made our way slowly back toward the cottage. I walked looking down at my feet, deep in thought. The breeze was cool against my face, my hair smelling slightly of salt from the ocean, the palms of my hands clammy. The waves played against the rocks in the distance. Tiny pebbles slipped under our footsteps, their soft scratches the only other noise in the still night air.
Andrew
veered off the path at one point, and I barely noticed, trapped as I was in my thoughts. When we stopped moving, I looked up at him. He spread out his hands, telling me to look around. We were in a small, grassy clearing surrounded by shrubbery and trees. It seemed as if we were standing in the eye of the storm – a perfect circle flooded by moonlight. I could see Andrew’s eyes clearly, but I couldn’t read his thoughts. He pulled me in close, and I could smell the crisp sea air on his sweater.
“I think that I love you.
” Andrew held me at arm’s length, staring into my eyes.
“I think that’s almost romantic,” I
said with a shiver.
“I’m sorry,”
Andrew said, his eyes darting, trying to decipher my response. “I
know
I love you.”
“I love you too,
Andrew. I really, really do.”
Andrew
’s eyes lit up, he leaned in and kissed me for a long moment. His hands ran through my hair, pulled my sweater off and encircled my waist. I lost track of what was happening. What I was supposed to be doing. I only knew it felt right.
My shirt came off.
My breathing sped up, it felt rushed, urgent. Andrew kicked his shoes away, unfastening his belt in the process. I couldn’t take my hands off him, not for a second. I was afraid of losing the moment, the magic. I was soon completely naked, lying on my back with wild hair, the strands coated with a mixture of tears and ocean salt, my body warm to the touch despite the cool air. Andrew made eye contact, a long gaze, trying to sense if I was ready. I simply nodded. He took control, slowly, gently, and we made love under the stars.
Chapter
Thirty Five
As I rose the next morning, I found myself back in the bed of the honeymoon suite, and the memories flooded back from the previous evening. I looked to my left and saw
Andrew was already out of bed. Before I could stand, however, he walked in carrying a couple of coffee cups he’d found above the sink.
“Good mor
ning,” he said kissing my cheek and lingering a second longer than usual.
“Hello
.” I said my downturned eyes bordering upon shy. The embarrassment I thought would come, the shame, or at least guilt; it never showed up. I knew in my heart that somehow, everything was going to be okay. I squeezed Andrew’s hand.
“Let’s get a move on,” Megan walked in from an early morning stroll by the beach. “Can’t miss two trains in one weekend
, people.”
I felt my face flush, sure the world knew the events of last night, but neither of the girls acknowledged my blush nor seemed to notice my fumbling movements. I relaxed after a few moments of
normal conversation and packed in a rush.
When we arrived back in Milan, Emilia mentioned offhandedly that we only had t
wo weeks left as she lugged her bags down the train stairs. I pushed the thought out of my mind as fast as it’d entered. I kissed Andrew goodbye outside the metro station and went home with my friends, as he made his way to a different train. Just watching him walk away gave me a pinch of regret that we didn’t have more time together. It felt like we were just getting started.
Chapter
Thirty Six
The next
day at class, we heard lots of hype about the end of the year
goodbye
event. The party was a big to-do, complete with a live band of music students, catered food, and the gold mine; an open bar. It would be the last night everyone was scheduled to be together in Milan. Most people shipped out the morning after.
I was the exception;
I had booked my ticket home for a week later than my end date, figuring I’d want to stay and travel. I had mixed feelings; I was looking forward to having some time on my own, but on the flip side I was hesitant to be in Italy without my network of friends. Andrew, Emilia, and Megan would all be leaving the morning after the event.
We piled out of class and gathered with mixed feelings; though we talked excitedly about the party, there was an undeniable sadness to the event.
Bittersweet, a term whose definition had always eluded me, became frustratingly clear. I bid Andrew good-bye as I went home for dinner with Emilia and Megan, Maggie and Kimberly. We were having our personal goodbye dinner before the craziness of finals began.
Over a steaming pan of lasagna, my roommates pestered me about Andrew. I could only look deep into the layers of pasta and mumble, “I’m really not sure
what’ll happen.”
“Well, are you still going to date?”
Kimberly asked.
“I
… no. I don’t think so. We live far away from each other.”
“So?”
Kimberly asked.
“It’s not really my choice
. To be honest I’ve never even considered long distance. I mean Andrew never really left it as an option.”
Kimberly
scooped some sauce with her bread. “What do you want to do?”
I set down my fork. “I don’t know, okay? I have mixed feelings. I’ll miss him
. A lot; but I don’t think it’ll work out.”
I felt Emilia’s gaze
hitting the size of my face, but couldn’t meet her eyes.
“You can always figure it out as you go,” she said. “And if you decide you still like him in America, you can come visit both of us at the same time. Talk about a bargain.”
“That’s true,” I laughed, grateful for the diversion.
We cleaned the dishes and wiped down the table after
eating. I bid the girls good night, and headed over to Andrew’s apartment. I rode the familiar elevator up to his floor, adjusting my shirt and adding a dab of perfume behind my ear.
The door opened as the elevator screeched to a stop.
“You smell good,” Andrew said, enveloping me in his arms.
“Thanks,
it must be natural.” I stood straight, zipping my purse pouch to cover the spigot on the perfume bottle.
Andrew and I walked into the apartment where most of his roommates were lounging in the living room;
Josh and Vince were watching a show on the computer while Cesare lumbered off to his room at the sight of a female.
“Shall we?” Andrew pointed towards the staircase.
I nodded, attempting to stroll casually to the staircase. By the time we’d reached the stairs, Andrew and I were racing each other to the top. He pulled on my leg as I took the lead, then I reached for his pants after falling behind. I caught the edge of his jeans, and as we both reached the top, wheezing and collapsing with laughter, we rolled straight into bed. Andrew made eye contact with me as he reached for my belt. I leaned up to meet his lips halfway and melted into his comfortable hold.