Authors: Michelle Betham
‘Jesus. You’re verging on stalker material now, sweetheart. I really need
this,
don’t I?’ He pushed a hand though his hair, turning away from her. He’d thought this part of his life was over, done. He’d thought he’d left her behind in Newcastle, to get on with her life, and let
him
get on with his. He’d thought the message had been clear enough.
‘I could be good for you, Ryan.’
He turned to look at her. She was so pretty, so, so pretty, and when he’d first met her she’d seemed so innocent – a complete contrast to the ice-queen image that Amber sometimes gave off. But it would seem that the innocence had quickly faded, to be replaced by a manipulative, almost scheming side to her. He just hoped it wasn’t verging on the obsessive. He could do without
that
hassle.
But whatever he felt for this woman who’d flown all the way over there to try her best to win him back – a futile act that had no chance of working – he didn’t want to see her hurt. He didn’t want to do that to her again, but she was leaving him with no other option. So what was his next move supposed to be now?
Amber squeezed her eyes tight shut as she sat on the closed lid of the toilet, holding the small white stick in her hand. Ronnie was perched on the side of the bath, watching the clock as the seconds ticked by.
‘Give it here,’ he said, realising they were now way past the time the box had said it would take for the test to be complete.
Amber shook her head, her eyes still closed. ‘No. It was bad enough you being in here while I peed on the bloody thing without you telling me what the outcome is.’
‘So you’re just gonna sit there holding it with your eyes shut? For how long? Jesus, just give it here…’ He leaned over and took it out of her hand, an action which caused her to finally open her eyes.
Her heart was beating so hard it hurt, those knots in her stomach tightening, pulling and pulling until she had no breath left, because she really didn’t want to know what that test said. After everything she’d been through, she didn’t want to know. Whatever the result, she didn’t know if she was ready to hear it. Or ready to deal with it.
She looked at Ronnie, watching as he stared down at the little white stick before looking back up at her. But he said nothing, just held it out for her to take, keeping his arm outstretched until she took it from him.
‘Look at it, Amber.’
‘I can’t.’ Her hand was shaking, and all she wanted to do was throw that stick in the bin and forget this was happening.
‘Amber, please. Just look at it.’
She closed her eyes for a few more seconds before opening them again, finally looking down at her hands. Her heart continued to hammer against her ribs, her head spinning faster and faster as she stared at the result, hardly able to dare believe what it was telling her.
‘I’m pregnant,’ she whispered, her voice steady and calm, belying everything she was actually feeling. ‘How…?’ She looked up at Ronnie, a feeling of utter confusion washing over her, mixed with a realisation she now had to face up to.
‘According to that, it says date of conception occurred 3+ weeks ago,’ Ronnie said. ‘Have you and Jim…?’
She shook her head. ‘I said I was scared, Ronnie. Remember?’
Her eyes met Ronnie’s again and he frowned, that expression of confusion taking over
his
face now, too. ‘Yeah, but…’
‘It’s Ryan’s,’ she said, her voice now beginning to lose that calm edge it had managed to hang onto for so long. ‘Ronnie, if this is right, if this test is right… this baby, it’s Ryan’s.’
‘You shouldn’t be here,’ Ryan said, watching as Ellen brushed her hair and applied a coat of pale pink lip gloss, smiling at her reflection.
‘
You
were the one who brought me back last night,’ she said, fluffing out her hair. ‘And you didn’t exactly push me away when it came to bedtime, did you?’ She turned around, directing her smile at him.
No, he hadn’t. But it had taken a good few drinks and another couple of hours in three more bars before he’d been drunk enough to not care what was happening anymore. Last night hadn’t been the time or the place to have the conversation he needed to have with her, even though he couldn’t help feeling it was a conversation he’d already had. Repeating himself wasn’t something he was a fan of doing.
‘Yeah, well, we’d both had a bit to drink, hadn’t we?’ He got out of bed, pulling on a pair of combats and running his fingers through his hair.
‘Are you saying you only slept with me because you were drunk?’ Ellen asked, still smiling, wrapping her arms around him from behind.
‘No, I’m not saying that,’ Ryan said, unwrapping her arms from around his waist before walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, leaving her standing on the other side. ‘I’m just saying that the circumstances were… they were…’ He stopped talking, taking a few blissful seconds on his own to pee. ‘Last night was last night,’ he said, opening the door and leaning against the frame. ‘And now we move on.’
Ellen frowned. ‘Move on? Are you dumping me?’
Ryan couldn’t help laughing, folding his arms as he stared at her. Was she for real? ‘Ellen, babe, how can I dump you when we’re not even together? We were finished before I came out here, remember? Just because you turn up out of the blue claiming that you could be “
good for me
”, that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly an item again. I never agreed to anything, sweetheart.’
She looked at him, pouting like some teenager who was trying anything to get her own way. ‘No, I know that. And I don’t expect you to do anything straightaway, I’m here for a while…’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘A while?’
‘A few more days. And a lot can happen in a few days, can’t it?’
He continued to stare at her, saying nothing. He hadn’t been prepared for this, and he wasn’t enjoying the fact it was happening. But he had training to go to, and right now wasn’t the time to carry on this conversation.
‘You’d better go back to your hotel.’ Ryan pushed past her, out into the main living area of his Tenerife villa. ‘I’ll call you later, okay? I’ve got a busy day ahead, so I’m assuming you can amuse yourself while I’m away?’
‘Of course I can. Ryan…?’
He turned to look at her. She really was one beautiful woman, but she just wasn’t Amber. And that was the problem. She wasn’t Amber.
‘I
will
see you later, won’t I?’
He sighed, hanging his head before looking up and out of the patio doors at the view of the Atlantic. It was another gloriously sunny day in paradise – so why did he feel like he’d just been handed a prison sentence?
‘Yeah. You’ll see me later.’
What other choice did he have?
‘Miracles do happen, Amber.’ Dr. Lowry smiled at her from across his desk. ‘And you, it would appear, are carrying one.’
‘And… and the dates?’ she asked, her fingers fiddling frantically with the hem of her t-shirt. ‘They’re right, are they?’
‘You appear to be around eleven weeks pregnant, so that would mean conception took place sometime around mid-November last year. You’re looking at an August birth, Amber.’
She felt her stomach tighten again. The dates were right. Which meant
she
was, too. This baby, it wasn’t Jim’s. It couldn’t be Jim’s. It was Ryan’s. She was having Ryan Fisher’s baby.
‘Is everything okay?’ Dr. Lowry asked, aware of Amber’s almost sombre mood. ‘If there’s something you need to talk about…’
‘No.’ She shook her head, fixing him with a smile she could only hope reached her eyes. ‘No. Everything’s fine. I’m just a bit shocked, that’s all. I mean, after everything I was told before, and then for this to happen…’
Dr. Lowry returned her smile. ‘Well, like I said, miracles
can
happen. And sometimes, when the pressure is off, nature just takes its course. Now, I’ll be taking care of you during this pregnancy myself, so make sure you stop by reception for your next appointment, okay? And don’t worry. We’ll do everything we can to make sure it all runs as smoothly as possible. You’re a very special patient, Amber Allen. And this will be one very special baby.’
She felt quite dazed as she made her way out of Dr. Lowry’s rather prestigious Jesmond clinic, and over to the bar across the road where Ronnie was waiting. She needed a drink like she’d never needed one before, but alcohol was now strictly off limits. Even though she would have done anything to dull the feelings she was experiencing right now. Feelings she couldn’t really explain – a strange mixture of excitement tinged with a raw pain and a crushing disappointment she just couldn’t shake. Because this baby wasn’t Jim’s. It wasn’t Jim’s.
Ronnie looked up as she sat down next to him, her eyes meeting his – telling him everything he needed to know.
‘It’s Ryan’s,’ she whispered. The last thing she needed was for
this
little piece of information to get out. Even though it was going to, at some point, she knew that. And how she handled it all when that finally happened was something she didn’t even want to think about at the minute. She had enough to get her head around as it was.
‘Definitely?’
She nodded. ‘Definitely. The dates… they coincide with that time we slept together at Gary’s party back in November last year. Me and Jim, we hadn’t had sex in ages back then, and we didn’t have sex again until months after that…’
‘Hang on,’ Ronnie interrupted. ‘You’ve slept with Jim since he told you he wanted a divorce?’
She looked at Ronnie as though he should already know this, before realising that only Brandon was aware of that last encounter. She hadn’t told anyone else it had happened. And now she knew why. ‘Yeah. After the derby match, a few weeks ago. It was a mistake.’ Her whole life was one long mistake right now. But this – this one topped the lot. ‘What do I do, Ronnie?’
‘I don’t know, kiddo,’ he sighed, reaching out to take her hand, squeezing it gently. ‘But we’ll work something out.’
‘I mean, this is what I wanted, right? I wanted a baby. I wanted to be a mum. I wanted that more than anything.’ She felt dazed, her head spinning as she looked at Ronnie again. ‘But I wanted it all with Jim. I wanted
his
baby.’ Tears started to prick the back of her eyes as she stared up at the ceiling, blinking desperately to try and stop them from falling. ‘It’s such a fucking mess, Ronnie. All of it. It’s such a fucking mess.’
Ronnie squeezed her hand again. He couldn’t really argue with that. A mess didn’t even begin to describe it.
‘I’m pregnant. Can you believe that?’ She took a deep breath, sitting back in her seat, a feeling of resignation sweeping over her. ‘I’m pregnant. But it’s with the wrong man, Ronnie. This baby – it’s the wrong man’s.’
‘Amber, listen. Listen to me, sweetheart…’
She looked at him – her best friend, and the one man she could trust over anybody. Why couldn’t she feel for him what she felt for Jim? What she felt for Ryan.
‘We can sort this out, the two of us. We can…’
‘No, Ronnie, please. I know what you’re going to say and I can’t let you do that. I can’t, it isn’t fair.’
‘And seeing you like this isn’t fair either, Amber. Come on, we can do this, me and you. We can do this.’
She shook her head, pulling her hand away from his. ‘I can’t deal with this right now. I need some time on my own, I need to get my head around it all before it drives me insane.’
‘Amber…’
‘Ronnie, I’ll be fine. Really.’ She smiled at him, even though smiling was the last thing she felt like doing. ‘I just need to get used to the idea, okay? I need to be alone. Just for a little while.’
‘You’ll call me if you need me?’
She nodded, pushing her sunglasses down over her eyes.
‘You promise?’
‘I promise.’ She leaned over and kissed him quickly, giving his hand one last squeeze. ‘I’ll talk to you later. And Ronnie? Thank you. For being here. For being the best friend I really need right now.’
He smiled, too, reluctant to let her go anywhere on her own after the news she’d just had. ‘I’ll always be there for you, kiddo, you know that. Always.’
‘Sounds like you’ve got yourself a bit of a bunny boiler there, mate,’ Callum said, squirting water over his head and shaking it out. The temperature down on the training pitch was around 32 degrees, and even though they had cloud cover that morning, the heat was still stifling.
‘I mean, she just flew over here, without telling me. Again.’
‘Again? You mean, she’s done this before?’
Ryan sat down on the touchline, pulling his knees up to his chest. ‘When Newcastle Red Star were here pre-season she flew out to see me. We’ve been in this kind of on/off relationship since I came out of rehab. I thought she was what I needed, you know?’
Callum sat down next to him, drinking his water this time, staring out ahead of him as the rest of their teammates carried on with training against the backdrop of Mount Teide that loomed large in the distance.
‘And she isn’t, I take it?’
Ryan hung his head, saying nothing.
‘Listen, mate. I know the official line about you going out on loan from Newcastle Red Star was because you wanted some experience of playing in the Spanish League, but… the rumours that are still going around… Did Jim Allen want you out of the picture for a while, because you and his missus…?’
Ryan looked up, surprised it had taken someone this long to actually ask that question out loud. ‘That’s not strictly true, no. I mean, if that was the case, then why aren’t him and Amber together anymore?’
‘Yeah,’ Callum sighed. ‘What’s
that
all about?’ He looked at Ryan, who still had his head bowed, staring down at his football boots. ‘Was it because of you? That Jim Allen and Amber split up?’
‘I don’t know.’ Ryan shrugged, still looking down. ‘Maybe. I don’t know.’ He threw his head back, sighing heavily. ‘We slept together, me and Amber, just before I came out here and… and I think he might have found out, so…’ He finally met Callum’s gaze. ‘I really don’t know. I always thought nothing could break those two apart, given their history, but…’ He hung his head again, leaving that sentence unfinished.