F Paul Wilson - Secret History 02 (28 page)

           
As she drove, she could not escape
the vague, ominous feeling that she was heading toward even worse trouble. She
laid that off to her long-time aversion to New York, and the cruel irony of
having to run for help to the city she loathed.

           
Along the way, Kara pulled into
every rest stop she saw and called Dr. Gates' number. It wasn't until the Adm.
Wm. Halsey Plaza near Newark Airport that she reached him.

           
"Strange things are
happening," she told him. "Frightening things."

           
Dr. Gates' voice conveyed all the
concern of a man inquiring about a train schedule.

           
"What, for instance?"

           
She didn't want to talk about them
now, and she didn't want him to put off seeing her.

           
"I'm only half an hour from the
city. I'll tell you when I get there. When can you see me?"

           
"Well… my schedule is already
filled, perhaps I can—"

           
"It's got to be today. If you
can't squeeze me in, perhaps you can recommend someone."

           
Kara didn't want to see anyone else,
but she sensed Dr. Gates would never send her to a rival.

           
"Well, since you seem to think
this is an emergency, perhaps I can add you on at the end of the schedule.
Please be at my office at five."

           
"I'll be there."

           
She hung up, feeling a little
better. The foreboding still clung to her like a shroud, but at least she was
doing something about whatever was happening to her. She had taken the first
step toward beating this. And she
would
beat it. Kara had structured her life so as to maximize her autonomy. No one
controlled her. No one ever would.

           
Especially not something or someone
who called herself "Janine."

           
Rob recognized her voice
immediately. It gave an instant lift to an otherwise dreary Monday.

           
"Kara! What's up? How's the
farm?"

           
"It's fine," she said. She
sounded subdued. "Rob, there's something I've got to ask you."

           
Rob glanced around the squad room.
His desk was situated near its center, surrounded by everybody else's. He
wished he had more privacy, but the enclosed office went to the lieutenant. It
didn't matter much at the moment. Karpinsky and Reddington were in the corner,
arguing animatedly with Rob's partner, Augustino Manetti; Madsen and Carter
were at their own desks, banging out reports on their typewriters. There was
enough racket to cover his end of the conversation.

           
"Sure. Go ahead."

           
"You were with me on Thursday
in Dr. Gates office when he hypnotized me, right?"

           
"Right."

           
"Were you with me all the time?
I mean, did you ever leave the room?"

           
"Not for a second. Gates did.
He left to get some files. But I never budged from my chair."

           
"So he didn't plant any
post-hypnotic suggestions in me then, right?"

           
Rob was becoming concerned now. And
he could tell Kara was upset.

           
"Kara, what's this all
about?"

           
"A couple of weird things
happened over the weekend."

           
A wavelet of nausea rolled through
Rob's stomach.

           
"What sort of things?"

           
"I don't want to talk about it
now. But you're sure nothing happened while I was hypnotized? No one named
'Janine' spoke from me?"

           
"Gates kept calling for
'Janine' to speak, but she never did. Only when he called you 'Kara' did you
answer him. You just looked like you were asleep the whole time, except when…"

           
"When what?"

           
The sight of Kara turning her head
and looking at him with that awful grin flashed before his eyes.

           
"When you looked at me and smiled."

           
"I didn't say anything?"

           
"No. It was when Gates was out
of the room. You just… smiled."

           
Calling that grimace a smile was
like calling a rabid wolf a puppy, but he didn't want to upset her more than
she already was, not if it wasn't going to change anything.

           
"Why didn't you tell me?"

           
"I didn't think anything of
it."
I didn't
want
to think anything of it
. "How bad
is this, Kara?"

           
There was a long pause, then a
tremulous sigh, then:

           
"I may have the same thing as
Kelly."

           
Rob gripped the phone with
muscle-cramping intensity.

           
"Where are you? I'm coming to
get you."

           
"I'm okay, Rob. I'm handling
it. I've got an appointment with Dr. Gates at five. I'm going to start
treatment with him right away."

           
"I'll meet you there and sit in
like before."

           
"No. Thanks, but that won't be
necessary this time."

           
"I don't trust him, Kara."

           
"
I've
got to start trusting him now. I don't have any choice."

           
"There are plenty of shrinks in
the city."

           
"But he's already familiar with
this case. I'll have to start from scratch with anybody else."

           
She made sense, but Rob still didn't
like it.

           
"Okay. Call me when you're
through. Let me know what he says."

           
"Rob—"

           
"I care, Kara. Dammit, I still
care. I don't want anything bad happening to you."

           
"Thanks, Rob," she said in
a smaller voice. "That helps. I'll call."

           
After hanging up, Rob checked his
watch. He wondered if he could get to talk to Doc Winters today. He wanted to
clear up a couple of questions about Lazlo Gati.

           
"You can go in now," the
receptionist said.

           
It was a replay of last Thursday,
only this time Kara was alone. She had left Jill at Aunt Ellen's for the
afternoon. The poor kid wasn't sure what was happening, she just knew it wasn't
good. Kara would have loved to have been able to explain everything to her, but
how? She had told her that she wasn't feeling well and had come to New York to
see a doctor who could help her. Jill wanted details but Kara had managed to
avoid them. For now.

           
Kara had called Marge, her
supervisor at the hospital, to explain her absence. She still had some time off
coming to her and was going to have to use up what was left. Marge didn't sound
too happy. She told Kara that if she couldn't do the job, they'd have to find
somebody else. Kara had hung up with the feeling that the world was closing in
on her. She didn't need this extra pressure, not with her mind playing tricks
on her and her book falling farther and farther behind schedule.

           
Dr. Gates was behind his desk as
usual. His blue oxford shirt picked up the blue of his eyes. His light brown
tie was almost the same sandy shade of his wavy hair and mustache. His
expression was as neutral as ever.

           
He motioned her toward a chair.

           
"Have a seat, Miss Wade, and
tell me all about the 'strange things' that have been happening to you."

           
Kara gave him a brief description of
the weekend's unsettling incidents, from her soiled feet on Saturday morning to
the message carved over Jill's bed. Dr. Gates listened in silence, twirling
that key ring on his finger. When she finished, he rose from the desk and
walked to the window. His expression was troubled when he turned back to her.

           
"I was afraid of this."

           
"Of what? Tell me what's
happening. That's why I'm here."

           
"Isn't it obvious? Janine—your
second personality. She's no longer dormant."

           
"That's just it: It's too
obvious, and too bizarre. I can't buy that. I can't buy Janine's
existence."

           
Dr. Gates returned to his
high-backed swivel chair behind the desk. His face was once again impassive.

           
"Denial is your first hurdle on
the road to recovery. You must get over that before we can start meaningful
therapy."

           
"But isn't there another
explanation? Couldn't I be doing this to myself in some way? I mean, it's such
a coincidence that you should tell me about Kelly's second personality and the
possibility of my having one called Janine, and then
wham
, Janine starts writing on walls. It's all a little too facile."

           
"You're overlooking the
hypnosis session," Dr. Gates said gravely. "I was against it from the
beginning but you insisted. I warned you it was dangerous. I warned you it
might awaken something best left dormant. It appears I was right."

           
Dr. Gates' smugness would have
infuriated Kara under different circumstances, but the sick dread seeping
through her now left little room for anything else.