It’s such a neutral way to put it, as though they’re just marking down test results, or keeping track of my running times. Not calmly noting that I have the ability to hurt people, to burn people. To kill people.
I can’t stop myself from taking another look at those bodies. They’re dried out, blackened ruins. They look like the kind of thing you might get after a house fire, or in some kind of horror movie. No, they don’t even look like that, but I know what they do look like. I went to a museum once where they were showing an exhibit on the Egyptians, and there were pictures of mummies dried out by heat over thousands of years. The bodies here look like those. Like they haven’t been human in centuries.
Yet they have. Just a few minutes ago, these were living, breathing men. They probably had families, friends. They probably made bad jokes in their canteen when they weren’t chasing people around in cars, or went bowling, or something. They were attacking me, attacking Jack and Grayson, but I just killed them. I killed them, and I didn’t feel anything. I feel it now. The breeze shifts and I get a sudden scent of burned flesh. It’s enough to send me scrambling for the side of the road, where I fall to my knees and throw up.
Jack’s there almost instantly, holding my hair back and helping me up, even though with his shoulder, I’m supporting him as much as he’s supporting me.
“It’s all right, Celes. It’s all right.”
“No, it isn’t. I’m a walking freak. It
so
isn’t all right.”
“No, but it will be.” He says that with the certainty I’ve learnt to trust. “I know this is all strange for you, but we’re going to deal with this. You’re going to understand what’s going on, I promise. I’ll keep you safe.”
He holds me for a moment, and then I see Grayson over his shoulder. His expression is furious.
“Hey,” he says. “Unless I’ve misunderstood everything that’s happened here, Celes didn’t actually break up with me herself. That was you, right?”
Jack doesn’t say anything. In fact, he
pointedly
doesn’t say anything. He blanks Grayson completely, concentrating on holding me.
Grayson keeps going. “And if Celes didn’t break up with me, then as far as I’m concerned, we’re still together. So it should be me comforting her, not you.”
Jack looks around then, and his expression is calm, but in that dangerous way he has just before things get out of control. “This is something I have to do.”
“Really?” Grayson asks, then he looks at me. “Are you and this guy together, Celes?”
I start to shake my head, but then stop myself. “We have been. It’s part of our cover.”
“So it’s not real?”
Jack steps forward. “We have bigger questions than that.”
“Like what?” Grayson demands.
“Like what we’re going to do with you. You obviously can’t stay around Celes.”
“Says who?”
“Me,” Jack says, moving towards Grayson. “Celes is in danger now because of you. You’re going to have to disappear, and if you want Celes to be safe, it’s not going to be anywhere near her.”
THIRTEEN
G
rayson looks like he can’t believe what Jack has just said. “You’re blaming me because Celes is in danger? Like it has nothing to do with you?”
I can feel the tension between them then as Jack lets go of me to move directly in front of Grayson, too close for it to be anything but a challenge.
“Yes, I’m blaming you.”
“You have no right to-”
“I have every right,” Jack says, not raising his voice. “If it weren’t for you, Celes would have moved on. She wouldn’t be here, in danger. Celes needs-”
“Don’t call her that,” Grayson says. He shakes his head. “You don’t get to call Celes by that name.”
I’m pretty sure that I should be the one who decides that, but I don’t have a chance to say so, because Jack is already speaking.
“I’ll call her what I want, because I’m the one who’s going to be there for her. I’m the one who has
been
there for her.”
It’s hard just standing there as Jack says that. I know it’s true, he has been there for me, but I also don’t want him treating Grayson like this. He has no
right
to treat Grayson like this, whatever he might think about my boyfriend. Former boyfriend.
It occurs to me then that even I don’t know which of those terms is the correct one. Grayson and I didn’t break up, so in that sense, I guess we’re still together. On the other hand, I’ve just spent the last few weeks living with Jack. Kissing Jack. But that was just cover. It wasn’t real. Except that it felt real. The situation’s enough to make my head hurt.
“Being there for her?” Grayson demands. “Is that what you call kidnapping Celes? Dragging her off who knows where and putting her in danger.”
“I’m the one keeping Celes out of danger.” Jack doesn’t back down. “And it’s not kidnapping. It’s protection.”
“So it’s protection when you get to go around pretending to be her boyfriend? Do you kiss her? How much further do you go? There’s a name for guys like you, you know.”
“Grayson,” I say, trying to defuse the situation. Unfortunately it seems to be a little late for that.
“Watch your mouth, kid,” Jack says.
“Or what?”
I can’t believe that Grayson is being that confrontational. It just isn’t like him. And to do it with Jack, who is only out to protect me, just seems stupid. I open my mouth to say as much, but then shut it again, because I’ve just realized how all this must seem to Grayson. Here I am going around with a guy three or four years older than me after just disappearing, driving around in cars Grayson must assume belong to Jack, letting him call me by the name only Grayson called me.
He’s jealous, and it’s easy to see why. From where Grayson is standing, it has to look like Jack and I are deep into a serious relationship. That I’ve just forgotten about him, going along with this suave, confident, handsome guy and going far further with him than I actually have. He’s angry, and he’s probably scared too. Scared that he’s found me again only to lose me. Scared that he can’t compete. That isn’t a good combination.
“What are you going to do about it?” Grayson repeats. It’s schoolboy stuff; the kind of thing that I’d never have thought he would resort to, but I guess after everything that has just happened to him, from being chased by men in black sedans to seeing Jack comfort me, he just doesn’t have many better options left.
And Jack… Jack really isn’t helping.
“I’m going to forget about you,” Jack says. “It’s not like you’re going to be around.”
“Jack, what do you mean?” I ask.
Jack half turns his back to me, and his tone is less harsh. “I’m sorry, Celes. If Grayson stays with you, the Outsiders will find you through him. That, or they’ll hurt him to get to you. He has to go to the Underground, and then go on from there.”
“I don’t have to go anywhere,” Grayson says.
Jack shrugs one shoulder again. “Fine. Stay here. See how long you last. The Others don’t play games.”
I see the flash of fear on Grayson’s face, but he covers it well, with more anger. “I’m going wherever Celes goes.”
“No, you aren’t.” Jack says it like it’s a simple fact.
“Jack,” I say, knowing that it’s the only way Grayson is going to be anywhere near me, “we should let him come with us.”
“And what would that do to our cover?” Jack asks.
“The cover doesn’t matter,” I snap back. “Not compared to this.”
Jack shakes his head. “It matters, Celes. You matter. And if I could keep you happy, I would, but there is no way Grayson here can come with us. You know that. He can’t be in the same place as you. It’s hard enough hiding you alone, without having to add your ex-boyfriend to the list.”
“I am not her ‘ex’ anything,” Grayson says.
Jack just stares at him levelly, and I’m suddenly scared. What will happen if Grayson actually tries to attack him? Jack might be wounded, but he was holding his own against trained men before, while Grayson was just getting hurt. Do I really want to watch that? I know as soon as I ask myself it that I don’t. But it seems I don’t get a choice.
Grayson swings a punch at Jack, and Jack sways inside it, trapping the arm one handed and using the momentum of the movement to level Grayson down to his knees. Jack’s own knee is pressed against Grayson’s elbow, forcing the arm straight, so that I know he could break it with just a little more pressure if he wanted to. He manages all that without ever using his injured arm, knocking Grayson down easily.
“Jack,” I demand. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to make a point,” Jack says. “This boy is a liability. He can’t fight. He can’t
think
. All he can do is get you killed.”
“And that’s why you’re doing this?” I ask Jack. “That’s the
only
reason you’re doing this?”
I don’t get an answer to that, because Grayson chooses that moment to turn into Jack and tackle him around the legs. If Jack had been using both hands to maintain his grip on Grayson’s arm, it wouldn’t have worked, but as it is, Jack goes down, falling as Grayson rises above him, swinging punches.
Jack covers up, but that just means that one punch hits his injured shoulder, making him cry out in pain. It’s about the worst move Grayson could have made, because it means that Jack isn’t holding back anymore. In less than a second, Grayson has gone from being an annoying kid to a genuine enemy, and I don’t think that’s a good thing at all.
Jack’s fist snakes out to punch Grayson in the solar plexus, then Jack slips to the side, climbing out from under Grayson before he can throw any more punches. In less than a second, Jack has climbed around to Grayson’s back, and is choking him with his good arm.
“Jack!”
Jack doesn’t so much as look up as I call his name. He’s too intent on Grayson. I know I have to do something before Jack chokes him into unconsciousness or worse. I move forward, tearing at Jack’s arm, trying to peel it away from Grayson’s throat.
“Jack, stop!”
Jack hears me this time, and I manage to pull him away from Grayson, so that Grayson is left spluttering for breath on his hands and knees as I push Jack back. Not hard. Certainly with nothing like the strength I’ve used before, but hard enough that he can’t get past. His eyes are furious, utterly focused on Grayson.
“Jack.” I reach up and grab his jaw, forcing it round so that he has to meet my eyes. “Jack, you need to stop.”
It’s like those words flick a switch in him, because Jack blinks, takes a breath, and nods. He walks away then. Not far. Just to the edge of the field, clearly trying to get a grip on himself.
“I’ll kill him,” Grayson promises, from his knees.
I go to help him up. “Grayson, stop it. Just stop it.”
“Me? He was choking me. You saw him. He would have-”
“I know what Jack would have done,” I say, even though I’m not totally sure that I do. How far would he really have gone? Do I want to know? More to the point, can I really claim the moral high ground when I have just killed two men? “But he was hurt, and-”
“You’re making excuses for him,” Grayson says. “You actually care about him, don’t you?”
I shake my head quickly. “No, it’s not that… it’s… complicated. Please, Grayson, don’t make this difficult.”