Far-out Show (9781465735829) (2 page)

He slipped a thin rod with different
protruding ridge patterns on its two ends from his left sleeve and
fitted it into the end of a shorter and thicker tube that he pulled
out of the top of his left boot. Fitted together that way they were
a reasonable equivalent of a screwdriver. He used the other more
flattened end of the tube like a dull blade to slice the thin
opaque layer that covered all surfaces of the boxy item. He cut it
along the top and sides edges of one of its smaller side faces.
That allowed him to open out that side far enough for him to reach
inside. The innards were a mass of complicated looking hardware,
like the insides of a computer but in this device everything
appeared to be continuous, no removable parts.

Reversing the rod so its other end became the
tool that fitted into a spot, he twisted the tool ninety degrees
and pulled firmly but lightly on it. A boxy unit the size of a deck
of playing cards with small embossed markings on all of its six
sides, no two the same, detached from the lining of the box and
fell into his waiting hand. “Hello again, Wowseyla, newest of the
mini-zerpy devices,” he said.

Without delay he closed up the large boxy
item, reversed the rod and used the original tool end to reseal the
side.

Then he slipped the tool into a pocket, not
concerned about it being noticed now. He pressed one marking on
Wowseyla and waited with a bit of apprehension.

When the unit vibrated in his hand he smiled
and relaxed a bit. “You made the transfer intact, you are
functional, and your self-diagnostic program finds all your systems
undamaged. Multiple excuses for a really
pomidipser
quidniffop
although there is no time for one right now. I owe
me one and I will not forget.”

He held one of the smallest faces of Wowseyla
almost touching a spot on the upper right hand corner of one of the
two largest faces of the large box, touched a marking on Wowseyla,
and waited.

Nothing visible occurred but significant
things happened inside the boxy thing. A vibration of Wowseyla
indicated when the process was completed.

“They will be worried by this delay in
connecting so I will not keep them waiting longer than I need to. I
will stay out of monitoring range just long enough to get myself
ready to give me an edge in case they play nasty as they are likely
to think they can do without penalties. They do not need to know
what I brought along with me that they did not know about, only
that I may surprise them when I can soften the effects when they
try to prod me.”

He touched a sequence of the embossed
markings on Wowseyla and it altered its outer appearance to a
fairly nondescript rough rock-like look. He pressed this to the
front of the crown of his bush hat where it stayed in place as if
pinned there. “That should let you goodly record the views around
me as I go about my adventure but with you not be much of noticed.
You seem like nothing of for being important.”

He put the hat aside while he peeled the thin
layer from all the surfaces of the large box, crumpled that matter
up, and tossed it aside. After a few seconds it disintegrated into
dust and blew away.

“Are you intact, Nerber?” The odd-sounding
synthesized voice came from the box that on closer inspection
without the covering was apparently intended to look like and be
worn as a large backpack. For those alert to such things, that
closer look also made it clear that the item hovered several inches
off the ground rather than sat on it.

“Yes, I seem to have all my parts and they
all seem to be working so I guess Nerber’s great adventure
continues. Did you sustain any damage you can detect,
Wilburps?”

“A full self-check is underway but so far I
am working. I did need to be uncovered though before I could do
anything. Now I need to be fully activated.”

“That is good news for the technicians. Both
Ormelexians and their zerpies can be transported safely by the
previously untested system. I collected as a remember-the-moment
the first that-of-interesting-to-look-at-it-is that I saw,” Nerber
said as he tapped the top of the box in a three taps, two taps,
three taps sequence. After a moment all the visible sides of the
box changed from looking like rough cloth to looking like a smooth
surfaced solid rectangle with odd embossed markings on several
sides. The carrying straps stayed in place.

“Helpful alteration. That lets me survey your
surroundings better and record things within range as well as make
communications with the others easier. Strong recommendation,
Nerber! Move us several
pizmarks
to your right before you do
anything else? Do it, do it! Do not question!”

At the sound of a loud air horn Nerber looked
up from checking to be sure his clothes were intact, in place, and
not soiled to find a large tractor-trailer headed for that spot at
a moderate speed.

Nerber dropped his hat, grabbed his backpack
by the carrying strap, and ran onto the park side pavement where he
hesitated to see if further evasive action was needed. He copied
the driver’s gesture, a sort of wave with one’s middle finger
raised, back at the man. The driver swerved his truck just enough
to be sure it ran over the hat.

To the driver’s surprise and confusion his
whole rig tilted over dangerously as it passed over the hat. From
the cab he couldn’t see the detail but the vehicle moved over the
hat without actually contacting it even though the tires went
directly over it. He was too busy trying to keep the truck from
rolling onto its side, something he knew he would never be able to
explain to his employers, to ask himself why or how this could be
happening. His wife often told him his rudeness might be the end of
him one day and this seemed like that coming true.

Once it was beyond the hat, the truck settled
back with all its tires touching the roadway but the driver was too
relieved to do more than wipe the sweat from his forehead.

“Did I learn something useful in the local
language, Wilburps?”

“Unconfirmed. Am unable to find that gesture
in the data base of the known communication clues. You did learn
that the open and darker colored areas at the lowered level are in
use by vehicles so you need to use extra caution while in those
places though.”

“What would I do without a zerpy like you to
give me all these clues and cues?”

“Not look okay for one thing. I detect that
you are askew and not certain to stay in place for social
interaction without give-aways. Check your head.”

Nerber touched his head, carefully feeling to
be sure his wig was present and in place. “Is the problem
what?”

“Your hat not there to hold things in place
is the problem what.”

Nerber now looked around in some alarm and
confusion until he spotted the hat. He was ready to retrieve it
from the street but Wilburps urged caution. “Another large moving
vehicle is coming. I recommend waiting until it has gone by before
entering its domain. Those things do not seem friendly.”

This large truck rumbled by, also passing
over the hat but this driver swerved a bit to avoid it so none of
the tires came close to it.

With no traffic in sight moving in this
direction Nerber retrieved his hat. He had to dust if off and
reshape it but it was none the worse for its recent close
encounters of the vehicular type.

He put the hat on over the wig and pulled it
down tight to hold that in place. “I should be ready now.”

“Let me remind you that I am here to
translate for you when and if you meet any locals who turn out to
be speechifiers. I come as fully prepared for that task as the
company’s technicians can make me.”

“They do a good job making you. Zerpies are
at the leading edge of our technical capacities. Your kind make
things happen for us. Our constant improvements in technology mean
ever more useful helpers. I must watch for signs that the
inhabitants here have devices equivalent to you, Wilburps.”

“Analysis of signals detected since we
approached suggest that the inhabitants do have limited development
of what they call androids or robots. Those seem to be mostly work
devices made to look like themselves.”

“That sounds primitive. Why burden your
helpers with the same restraints you are stuck with if you can make
them able to get beyond those? Do not answer, I am only wondering
out loud.”

“The analysis so far suggests that, like your
kind, they often use the pattern of naming things to tell what they
do.”

“Like zerpy?”

“Correct. The analysis of their signals
suggests that translated to the talk-talk version most common in
the region where we have arrived their equivalent for the term for
my type would be ‘Save and sends’.”

“Which describes a zerpy’s main uses in a
rempilcarp.
”

“Something I cannot locate a local talk-talk
word for.”

Nerber nodded. “This may be a once in a while
problem but I have practiced to pretend a
smizdef
.”

“Which translates as a
cough
here.
That is the word for it, not the sound that comes from doing it
although they are somewhat alike.”

“This is why a trusted zerpy is so important.
You give me both a word and a caution not to confuse the thing and
the word that identifies it to the inhabitants. I look forward to
meeting some of them and having excitable adventures for the thrill
of those at home.”

“You must not get too excited and forget our
limitations. You must talk-talk with them slowly to give me time to
figure out what they are communicating. It will also help the
delusion if when possible you make physical contact with me so I
can control your mouth movements to approximate the sounds I am
making for you as if you were speaking them yourself. We can make
this work, Nerber. Your success, and maybe even your survival,
depends on it.”

“There you go trying to scare me again.”

“You are where no Ormelexian has ever been
before but in a place where we believe we know something about the
customs and reactions. That knowledge is based on interception of
long-distance signals from here that are interpreted as their mass
entertainments. From some of those we expect they may not be
thrilled when they find out who you are, where you came from, and
even why you are here.”

Nerber took a small package from a pants
pocket and looked at the pill it contained. “I still have much to
do while I am here. A test case I am of many things but I accepted
the terms so I cannot turn back now without losing my chance at
fame.”

“Hesitate, Nerber. Next you must state for
the record that you are taking the transformation step voluntarily.
I am ready to store and relay your message.”

Nerber fumbled a pill from his pocket and
swallowed it with a grimace of distaste. After a moment he gagged
and seemed about to dump his insides on the ground by way of his
mouth but he fought off those impulses as he turned what the locals
here would describe as a healthy-looking color. “I, Nerber,
mildrex oftbilk
that I am acting freely in the
silwarb
things I am doing here. Yuck. What I will do to be a
winner.”

“They had to scramble to make your pill.
There are many audio intercepts from this planet but only since we
got close were good enough visual signals received to show what
some of the inhabitant kinds look like. They noted that the one
common kind, like the ones inside those big things that went past
us, apparently come in a variety of shades of color, all of them
not green. That pill makes you the lightest of those colors because
that was the easiest to make with the available materials.”

“My insides have settled and I can see that
my hands have lost their healthy green glow but I am okay with that
for at least a short time.”

“You are
ziz-pod
. Hold on, let me...
There, I should be translating better for you and from you now in
case some natives can detect us. Being...it seems they call those
in our position
pioneers.
Being pioneers we must proceed
with caution.”

“I am dependable on your help, Wilburps. I
love the thrill of the challenge but I am smartly pants enough to
know this could turn out like badness.”

Nerber sat the solid but light-weight
rectangular box that was the zerpy named Wilburps beside him on the
park bench near the street and facing it, then looked around
getting oriented.

“You are already a winner, Nerber. You
arrived alive so you are history,” the zerpy said as it hovered a
foot off the bench then settled to hover two inches above the
seat.

Nerber responded eagerly, “But to get the
vipsig mermin
...” He forced himself to speak slower, “...big
cashing in prizes, I have to beat out any and all competition.”

“We need to practice,” Wilburps cautioned. “I
cannot translate at Ormelexian speed, so if you talk too fast you
will give yourself away.”

“Without a way to translation my talk for
surely so this would not be dreamable.”

“Stay in range and I will do my task as a
well-designed zerpy. I am readied like no other,” Wilburps assured
him.

Nerber nodded his understanding and
appreciation saying, “If there are others who made it this far they
also have their helper zerpies.”

“But we cannot know about them so we may with
good hope think we are uniqueness and specialty.”

“Zemgas, Rumpsy, and Zipper were ready to
transport down so they may be mixing me around to win and be the
hero of our whole world.”

“Reprocessing. The new inputs suggest we
should use
beating
in place of
mixing around
from
hencefifth. There is more. Reprocessing. From
henceforth
.”

“You catch up on the talk-talk stuff while I
find what I need to perfect the game challenges.”