Read Far-out Show (9781465735829) Online

Authors: Thomas Hanna

Tags: #humor, #novel, #caper, #parody, #alien beings, #reality tv, #doublecross

Far-out Show (9781465735829) (57 page)

“His zerpy got it right. Those glitches were
in there from early on and they’ve been causing more and more
problems as their effects mess up additional sub-routines,” Icetop
said.

“So he is trying to help. He hasn’t gone
crazy and isn’t imagining problems where they don’t exist,” Eroder
said.

“It makes me so mad I want to hurt somebody
that the complete plans for the systems are stored in the ship’s
memory but until now we didn’t know that and had no clues to use to
try to search them out,” Yelpam said.

“He’s right though that we would, in fact I
still do, want to insist on reviewing any changes he proposes to
make,” Eroder said. “Maybe because he’s seen how fast things have
been going in the bad direction he’s afraid he doesn’t have time to
convince us so he feels he has to do it himself but I’m more
optimistic that we have enough time to be careful.”

“I’m worried that since he might be working
from the default plans but we’ve changes a lot of things with our
series of patches that he might destroy us while trying to protect
us. I can’t be sure what or how much he’s already changed because
he has whole command and control areas blocked off,” Icetop
said.

“Knowing that he checked on how much and how
fast things were going to bad while he was on the planet explains
some of the odd signals we detected. They were his zerpy. He
monitored us and was trying to fix things without sabotaging his
own agenda. Doing that would have made his whole trip here a waste
and wouldn’t have helped because we wouldn’t have believed him then
either, not without seeing all the information he had collected
with that super-zerpy of his,” Yelpam said.

* * *

The three producers moved quickly and
quietly. The armory was part of the small storage room. The ship
didn’t carry many weapons but the few that might be needed to
maintain order or even to put down an insurrection were locked up
here.

“Why do you have a key to the weapons cache?”
Lacrat asked Feedle in a whisper but with a nervous need to
know.

“Because I’m the one who won’t hesitate to
take a strong stand if there are problems,” she said, giving him a
hard look.

“It’s time for firm action and weapons are
the reinforcers we need to be persuasive right from the start,”
Hasley said. “You only have two options, Lacrat. Take a weapon and
back us fully, or be the first to have a weapon used on you.”

Lacrat grabbed a weapon from the opened
case.

Hasley closed the case, then stuck two more
locking mechanism to the door. “We have what we need, we don’t want
any of the others to have a fair chance against us. They won’t have
a key to these add-on locks that will resist almost any attempt to
remove them without the proper keys.

“We’re moving,” Feedle said and headed for
the door.

* * *

Nerber checked the monitor when a signal tone
sounded, then made an audio connection but kept the video off.
“Tell me about it,” was all he said.

“Oh good, you’ve turned off the noisy
interference so we can talk. We’ve looked at what you sent us and
we see the problems you and your zerpy caught. Good going,” Icetop
said. “We understand that you’re worried about things going
critical before we can collectively review the changes that should
get around the problems. We don’t see things going to
too-bad-to-fix as fast you anticipate though. More to the point,
since you went to the planet we’ve made a series of big changes to
the control programs both to simplify the sequences and to cut
around parts we’re afraid of. We’re worried that working with the
old layouts you’re making plans without seeing things as they are
now and that could doom us.”

“I understand your concern but Wowseyla
didn’t do anything without checking the current layouts. It’s
working on the fix based on the sequences that are in use, not the
original ones.”

“We’re worried that your haste will lead to
disastrous mistakes,” Yelpam said.

“And I’m worried that delay will allow
disaster to happen.”

“Why do you think we’re almost out of time?”
Icetop asked.

“So far what Wowseyla has shown me isn’t
reassuring. Some of the changes you’ve made are speeding up the
damage. The damage I’m seeing is caused by the original errors and
by inputs I can’t explain for certain sure yet but suspect mean
there’s another very advanced zerpy introducing signals into the
ship’s sequences. Do you have an advanced zerpy that’s not
connected into the systems but is monitoring things?”

“Oh, that. We found a zerpy that’s not on any
of the equipment lists. We wanted to throw if off the ship but it’s
glued itself to a wall,” Yelpam said. “It’s right outside the
program edit room which was designed as a backup control room.”

“I’m checking on that right now,” Nerber
said. “Yes, Wowseyla’s scan confirms it’s a design of about its own
vintage, which is to say very cutting edge and probably still top
secret. I’ll see what I can do about shutting that down and even
getting rid of it when I have some time but right now I have
priority concerns. The propulsion, life-support, and main control
systems.”

“What is going on here? This is so mad I want
to believe that I’m hallucinating it,” Yelpam said more to himself
than anyone.

“So that you don’t misunderstand and get
hurt, Eroder. We’re taking control of the ship and those who don’t
move fast enough when we tell them what to do will be killed.” It
was Feedle’s voice heard from across the control room.

* * *

The three producers had rushed into the
control room as a group, intent on looming over Eroder and scaring
him into submission with a display of unified power. They hadn’t
considered that there might be others in there so by the time they
saw movement off to the side Icetop and Yelpam were on their way
out the second door.

Hasley promptly used the muzzle end of his
weapon to push up the muzzle of Feedle’s unit as he said, “Too
late, they’re gone but firing that will complicate things for no
benefit but your aggressive satisfaction - and that’s not worth
it.”

She gave him a dirty look and pulled away to
get full control of her weapon back but she didn’t fire it.

Lacrat blinked a lot as he considered what
almost happened. He hadn’t believed there would be any reason to
use the weapons so he hadn’t let himself think much about the
consequences of doing so. Now those considerations were
unavoidable.

Feedle pushed a sequence of buttons on the
console. She said, “Until further notice I decide who gets to see
who is where in here. I know a few things about tactics.”

* * *

In the security pod Nerber stared at the
monitor as he considered whether to acknowledge the hail from
Eroder. He examined with interest the view of the control room
where Feedle stood close behind Eroder with a small handheld weapon
pressed hard to the back of his head. Hasley and Lacrat stood well
back out of the way, possibly hoping they would not be noticed.

“I’m busy, Eroder. What’s your message?”
Nerber asked.

“We’re having really, really serious problems
keeping the engine working. Some think it’s because of what you’re
doing so it’s been suggested that you stop everything. Uh, and let
some others take a look at the control console in the pod. Maybe
the problem’s due to something not right in that console. It could
be distorting what your zerpy is doing or the zerpy itself could be
messing us up. You should let others take back full control of
everything until we know for surely certain.”

“I’m confident I’m not the source of your
problems but thanks for staying alert,” Nerber replied. “Is she
hurting you by pushing that thing against your head?”

Eroder said nothing but nodded just a
bit.

“That means he can see us,” Lacrat called out
in case that hadn’t registered with Feedle.


Bips fump
!” Feedle cussed. “It has to
be his special zerpy. At least I still control what everybody else
knows.”

With no signal tone to announce him, Molten
appeared on the view-screen. “Eroder, we’ve secured the edit room
from armed intruders. We can take over all controls from here. We
also now have total control over all the show material. The three
armed assaulters are declared to be in violation of base line rules
so they have no authority or power.”

“It’s nice to hear you,” Eroder said. “No
more of that awful noise interference.”

“Nerber knows what’s happening and is
supporting us,” Molten said. “He tells me there are a few surprises
coming soon but he won’t spell those out for me.”

Feedle yelled at the image on the screen and
waved around her weapon. “Because of this insubordination I declare
Eroder expendable. Along with every other guy who gets in my
way.”

“Uh, note that it’s her way. I’m not backing
her serious threats against anyone. I thought we were only going to
scare you guys and you’d do what we want,” Lacrat called.

A cheerful musical signal sounded while a
still image of Nerber replaced Molten on the screen. His voice,
calm and steady, filled the room. “While I’m waiting for my zerpy
to complete some analysis let me tell you a little about myself. I
became a contestant with the hope that I can use the notoriety that
would bestow on me to help launch his own zerpy design company. I
always saw entertainment as a goal, but I’m interested in creating
a new entertainment paradigm.

“I hope to produce and promote real
educational programs, not just more stupidly violent stuff. I’m not
out to eliminate the violence, only to provide an alternative to it
for those interested. There’s a lot of the violent stuff available
and getting rid of all of it probably wouldn’t be good. At least
not until a lot of our kind have changed our ways of thinking to a
big degree and that won’t happen fast, if ever.

“Since, as I only learned when I got back
aboard, I was the only contestant on the planet Earth and you sent
home show episodes featuring me that were well received I have that
notoriety. Now I have to convert that into clout.”

Sneering her disdain for him and his ideas
Feedle worked at the console trying to cut him off and to contact
the others on the ship with her new orders. That she was having no
success at either mission was making her angrier by the minute.

Nerber continued in an almost hypnotic soft
tone, “I understand that clout isn’t an automatic or guaranteed
result of notoriety. You need more going for you that being the
popular name of the hour. That’s where the show quality material I
collected all the time I was on the planet comes in. I’m planning
to develop my own programs based on my adventures here, but with no
involvement by
Bang-Boom Shows
.”

“What’s going on?” Feedle shouted in
frustration. I can’t get through to anyone else. I can’t see or
hear anyone else.”

“Oh, that’s my doing. Since I’m so
fascinating that you shouldn’t ignore me I’ve fixed it so you
can’t. Until I’m finished I have total control of all
communications on the ship. Now where was I in my revelations to
you? Oh yes, I remember. My naïve enthusiasm much of time while I
was on Earth was play acting to fit in since getting thrown off the
show because of what you might decide was uncooperative behavior
that wasn’t agitated enough to be too exciting for you to feel you
had to show the public would spoil my plans.

“I couldn’t be certain of sufficient backing
from the governors if I got dropped as a contestant. It would have
been different if I knew I was the only contestant but regrets
don’t change the past so I won’t waste time with them. I played out
the game the way I thought it was happening.

“I never told any of you about this part but
I hoped I could be an ambassador of peace to the inhabitants here.
The governors sent me to evaluate whether Ormelexians could prosper
on this planet and whether the inhabitants could be easily
conquered to allow that. I understand their interest but hoped that
if I found intelligent creatures here I could make the case for
peaceful coexistence rather than subjugation. I was ready to fudge
my reports as needed to do that. I was for truly real shocked and
disappointed by how different the planet and its inhabitants are
from what we expected.

“My report to the governors will be that for
some indefinite time to come neither Ormelex nor Earth is ready to
peacefully coexist with the other if the general populaces know the
others exist and could be reached. I will not, however, argue
against exploration of other places that we can reach with our new
space travel technologies – once we perfect those.”

The three producers turned and raised their
weapons when the two doors of the room opened and Icetop and Yelpam
entered through one while Molten and Biccup came in the other.

“Distraction time is over,” Nerber said.
“Place those weapons on the floor and step away from them or get
hurt.”

Her face a mask of hatred Feedle braced
herself, then pulled the trigger on her rifle-like large
weapon.

At that she was thrown backwards halfway
across the room by a kick from the weapon without any emission or
projectile coming from it that was a threat to anyone else.

Lacrat immediately put his weapon down and
his hands up.

Hasley was so stunned by what he had seen
happen to Feedle that it took him a moment to react – by imitating
Lacrat.

Feedle struggled to her feet, cursing under
her breath. The techs stood their ground but did not approach
her.

Feedle raised the weapon and aimed at Eroder
in his chair. She grumbled something and fired.

Nothing happened.

She pulled the trigger again.

Nothing happened.

In fury and disgust she tried to throw the
weapon at Eroder. It stuck to her hands.

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