Authors: Harmony Raines
“Hi,” she said shyly.
“Hi,” he said, pulling her back onto his arms and kissing her in an attempt to break the awkwardness between them.
“Nice,” she said, “But I have to go. I have rounds to do.”
“You couldn’t call in sick?” he asked hopefully.
“Sorry. Anyway, my car is parked along the mountain road. I have to go and collect it or there will be a search party out looking for me.”
He shrugged on some clothes. “I’ll give you a ride.”
Yes, he did want to make sure she was safe, but he also wanted to spend every last second of time with her that he could.
“Thank you,” she said, getting into his truck.
“No problem.” He touched her thigh briefly, sending shockwaves through her body; she had to learn to control her reactions when he was close. “Nothing is a problem. OK?”
“OK,” she said, feeling a strange lump of emotion welling up in her throat. “If you drop me at my car, I’ll do my rounds and then call back.”
“That would be amazing. I wasn’t going to ask, didn’t want to pressure you.”
“Oh, I wasn’t coming back to see you,” she said mischievously, watching the change in his face. “No, really. I am coming back for Minty.”
“Minty?” Ryan looked confused. “Why are you coming back to look at the old pony?”
“Because that is why Sapphire is upset. He’s ill. His stomach hurts and she doesn’t know why.”
“But he eats everything, seems fine.”
“That is just what she told me, so I am going to come back with my bag and then we’ll see if we can help him.”
“Does that mean I’ll get to see you as a horse again? You looked magnificent; I would love to see you in the daylight.”
She smiled wickedly, feeling more alive than she had ever felt. “Only if you show me what you are.”
“What I am?” He was pulling over next to her car. “What do you think I am?”
“A bear. Well, that’s what I’m guessing. Bear Bluff, stands to reason that you are mainly bears here. Or was someone having a joke and you’re all squirrels?”
He laughed and she liked it. “Bears. I will show you later, when you come back.”
He got out of the truck and he met her round the front. There she pulled him to her. “I will come back, Ryan.”
She kissed him, her lips firm against his mouth. Damn if she didn’t want him to take her now. Lift her onto the hood of his truck and fuck her out here in the open. Ciara pulled back from him, telling her mare to calm down. There was time for that later, although maybe not the outdoors bit. First, she had to get her act together and make up for lost time.
“What time shall I expect you?” he asked, watching her unlock her car. He moved to rest his hand on it while she got in.
“I’m not sure. Late afternoon. Maybe five?”
“Five would be great. I’ll make dinner.”
“You cook too?”
“I am a man of many talents,” he said, leaning forward and kissing her cheek. “Which I am going to share with you every day for the rest of our lives.”
She looked up at him, seeing the joy and hope in his eyes. Could she fulfil the dreams he had, the image of domestic bliss he was dangling in front of her? She could hear her mother’s words now.
“If he can cook, scoop him up quick. Sometimes I would be happy if I never cooked another meal in my life.”
“I’ll settle for your culinary talents tonight. I’m going to have to skip lunch to catch up.”
“See you later,” he said, closing her door. As she backed up the car and then turned it around, she looked out of her rearview mirror. Was it only yesterday she had run away from him? Now she wished he would follow her, follow her and never let her out of his sight.
“Work,” she said aloud and headed for her house to check for messages and shower. On the drive home, she passed through Bear Bluff, avoiding the coffee shop, although her body screamed for coffee. It was a nice town, not unlike the one she grew up in. Small, people knew each other and helped each other out.
It had been a long time since Ciara had pined for her hometown, but right now, she did. And when she got home, instead of going straight to the shower she did something she hadn’t done for too long. Ignoring the flashing light that signalled she had messages, she picked up the phone and dialled the number that was ingrained in her head.
“Hi Mom,” she said.
“Hi, Ciara, is everything OK?” Of course her mom would jump to that conclusion, why else would Ciara phone?
“Yes. I’m sorry to bother you. Only I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Now I am worried,” her mom said lightly, but Ciara knew by the hitch in her voice that she was concerned.
“No, really, everything is fine. I just … well, wanted to know if you are OK.”
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” She paused. “Want to tell me what the problem is, sweetie? I could always tell when there was something on your mind.”
“Can I ask you something, Mom?” Ciara decided she had to know what it was like to have a mate. A mate, like her dad, who asked you to give up everything.
“Sure, anything you want. You know I’ll always try to help you.”
“How did you feel about giving up your career for Dad?” The questioned just kind of poured out of her mouth. It had been sitting in her head for so long, burning a hole there; now she had asked it, a great weight had been lifted.
Her mom paused and for a second, Ciara thought she was going to avoid it. But then her mom said quietly, “I didn’t give up my career because he asked me to. I gave it up because I wanted to raise you and your brothers. Having you all was the best thing that ever happened in my life.”
“But you had a career.”
“And then I had children. To me, that was the most important job I would ever have.” She laughed, “The hours and the pay is lousy, but it is still the best thing I ever did.”
Ciara gave herself some time to think of what her mom had said. “But why did you seem so sad? When we left school. I always got the feeling you wished you had carried on with your job.”
“No,” her mom laughed. “I was sad because all of a sudden I had four grown-up children who wanted to move out, move on, and leave me behind. And that scared me, because for so many wonderful years I had been a part of everything you did. I wasn’t missing my career, I was missing you kids.”
“I always thought Dad made you give up work. When you got pregnant.”
“Ciara, it was always most definitely my choice. Your dad would have supported me whatever I had chosen. We would have made it work. And he did support me, when I chose to be a full-time mom. He took on extra work and made sure we never lacked for anything.”
Ciara felt her eyes welling up. She had misjudged her mom and dad and, with that misjudgement, had built her life on a lie. But did it change the way she felt about her own life and career?
“I never knew. You always told us about your career; you were so proud. You always told me to go out and make a life for myself. I thought you regretted your life.” She sobbed now down the phone, and she heard the way her mom gasped.
“Ciara, I only wanted you to have choices. And to make a life for yourself, so that if your mate never came along, you would still have a fulfilling life. You saw the women here that wasted their lives waiting for the right man. There is never any guarantee. You know that. I’m sorry if I messed up.” Now her mom was sobbing too.
“No. No, Mom, I am so pleased you gave me ambition and drive. And now it’s a little clearer. I can see it differently. Thank you.”
“Why don’t you come home for a few days, sweetie?”
“I can’t, Mom; I have things to do here.”
“Can’t they manage without you for a couple of days?”
“Work could.” She hesitated. This was the first time she was actually going to admit that she had a mate. There was no one better to be the first to know than her mom. “I met someone.” Wow, that was lame.
But her mom didn’t need any further explanation. She knew Ciara would never tell her that if it wasn’t her true mate. “Oh, Ciara. I am so pleased for you. Well, if you can’t get home, we might have to come and visit. When things have settled down a little. I know how … intense the first couple of weeks are.”
“I’d like that, Mom. I would really like to see you and Dad. Or perhaps I can drag Ryan up to see you. Although I don’t know what the herds will quite make of a bear in their midst.”
“Oh, my! A bear. You lucky girl. I hear they have a lot of stamina.”
“Mom!” But she laughed down the phone, feeling happier and lighter. “Thank you, Mom.”
“I want you to know how proud I am of you, Ciara.” Then her mom’s voice turned sad. “Is that the reason you left? Because you didn’t want to end up like me?”
“No,” Ciara replied. “No. It just seemed the right thing to do.” So it was a little white lie. But her mom wasn’t to blame. Ciara had just interpreted the message wrong, as young adults are allowed to do. “I think fate just pulled me this way,” she finished.
“I love you, Ciara.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
Ryan stood in front of his house, waiting for her. He had heard her car from over a mile away, as if his hearing was attuned to everything about her. The bear inside him yearned to escape, to run and meet her, but it wasn’t safe to be seen in daylight, not so close to the road.
Instead, he waited, watching the roof of her small blue car as it made its way up the track that led to his ranch. Behind him, he could hear his cattle, their deep voices a constant background noise up here, interspersed with the neigh or whinny of his small herd of horses.
He wondered what Ciara sounded like when she was a horse. Maybe after dinner, they could go up onto the mountain and find out about each other’s animal. Or maybe they should stay in for a while. His bed had looked inviting when he had gone to change out of his dirty work clothes. Now he stood, fresh and clean, waiting for his mate.
And here she was.
Trying not to appear too eager, but who was he kidding, he went to the door and opened it. “Hi, Ciara. How has your day been?” Smooth. Real smooth. Why was he suddenly so nervous around her?
“Good, thanks, Ryan.” She got out and stood in front of him, neither of them knowing what to do, or how to behave.
Deciding to break the tension, he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s good to see you. I’ve made dinner, but perhaps you want to go in and see Minty first.”
“Yes. I would. I’ll get my bag.” She went to her trunk and pulled out her bag. He wanted to offer to carry it for her. But that might set the wrong tone. She was a strong, independent woman; she could carry her own bag. Yet the traditional male side of him struggled not to offer all the same.
“I had a good look at him earlier. I can’t see anything wrong, and he’s eating just fine.”
“It’s strange, but Sapphire is definitely concerned. I’ll give him a thorough check-over and then if I can’t find anything, I can always speak to him. I never had a chance to yesterday.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry I interrupted you.” She looked over to him and smiled. Something about her was different, softer, and yet he was sure she had been crying. But this was not the time to ask. He still worried that she might take flight at any moment if he said the wrong thing. He needed to relax.
Opening the barn door, he followed her in. Minty was in his stall across from Sapphire. Ciara went to him, stroking his nose and letting the old pony sniff her. “Hi there, Minty. Can I have a look at you?”
The pony blew gently down his nose. Ciara smiled and then went inside.
Ryan watched her work. Slowly, methodically, she examined Minty. He allowed her to work, saving his questions until later. But he fell in love with her more and more with each stroke of her hands across the pony’s back, with each word she said in comfort. He was so lucky to have a woman who would understand his way of life, and would happily live here with his animals.
If that was what she wanted
, he reminded himself.
Although she worked professionally, her awareness of Ryan was intense. Every time she moved near him, the pull of his body became harder to resist. But she wanted to get this right, she
had
to get this right. For Sapphire’s sake, and for Minty. Who gave off surprisingly good vibes.
“He seems fine. Without doing a complete blood work-up, I’m not sure what to tell you. For an old pony he seems in remarkably good shape.” She put her stethoscope around her neck and stood back, hands on hips, to observe Minty.
She was acutely aware of Ryan watching her. Every fibre of her being was drawn to him as if was a giant magnet. However, she wasn’t done with Minty. There was one more thing she could try.
“You going to go horse?” His question hit her sideways.
“I might ask you to leave while I do,” she said, feeling self-conscious about changing in front of him. Yesterday she had managed to change easily, but the way he made her feel upset her balance. Her mind didn’t concentrate in the same way.
“Why? I would love to watch you. It’s the most amazing thing.”
“I’m a little out of practice.” She hadn’t explained everything to him, but was now the right time? “Before yesterday, I had been running from who I am. What we are.”
He moved towards her and she let him, needing his comfort, his nearness. “It’s OK.”
“I left my home because I was afraid. Afraid of turning out like my mom, only today I found out that she was happy. I had simply misread her feelings. She always told me to go and get a career. I thought it was because she missed hers and regretted giving it up.”
“Hey, we all make mistakes.” He stroked her back with his large, warm hand. “I am one of six brothers. My childhood, and some of my adulthood, was, and probably still is, if I think about it, made up of trying to understand what people are trying to tell you. But they don’t always come out and say it.”
“I feel like such a fool. As though I built my life on a lie.” She burrowed her face into his chest.
“Let it go, Ciara. What you are is what you are. There is no going back, only moving forward. Take some time to reassess your opinions. There’s no rush. Not anymore. I’m not going anywhere.”