Fifteen Shades of Gay (For Pay) (9 page)

“Are you sure your mom didn’t guess?”

“Why would she?”

“I don’t know. Moms can be pretty tuned into sons, especially only sons,” Andrew said. “When I was fifteen, mine sat me down and asked flat-out if I was gay.”

“Why?”

“Well. First things first. When I spilled my guts to you, did I mention when I was fourteen, I followed my dad to Mr. Branson’s? Peeked through a window and saw the two of them going at it?”

Cormac gave a low whistle. “No. Jeez. Did you realize they were having an affair?”

“No, I was a stupid kid. I thought they were super special best friends.” Andrew shook his head at his own naïveté. “That Dad was confused and in danger of taking the wrong path. When I looked through the window, I was braced to see them making out. Instead, I saw Dad giving Mr. Branson a blowjob. Then, well, you can guess what came next. I don’t know why I watched. It was like I couldn’t stop myself.”

“After that. Did you think your father as less of a man?” Cormac’s tone was neutral.

“You want the truth?”

Cormac nodded.

“I thought my father was a prize asshole and an oversexed son-of-a-bitch. Mom wasn’t enough for him, women weren’t enough him, he needed men, too. And not just any man. My favorite teacher. The only adult I thought of as a friend. Anyway, I threw up two or three times. Thought I’d never stop. Then I confronted my dad. Told him to give up Mr. Branson or I’d spill the beans to everyone.”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing at first. Then, while I was at school, he told my mom. I came home and found her crying. Dad was gone. He’d announced he was gay and left us for Mr. Branson.”

“So you hated them both.”

“Of course I did,” Andrew said. “When the school heard Mr. Branson was gay and shacked up with my dad, my ass was grass. Everyone thought I’d paid for my As in English with blowjobs. I got beat up so often for being queer, even my mom thought it was true.”

“Funny, isn’t it?” Cormac smiled. “No one ever realized I was gay. Or thought twice about making fun of fags and butt-sex right in front of me.”

“I used to be the guy who went around saying stuff like that. Not because I wanted to be a jerk. Just because I was insecure. Obviously. But hey, I’m getting better.” Lifting his Budweiser, Andrew nodded to Cormac as if toasting him. “To my first gay friend.”

Cormac snorted. “I’m a piss-poor example.”

“Why? Because you arrange escorts through Wasserman? As busy as you are, I’ll bet you don’t have time to date.”

Cormac made another noise, more derisive than a snort.

“What? I don’t get it.”

“I’ve screwed up my life beyond recognition.” Cormac’s voice was light but his gaze was utterly candid. “All through high school I waited for Mitch. Halfway through college, too. Then I carried a torch for awhile. And then Mom started micromanaging my life, arranging dates with girls, and I couldn’t say no. She was deeply religious, old school. Thought gay men were perverts and pedophiles. That they would all burn in hell. Mom had heart disease, angina, the works. If I’d told her the truth, it would have killed her.”

“So that’s what kept you in the closet? Your mom?”

“And politics. Don’t forget. Being controversial is the death knell. People tend of think of California as liberal, but they’re focusing on L.A. and San Francisco. The rest of the state moves to a different drummer, and that’s a whole lot of voters.

“So I started dating a girl,” Cormac continued. “Went to church every Sunday and tried to pray myself straight. Wasted a year of her life, and mine, too. It wasn’t until Mom died that I even tried to date men. Except by then I was thirty-three and didn’t know where to start. It’s embarrassing.” He gave Andrew a quick look. “At my age, how do I explain it’s never happened for me?”

“What? Love?” Andrew made a dismissive gesture. “Hell, I’m twenty-five next month and I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love. I mean, I’ve
said
I was. Thought I was. But no. The real thing takes time, doesn’t it? Maybe never shows up at all.”

Cormac said nothing.

“Seriously. As far as never being in love. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

“I didn’t say love,” Cormac’s voice was soft. “I said, it’s never happened for me. Nothing has ever happened for me.”

Andrew made a startled sound, almost a laugh, but cut it off quickly. It was just that Cormac was so handsome, so manly and pulled-together, the truth of his confession was hard to process.

“I know. It’s ridiculous,” Cormac continued. “I went to a few bars, but the guys I found interesting were already paired up. I didn’t know how to talk to the men who did approach me. Then one night I saw an ad on the web for Wasserman’s service. It was perfect. I paid, I made the rules, and the escort pretended to like me. I didn’t have to answer any questions or feel inadequate. I just had fun. But my usual date, Federico, wasn’t half as much fun as you.”

“The blond with the spray-tan is
Federico
?” Andrew hooted. “I’ll bet money his real name is Tom or Steve. Federico? Please. He had Wasserman convinced you were almost impossible to keep happy. That you had certain needs and the escort couldn’t say no.”

Cormac laughed. “Well. Yeah. I always wanted to go dancing. And I kept everything above board, as far as the state law on escorts goes. That way if I was ever caught, I’d have maximum deniability. Plus….” He took a deep breath. “Plus it was a perfect excuse to stay in control of the situation. If I told an escort I was—well. A virgin. I’d be right back to pathetic and inadequate, wouldn’t I?”

Andrew set down his half-finished beer. It was already warm, and he was done with it. “I think you underestimate people. I know voters go crazy during election season and judge candidates over one sentence, or something that happened twenty years ago. But in everyday life, people aren’t like that. No one’s going to shun you.”

“You laughed.”

“Yeah. Because look at you. You’re perfect. The idea you’re hiring escorts because you’re afraid to date real live men is ridiculous. Unless….” Andrew put a hand on Cormac’s forearm. “At this point you’re more afraid of giving up control than of being alone.”

“The idea of giving up control terrifies me.”

“Yeah. I can see that. But it’s bullshit. Did I ever tell you that in acting class, I was scared to kiss another man? Figured I’d puke. At least, that’s what I always told myself.” After Cormac had taken such a risk by admitting his virginity, Andrew found himself willing to make a lesser admission. “The truth is, when you kiss a woman for a scene, it’s not just work. Sometimes you feel meh about it, sometimes you giggle, sometimes it’s kinda gross. Other times, your dick pops up and says hello. Even if no one else notices, you know it happened. For a long time, I had to be sure I never played a love scene with a man. Being attracted to another dude, even for two seconds, would have stirred up too much baggage from my teens.”

“As an escort, do you have to?” Cormac’s effort to sound neutral revealed how curious he really was. “Kiss men, I mean?”

“Not so far. But the other night, I dreamed about kissing a man. And it didn’t make me sick.” Andrew stood up. “Close your eyes.”

Eyes still open, Cormac started violently when Andrew straddled his thighs, but Andrew was ready. As he expected, Cormac didn’t toss him aside, though the larger man was certainly capable of it. Instead, Cormac only caught his breath as Andrew slid closer, seating himself more securely on Cormac’s lap.

“I said, close your eyes. Be totally passive. Just let it happen, don’t respond in any way.”

Cormac looked unwilling. Squeezing his thighs to keep himself upright, Andrew curled his hands around the back of Cormac’s neck. It felt good, warm and masculine, nubs of clipped hair beneath Andrew’s fingertips. Cormac made a little sound.

“Close your eyes. Do nothing.”

Cormac obeyed. His mouth was wide, full, sensuous. Pressing his lips against the other man’s, Andrew kissed Cormac slowly and gently, outlining the shape of Cormac’s mouth with his tongue. He repeated the process until he felt Cormac shift beneath him, trying to accommodate the bulge in his trousers.

“Put your arms around me. No. Eyes closed,” Andrew insisted. “That’s it. Hold me tighter. Open your mouth, but don’t do anything. Leave it to me.”

Cormac’s embrace was warm and hard. This time, Andrew kissed the other man even slower, exploring more deeply with his tongue. His hands slid of their own accord, releasing Cormac’s neck and cupping his angular face. Then he kissed and kissed that gorgeous mouth until Cormac groaned.

“Go on,” Andrew whispered. He, too, was hard, but it felt completely natural. “Kiss me back.”

Cormac did. At first his response was shy and overly delicate, but soon he was eager, using too much pressure, pushing his tongue too deep. His hips rocked, betraying what Andrew knew was a terrible urgency.

“Hey.
Hey
.” Andrew pulled back as much as Cormac’s hold permitted. “
Stop
.”

Cormac’s eyes opened. “S-sorry,” he muttered. “That was—I got too—”

“Inside.” Climbing off Cormac’s lap, Andrew glanced over his shoulder at the buildings across the way. “This is a little too public, unless you want to be blackmailed.”

Cormac stumbled into the room like a sleepwalker. Sliding the balcony doors back in place, Andrew pulled the curtains. Turning back to Cormac, he pushed the taller man onto the king-sized bed, straddling him in earnest.

“Now,” Andrew said. “Again. But not too hard.”

Their mouths came together. As Cormac practiced, gaining confidence with each long, wet kiss, Andrew unbuckled the other man’s belt. Still caressing Cormac’s tongue with his own, Andrew undid Cormac’s trousers, sliding his hand inside what felt like silk boxers. As Andrew’s fingers curled around him, Cormac groaned.

“Don’t stop,” Andrew commanded, squeezing tight. Cormac was larger, thicker, but otherwise perfectly familiar. Unbidden, Andrew’s hand started to work.

“I—I—”

Completely without mercy, Andrew pulled even harder, kissing Cormac again for good measure. The other man made a choked sound and warm wetness pumped over Andrew’s fingers.

“I’m sorry,” Cormac whispered when he was able. “I couldn’t—I’ve never—”

“Cormac. I’m a dude. You don’t have to explain. I knew if we didn’t get that out of the way, you’d explode. Now we can make out.”

And they did, first with Andrew on top, then with Andrew on his back while Cormac undressed him. Maneuvering Andrew’s jeans down to his knees, Cormac stopped, mesmerized by the firm lump inside Andrew’s cotton shorts.

“Go on,” Andrew murmured. “Do it for me.”

Cormac slid the shorts down with exaggerated gentleness, hands trembling as if holding himself desperately at bay. For what felt like a full minute, he simply stared at Andrew, drinking him in. Then he bent his head and took Andrew into his mouth.

This blowjob was nothing like Paresh’s. Paresh had started with teasing licks and swirls, constantly varying the action like the expert he was. Repulsed and aroused, Andrew had been forced into surrender, checkmated by that questing finger into a climax he couldn’t resist. But Cormac clearly had no objective other than to keep Andrew inside his mouth as long as possible. Every motion of his tongue, every press of his lips was an unsophisticated kiss, transparent and sincere.

“Cormac,” Andrew rasped. “I’m gonna—gonna—”

Andrew wasn’t surprised when the other man didn’t let go. Or when he choked, pulling his face away from Andrew’s still-squirting member at last.

“Careful,” Andrew moaned, still transported but vaguely sorry for Cormac, needing to cough and manfully trying to suppress it. “Get a soda.”

Hurrying to the fridge, Cormac opened a Coke and drank until he could talk again. “First I come in ten seconds. Then I almost choke to death. Sexy. Good thing I’m paying you, huh?”

Andrew propped himself up on one elbow. His pants were still around his knees, but he was still too blissful to care. “You’re not paying me. I’m off the clock, remember?”

Cormac sat beside Andrew, passing over the soda can. “So… why? Are you still trying to face your fears?”

Andrew took a sip and handed it back. “I kind of did already. Not
everything
, mind you. But I let another guy blow me. Had some phone sex, too. But I did those things for money, and I’m still not sure if I’m okay with them. This was…” He shrugged, tugging his shorts back into place and peeling off his jeans. “This was easy.”

Cormac firmed his mouth. “You mean, because I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“No. Because I like you.” Andrew smiled at Cormac until the other man smiled back. “Now get into bed. You’ve got a plane to catch tomorrow, and I’m tired.”

Chapter 6

Andrew awakened to the sound of Cormac’s voice. The curtains were open, sunlight was flooding the room, and Cormac was trying to put on his pants and apologize by phone at the same time.

“I swear to God, I want to be there. I was sick all night—throwing up till three a.m.—and when I finally got to sleep, I forgot to schedule a wake-up call. My assistant’s already searching for another flight. Maybe I can be there by mid-afternoon. Unless you’d rather just carry on without me....”