Find Me in Manhattan (Finding #3) (20 page)

By the time I was flying back to New York, I was convinced that Michael and I were meant to be together, whether it be as he was—night terrors, flashbacks, panic attacks and all—or a healed version of himself. If he decided he wanted help, I had found just the person to do it. Armed with a plan, I knew everything would be okay once I told Michael everything.

Sarah

The second the plane started taxiing to the gate, I had my phone out. I was nervous, but some silly nerves weren’t going to stop me.

“Sarah,” he answered sounding relieved, and I melted. I fell back into my seat, and all the worry, stress, and nerves melted from my body.

“Hey.”

“You home?”

Home?
Was I home?
Yes.
Yes, I was. “Just landed.”

“Are you coming over?”

“I need to go to my apartment. I’m loaded down with luggage. Can you meet me there in an hour?”

“I’ll be there. Everything okay?”

“Everything’s great. I missed you.”

“Believe me, I know the feeling.”

“We’ll talk.”

“In an hour. See you then, beautiful.”

I couldn’t move fast enough. Baggage claim was a nightmare at LaGuardia at this time of year. There were five million people speaking a thousand different languages.
I’m trying to get to my boyfriend, people. Move it or lose it!

This cab driver was a talker. He was obviously a native New Yorker with all of his fun facts. Did you know that on November 28, 2012, no violent crimes were reported for a full day? Did you know there were people who made their living by digging in the cracks of sidewalks for gold and diamonds? Did you know…
I can’t even go on.
It was completely ridiculous, but a nice distraction from the little elves hammering inside my belly.

Super friendly cab driver man was kind enough to help me with my bags. After we hauled them upstairs and I overtipped him, I threw my yucky traveling clothes off. I chose an outfit sure to make Michael happy. One zipper and it was gone, if you know what I mean.

Just as I was finishing my make-up, I heard a knock at the door. Someone must have recognized him and let him in downstairs. I was so excited to see Michael that I found myself running to the door and flinging it open without any regard to my personal safety. I could have broken a nail being so careless, but no, my negligence led to much greater consequences.

Before I registered who was at the door, two hands locked around my throat. I tried to scream, but my airway was cut off. Instinctively, I started kicking and scratching, trying to get away, trying to get to my gun. I finally registered whose hands were on me.
Jameson.
I wanted to beg and plead, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t make a sound. White spots were blocking my field of vision. Everything was going black. I knew I was seconds away from losing it all when he threw me against the wall. I gasped desperately as the air burned my lungs. Breathing was the only thing I could focus on until he backhanded my cheek again, knocking me to the floor. I immediately covered my cheek with my hands, but my hands couldn’t relieve the familiar burning sensation.

He was shouting something at me while I desperately tried to shrink into myself. “You couldn’t just let it go. You had to go digging, you stupid little cunt.” A kick to the gut punctuated his tirade followed by a cry from me, the first noise I had been able to make since I opened the door to this nightmare. “You ruined my life. Everything was perfect. You thought I was your prince charming, and I could have been, but you had to go and fuck everything up.”

He lifted me from the ground to stand on shaky legs. It was then I realized how badly I was shaking and crying. “Please,” I begged.

He pressed his body against mine and whispered in my ear. “We’re going to play a little game. I know how much you loved my nursery rhymes, so I think you’ll like it.”

I cried out and tried to push him off me, but he was too heavy.

“I’m going to count to ten, and you’re going to hide then I’ll come for you. Don’t worry, baby. I’ll find you.”

He let me go and started to count, but my body was shaking too hard to move. I couldn’t push away from the wall. My guns were in my room, but every horror movie in history ran through my mind and reminded me not to go further into the apartment. I could not remember what to do instead, though. My legs finally gave out from the uncontrollable shaking, forcing me to the ground. Fight or flight wasn’t working this time. I tried to fight, and it didn’t work. My body was refusing to respond to the command my brain was sending to get the hell out of the apartment. He was down to two. My legs suddenly seemed to understand it was a life or death situation. I stood quickly and started to run for the front door. He caught me and threw me against the kitchen table. My head hit so hard, I saw spots. I kept trying to fight. The front door was so close. If I could just loosen his grip on me, I could get away. I was sure of it.

I screamed again, but this made him madder. He lifted me from the counter and flung me off him. I hit my head on the corner of the counter and dropped. I heard my name shouted from far away just before everything went black.

Michael

As soon as I hung up with Sarah, I was moving because I was all the way in Jersey. Of course, a wreck on the bridge held everything up the one time I was in a hurry. I had never been so grateful to drive a motorcycle in the winter. Usually, I was cursing my inability to sit in a car without complete and utter panic, but not today. I was able to weave through the traffic and was driving closer and closer to Sarah’s apartment with every second. It occurred to me that I shouldn’t show up empty-handed if I wanted to convince this girl that I was in this with her, no matter what.

I stopped to buy her flowers, something I would soon regret. I buzzed her apartment, but there was no answer. Lana was coming down the street right then, so I waited for her. The second she opened the door, I heard screaming coming from the stairwell. I had glanced at Lana, who looked as scared as I felt, before we darted up the stairs.

The door to their apartment was wide open. I heard Sarah scream as I stepped over the threshold. We were in the room just in time to see Jameson toss her like a rag doll. I yelled her name just before her eyes closed.

I should have gone after Jameson, but I stood there frozen as blood started trickling out from under Sarah’s head. The noise around me muffled, and a high-pitched ringing took over. I was no longer in Sarah’s apartment. I was stuck in the Humvee. My legs gave out when I felt the stabbing sensation in my back. I smelled the burning flesh, and I watched as Sarah bled all over the ground right in front of me. I watched her body as the red spread beneath her blond hair, staining the color of sunshine with the color of death. I tried to close my eyes, but the noise didn’t fade. I couldn’t take the noise, so I tried covering my ears. It made it worse. I was sure I was going to be trapped in this hell when I realized I couldn’t move or breathe. Moretti’s voice came into my head. I could hear him calling for help as the brightness around me faded. I was losing it.

“Michael.” A sharp sting on my cheek had my eyes flying open. “Michael.” Someone was saying my name. “Michael!” I opened my eyes to find Moretti in my face. “Come on, man. They took her to the hospital.”

Who took her where? I was disoriented. I felt sick. Breathing was a difficult task, like knives had invaded my lungs, but I kept telling myself it wasn’t real. None of it was real. When I shook off what I now recognized as a flashback, I looked around the room and saw the place where Sarah’s body had been, but there was no Sarah. It was real.

“The paramedics have her. We need to go.”

“Jameson?” I choked out.

“Police. A neighbor heard some screaming. They showed up right after you. Lana went with Sarah. I had to convince the police and paramedics not to take you. Snap out of it, man. We’ll deal with that later.” He pointed to my head. He understood what was going on. Of course, he did. He still had flashbacks of his own. I doubt he ever saw Lana in them, but Lana didn’t have a crazy ex hunting her.

Then it all clicked. “Sarah!”

“Finally! Let’s go.”

I was running out the door and climbing on my bike as fast as I could. Moretti had his car so I let him lead the way since I couldn’t very easily remember where he said she was. Fortunately, he knew how to drive and couldn’t care less about the blue bloods.

We were running through the doors to the emergency room within minutes, which was still too long. We rushed up the ramp where Lana was pacing in front of the doors. As soon as she saw us, she was in Moretti’s arms crying. “They made me leave. There was so much blood. There was so much blood.”

I felt sick. No, I was sick. I turned and threw up into a nearby trashcan. I was often sick after a panic attack or a flashback, but this time it held off until I was in the waiting room of the hospital where my girlfriend was bleeding profusely, and we didn’t know why.

Tony sat down and arranged Lana in his lap. It made me think of Sarah, and then I remembered the flashback. I puked again.

Moretti said something to Lana, and she nodded before he grabbed me by the arm. He took me into the bathroom where I propped myself against the wall. Moretti splashed some water on my face. “Get it together, Michael. Now’s not the time to lose it. Your girl is back there. She needs you to be strong for her right now. You can lose it later, just not now.”

I nodded and walked over to the sink to splash water on my own face and rinse my mouth. Back in the waiting room, I spoke with the nurse at the charge desk. She looked up at me sympathetically and promised to let me know as soon as she knew something.

I apologized to Lana, and she just squeezed my hand as she curled in closer to Moretti. Phil showed up shortly after we calmed down. I knew Tony must have called him because I was a fucking wreck, and he had Lana to worry about as well.

“Heard anything?”

We somberly shook our heads.

“What the fuck?” he said as he pulled up next to me and adjusted the brake on his chair. “I thought the son of a bitch was locked up.”

“He was,” I gritted out. “I don’t know what happened.”

I pulled out my phone to call Captain Thompson. It rung twice before he answered with a gruff, “Thompson.”

Rage tore through my body, and I was up and pacing again. “What the hell happened? Carmichael is out, and you didn’t think to contact me?”

“Who is this?”

“Michael Pearson. What the hell happened over there?”

“He made bail. The psych hold was seventy-two hours. After that, they held him for a week while medicating him. He went for his bail hearing this morning, and they set the court date. Hold on,” he said as he typed something into the computer allowing me to hear the clicking of the keys. “ADA Houser has been trying to get in touch with Miss Grant to let her know. He sent me an email asking for help.”

“Are you kidding me? She’s in the hospital because that asshole got to her! Who in their right mind would grant that son of a bitch bail?”

“He what? Officers were on their way to her. I just heard from Houser less than an hour ago. In the email, Houser suggested Carmichael’s lawyer worked some magic in the courtroom.”

“It doesn’t matter. He already got to her. Now he’s in your custody again. Don’t let him go this time.”

“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll check in again soon.”

“Yeah,” I said and hung up. Who cared if he was sorry? Sarah was in the hospital because of him. It was enough that I wanted to throw myself off the side of the Brooklyn Bridge for not being there for her when she needed me, but the detective failing to warn us made me want to drag him with me. I knew it was irrational, but I wasn’t sure I could live with myself now that I had let her down as well. When would I be the one blown up? When would I be the one attacked? Why was I always seconds too late?

The longer I stood in that waiting room, the more I anger I felt, and the more I hated myself. My father was right about me. I was no hero. I was a fucking disappointment.

“Maybe you should sit down,” Lana suggested from her perch on Moretti’s lap.

Then Moretti added, “Yeah, man. You look like you could shatter any moment.”

I took stock of my body. I had my arms crossed tightly over my chest, holding me together as if Moretti’s words might be true. My jaw hurt from clenching it so tightly, and I was breathing a little too quickly for standing still. I could feel my pulse pumping to a faster rhythm, one that I was familiar with from high-stress situations. I usually could calm myself by counting the beats, but it wasn’t working this time. Nothing was working. The forever-long wait to see if she was okay certainly wasn’t helping my situation, either.

I crashed into the chair like a ton of bricks. You could hear the plastic squeak against the metal. Tony shifted Lana, so she wasn’t in my space. As if I cared.

“She’ll be all right,” Phil tried to reassure me again.

I wasn’t so sure about that. I wasn’t sure I was going to be all right. My head fell forward into my hands. My elbows rested on my knees supporting my heavy head. I tugged my hair trying to get some of the guilt pumping through my veins out of me. No matter how hard I pulled, I still felt too much. The unfamiliar burning in my eyes and the lump forming in my throat reaffirmed my weakness. Sarah had become my Achilles’ heel, the last straw, the thing that could make me crumble. All these years I thought I had become stronger. I had been living with the tragedy of friends dying and becoming irreparably injured while I walked away, all because I was the driver of the second Humvee—right seat and right time. I slowed down to look at that little boy in the street just like I slowed down to buy her flowers this time.