Finding Amy (10 page)

“In the meantime, can you do me a favor?”  I felt her nod.  “Don’t talk to your mother about boys or sex.  Just be kind to her.  She needs your love.  Can you do that?”

She raised her head and met my eyes as silent tears slid down her cheeks.  “Yes, Daddy, but I just don’t understand any of this.  I’m so confused.”

I pulled her close.  “I know sweetie, but be patient.  Doc Andrews will help you understand things a little better.  I promise.”

We talked for a few more minutes.  I told her that if she was happy to wear Jeff’s ring she should do it.  I said I liked him a lot and I trusted him to be a perfect gentleman with my daughter.

She said she needed to be alone and was going to take her horse out for a run to sort things out in her mind.  She promised to be back by dinnertime.  I walked her downstairs, kissed her forehead and watch her head out toward the corral.

My heart cried as I noticed her slow, preoccupied gait.  Normally, she was bouncy and did everything with quick, sure movements.  I no longer had a little girl.  I had a very confused young lady on my hands.  I turned and went back into the parlor.  Vanessa had wisely departed, while Amy sat reading a book.  She looked up at me expressionless.  She eased back in her chair as I walked toward her and grabbed the book out of her hand.  I read the title, then looked down at her in disgust.  I threw the astrology book across the room and left without saying a word.

*****

A couple of days later, I drove Susie to see Doc Andrews.  I paced the waiting room while he talked with her alone.  When the door to his office opened and Susie came out, it was if she had lost a few years of her youth.  She had a melancholy expression on her face and the mischievous little twinkle in her eyes had dimmed.  She walked into my arms for a hug.

“Susie and I had a good chat and I think it was productive.  She seems to have a handle on the mental condition of her mother and grandmother.  With her in the loop, maybe she’ll be able to help you, Dan, and maybe Amy, too.”

I nodded and asked Susie to go on out to the car.

“How did she seem to take it, Doc?”

“Very well for such a young girl, but watch her and be there for her.  She may need you now and again.  Remember, she’s just beginning to feel her own sexual awakenings and learning how to deal with them.  Now she has to cope with this additional baggage.”  I nodded and sighed as he added, “However, you’ve got quite a girl there and I’m betting she’ll come out of this just fine.”

“Thanks, Doc.  I hope so.”

“Call me anytime, Danny.”  He watched as I headed out to join my daughter.

On the way home, she was very quiet.  I couldn’t remember a time with her that didn’t include a constant patter of small talk.  That day, she just stared out the window.  I didn’t know what to say either.  Finally, she turned to me.

“I love Mother very much.  I always wondered about some of her strange ways, but I do love her.”

“I know, honey.”  I patted her hand.  “I’m so sorry you had to find out.  I’m sorry your mother and I are so messed up.  I probably should have left her years ago, but believe it or not I still love her.  Besides, she is your mother.”

She nodded.  “In some ways, I wish you had told me sooner.  I’ll try very hard to be understanding and to help her.”

“I know you will.”  We had arrived home. Once the car was parked, I reached over and pulled her into my arms.  “We’re lucky to have a daughter like you.  At least we did one thing right.”

She returned my sad smile.

After that, Susie spent more time with her mother.  She’d gotten her driver’s license shortly after her fifteenth birthday.  Now, she and her mother took to driving into downtown Sparta or, on occasion, to Houston for one thing or another.  I don’t think it was the errand as much as the opportunity for bonding.

As for Amy, she seemed happy enough hanging out with Susie.  My mother-in-law stayed away from the house and me.  A wise decision on her part, because I definitely had homicidal tendencies toward the woman.  I know that sometimes Susie and Amy talked about boys.  I’d hear Susie fill her mother in on a party or dance she had been to, but there were no outbursts and Susie seemed to be handling things okay.

*****

The final trouble came just after Susie turned seventeen.  I found out later that Vanessa had been coming to the house during the day when she knew I’d be gone.

Susie and Jeff were going steady now and had gone to the senior prom.  Susie was beautiful in her fairytale princess gown and tiara.  I could see the appreciation in Jeff’s eyes when she descended the staircase.  I also felt jealousy pangs, but just for a second.  I liked Jeff and knew he would always be good to my baby.  After the dance, they were going to a well-chaperoned, all-night party.  They had our approval, at least mine, to attend it.

I was having breakfast the morning after the prom when Jeff and Susie arrived home.  They looked tired and frazzled from no sleep.

Jeff excused himself quickly saying he needed to get some sleep before going off to help his father on their ranch.

Susie kept yawning while telling me about the prom and all-night party.

I listened for a while, then shagged her off to bed.  I smiled thinking about what fun years the kids were having and probably didn’t have the sense to appreciate.

After the prom, Jeff became a permanent fixture around the house.  He was going off to college that fall.  I knew he and Susie wanted to spend as much time together as possible before he left.  His presence hit Amy hard.  She had begun to expect that all of Susie’s spare time was hers.  I should have seen the trouble coming.

Susie wanted a party for Amy’s birthday; I agreed.  I even relented and said that she could invite her grandmother and that I would behave myself.  My family, Jeff’s family and, of course, Jeff were also invited.  It was a fun day with a barbecue, presents and a delicious chocolate cake made by Susie herself.  After all the guests, except Vanessa, had gone, we gathered on the patio to have some coffee.

We had just gotten settled when Amy’s mother spoke to Susie.  “Are you putting on a little weight, Suzanne?”

Susie blushed and mumbled, “Maybe, a little.”

I threw in my two cents worth.  “It’s about time my little bean pole started to fill out.”

Vanessa squinted her eyes and spoke in an icy voice that will always ring somewhere in the back of my mind.  “Why, Suzanne, I do believe you are pregnant.”

Susie did not move, but stared directly at her grandmother.  The accusation had left us speechless.  Susie found her voice and spoke without quiver or hesitation. “Yes, grandmother.  I’m pregnant!”  I jumped to my feet, but before I could say a word Susie went on.  “But, let me tell you something.  You were wrong.  It was not nasty.  It was wonderful.  I have never felt so alive.  We made love in the back seat of Jeff’s car on the night of our prom.  It was me who started it, me who led him on and me who wouldn’t stop.  It was a beautiful experience.  And it was even more beautiful because I found out I’m okay.” Susie walked to within inches of her grandmother and continued. “I found out that I’m not like you.  Oh, Grandma, you missed so much.  No wonder you are such a bitter old lady.”

Vanessa reeled back in shock as she began to gasp and clutch at her chest.  I stood there stunned trying to think of what to say when I heard a giggle that rapidly turned into a laugh.  It was coming from Amy.  She was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face.

Through her laughter, she managed to say, “Oh, Mother, my Suzanne has had the courage to face you down.  Courage I never had.”  She turned to her daughter and took her hand.  “Bravo, my baby.  You have had the last laugh on us.”  Their eyes locked, then Amy’s laughter turned to tears.  “Oh, my sweet baby.  What have I done to you?  I’ve messed up your life.  Oh, my baby.  My Susie.”

Susie reached down to pull her mother into her arms, then urged her up to stand beside her.  It was as though Amy were the child.  With her arm around her mother, Susie glared at her grandmother.  When she spoke, I scarcely recognized my own daughter’s voice.  Her total malice shocked me.

“Grandmother, I never want to see you again, nor do I want my mother to see you again.  Get out of this house.  You’ve caused enough pain and it has to stop.  Get out of our lives.  Now!” She turned, dismissing her grandmother as she helped her sobbing mother up the stairs to her room.

I was left face to face with my enemy.  I had tried to sever the evil relationship between her and her daughter and had failed tragically.  I had failed my wife and my daughter, but now my own daughter had done it for me.  The old woman knew she was defeated

She began screaming at me.  She rose from her chair totally out of control and came at me with both fists swinging while screaming.  “You did this!  You did this!  You vile nasty man.  You’ve ruined my daughter and now my granddaughter.  You’re vile!”  She kept screaming and swinging at me.  I grabbed at her wrists to try to deflect her blows.  At first she was strong as an ox, but suddenly she began to lose strength and I watched her face twist in pain and gasp for air.  I stood there stunned as she went completely limp in my arms and her gasping subsided.

Mrs. Watson came out onto the patio to investigate what all the screaming was about.  When she saw what was going on, she pried the woman out of my arms and laid her on the chaise lounge.

  I stood as if in a dream, watching. Mrs. Watson’s voice inched into my consciousness, but I couldn’t focus on what she was saying.  My mind was racing between what had happened and what was going on with my wife and daughter upstairs.  A sharp, slap on my cheek shocked me out of my trance.

“Dan!  Listen to me.  She’s dead.”  The nanny was shaking my arm.

I shook my head.  “What?  She’s dead?  How?”

“I think she may have had a heart attack.  I can’t get a pulse.”  She touched Vanessa’s wrist again.  “No, no pulse.  What happened?”

I gained control of myself and told her I would explain later, but first we needed to get Doc Andrews out here.  She hurried to the phone while I went to my den and poured myself a stiff drink.

Mrs. Watson returned.  “Doctor Andrews will be here within minutes.”

I managed a nod of understanding.

“What happened?  What started all this?”

I took a large gulp of my drink, then motioned for her to follow me out to the patio.  I looked at Vanessa Harrington.  Even in death she looked harsh with no sign of peace in her face.  My enemy was dead.

“Dan?”

I looked away from the body as I related the events leading up to the moment she entered the patio.

Mrs. Watson let me talk and only nodded here and there.

I had just finished when the doctor arrived.  He confirmed that the cause of death had been a heart attack.

As we were standing around the corpse, Susie quietly entered the patio.  Her breath caught when she spotted the body of her grandmother.  She stood there for a few moments before she whispered, “Is she dead?”

I put my arm around her shoulder.  “Yes.”

“Oh Daddy, what have I done.   I didn’t mean for her to go that far out of our lives.  She couldn’t help the way she was.”  She looked up at me.  “Daddy, is this my fault?  Did I do this to her?”

“No sweetheart, she did it to herself.”  I hugged her tight.  “In fact she has been working herself up to this for many years.  Am I right, Doc?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”  He looked down at Vanessa’s body.  “I hope her soul has found some peace and happiness, wherever she is now.”  He turned to Susie.  “Susie, as bad as this seems, it might be a reprieve for your mother.  Vanessa was a strong force, too strong, in your mother’s life.  It’ll be a big adjustment for her, a shock.  There is nothing you can do for your grandmother.  Focus on your mother, help her deal with this.”  He nodded toward the stairs.  “Do you want me to break this to her?”

Susie looked up at me.  I answered for her.  “No.  Susie and I will tell her.”

He nodded.  “Let’s hope she sees this as a release, her chance for some normalcy in her life.”

Amy made no comment when we told her.  She asked me to leave, but wanted Susie to stay with her for a while.  Doc Andrews had left a couple of sedatives.  Susie gave her one and soon Amy was sleeping soundly.  In fact, she slept for most of the next couple of days as Susie and I made the funeral arrangements.

Amy’s indifferent reaction came as a relief to Susie and I, but left us wondering and worrying.  She had shown a measure of grief when her father passed away.   She had shed silent tears at his death and then again at his service.  She had not shed a tear for her mother.

Vanessa Harrington’s service was a small, cold ceremony.  She didn’t have any real friends.  The minister spoke briefly in the mortuary chapel while Amy sat stiffly between Susie and me, staring blankly ahead.  She had not asked to see her mother in the casket.  The minister’s words elicited no demonstration of interest, let alone grief, from anyone present.  At the conclusion of his words, folks filed out of the chapel to await the funeral procession.

I left Amy with Susie briefly to speak with my folks.  After some comforting words, they left, saying they would see me at the gravesite.  I reentered the chapel just in time to see Amy rise, turn and touch Susie’s shoulder to indicate she should remain seated.