Finding Forever (Living Again #4) (29 page)

She had no idea how long she had been standing there when the door opened and she heard a gasp. “Lacey! What are you doing?” Brant rushed to her, turning off the razor and hauling her into his arms. She had barely been holding it together, and when he touched her, it was all over.

“I can’t watch my hair fall out, Brant! It’s just one more thing! I have to take it off, right now!”

“Baby,” he murmured, stroking what hair she had left on the back of her head. “God, Lacey.”

“I’m horrific! First, I have one boob! Then, I’m so sick I look almost green and I’ve lost so much weight nothing fits. Now, my hair’s falling out. What’s left of me, Brant? I’m not me anymore. Cancer has taken everything. Everything! It took my mom and it’s going to take me, too!”

Brant scooped her up in his arms and walked her back to the bed, kneeling in front of her. “Don’t look at me,” she cried. “I’m ugly.”

He shook his head, tears streaming freely from his eyes. “Lacey. You’re breaking my heart, Doc. I don’t know how to make you feel better about this, honey. I don’t care about your breast, what you weigh, or your hair. I
love you
. You. I love you
more
because of all of this, Lacey. I never knew I could love someone as fiercely as I do you. I’m so protective over you I wish I could reach inside your body and beat the hell out of those cancer cells. We knew these few months were going to be hell. You have four treatments left, baby. Then it’s over. Your hair will grow back, and you won’t feel sick anymore. If you want to have reconstruction on your breast to make you feel better, then we’ll do it. But it doesn’t matter to me. Not at all.”

“You say that,” Lacey sobbed. “But what if I can’t ever give you children? What if I die after this, or in five years when it comes back? What then, Brant?”

He didn’t answer, and she immediately felt sorry for starting it again. She always did this when she got scared. Leaning over, she wiped the tears from his eyes and leaned her forehead against his. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Lace,” he murmured. “However many days I get to love you, I will. And even after both of us are no longer living, I’ll still love you. Now, come on. Since you’ve done half of it, let me help you finish.”

She stood, and they walked back into the bathroom. “Sit on the edge of the tub. That’ll make it easier for me to reach and for you so you can rest.”

Lacey sat down, closing her eyes as Brant turned the razor back on. She kept her eyes closed as he spent the next several minutes finishing cutting off all of her hair. They didn’t say a word the whole time. When she felt the last piece drop to the floor, she blinked her eyes open and looked at herself. She gasped, not able to believe that was her. Her hands came up automatically to her head, and she felt her scalp only for the first time in her life. She looked down at the floor, the tile covered with layer after layer of her long hair. It was so strange to see it all there. One more shred of her dignity was laying all over the bathroom floor.

Her eyes met Brant’s and they held each other’s gaze; no words were needed. He reached out and touched her now bare head, leaning over and kissing it gently.

“What?”
Brant hissed into the phone. “You’ve
got
to be kidding me.” He wanted to laugh at the irony, but he was too shocked.

“Not kidding,” his agent Angela said. He could
hear
her beaming. “They called me this morning and want you here next week. It’s for a
cover
, Brant. This is not just a big break; this is
huge!
”

“How? Just how?”

“She said something about seeing your work and being impressed, then she heard about you through the other mags from Sam’s benefit so she decided to make you an offer. And the offer is
fabulous
, Brant. Not only are you on the cover, but they’re going to do a two page spread on you in the same issue.”

Sam’s
benefit
had gotten him this exposure? No way. He couldn’t believe this.

“Angela, I can’t even think. This is beyond fabulous.”

“You don’t need to think, Brant! This is amazing! Just say you’ll be in New York next week! Oh, and get to the gym. You need to be in tip-top shape!”

Brant’s head was spinning. GQ had called his agent. They wanted him for a cover. He chuckled inside at the fact that he could be on the cover of the very magazine that Lacey got his nickname from.

Lacey. She was about to do her fourth chemotherapy treatment, and it was very close to Christmas. Thanksgiving had been a wonderful event at Lacey’s house, including both of their families and all of their friends. Even though Lacey hadn’t been up for eating much, seeing the smile on her face had made his day. He knew she would want him to go. But could he really not be here for one of her treatments? For a photo shoot?
The photo shoot of your lifetime
, he thought.

“Brant? Tell me you aren’t going to turn this down.” Angela broke through his thoughts. “How’s your girlfriend doing?”

“She’s about to have her fourth treatment, which means that she’ll be sick the whole time I’m gone.”

“Brant,” Angela said, and he knew that she was trying to keep her voice passive. “I’m sure if you talk to her about this, she would be all for it. Please. I need you to call me back by the end of the day so I have time to make arrangements if you’re going to go.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

“Oh, and Brant? If you turn this down, it isn’t going to be good for your career. Trust me. If you want to continue doing this, it’s the chance of a lifetime.”

“GQ???? Are you freaking kidding me?” Lacey bounced up and down, her eyes bright. She was wearing her favorite scarf over her head, a bright blue that matched her eyes. It was one of her rare good days before she went for treatment again, and he had convinced her to go for a picnic lunch at the river with him. It was a little chilly, but he had brought a big blanket to wrap her in so she wouldn’t be cold.

He had to lean over and kiss her. “Not kidding.”

“It’s meant to be! You
have
to go, Brant!”

“I don’t know,” he said, looking out to the water. The urge he had to go was so strong, but his urge to be there for Lacey was always a bit stronger.

“Brantley Robert Tucker,” she admonished. He turned to her, a grin splitting his face. She never used his full name. It was kind of hot. “You
are
going to New York. This is my fourth treatment. I’ve got this. Aubrey, Sam, and Chloe can take turns. Maybe even my dad will want to come over. Haha.”

He was quiet, his mind racing with the possibilities. He would be gone five days. She had her treatment while he was gone, which meant she felt the worst the days after. The timing was awful.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “I can do it. It’ll make me feel even better to know you’re doing something that is
huge
for you. You can send me some preview pics while you’re gone that’ll keep me in the loop.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “And get me something kick ass from New York for Christmas. See, it’ll all work out.”

Brant laughed. “Really? You’re sure?”

She scooted closer, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. “Yes. Please do this for yourself, Brant. You’ve spent so long sacrificing yourself for me. I want you to do this. Call Angela and say yes.”

He pressed his lips to hers, kissing her gently. She put her hand on his face and opened her mouth, deepening the kiss. It wasn’t often she felt well enough to do more than give him a peck on the lips and a hug, but he wasn’t complaining. He would wait until the end of time for her to feel better. So when she put her tongue in his mouth, desire ignited like a switch inside him.

He moaned into her mouth as they slowly tangled their tongues, sucking lightly. She smiled, backing off slightly. “Do you think we could try tonight?”

“Try?”

She laughed. “We haven’t had sex since I started treatment. I don’t know if I can, and I don’t want you to be disappointed, but…”

“I don’t want to do anything that will hurt you,” he answered, kissing the tip of her nose. “You don’t have to do that, Lace.”

“I want to,” she said, kissing his neck. “Let’s see how far I can go. Okay?”

“You know I’ll never turn you down,” Brant teased, pulling out his phone. “Now let’s see if I can make Angela’s day. I think she’s about to give up on me.”

“Hey Angela. Yes, I’m going to do it. And hey, I have some suggestions…”

Brant stood on the set, still in shock that he was here. Angela was sitting in a chair behind the cameras, her smile almost as bright as one of the lights in the room. Since she was based out of New York, she was ecstatic to be able to be with him today. He had only actually met her in person one time before, and that was briefly when he had flown into New York for a smaller shoot right after she started representing him.

When he had agreed to do the cover and spread, he had asked for a few things during the shoot. He hadn’t expected them to run with it in the way they did. Lacey was going to love it.

“Brant,” the photographer called. “We’re ready.”

He walked into the shoot area. It was what looked like a blank background, but he knew they could do all sorts of crazy things with it before they put it on the magazine. They were also going to Central Park after this if the weather held up. It was freezing cold, but he looked forward to the shots there as well. He had a few surprises that he hadn’t told anyone but the photographer.

He caught his reflection in the camera lens, and he grinned. He was wearing a dark grey suit, one of Lacey’s favorites on him. Underneath, he had on a bright pink shirt with the words ‘I never knew a real hero until my girlfriend became one’. The word hero had a cape on it, and then the pink ribbon for breast cancer was underneath. He was very proud of it. He had a pink handkerchief sticking out of his suit pocket, and he was wearing pink socks with his dress shoes.

GQ had been very interested in Lacey’s story, having heard of her also through Sam and the wonderful benefit she did. They wanted to feature her in the spread on him as well, even offering to come to Tennessee to do some shots of the two of them together. He wasn’t sure she would go for that, but he told them he’d check.

When they finished in the studio and were getting ready to head to Central Park, Angela stepped up to him. He had finished the shoot in a pair of pink gym shorts with pink boxing gloves, and his body was oily. He couldn’t wait to rinse off.

“You looked amazing, Brant. The best I’ve ever seen you. Good work. I have to run back to the office for a meeting, but can we meet for dinner? I’d like to celebrate this awesome day by taking you out.”

“Sounds good. Text me where you want me to meet you and I’ll be there. Thanks for everything, Angela.” She smiled, running her index finger down his chest.

“The pleasure’s all mine.”