Authors: Vi Keeland
The alcohol loosened my verbal filter and I
found myself blabbering, telling him more than was necessary. I told him
about the fight that broke out in the luxury booth when two women realized they
were both invited by the same player they were sleeping with. I described how
two of the players did backflips in the air while dancing and admitted that some
jerk bothered me and a stranger stepped in and took care of it. I hadn’t
realized that I was doing all the talking and he wasn’t as amused at my stories
as I was.
“I should have taught that asshole a lesson
the first time.”
I started to say it wasn’t a big deal when I
realized I hadn’t told him that the guy who bothered me was the same guy from
the restaurant a few months back.
“How did you know who bothered me?” I was
suddenly alert and sober.
Quiet for a moment. “I need to make sure you
are safe Hope.” There was no apology in his voice.
Holy shit! He has people following me?
“What does that mean?”
“It means exactly what I said.”
“You are having me followed?” My voice was
suddenly loud and I was mad as hell. “You don’t trust me?”
“It’s not you that I don’t trust Hope.” His
tone was stern. I felt like a child being scolded. How dare he?
“Is that why you want me to move to Chicago?
So that you can keep a better watch on me?”
“Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow when you
get to Chicago, when you’re sober and calm.” His voice was patronizing.
“Because I won’t be in Chicago tomorrow!” I
was so angry I was panting. I had fought back all of my own insecurities and jealousy
for this man and how did he repay my efforts?
“Don’t do this Hope.” He sounded as if I was
the one that was insane.
My voice broke and cracked. “You have no
idea how hard it is for me to trust people, and I gave you my trust. I thought
I had yours in return. Without trust, we have nothing.” I sucked in air and
took a deep breath. “I need some time to think Kennedy.”
I waited for a response from the other end
of the phone, but nothing came.
“Good night Kennedy.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you Hope.”
I disconnected the phone and sobbed
uncontrollably. I didn’t understand what I had done to make him question my
trust. Forgetting that it was 2am, I picked up the phone and called Shauna.
She heard my voice and was at my apartment in less than a half an hour.
***
Shauna walked in and took one look at my
tear-streaked face and was instantly ignited. “What did he do to you?”
I was rambling uncontrollably “Oh Shauna, I
told him I loved him!” My hands were trembling.
“Oh sweetie, did he tell you he didn’t love
you?”
“No, he didn’t say that. He asked me to move
to Chicago.”
“What? When? I don’t understand. So why
are you crying? Isn’t it good that he wants you to move to Chicago?”
“No, he wants me to move because he doesn’t
trust me. He had me followed!”
“He said that?” Fury laced her words.
“Remember the guy who bothered me outside the
restaurant a few months back that Kennedy threatened? Well, he grabbed me
tonight and some guy stepped in.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that someone bothered
you tonight?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t think it was a big
deal. The guy was drunk and grabbed me and some guy I didn’t know took care of
it. It happened so quickly. But the guy I didn’t know wasn’t a stranger who
stepped in. He works for Kennedy and he was following me because Kennedy
doesn’t trust me.”
“How do you know that Kennedy doesn’t trust
you?”
“Why else would he have people following me?
And whose side are you on? Are you sticking up for him?”
“I’m always on your side Hope, you know
that. But maybe there is more to it than you think.”
“It all makes sense now. Everything seems
perfect when we are together, but then when we are apart things change. He
asks me to move to Chicago, yet he doesn’t love me. The puzzle didn’t make
sense until now. He doesn’t trust me, it’s why he is so different when we are
apart.” My voice cracked.
“Oh Hope.” She pulled me into a tight hug
until I calmed down. “If that’s true, then he is a god damn idiot and doesn’t
deserve you.”
***
I looked like death the next morning when I
arrived at work barely on time. It made it easy for me to pretend I was sick and
take the afternoon off. Dad was going to be in Connecticut for the weekend,
and I had decided to get out of town and spend some time with him. An early
start to a weekend with Dad was just what I needed. He was thrilled to hear I
was going to spend the weekend with him, but I could hear the concern in his
voice when I told him that I needed to get out of town to do some thinking.
Kennedy’s picture popped up on my cell phone
when it rang. I sent the call directly to voicemail. He didn’t call back for
the rest of the day and I didn’t listen to his voicemail.
Dad and I had dinner in the hotel restaurant
and then went for a walk. He hadn’t mentioned Kennedy during dinner and
neither did I. We stuck to safe topics and I told him all about my job and he
caught me up on some of friends from the service.
We walked the first few blocks in silence.
“So what’s going on baby girl?”
I didn’t even pretend to not know what he was
talking about. I just told Dad what had happened with Kennedy and he
listened. “Being in love isn’t always easy princess.”
“I know Dad, it’s just that, you know, if he
doesn’t trust me now, where does it go from here?” I was choosing my words
carefully, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
He took a deep breath. “It’s difficult to
have a relationship without trust, but sometimes when you love someone enough,
you can work it out. You can give trust time to grow and develop. I’m not
saying it’s easy, but there are harder things to overcome.”
I thought about his words, but didn’t
understand. “What is harder to overcome than a relationship with no trust Dad?”
He stopped and looked at me. “Losing the
person all together, baby girl.”
I was so deeply saddened by his words. “I’m
sorry Dad, I know you loved Mom a lot.”
“I still do sweetheart. And I don’t know
what you and Kennedy have together, but my guess is that man doesn’t want to
hurt you or not trust you. Sometimes people act because of their past and it has
nothing to do with the person that is in their present. Maybe you should find
out what makes the man who he is today.”
Growing up, my dad didn’t give me lectures or
push his beliefs on me. Yet I always knew he was there for me with advice if I
needed it. His advice was never the answer to my problem. Instead, he
somehow always managed to guide me to the path to find the answer I was looking
for myself.
I looked at him as we walked hand in hand. I
held back the tears for his sake, but I couldn’t get my voice louder than a
whisper “Thanks Daddy.”
A hesitant smile on his face. “I hope it
works out the way your heart wants it to princess.”
***
The next morning when my phone rang during
breakfast with Dad, he watched me as I glimpsed at Kennedy’s picture on the
screen and then swallowed hard and answered. “Hi”
“Where are you? Are you okay?” It wasn’t
anger in his voice, it was something else.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m having breakfast with my
dad in Connecticut. I decided to get out of the city and come spend the
weekend with him. I’m driving back in the morning.”
“We need to talk.”
I let out a deep breath. “I know. Why don’t
I call you when I get home tomorrow night, when I am back in the city.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
After I put my cell phone away, I looked at
Dad. He gave me a pensive smile and a quick nod of approval. I wasn’t sure if
he approved of Kennedy, but he was glad I was going to find out what was right
for myself.
***
Dad insisted that I get a spa treatment while
he was at his conference that afternoon. I hadn’t realized how tense I was
until my body started to relax half way through the one hour stress relief
massage. My eyes closed and my muscles relaxed, I laid in the dark room
quietly thinking after the treatment was over. How had I gotten here? I am
completely and utterly in love with a man and I’m not even really sure what he
feels for me. I felt scared and vulnerable. He could obliterate me with only
a few words. I was sure Kennedy had no clue how I was feeling. Scared and
vulnerable weren’t in him. Unlike me, he was strong and in control.
***
It felt odd to unpack clothes from my
overnight bag and not have spent the weekend with Kennedy. We had spent every
free moment we could find with each other since we met. I opened my dresser
drawer to put away the t-shirt I had packed but never worn, and the ice cream
painting Kennedy had bought me after our first date stared at me. My body
reacted to the memory of our first date. The way he made the hair on the nape
of my neck stand on edge with just a brush of his hand against my skin. I
remembered how he looked at me, like I was the only woman in the room. Like no
one else but me existed for him and we were in a secret universe. I missed
him already and couldn’t allow myself to think I had seen him for the last
time.
It was a little after six when I finally
managed to get up the courage to call him. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to
hear. He answered the phone on the second ring and my heart skipped a beat at
the sound of his voice.
“Are you back home safely?”
“Yes. How was your weekend?”
“You weren’t here, how do you think it
was?” He didn’t speak with sarcasm in his voice, but his words were decisive and
factual.
“I’m so confused about what is going on with
us Kennedy.” My eyes closed and I sighed hating how weak I sounded.
“I didn’t mean to upset you with putting a
bodyguard on you. He wasn’t supposed to interfere in your life; you shouldn’t
have even known he was around. I only want you to be safe beautiful.”
I was irritated by his lack of apology. Did
he think the problem was that the goon interfered with my life or that he had
hired the goon at all? “I should have known he was around. If you wanted to
put a tail on me I should have been involved in the decision.”
“He wasn’t a tail. He was there for your
personal safety.” His response was terse.
“And why would I need a bodyguard at all?” I
could give attitude right back to him.
“I told you, for your safety.” He was
getting angry, but I was angrier.
“Well if he wasn’t following me, and was
only there for my personal safety, why didn’t you tell me that you had hired
him?”
“Because we would have had this fight
sooner, rather than later.” He was probably right, but the response just
pissed me off even more.
“Why do you want me to move to Chicago
Kennedy?”
Silence for a moment and then “Because I
want to wake up to your beautiful face every day. I want your smile to be the
first thing I see every morning when I wake up and the last thing I see every
night before I fall asleep. Because my apartment seems empty without you in it,
and it physically hurts to go through whole days without touching you. Because
I haven’t been able to focus since the day I met you, and I don’t think I could
live with myself if anything ever happened to you while you were in New York
and I was here.”
I was speechless. I don’t know what I
expected, but it wasn’t that. “Wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you forgive me and will move to Chicago
Hope.”
My heart told me to scream yes, but my brain
hadn’t gotten there yet. “How about if I say I forgive you, but I need more
time to think about moving to Chicago?”
He let out a deep breath. “Okay, but I’ll
have to spend all of next weekend demonstrating the benefits of living here.”
His voice was sexy and sultry.
“Sounds like I just made a very good deal
for myself with a hard core negotiator, Mr. Jenner.” I flirted my response.
He laughed and I closed my eyes and
envisioned him smiling the full on dimple smile that made my knees go weak.
“Actually, I’m the one who got the good deal
Ms. York. I can think of nothing else I’d rather do with my time.”
***
Monday and Tuesday went by quickly. The
hotel manager, George, was on vacation so I was helping out the assistant
manager that normally worked nights on some open projects. I was glad that we
were so busy, because it kept me from counting the minutes until Friday night
when I walked off the plane and got to see Kennedy.
Shauna was excited about Kennedy and I
trying to work it out, and had decided that new lingerie was required for the
upcoming weekend. She took me to Starlet’s Palace downtown in Greenwich
Village after work, and we spent almost two hours laughing and trying things
on. From the outside of the store it appeared that they sold romantic
lingerie, but the inside was anything but romantic. It was crammed with
merchandise from floor to ceiling, and it was astounding to see that much sex
related paraphernalia in one place.