Authors: Leen Elle
And then, after nearly three or four minutes had passed, the silence was over and Nathaniel coughed loudly, as though choking on his own breath. The needle had been removed finally, it could be assumed. The nurses assured him that it was all over and tried to be kind, but he was no longer quite so weak or agonized and he began to shout again, though he struggled to get his voice out.
"You're crazy! Crazy, I tell you! If you think that's going to help me . . . It didn't do a thing! I feel just as horrible as ever!"
"I'm sorry, Mr. West, I'm so sorry, but I'm only doing what is asked of me. Dr. Fitzgerald says that in time it will help you. After a few days or so the effects should start to occur and perhaps you'll start to feel better."
"You don't understand! None of you understand what it's like! Get out of my room! Get out of my room now and leave me be!"
"B-But . . ." came Carolyn's trembling voice, "But, sir, there's a guest waiting outside for you. I was supposed to ask your permission to allow them to enter and you . . ."
Nathaniel interrupted her, "I don't want any more doctors! Tell them to leave me be!"
"But Mr. West . . ."
"I'm sick of all these doctors! They come every day from hospitals all over the country with their white coats and their phony smiles and act as if they'll magically be the ones to cure me! But they won't! I'm tired of it! I'm not allowing any more doctors to come in! Tell them to leave because they're
not
coming in! Go! Go, I say!"
"But Mr. West . . . It's not a doctor."
"Who is it then? I shouldn't wish to see them anyway! I just want to be alone!"
"Her name is Abigail St. James, sir."
There was a short pause before Nathaniel spoke, his voice soft and surprised, "
It's
Gail?"
Gail didn't wait for Carolyn to invite her into the room or for her admittance to be accepted by Nathaniel, who hadn't spoken since he said her name in shock. Instead, she stood up, held her head high, and walked right on into the room without fear or discipline.
It was a small, simple room with two windows, curtained for both Nathaniel's poor health and to shield his eyes from the depressingly solemn town- as if his life wasn't already solemn enough. There was a small trunk in the corner for his few garments, a single painting hanging upon the wall in a handsome black frame, a cart in the corner filled with different medications and pill bottles for emergency use, and a brass bed with a black gingham coverlet that squeaked each time Nathaniel moved.
But the room drew little of Gail's attention compared to the invalid lying upon the bed,
whom
she hadn't seen in weeks and whose health she'd been worried over for countless days and sleepless nights. With Nathaniel still paralyzed at the unexpected sight of his friend, Carolyn, Maureen, and Edith standing silently in the corner and waiting for the right instant to slip out the door, and Gail observing the physical state of their patient, the room was silent for the first few moments after she entered.
Beneath his blankets, Nathaniel looked even thinner than Gail remembered; she wondered if perhaps he truly did find the food of the hospital to be "slop" and hadn't been eating enough. His cheeks appeared unhealthily gaunt and his arms were like brittle twigs, bound to break at even the slightest impact. Surrounding his eyes, his skin was drastically darkened and plagued with great fatigue. He hadn't slept for days and it showed. His face was nearly colorless, his skin pale and waxen. Very light brown hair, nearly blonde, sat upon his head in an unkempt fashion and was in dire need of a trim. Overall, he looked only faintly better than the day he'd been carried off the ship in St. Francis County. At least he had a bit of strength back and was able to speak, though his voice may be hoarse.
He watched with wide eyes as Gail put her hands on her hips and frowned. And then, scratching his head, he said softly, "Hello, Gail. I didn't know that you were . . . I thought you were in Brighton. I thought . . . I-I thought you'd forgotten me."
But Gail wasn't in the mood for pleasant greetings; she was still angry over the way she'd heard Nathaniel speaking to Carolyn, "I can't believe you, Nathaniel West! I thought you were through with that terrible, childish tendency to scream over everything! I thought you'd changed after those first few weeks on
Violet
but I suppose I was foolish to think you'd ever overcome it. You're so rude and contentious and . . . And I can't believe they don't throw you out of this hospital! I haven't even been here an hour and already I've seen how horribly you treat your nurses! They
are
trying to help, you know! You needn't waste all your energy chastising them!"
From Gail's very first sentence, Nathaniel's eyes began to narrow. And as soon as she stopped yelling, he began, "You don't understand! You're just like them! You're all the same! If you were terribly sick, perhaps you might know! If you had nurses fidgeting around you all day and trying to stick needles in your arms and rub ointment on your chest and stuff tablets down your throat, perhaps you might know! If you had numerous doctors arriving each afternoon, trying to cure your ailment with silly, ridiculous concoctions so that they can get their name glorified in a medical journal, perhaps you might know! If that goddam rod of a needle had just been pierced into your skin and had drained some mysterious liquid into your body that burned through your insides and made you writhe and groan in pain, perhaps you might know! But don't try and act as though you're some sort of moral and medical expert who can tell me what to do! Because you're not! And just because you can scream louder than I can right now and you could probably snap my bones into pieces if you wanted, that doesn't mean I'll willingly give in to you and that doesn't mean you can order me around as though you're my mother!"
"Have you any idea how difficult it is to spend your time in the company of a boy who won't stop complaining or ridiculing or screaming at everyone? Especially when he's just a lowly invalid who you're supposed to feel sorry for! You should be praising these women for the work they do! If they wanted, they could leave you alone to die, but they don't! They stand here everyday and bear all your horrid attacks and do what they know is best for your health! Without them, you'd probably already be lying in your grave!"
"I'd rather be in my grave than in this misery!"
"Just say the word and we'll leave you to die, Nathaniel. Just say the word!"
"But Miss St. James . . ." Maureen cut in meekly, "We can't . . ."
"They wouldn't risk it!" Nathaniel retorted, "Because if they did, they know how greatly they'd be punished! And besides, if I really wanted to die I wouldn't need anyone's help! I could do it all on my own!"
"No one's stopping you!"
"Why are you here anyway? I never invited you and I don't recall ever approving your admission into my room! If all you're going to do is
yell
then you might as well go home to your perfect little house in the countryside with your perfect family and your perfect life!"
"My life's certainly not perfect! No one's is."
"It's as close to perfection as I've ever seen!"
"You don't know me well enough to make that judgment! You hardly even know my sisters!"
"I spent nearly three months on that ship with you! That must count for something! And I've heard plenty about your sisters! I feel as though I know them all personally for all you told me. No life is perfect, I know that, but I'd give both my legs to have yours!"
"I can't help that! What do you want me to do? What? It isn't my fault that you were destined to be ill all your life and I was destined to live far more comfortably! I can't do anything about it! I'm sorry for your luck, but don't blame me for it!"
At this point, the nurses were all thoroughly awed at Gail's reaction to Nathaniel's attitude. He seemed able to battle with her as his passion heightened, but Carolyn, Maureen, and Edith couldn't help but worry that this excessive arguing might be bad for his health and cause a sudden faint or a weakening of the muscles. Through a series of silent nods, they agreed it would be better to leave the jousting pair alone and crept out of the door. But they continued to stand nearby, in case a suddenly relapse in Nathaniel's health did occur.
Of course, the fighting and yelling continued endlessly inside the room.
"At least you should be thankful that you were brought to Wickensville! They've got the best hospital for miles around and it does seem as though you're a bit better than the last time we were together!"
"Sure, I've got my voice back and a bit of strength, but that's just a fluctuation in my health. I'll bet the hospital's had nothing to do with it!"
"You were
dying
, Nathaniel!"
"We're all dying!"
"But you were on the brink of death! If the ship hadn't made that emergency stop you'd probably already be dead! You can't deny that this hospital's helped, if only a bit!"
"I hate it! I hate it and I hate the terribly sympathetic nurses and the crazy doctors and the useless medicines! I hate this room and I hate this town and I hate the food!"
"Have you even been eating? You're as thin as a stick and look even weaker than I remembered!"
"Oh yes, and of course I'm sure this new physique is quite astonishing after seeing me fit as an athlete and as strong as an ox!" he jested with a forced laugh, "But you wouldn't be eating much either if you tried tasting the junk they make in this place! The nurses try to force me to eat it; they're probably afraid I'll starve myself to death and they'll be blamed, but I swear the only thing I can force down my throat is the stew they have every other night for supper! Other than that, I'd rather go hungry than eat their gooey oatmeal and bread that's as hard as I rock. And I swear this isn't like the food on the ship! I may have called that food slop, but compared to this I consider it a meal fit for kings!"
"Well when you call everything slop, it's difficult to distinguish when you truly mean it!"
"I did mean it! I've meant it both times, just with different degrees!"
"Perhaps you should be less harsh in your judgments!"
"I'll be however harsh I wish to be, no matter what your opinion!"
"You're the most pessimistic person I've ever met!"
"You never answered my question anyway. Why are you here? It must have been an awfully long trip coming all the way from Brighton."
"Only a day's journey."
"So you traveled from dawn until dusk just to see Mr. Nathaniel West? Why I'd be flattered if you didn't seem so indignant about being here!"
" I
came because I thought you were dying! As much as it may surprise you, I did actually think about you a bit after you'd gone and I was afraid you were still terribly ill and might pass away! If I'd known you had your voice partially back and if I'd known how contentious you'd be, I never would have come in the first place!"
"But you did," Nathaniel smiled. Not a sweet, thankful smile, but a mocking grin, "You spent all day in a carriage and came to this desolate town just to see me! Were you terribly worried about me, Gaily? Were you scared? Did you think I might be dead?"
"You're ridiculous! I'd leave this room right now but I've got no where else to go for the moment!"
"Now who's the pitiful one? You're homeless!"
"I'll find a room at an inn or something, don't you worry!"
"How long might you be staying?"
"As long as I wish to."