He looked confused.
“…..that’s right your off the hook this is my fault….because I
should have realized what a worthless bastard you were a long time
ago…that’s my mistake….but I’m going to correct it now.” I headed
for the door. “Where are you going?” Grant ran after me. “I’m doing
what I should have done the first time… get the hell away from
you.” He blocked the door so I couldn’t get by. “No, you can’t
leave me. Let’s talk about this.” I looked at him like he was
crazy. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do.” I tried to move him out of
the way but I couldn’t get him to budge. “Lucy listen, I made a
mistake I didn’t want to hurt you. Just listen to me please.” I was
getting seriously angry and feared what I was about to do. “Move!”
I screamed at him. “No! I’m not going anywhere and neither are you
so just list….” I smacked him so hard across his face, I shocked
myself. But that didn’t stop me from lunging for him again. I kept
punching and hitting him over and over, I couldn’t stop, I wanted
to beat his brains in. We ended up struggling and breaking damn
near everything in the living room. He finally bound my hands down
against the stairs.
“
Stop…” He screamed. Bang,
Bang. There was a aggressive knocking on the door. “Hello… is
anyone in there. Open up.” Realizing I had calmed down Grant got up
and stood over me. He went and answered the door. A nearby neighbor
stood in the doorway not knowing what to expect. “I heard screaming
and glass breaking is everything ok in here.” The man looked at
Grant strangely probably because of all the scratches on his face
and arms. “Everything is fine thank you for your concern.” Grant
began to close the door but the neighbor wasn’t buying it. “Are you
sure? You look like you’ve been in a fight sir?” Grant was getting
irritated by the whole situation. “Look, I said everything’s fine
now just...” I managed to move past them both and out the door into
the driveway. “No…Lucy wait...!” Grant tried to come after me but
the stranger blocked his path. “Lucy wait …Lucy!” I quickly ran
into my car, backed out of the driveway and speed out of there like
a bat out of hell. I couldn’t hear his screams for me to stop, I
couldn’t hear anything. I wanted to get away. I wanted to get away
and never look back.
Chapter 15
Time
out
Grant/2001
The New York weather was
freezing, my bones were sore trying to hold up in the below zero
degree weather, I had just got off work and made my way to the
apartment Lucy and I shared. It was a little cozy place for the two
of us but I wanted more. Our first couple months had been rough,
from me paying bills, her adjusting to her classes, and the overall
confusion of it all. It was hard for us to get comfortable in a new
atmosphere. I made my way inside; Lucy was on the floor near the TV
in her NYU sweater and jeans taking notes out of her trigonometry
book. She didn’t even acknowledge me as I came in let along give me
a hug, kiss, or I missed you baby. I mean damn she could have at
least had a meal waiting for me not that expected her to. We had
been arguing like crazy lately; the stress of it all was affecting
us. I took off my Good and Weldness jacket and took a beer out the
fridge and decided to make conversation any way. “Woman, how was
your day?”
She glanced up at me and
then back down at her book as if I were unimportant. “Fine.” I
nodded. “What did you do?” “I went to class.” Her answers were very
short and monotone and were pissing me the hell off, but I
continued to be friendly. “Well what did you do in class?” She
placed her pencil down in her book and looked at me. “We played
duck, duck, goose. What do you think we did...Damn, what is it with
all these questions?” I rolled my eyes and went into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was a crime to make conversation with
my girlfriend. I thought that is what couples do.” She sighed and
looked back at her book. But I really wanted to know what the hell
her problem was. “Does it not meet the criteria to ask your woman
how her day was in a relationship, to help clean up after one
another and cook a damn meal when your man comes home?” I said
slamming a plate on the table. She looked at me like I was stupid.
“Well excuse the hell out of me for trying to pass my classes and
get a degree…Shit. It is not like you are in a financial position
to be asking for a housewife.”
I shot her a cold glare
from across the room that made her instantly regret what she just
said. How the hell is she gonna talk to me like that? Who did she
think was paying these bills here, government cheese? I mean damn,
just cause I’m not buying her furs and corvettes all of a sudden I
aint shit. I swear this girl is so damn ungrateful. I made my way
to the bedroom and took off my work clothes. Lucy stood in the
doorway. “What are you doing?” I looked at her and shook my head.
“Getting the hell away from you.” “Look I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have
said that, I know how hard you have been working.” “Then act like
it!” I yelled damn near shaking the apartment. She folded her arms
across her chest. “Well you don’t always make things easy for me
either. I’m stressed out at school, everything’s getting harder,
and I just want a little understanding.” I looked at her and rolled
my eyes. “No you want someone to hold your hand like you’re a damn
child….”
I picked out one of my
button up shirts in the closet. “When are you going to realize the
world is not here to bow down at your feet…That no one is going to
baby you through life.” Lucy pouted and sat down on the bed while I
cleaned up in the bathroom and got ready to go. “Where are you
going Grant?” I grabbed my wallet and keys. “Out. I need to find
somebody who does appreciate my financial position.” I grabbed my
coat and headed for the door leaving her in the bedroom to sulk.
There was a little bar out on Fifth Avenue; it played a lot of jazz
music there that reminded me of my aunt and uncle’s place back
home. The place was filled with smoke and laughter; I sat at the
bar trying to disappear from it all. Ella FitzGerald’s summertime
rang in my ears as I sipped on my drink
.
Summertime and the livin' is easy, Fish are jumpin' and the cotton
is high, Your daddy's rich and your ma is good lookin', So hush,
little baby, baby, don't you cry.
I hummed
the words trying to take my stress away. In the rim of my glass I
noticed a young lady at the bar eyeing me. She was fine, beige
skin, sharp eyes, and dark black hair. She was sipping on her
martini not stopping her gaze. She gave me a slight smile and I
smiled back.
One of these mornin's, you're
gonna rise up singin', Then you'll spread your wings and you'll
take to the sky.
As I stared at the beauty I
could not strike up the nerve to go to her, in fact the more I
looked the more I wanted her to be Lucy. I imagined it was her
staring at me. “You wanna another one?” The bartender asked,
smiling as if he was reading my thoughts. I shook my head. The
beauty continued to stare, eyes begging me to come over and see
about her. “On second thought, Mr. Bartender.” I called to get his
attention. “Get the young lady over there a second martini.” He
nodded and whipped up the drink. She mouthed a thank you my way as
she received her second dose of liquid medicine.
I simply nodded and looked
at the rim of my glass. She motioned for me to come over; I threw a
twenty on the table, took a deep breath and exited while Ella
continued to sang…and I don’t mean sing I mean sang.
But 'til that mornin', there is nothin' can harm
you, With Daddy and Mummy, Mummy standing by, Don't you, don't you
cry.
When I arrived home the place was
dark and cold. “Lucy….Lucy where you at?” I placed my jacket on the
couch and looked for her. I opened the bedroom door and there she
lay on the bed while the exact same song from the bar played on the
radio.. I kicked off my shoes and lay beside her, Wrapping my arms
around her body real tight, and humming in her ear while softly
kissing her neck. She pulled closer to me and we drifted off
together.
But 'til that mornin', there is
nothin' can harm you, With Daddy and Mummy, Mummy standing by,
Don't you, don't you cry.
Lucy
The next couple of months
were pure hell. I moved into a Condo in the city and wouldn’t dare
return back to my house. I absolutely refused to speak to Grant, I
couldn’t even bare to look at him. I immediately filed for divorce
not that he would sign the papers which prolonged everything. The
only time we did speak was when I had to give little Greg over for
visitation. My poor little boy he had no idea why he was being
passed around from two different houses, and why his mother
suddenly had so much anger for his father. He sat at the kitchen
table playing with his dinosaurs, I was busy cooking dinner. I was
once again in a foul mood and my son picked up on it. “Mommy, when
is daddy coming home?” he asked really wanting to know. I stopped
what I was doing knowing I would face this question sooner or
later. “I don’t know honey.” I began to tend to the meatloaf but
Little Greg wasn’t done.
“
Do you want him to come
back.” I took a deep breath and thought about his question. Of
course I wanted Grant here with me…with us. But I couldn’t even
bring myself to think about that, not after what he had done. My
husband was having a child with another woman and it was tearing my
heart out. I loved this man more than my own life and he had
betrayed me in the worst way. I didn’t see a chance in hell that we
could ever get past this. Tears began to sting at my eyes and I
fought them away to stay serene in front of my child. “Mommy can’t
talk about this right now baby.” I was getting a little unraveled
by all the curious questions that a child of his age would want to
know, but I was unable to answer. “Mommy do you hate daddy?” My
heart broke when I heard his little voice ask me that, I looked
back at my son who looked dead at me and wondered to myself did he
really believe I hated his father. I took a seat next to him at the
table and discussed the situation at hand. “Why did you ask me
that?” I spoke softly.
Greg looked at me with true
concern. “You won’t talk to him….You won’t let him come home….you
don’t love daddy no more mama.” I couldn’t believe how much my son
was noticing. I tried to be a civil as possible with Grant in front
of Greg but given the situation how civil could I be. I held his
hands in mine and decided to be honest with him about what was
going on between me and his father…sort of. “Daddy did something
that hurt mommy’s feelings. So he and I have to be apart right
now…It’s kind of like when you do something bad and I put you in
your room...” He nodded finally able to wrap his young mind around
the situation. “Ok…so daddy’s been bad…now he’s in time out?” With
nothing else to say I just nodded my head. “Yes son…a very long
time out.” “Ok mommy…” He smiled. “I get it now.” I continued to
nod and patted my sons head. I was disappointed in myself knowing I
couldn’t keep this separation going on forever. I was completely at
a crossword, I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t stand to look at
Grant let along talk to him. But this toxic environment was
unhealthy for Greg and he was more important than anything. I guess
we did need to get something’s straightened out…at least for our
son.
“
Why that low down dirty
ass dog…” Cat yelled in shock as I broke the news about Grants
affair and the baby to the roundtable. I tried to hide my martial
problems from the crew as long as I could but my emotions were
getting the best of me and I needed some guidance. I had called an
emergency meeting with my girls trying to find some help from my
friends as to what to do about my broken marriage. Cat leaned back
on the couch and folded her arms. “You mean to tell me he got that
bitch pregnant?” I leaned my elbows on my knees and wiped tears
from my eyes, I was tired of crying about the same damn thing like
my tears was going to make this situation any better. “Sad but true
huh?” Destiny put her wine glass down on the table. “We are gonna
have to make a liquor run because this little wine aint strong
enough to handle this shit… Pregnant?” She shook her head. “Damn
girl, even I’m speechless.” Alayah looked on in shock. “I don’t
understand Luce…” Megan sat up and looked at me. “Just a minute ago
you were glowing, you and Grant were better than fine you two were
doing great. And now he has been having an affair and the chick is
pregnant? How did this happen.” I stood up and poured another glass
of wine. “You tell me…A month’s ago I had a husband who I thought
loved me and would do anything for me. Now today I have cheating
ass bastard with baby on the way.”
I took a much needed sip of
wine. “Damn this really aint strong enough.” Destiny finally spoke
up after a moment of silence. “Lucy girl I don’t know what to tell
you, this is too much. What are you going to do?” “Leave his ass
like we have been telling her. She doesn’t need this.” Cat raved.
Destiny shot her a stern look. “Cat.” “She is right…” Alayah budded
in. “It’s bad enough Grant had an affair but to have a constant
reminder of it…that is a whole other level.” “But that doesn’t mean
she just leaves, they have a family.” “Yeah and now he has a baby
with another woman.” Meg stood up and addressed me. “Seriously
Lucy, this child is going to be a part of him, you will have to
deal with this forever, can you handle that?” I looked at them all,
each one seeming to think she had the answer to my problems, like
they all knew perfectly well what I should do and were waiting for
me to step up to the plate. “You don’t think I want to let him go?
You don’t think I want to leave him?”