Authors: Vivian Leigh
“Not yet.”
“Party?” Robbie rubbed his temples. “I don’t know if I can handle one.”
“It’ll be a blast,” Alison said. “You can’t miss it.” She turned her attention to Dylan. “So you’re like Robbie’s sergeant or something?”
“She’s not shy, is she?” Dylan asked Amanda.
“Nope,” she said.
“He’s my lieutenant.”
“Awesome,” Alison said. “You guys see much action?”
“Uh…” Dylan looked to Robbie for guidance.
“It’s rude to ask that, Al,” Amanda interjected. “They’re home to get away from Afghanistan, not to tell stories about it.”
“Oh. Well, if you change your mind later, there’s going to be a whole pile of girls that would
love
to hear what our heroes do over there.”
“Good to know,” Dylan said.
The back door banged open, and her dad came through with a steaming plate of burgers and brats. The smell of cooked meat filled the kitchen, making her mouth water.
“Get us some plates, would you,” he said to her mother as he set the plate in the middle of the table.
Her mom brought over a stack of paper plates and a couple packages of buns while her dad grabbed bottles of condiments from the fridge and bags of chips from the pantry.
“Dig in, kids. If you finish it all, I’ll make some more.”
She surveyed the table. “I think there’s plenty.”
“You don’t know what those boys can eat.” He patted Robbie on the shoulder. “You want a beer?”
Robbie blanched. “Not right now.”
Her dad laughed. It hardly seemed forced. “Had your fill last night? I understand. Just remember, the whole ‘I’ll never a drink again’ promise never lasts. Don’t kid yourself.”
“So about this party,” Amanda said. “Midnight Lanes still giving us the space?”
“Happily,” Alison said. “Five lanes and free shoes. All we have to do is pay for booze. Well, not Robbie. And I guess not… Dylan, did you say?”
Dylan nodded, his mouth too full to speak.
Robbie had a drip of mustard and burger grease running down his chin. “What time? I haven’t even showered yet.”
“People are showing up at six, but you can go whenever you want.” Alison snagged a chip from the bag. “There are some girls really excited that you’re back. Do pay too much attention to them.”
“What? Me?” Robbie held up his hands defensively.
“Yes, you. Don’t be breaking any hearts tonight.”
Amanda rolled her eyes. Alison just wanted to keep him for herself, and she wasn’t being too subtle about it. She kicked the other girl under the table.
Alison’s smile cracked for half a second, just enough to shoot Amanda a quick glare. “Well, I’ll just get out of here and let you boys get cleaned up. Amanda, call me if you all want a ride.”
Fat chance
, she thought. “Alright,” she said aloud.
Alison rose and headed for the front door; Amanda followed. “He doing okay?” Alison asked, once they were out of earshot.
“He’s fine. Just hungover.”
“I’m worried about him. Glad he’s home, but worried, you know?”
“I know. He’ll be okay. Dylan’s been keeping an eye on him.”
Alison snorted. “Uh huh, I saw what kind of eye he keeps. I’ll make sure Robbie doesn’t let that sailor-boy corrupt him, don’t you worry.”
Amanda bit her lip. “I think it’s fine.” She pushed Alison out the door to the front porch. “See you tonight, Al.”
Alison rolled her eyes, but left with a fake smile. “Later.”
T
HE party was going full bore when Amanda found Dylan at the bar by himself. Classic rock blared over the speakers. The thump and clatter of bowling balls sliding down the lanes echoed beneath the chatter of the crowd.
“You alright?” she yelled over the noise.
He shrugged, picked up his cup of beer. The bartender waved away his crumpled five dollar bill.
“No charge for you tonight!” the bartender said.
“I’m fine,” Dylan said.
“You aren’t acting fine. What’s wrong?” She pulled him toward the side door, away from the noise of the lanes.
“It’s just a lot to take in,” he said once they were outside. His breath steamed in front him. “I’m used to being surrounded but a bunch of dudes with guns.”
“Is it too peaceful?”
“Nah, I wouldn’t call it that. It’s just overwhelming.”
She rubbed the gooseflesh on her arms. “You want to get out of here for a while? I’ve only had a couple drinks; I can drive.”
“I can’t just leave Robbie.”
She grabbed his arm, tugged him forward. “Come on. Robbie’s fine. Alison won’t let anything happen to him.” She led him to her dad’s Tahoe, climbed into the driver’s seat.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know. I’d say home, but I don’t know where that is. I don’t think I’ve ever known.” He sipped his beer, stared out the window.
Amanda started the truck. “Was it hard for you as a kid?”
“What?”
“Moving around so much?”
“I hated it. Joining the military was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m surrounded by my brothers, by my family.”
Warm air blew from the vents, taking away the chill inside the truck. “We can just stay here. Chat a while. Go back in when you feel ready.”
Robbie glanced at her, not really seeing her. “Okay.”
“Or we can get in the backseat and...”
His hand shook, the beer sloshing over his sleeve. “Huh?”
“Just seeing if you were paying attention.” She grinned. Licked her lips suggestively. A rock hard Marine sounded more than alright. His easy smile and strong jaw practically made her weak in the knees. The fact that he wasn’t her brother even made it seem like a good idea.
Dylan looked her up and down. His eyes lingered on her chest. The look didn’t have the salaciousness she expected; it was more a look of appraisal, of faint curiosity. It didn’t make a damn bit of sense.
“So, uh…” He gulped down the last of his beer. “Should we go back inside?”
Go back inside? What do I have to do, throw myself on him?
“Sure,” she said, disappointed.
He stopped outside the bowling alley door, at the edge of the light. “I’m sorry, Amanda.”
“What?”
“For staring. I talk a lot of shit with the guys, but I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“You were fine.” She slid closer, touched his hip. “A girl likes to be appreciated.”
“Oh.”
Her head tilted back. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her close for a kiss. Only it didn’t. He was already moving for the door, leaving her there feeling like an idiot.
She stood in the cold and watched him go inside.
What the hell just happened?
Back in the bowling alley, in the crush of people and the cacophony of music and laughter, she wanted to kick herself. She’d blown it. The perfect chance to be with a man like Robbie, but that wasn’t her brother, and she’d blown it.
“Have you seen Robbie?” she asked one of the girls at the bar.
“Down on lane 12.” The girl pointed to the far end of the building. “They decided to bowl. There’s a six drink minimum, though.” She smiled, grabbed her beer.
Amanda rolled her eyes and went to join the fun.
D
YLAN rode in the back in silence. Amanda kept checking him in the rear-view mirror, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Robbie sat in the passenger seat, his face sweaty and his eyes unfocused.
“I’m surprised you didn’t go home with Alison,” Amanda said to her brother.
“Ungh,” he waved the question away. “Pull over.”
“What?”
“Pull. Over.”
She stopped the Tahoe and let Robbie shove open the door. He spewed all over the asphalt, gagging and spitting.
A cold wind whipped into the cab, making her shiver and bringing the sour smell of beer with it. “You need to pace yourself better.”
His back heaved again. More beer splashed the road. Finally, he sat up straight and closed the door. “There a napkin in here?”
“In the console.” She glanced back at Dylan. He was snoozing, or pretending to. It was hard to tell in the dark.
Robbie wiped his face and crumpled the napkin. “I feel better. Thanks.”
“So about that pacing yourself…”
“I’m not that drunk.” He over-enunciated each word, as if to prove that he was more sober than he really was. It didn’t work.
“You just puked all over dad’s running board. You’re fucked up, bro.”
He leaned against the door, let his head rest on the window. “Party on, man.”
“Robbie, do you do this shit in Afghanistan? You’re going to kill yourself before the terrorists do.”
“Don’t drink as much. There.” He rubbed his face.
“Well, maybe you should slow it down while you’re here.” Her voice softened. “I’d hate to see you hurt yourself.”
He didn’t respond.
She leaned over and patted his leg. He caught her by the wrist, held her hand there.
“Robbie?”
A grin twitched at his lips. He slid the hand up his leg a few inches.
Her heart rate double. All the moisture wicked from her mouth. She should jerk her hand away. Shouldn’t let him keep sliding it up, one joyful inch at a time. She felt him then, through his jeans. Thick. Firm. His grip was gone, but her hand remained.
I can’t do this. Not again.
She gripped the steering wheel with both hands, her fingers flexing white over the hard rubber. Outside, trees whipped past, a wispy fog between them. She held the wheel, focused on it, on the road. Ignored Robbie. Pretended she hadn’t just touched him like that. Pretended she didn’t want to do it again, that the first touch wasn’t enough.
Her thumb found the stereo control on the steering wheel. Turned up the volume. Drowned out her conscience.
H
ER mom had left a note on the kitchen table about meeting for lunch after church.
Fat chance that Robbie will be awake
. Dylan had to help her drag him to his bed, then he hadn’t even made it back downstairs. He’d just collapsed next to Robbie. She’d had to take his blankets up to him.
She scrounged up a bagel and a glass of juice, then went upstairs to get a shower. Something thumped in the hallway. Bedsprings squeaked. They were faint, but she followed them to Robbie’s door. The noise was definitely coming from his room. Had Alison snuck into the house? If that tramp was in there screwing around with Robbie
and
Dylan…
She pressed her ear up against the door, listening for higher pitched moans. Apparently the little tramp hadn’t even latched the door, because it opened a few inches at her touch. The musky smell of sex filled the room. She peered in through the crack and dark room lit only by the shafts of sunlight that streamed through the gaps in the blinds. A bare ass confronted her. Flexing. Thrusting.
There was moaning, to be sure, and none of it feminine. She stared as her brother and his…
boyfriend?
fucked right in front of her.
They didn’t seem to be in a hurry. The one on top took his sweet time, plunging in deep and nearly pulling all the way out before plunging in again. With each thrust his lips found the bottom’s shoulder and gave it a wet, smacking kiss.
Amanda scooted backward, pulled the door closed. She stood in the hallway, hands covering her face. There was no way to unsee what she’d just witnessed. The shock wore off after a minute or two, but the groaning on the other side of the door intensified, so she scuttled away to her own room.
Robbie was gay.
It hit her like a football to the face. He’d run away to war, left her there, and somehow he’d turned gay. She wanted to scream.
"W
HERE are the boys?” her dad asked as she sat down. A waiter brushed past the edge of the table, a platter of drinks held at his shoulder. The diner was full of the after-church crowd in their Sunday dresses and bad ties.
“They were pretty hung-over,” Amanda said. “I didn’t want to wake them up.”
“You kids had a good night at the bowling alley then?”
“It was fun. I think Robbie got to see most of the old crew. Where’s mom?”
“Bathroom. Did they have any girls over? Your mom was worried about that.”
Amanda shifted in her seat. “Nope. I don’t think Robbie is as interested in Alison as she is in him.”
“Well, what about Dylan? He’s a fine looking boy. You haven’t been…”
“No, and if I had, I’d lie about it.” She grinned. “I’m a big girl, daddy. You don’t get to pry into my private life anymore.”
He harrumphed, but didn’t argue. A waitress came over to the table. She wore a green apron covered in cheap metal buttons. “What can I get you to drink? We have peach Bellinis and our house chardonnay on special for $4.99.”
“Sprite, please,” Amanda said. The waitress shrugged, popped her gum, left.
“Well, if you do fool around with him, or anyone, be careful, huh?”
Her eyebrows scrunched. “Dad. Seriously. I’m a big girl. I’m not a virgin. I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know what I missed, but it sounded exciting,” her mother said as she sat across from her.
“Dad’s giving me the third degree about safe sex.”
“Ernest, stop. She’s my daughter; that’s my job. Use a condom, dear. I don’t care if you are on the pill. He’s a soldier. There’s no telling what kind of weird Asian hookers he’s been with.”
“Mom!”
“Well, I’m serious. You’ll do what you want to do; I’m no fool. Just be safe.” She smiled. “Now, Ernest, did you tell her about the Packers tickets?”
“Packers tickets?” Amanda said.
“Lloyd Chalmers at church, you remember Lloyd, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Lloyd gave me his tickets to the game tonight in Green Bay. Said Robbie needed ‘em more than he did.”
“Really? How many?”
“Four.”
“I told your dad that he could take you and the boys.” Her mom patted her dad’s arm. “I’ll just go over to Susan’s for the evening. Speaking of the boys, where are they?”
“Home. Asleep still, probably.”
“You kids had a late night?”
“They definitely took advantage of the free drinks. I brought them home around 1:00.”
“That’s good. They deserve it.”
Amanda shrugged. It didn’t feel right to lie to her parents. It felt less right to cover for her brother
fucking another dude.
“So the game is at 7:00, right? What time do we need leave?”