In the car, she didn’t say anything. Her eyes were hard and filled with tears that didn’t spill. I felt bad for her. She must be hurting, but I was glad that she finally stood up to Ian.
We pulled into an apartment complex. Aunt Nell spoke for the first time since we’d gotten into the car. “Paige was my college roommate. She’s really nice. You’ll like her.”
“Okay.” I reached out and squeezed her arm.
She gripped my hand, breathing in and letting it out slowly. “Let’s go see her.”
Paige gave Aunt Nell a hug as soon as the door opened. She smiled at me from over Aunt Nell’s shoulder and welcomed me in. Her boyfriend was there, but as soon as he saw us, he kissed her goodnight and went back to his apartment. Paige showed me to her bedroom and turned on the television for me. She brought in a bunch of DVDs to select from. I felt more welcome here in two minutes than I’d felt the entire time at Ian’s. She and Aunt Nell went back to the living room to talk. I was glad my aunt had someone she could talk to about this.
I settled in to watch a movie and tried not to wonder about how much my life would change again.
21 / OLIVIA
THE WEDDING WAS CANCELED
. I was happy about that. I didn’t think Ian was the right guy for Aunt Nell. Not that I’d hurt her feelings and tell her.
Three days later, Aunt Nell hadn’t gotten any less angry. Thankfully, Paige seemed okay with that and having us stay here. Her place was a two bedroom, not very big, especially since Paige used the second bedroom as her office when she worked from home. They moved the desk out to the living room so that Aunt Nell could have the second bedroom. I was on the couch. It was a pullout couch, but even foster homes required that all kids get a bed. I’d never had my own room until Briony and M’s, but I’d been spoiled there. Aunt Nell was too stressed to figure out what to do right now. She just knew she didn’t want to move back in with Ian or marry him.
He called four or five times a day. It upset her and I wanted to tell him to stop, but it wasn’t my place. Paige told him off once, which was funny to hear. Aunt Nell should talk to him like that.
Now she was worried about money. She talked to Paige about it, and sometimes it was in front of me. It made me feel guilty that she had more to worry about with me around.
“It’s too bad you guys wouldn’t fit here. I could use my old roommate back,” Paige was saying while I started breakfast.
“We’d just get in your way. Thanks for letting us crash until I can figure something out.”
Only three days had passed, but Aunt Nell already sounded younger, more like her friend Paige and less like the perfect wife Ian seemed to want her to be.
“That asshole!” Paige declared for like the twentieth time. I’d been a little intimidated by her the first few times, but now I knew she was helping Aunt Nell blow off steam.
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Girl, you keep going for the wrong kinda man.”
“I may never get the chance,” Aunt Nell said and glanced at me before looking at Paige again. I wish I hadn’t seen it. I was too expensive and I would make it harder for her to meet someone. For like the millionth time I silently wished she’d never come to get me. M and Briony never made me feel this way.
“Sure, you will.”
“I don’t want to think about that right now.”
“I get you. Don’t worry. Soon enough you’ll be back to yourself.” Paige really was a good friend to her.
“Hope so. It won’t magically get us an apartment though, will it?”
“Wish you could stay here, but we’ve got plenty of places to look at today.”
By the end of the day, we’d seen three apartments. They seemed fine, but Aunt Nell wasn’t too thrilled with them. They definitely weren’t as new as Paige’s place, which was something they kept saying. I didn’t really understand what she did for a living, something to do with people’s paychecks. Whatever it was, it didn’t pay enough for a place as nice as Paige’s and she wasn’t happy about it. I volunteered to sleep on a pullout couch if she wanted a one bedroom. I couldn’t imagine spending years on a couch, but I couldn’t be choosy either. I’d do whatever she needed.
When she brought up school districts, my stomach started to hurt. One of the apartments was okay, but the manager showing the unit said the middle school nearby wasn’t the greatest. I doubted that my aunt thought of this when she made the decision to take me out of foster care. I wish I had the courage to tell her that she could send me back, but it was too scary to think about. There’s no way I’d find another home like Briony and M’s here. My only choice was to stick with my aunt and hope that I didn’t become a burden.
Aunt Nell’s cellphone rang. She looked at the display then at me. Before taking the call, she went into her bedroom. Paige and I looked at each other. I think we both hoped that it wasn’t Ian.
Unfortunately the apartment wasn’t large enough for me to miss her saying, “Hi, Mom.”
I didn’t know how often she spoke to her mom, but this was the first time I’d heard her. She didn’t talk about her mom to me, but I was pretty sure they talked to each other. She’d invited her parents to the wedding, but her mom wasn’t involved in all the planning.
Her voice got louder, enough for us to hear every word. Paige turned up the television, but it didn’t stop me from hearing what she was saying.
“I can’t do that, Mom. It wouldn’t be right,” she paused for a few seconds. “It’s what I thought I had to do. What Ian wanted for us to be a family. I felt good about it.” It sounded like she was telling her mom that she’d called off her wedding. Paige had made a lot of phone calls for her, helping her cancel the plans and the guests, but I hadn’t heard them call her mom.
“Sure it’s tough, but I don’t understand why you can’t just meet her. Nina made the mistake, Mom. Olivia didn’t do anything wrong.”
Oh, brother. It wasn’t about the wedding. It was about me.
Paige gripped my arm and asked, “Want to go outside?”
I was nodding when I heard Aunt Nell say, “I need your help. I can’t do this by myself.”
That made me feel even worse. I’d never met my grandmother before, but I didn’t like that she’d hurt my mom so much. I was everything to my mom. She made me feel like she’d do anything for me. Anything. It was the best feeling in the world. How could her own mother not feel the exact same way about her?
Paige and I went outside on her small balcony. She tried to make me feel better by joking about her neighbors, but I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t hear my aunt saying she couldn’t handle me alone.
When Aunt Nell showed up in the kitchen, she waved Paige inside. As much as I didn’t like living with Ian, it might be better if she went back to him. I didn’t think her mom was going to help her and the only other option was for me to go back into foster care. I really didn’t want to go back there. I was getting to an age where I’d be sent to the group home instead of another foster family. At the group home, we slept in a large room filled with bunk beds, spent most of the day in a multipurpose room with only one TV that everyone fought over, had to sit through group discussions with guidance counselors, and ate bad fried food. We got to leave for school but that was about it. I tried to stay out of everyone’s way, but unless I paid the right girls, I’d be picked on, and not the way Krystal picked on me. Shoved around and beat up. I couldn’t go through that again. Aunt Nell had to keep me.
I pulled out my phone and texted Eden. She could make me feel better with one emoticon. I hadn’t told her that we’d moved away from Ian yet. I didn’t want her possibly telling Caleb if she talked to him. He’d tell his parents who would worry.
She responded almost immediately. She was fighting with her oldest brother over the use of her bathroom. All of her brothers had dates tonight and he’d taken over her bathroom. He was the messiest, so she wasn’t too happy. It made me smile. I could almost see her sitting here telling me all about it.
I texted that she should sneak into the bathroom and flush the toilet while he was showering. She responded that her dad was a plumber so obviously he would have fixed that problem. I gave her a few more suggestions just to keep talking to her. She asked how I was doing and when I could come for a visit. I told her everything was okay, and I probably wouldn’t be back for a while. I never told her that I probably wouldn’t ever be back. At first I didn’t know, but now I knew it. Aunt Nell wouldn’t be making that drive just so I could visit my friends. She had too much on her plate as it was.
I signed off with Eden. Five seconds later, the phone rang. It was her again.
“I forgot to tell you that my dad said you could come camping with us in a couple of weeks. He said he’d find a place on the coast of Maryland if you can make it so we can swing by and get you on the way. My brothers are less annoying out in the open, and they’ll be really nice if you’re there.”
“I’ll ask my aunt, but she’s super busy these days.” As much as I wanted to go, even though I’d never been camping, I didn’t think I could ask Aunt Nell right now.
“Cool. Ask her when you can. I hope you can come with us. My brothers drive me nuts every year. It’d be great to have you there.”
“Thanks.” I wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. “How do the braces feel today? Does your mouth still hurt?”
She groaned. As much as she didn’t like the gap in her front teeth, she didn’t like the braces even more. “They’re total sucko. I can’t believe I have to wear them for two years. You’re so lucky.”
I never thought of straight teeth as lucky, but Eden’s simple reasoning made sense. I wanted to see them and convince her they didn’t make her look weird, but I’d probably never get the chance. “Sorry they suck. Hope they stop hurting soon.”
“Me, too,” she agreed. “So is that Ian guy a dorkus?
I laughed. He was a dorkus. Eden always had the right words for people. “He’s okay.”
“He doesn’t make you decide on his shirt every time he goes out with your aunt does he? I swear my brothers couldn’t leave the house without asking me which shirt looks best.”
I didn’t want to lie to her. “Aunt Nell broke up with him.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. They were supposed to get married tomorrow.”
“Wow,” Eden whistled. “Wasn’t it his house?”
“Yeah. We’re staying at a friend’s while we look for a new place.”
She was quiet, more quiet than I’d ever heard her be. “Are you going to be okay there? Can’t you just come back and live here?”
“It doesn’t work like that. If Aunt Nell couldn’t keep me anymore, I’d be placed with a family here in Maryland.”
“Oh.” She paused again. I wasn’t sure she understood what being in foster care was really like. She only knew what it was like for me at M and Briony’s. They treated me like I was theirs. “Then I hope you can stay with her. Maybe when things settle down it’ll be okay.”
“Yeah, it will. I’m not worried.” But I was, a lot.
“I’m not either. If you feel like you can’t ask her about the camping trip, don’t worry. But if she likes to camp, she can come, too.”
God, she was nice. I really missed her. “Thanks, Eden.”
“Bye, Liv.”
I hung up and went inside. Aunt Nell was making dinner. Paige was sitting at the kitchen table looking at her computer. She was looking up apartments again and telling Aunt Nell about the ones that looked good. I guess we were going to be spending Sunday looking for places again.
M / 22
Lauren barely hid her shock when I’d called. Normally Briony made all the phone calls to friends. But Lauren was happy to hear from me. When she heard why I was calling, her customary effervescence erupted. I only hoped that our meeting would be cause for more joy.
“Hi, you two,” Jessie greeted us when we arrived at her house.
Briony hugged her hello. I merely nodded. The friends were used to my mile wide personal bubble. She ushered us into her living room where I froze. One, two, three…the counting began automatically. It always did whenever I found myself in an uncomfortable or unexpected situation. This was definitely unexpected. Standing beside the tall, redheaded beauty we expected was her unanticipated best friend, Austy. Exactly my height and size, I shouldn’t find her intimidating, but I did. Even more so than her partner, Elise, the FBI agent. Austy always seemed to be touching someone. I feared when she finally felt comfortable around me, she’d extend those touches to me. Twenty-six, twenty-seven… Her politeness and consideration made her easy to like. The group certainly adored her as much as they teased her, but each time I tried to get a bead on her, she’d catch me watching her as if she knew exactly what I was doing and thinking. I found it unnerving, far more than enduring Des’s brash comments.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I called Aust. She has a good friend who specializes in family law in Maryland. I’m a little out of my depth until I do more research, so I asked for help,” Lauren was telling Briony as I snapped out of my paralysis.
I had to be open to anything that would help. If Austy was more familiar with this, I’d gladly push through my anxiety at not knowing her well. Sixty-two, sixty-three…push through, yes, but completely abandon the anxiety, no.
Briony was greeting Austy when Lauren’s parents bustled into the living room to say hello. I was pretty sure they were living here now. After Cap broke his hip, Lauren probably didn’t want them living on their own anymore. As close as Lauren was to her parents and with Jessie having lost both parents, the cohabitation seemed to work well for them.
“Time for that last checkup, Cap.” Jessie popped her head into the living room.
Elise was at her side, twirling a set of car keys on a finger. When she spotted us, she came into the room. “Good to see you, Briony,” she reached to shake Briony’s hand. We still didn’t know them well enough for the hugs that they gave the rest of the group. I was perfectly fine with that.
She turned and set her sights on me. A knot formed in my stomach as I saw that Briony was too far away to do anything. One hundred eighty…I’d have to shake her hand or be unforgivably rude. I could deal with the expected pain, but it might demolish the no-touching constraint I had in place with the group.