Authors: Amanda Hocking
While the idea of killing Konstantin made my heart twist, I couldn’t argue with the
King. Konstantin was still the enemy, and he was complicit in the attempted kidnappings
and murder of our people. Something had to be done. I may disagree on what that “something”
might be, but arguing with the King would get me nowhere.
“We’re coming up with the specifics now, but the plan is to send you out early next
week,” King Evert went on.
“Excuse me, sire?” Tilda raised her hand timidly. “Is there a way that we can opt
out of this mission?”
I looked sharply at her. Her long chestnut hair hung in a braid, and her skin had
begun to shift color when everyone looked at her, paling to match the beige of the
walls and the tan of the desk, so she could blend in and disappear—a side effect of
her embarrassment.
“Opt out?” Evert’s brow furrowed and he crossed his arms again.
“This mission of going after traitors sounds particularly dangerous, and…” She stopped
and took a deep breath. “I’m fourteen weeks pregnant.”
“You’re
what
?” I asked, unable to contain myself, and she lowered her head.
Beneath the desk, I saw her hand pressed against her stomach. Tilda had always been
so toned, and while lately there had been a very subtle bump to her normally taut
stomach, I had barely even registered it, let alone considered that she might be with
child.
“Of course, in your condition, you don’t need to be on active duty,” King Evert said.
“When this meeting is over, I’ll have you come into my office to fill out some paperwork,”
Ridley added, then gave her a smile. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” Tilda said softly and smiled at him.
The King spoke for a few minutes longer, summarizing what he’d already told us, and
saying that we should all be ready to move next week. He ended the meeting by saying
that he’d be in contact with Ridley later on, and then reminded us all to keep everything
he’d said under wraps.
After King Evert left, Ridley dismissed the rest of us, and while the other trackers
left quickly, talking among themselves, Tilda, Ember, and I were slow to get up. Ridley
was at the main desk, gathering up some paperwork he’d apparently brought in with
him for the meeting. I sat hunched over my desk, trying to absorb the newfound revelations.
“You’re pregnant?” Ember asked Tilda, echoing my own disbelief. She’d gotten up from
her desk to walk over to where Tilda still sat at her desk. “You’re one of my best
friends. How could you not have told me this?”
“I wanted to tell you,” Tilda said emphatically, and she looked over at me. “Both
of you. I was just waiting for the right time.”
“How could you have let this happen?” I asked. My voice was quiet, but the accusation
in my tone was unmistakable, and Tilda sat up straighter, her eyes widening with indignation.
“
Let
this happen?” Tilda asked incredulously.
“You should’ve been more careful,” I went on, unabashed. “Weren’t you and Kasper using
protection?”
“My sex life with Kasper is none of your business,” Tilda snapped.
“I just can’t believe you would do this.” I shook my head. “Just throw your career
away.”
“Bryn!” Ember admonished me, but I ignored her.
“I’m not throwing away anything,” Tilda said, growing more defensive. “I just don’t
want to fight while I’m pregnant. Once I’m done with maternity leave, I’ll go right
back to work.”
“Yeah, that’s what they all say, and then they never come back,” I muttered.
“Things are getting a little heated,” Ridley interjected, attempting to be a voice
of reason, but both Tilda and I were staring daggers at each other. “Everyone should
calm down, and talk about things later.”
“They all who? And who gives a damn what other people do?” Tilda was nearly shouting
by now. “I’m talking about me. And this is about
me
and
my
baby. Not you. It’s not like I did this to you.”
“I just can’t believe this.” I stood up, pushing the chair back from my desk so hard
it tipped over. “I always thought you were better than this.”
“Wow, Bryn.” Tilda’s voice was cold and flat, but hurt flashed in her gray eyes. “I
could say the same thing about you.”
Ember rushed to defend Tilda, but I barely heard her. I just turned and stormed out
of the room, dimly aware that Ridley was calling after me. But I just kept going.
The muscles in my arms felt tight and electric, and I nearly punched in the door to
the girls’ locker room. My breath came in angry, ragged gasps, and it was hard for
me to think or focus. I wanted to hit something, and I didn’t even know why.
“Bryn!” Ridley shouted, busting into the locker room without knocking. I stood next
to my locker, my fists balled up at my sides, and I cast an annoyed glare at him.
“What the hell was that about?”
“You’re in the girls’ locker room,” I pointed out lamely and struggled to get hold
of my temper.
“No one is here, and it’s not like they have anything I haven’t seen.” He put his
hands on his hips and stared down at me. “Everything you said in that classroom was
totally uncalled-for. You were being a huge asshole.”
“I’m the asshole?” I rolled my eyes and laughed bitterly. “She’s the one that was
negligent and immature! She’s abandoning her job for some stupid boy!”
“No, she’s not,” Ridley corrected me as reasonably as he could. “She’s an adult woman
starting a family with someone she loves. That all seems relatively normal and healthy
to me.”
I slumped back on the bench and took a deep breath to calm myself. “Our priority is
to this kingdom and these people. We took an oath when we were sworn as trackers,
and now there’s something major going on, and she’s going to be off playing house.”
“We’re allowed to have lives, Bryn.” His tone softened, like he was sad that he needed
to explain this to me, and he sat down on the bench across from me. “We can date and
have fun and raise families and fall in love.”
Running a hand through my hair, I refused to look at him and muttered, “You would
say that.”
“What does that even mean?” Ridley sounded taken aback.
“Because you’re in love with Juni,” I told him pointedly, as if I were accusing him
of a crime.
“I never said that. I just started dating her, and that doesn’t even matter.” He brushed
it off. “The point is that you’re acting insane right now.” I scoffed, so he continued.
“Tilda is your friend, and you’re scared and pissed off and you’re taking it out on
her for no good reason.”
I bristled. “I am not scared.”
“You are,” he insisted. “You’re scared of losing her, that she won’t be able to work
with you as much anymore. But what I think is really bothering you right now is that
the King wants you to go kill Konstantin, and you’re not sure if you can.”
“That’s…” I shifted on the bench and shook my head. “You don’t know what you’re talking
about.”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about.” He leaned forward, trying to get me to look
at him, but I refused. “I know you, Bryn.”
My shoulders sagged, and I hung my head low, staring down at the cracked tiles of
the locker room floor. I put my head in my hands and let out a long, shaky breath.
“I don’t want to kill him. I should, and I know I should, but I don’t.”
“I know,” he said. “I may not understand why, since I’d give anything to kill the
man that killed my father, but I know that this is how you feel.”
I lifted my head to meet his gaze, so he could see that I meant it. “I just want to
make sure the right person pays for the right crime, and … I don’t think that’s Konstantin.”
I groaned, realizing how foolish it sounded. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing,” Ridley assured me. “You just have strong convictions, and you want to do
the right thing.”
“Are you going out on the mission?”
He shook his head. “No. The King wants me to stay back.” He studied me for a minute,
then asked, “If you were to see him, would you kill Konstantin?”
Without hesitation, I answered, “The King ordered me to do something. I am a tracker,
a member of the King’s court, and I took an oath that I would follow all the orders
he gives me. So yes, I will do what’s required of me.”
Konstantin’s gray eyes stared back at me, unyielding, unforgiving. It was his first
official photo when he’d joined the Högdragen, in full color on the top page of his
file. He’d been younger then, clean-shaven, skin smooth, but unsmiling. The Högdragen
were never supposed to smile, not when they were working.
It was strange because in the picture he looked harder than he did now. The years
on the run had taken their toll on him, definitely, but he’d softened somehow.
I wish I could know what had changed between the time that proud young man had been
photographed in his crisp uniform, and the night he’d run my father through with his
sword.
After Ridley had confronted me in the locker room, I’d changed and gone back to apologize
to Tilda, but she was already gone. But that might be for the best. She could probably
use some space before I went to her and owned up to how unfair and cruel I’d been.
Ridley had gone off to take care of some pressing Rektor business with another tracker,
so I took the opportunity to sneak in and grab Konstantin Black’s file from the cabinet
behind his desk. Technically, anybody was allowed to look at Konstantin’s file, since
he was a wanted man, so I had no need to sneak, but I didn’t want to talk to Ridley
about it. At least not right now.
I sat cross-legged on my bed with Konstantin’s file spread out before me, hoping that
it would give some kind of insight that would help me figure out what happened and
what was going on.
But so far there wasn’t anything that I didn’t already know. His father had died when
he was very young, and he’d been raised by his mother, who died around the time he
joined tracker school. He’d graduated at the top of his tracker class, and he went
on to successfully bring in 98 percent of the changelings he was assigned to in the
eight years he worked as a tracker.
He joined the Högdragen at the age of twenty-three immediately following his retirement
from tracking. He’d transitioned seamlessly into their ranks, rising quickly because
of his diligence and charm. Shortly after Mina married the King, she’d appointed Konstantin
as her guard, where he’d risen to even greater prominence.
Everything in his file showed him as a loyal, intelligent hard worker, even if he
was occasionally noted for his pride. If he was arrogant, it seemed justified. He
gave a superior performance at his job, and he was beloved by the people.
In every one of the King’s Games Konstantin had competed in, he’d walked away with
top honors. He was a hero to the people, and a loyal servant to the King and Queen.
That was it. That was all that was in his file. Just accolades and praise, up until
the night he attempted to kill my father. Then there was a report explaining the incident
and that Konstantin had disappeared in the night’s snow.
But there had to be something more. Something I was missing that would make him change
so drastically. From a guard full of swagger and promise to a traitor on the run,
humbled and worn.
Ember’s footsteps pounding up the stairs to my loft interrupted my thoughts, and I
scrambled to put everything back in the file. I’d just shoved it underneath my blankets
when Ember threw open the door.
“I know, I know,” I said as soon as I saw her glaring down at me. “I acted like a
jackass toward Tilda today.”
“You certainly did.” She trudged over to me, her boots leaving snowy prints on the
creaking floorboards. “You really hurt her feelings.”
“I’ll apologize to her later,” I promised Ember. “I just thought I’d give her some
space.”
“Good.” Ember kicked off her boots, then flopped back on the bed beside me. She wore
thick leggings under a skirt that flounced around her. “It will suck not having Tilda
to train with or work with around Doldastam. But she says she’s coming back after
the baby’s born.”
“I know,” I said, without much conviction.
“I mean, my mom didn’t go back to tracking after she had my older brother.” Her eyebrows
pinched together and her mouth turned down into disappointment. “And that other tracker
Sybilla had her baby two years ago, and she still hasn’t come back.”
“Maybe Tilda will be different.” I tried to cheer Ember up. “And even if she doesn’t
come back, she’ll still be in town, and we can still see her.”
“You think she’s wrong, though.” Ember leaned back on the bed, propping herself up
with her elbows and looking at me. “You don’t think she should have a personal life,
that any of us should.”
“I have friends, and I’ve dated, and I thought it was great when Tilda and Kasper
started dating. So it’s not that we shouldn’t have personal lives,” I said, trying
to explain my position. “I just think we made an oath to make this job our priority,
and having strong attachments can interfere with that.”
“Is that why you and Ridley never hooked up?” Ember asked.
“What? I—we—we never…” I sputtered, and sat back on the bed, moving farther away from
her. “We never did anything because neither of us wanted to. I don’t have those feelings
for him, and I’m sure he feels the same way. He’s my boss, and both of us could lose
our jobs, and now he’s dating Juni, and besides, we didn’t want to. So. I don’t know
what you’re talking about.”
Ember raised her eyebrows and smirked at me. “Whatever you say, Bryn.”
“Nothing good ever comes from falling in love,” I told her definitively. “You act
ridiculous and lose your mind and you forget what really matters to you, and then
you end up sidelined and married or heartbroken and destitute, and neither of those
are good options, so it’s better if you just avoid relationships altogether.”