Ghost (3 page)

It was clear to him she was indeed a still water running deep, she seemed to be pretty closed in terms of emotion. That made him think the email she sent was something she hadn’t done on a whim. He assumed that she was just busy, but it was becoming clear that she must have been searching her soul over the last few weeks.

#

Friday was a warm June afternoon. He left the office at around 1 pm and headed to his apartment in Belfast to wait for her. An hour later there was still no sign. He began to feel frustrated and a little cross. Eventually, two hours later, Lucinda arrived making no apology, just saying that she had to finish some work before leaving for the day. Without saying any more she put her arms around him and kissed him, gently at first but quickly becoming more intense, as though she was releasing herself from something. He was taken aback at her directness and control. With no further conversation she asked him where his bedroom was and proceeded to lead him there by the hand. She began to undress, seemingly a little shyly but she didn’t stop.

Page watched as Lucinda removed all of her clothing apart from her tiny black mesh pants and he was transfixed by her physical beauty. In her late forties she had the body of a woman twenty years younger, voluptuous and flawless. He watched her with hungry eyes as she pulled him down onto the bed and began to kiss him again. He was completely lost in her, a little light-headed, such was the depth and passion of her kisses. There was no time, no space, just her, just this moment. She sat astride him and began to unbutton his shirt, her mouth following her hands down the front of his chest. Page moaned as she ran her tongue across his chest, occasionally giving him a little bite, he was so aroused by her, and was for now quite happy to let her take control.

In what seemed like an instant he too was undressed and was wrapped around her, his hands racing to explore and discover her as he kissed her hard.

She took control again directing his every move and touch and he sensed by the noises she was making that she wanted to be touched and explored. She took his head in her hands and pushed him down until her breast was in his mouth and his tongue flicked against and around her erect nipple.  The more she moaned the more he wanted her. He stroked both her breasts and moved his mouth from one to the other “Fuck!” She said, “Oh fuck that is so good!”

Taking his head again she began to guide him further down her body and pressed him closer into her. She spread her legs wide as if she wanted to give everything to him in that one moment. When his mouth moved between her legs she brought her thighs in around his neck, as though determined to keep him there for however long she needed or wanted. Page could taste her sweetness and was hungry for her. He kissed her gently, teasingly and then pressed his tongue inside her, whilst reaching his hands up to caress her full breasts, allowing his fingers to tease her hard nipples. With every touch of his mouth she arched her back and moaned, becoming louder with each touch of his tongue, hands still on his head she began to grip and pull his hair and pressed his mouth harder against her wetness.

“Fuck me Robert, oh please fuck me, hard, now!” She moaned, but she was holding him so tightly in place she knew there was no time for that and as he continued to reach into her and flick his tongue firmly into her. Lucinda begin to shake and tremble until at last she released herself and muffled an almost scream as she came forcefully and loudly. Still holding on to him, she could barely find words as her head almost exploded with the rush of elation and emotion.

In a second before he could get up from her, Lucinda began to weep then her gentle cry turned into uncontrollable sobbing. He reached for her, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong..?” but she couldn’t speak and instead buried her face into his chest and clung to him. He lay beside her and stroked her hair until eventually she peaked up at him, her eyes still wet from the tears.

“I’m sorry” she said, “I just got a bit overwhelmed.... that’s the first time in years that I’ve come without having to do it myself…”

Page had known that this wasn’t just another conquest and that she was different but he wasn’t prepared for this level of emotion from her….he had never thought that someone like her could want for anything either physical or emotional but he realised now that he knew nothing, nothing at all.

Over the next couple of hours she told him everything…how she had lost her mother at a young age and then found herself married with children to another lawyer who had one day by choice just upped and walked away from his career to become a house husband. She talked of the void left in her life by all of this, an emptiness that nothing had been able to fill until this moment and she talked some more until she fell asleep on his shoulder.

When he awoke, he found her showered and sitting on the bed wearing nothing but his black shirt, unbuttoned to her waist. The shirt was incredibly sexy on her, far better on her than him. She smiled, “I think this suits me, don’t you??...I’m hungry, let’s go get some pizza and bring the food back here, if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” he replied “but don’t you need to get home?”

“No, I’ve made arrangements to meet an old girlfriend who lives nearby, that’s my ticket out for the night, but I do actually need to see her, so I must leave after the pizza.”

With the pizza finished, he waved her goodbye and sat down on his black leather recliner. He replayed every word she had spoken and tried to take in all that had happened that afternoon.  Page thought of every touch of her skin and was still simply amazed. He also knew that for a change he wasn’t calling the shots, something he wasn’t used to. She made the running, now she had broken into a gallop and all he could do was to hang on and see what happened next.

A little later he went back to bed with a glass of red wine. A keen fan of foreign language films he had just bought a DVD, a French thriller called ‘Hidden’ and he was keen to see it. He also thought the movie might be a distraction and could at least provide some respite from the storm going on in his head. He tried hard to concentrate on the film but given the mix of subtitles and a whirling brain giving the film his full attention was a real struggle. He was on the point of giving up when his phone rang.

“Hello handsome,” Lucinda said “I’m just leaving my friend’s house, are you okay with me calling back again?”

“Yes of course that would be great.” When she hung up he got up to get dressed. Slipping on his black shirt he smelled her perfume from it.

#

As Lucinda entered the apartment she kissed him and smiled. “Sorry” she said “I just wanted to see you before I went home. I was wondering if you would hold me for a while.” As she lay in his arms, she pressed into his neck and whispered to him “I think your shoulder is the safest place I’ve ever found in my life…”

“Good, you are entirely welcome” he said, “My shoulder is yours anytime you need it…”

#

The next few weeks passed and they saw each other when they could, though only briefly, either for a drive or, if she was able to get away, to drop him to the airport. The relationship was conducted at Lucinda’s pace, on the way to the airport one night she drove them to a car park where they had just ten minutes or so to talk before he needed to check in.

She held his hand, lay on his shoulder and told him that she couldn’t imagine being without him. She had never felt so safe and so secure. “I want you to be with me. I’m due to go on holiday next week and I’m desperately trying to think of a way where I could take you with me instead of him.”

“I can’t of course, but I can take a little bit of you with me.”

“Oh, okay, which bit do you want then?” he laughed and winked at her.

“I wish!” she laughed. “No, I can take a memento, some words perhaps.”

“What are you on about?” said Page slightly puzzled.

“You’re good with words aren’t you? Well write me a letter. A long one... Something I can read in secret to carry you there with me. Tell me everything! Everything you feel about me… Think about me… What you want to do with me… Where you want to take me.”

“Okay” he laughed,” I must make sure I don’t get your letter mixed up with one of the boss’ speeches, but you’re on!”

#

Now in London, he missed her dreadfully and couldn’t wait until Friday when he would be home again. There was no guarantee he would get to see her but at least she would be closer. London gave him the chance to think things through from his own perspective as things were moving quickly, it seemed. He was in no doubt that she wanted to be with him. She had told him that and now he was daring to believe that Lucinda being with
him
might actually happen, something which he thought, would make him happy forever. He was tired of his life as it was, tired of the one night stands. Tired of being alone. He knew he had fallen in love with her and now with Lucinda anything was possible.

His apartment in London was modern, comfortable and he loved being there. He had quite a few colleagues in the same block they all got on well and socialised a lot, almost like a little colony. The apartment block was renowned as a party spot and for the most part it was a place of good times and good memories. But for his desire to spend every weekend with his children, back home in Belfast, he would live in London permanently. Now, as well as his children, he had another reason for wanting to be in Belfast at weekends.

Well, if I can’t be with her, I might as well write that letter,
he thought. Writing came easy to him, he enjoyed writing and he had no difficulty filling page after page with thoughts, plans, intentions and dreams. He drank his usual bottle of red wine which made the pen run more freely across the page. On reading his words back, he realised he was pouring out his innermost thoughts in a way which he had never done before; he just hoped he hadn’t overdone his outpourings and said too much too soon.

Friday came at last, back in Belfast he walked through the airport, he smiled as he handed his bag to his waiting driver.

Lucinda had texted to say her husband had gone fishing for the weekend. Just another few hours and he would be with her again, she had asked him to come to her house later, once her kids were in bed, although uneasy he knew, of course, that he would.

#

Lucinda was waiting for him when he arrived after ten and if she was nervous about him being there she didn’t show any signs. She made coffee and showed him into the lounge where to his amazement sat a full size harp.

“Bloody hell that’s impressive, I don’t know anyone who can play one of these,” he said.

“I don’t play, sadly, the harp was my mother’s and I couldn’t bear to part with the memories. It’s like a constant reminder of her.”

“The harp’s like you” said Page smiling.

“What do you mean” she looked quizzingly.

“Beautifully made but a little highly strung!!” he laughed

“Oh funny, very funny she replied and laughed too.

“Seriously, it’s beautiful, and you are too” he said.

She pulled him down onto the rug in front of the blazing open fire and they lay in silence and held each other. Eventually he asked her what she wanted of him.

“I just need you. I can’t explain what I want in any words that make sense to me, let alone you. I just need to be with you, around you, and I’m like a prisoner when I’m here without you. I just need a little time to sort things out. Is that okay?”

“Of course, I’m here for you. You know that.”

The movie Love Actually was playing on the television and they cuddled and watched the screen, as if they were in their own place, putting aside the realities of life for a little while longer.

Later, as he was leaving he reached into his pocket and brought out an envelope and handed it to her.

“Your letter, as requested” he said, smiling. He kissed her and walked to his car, not realising today would be the last time he would ever see her like this.

#

Before his car left her driveway, Lucinda opened the letter and begun to read.

My darling Lucinda,

You asked me to write you a letter so here it is, in all its little glory. Hopefully my masterpiece, but who knows?

These past few weeks have been the most incredible for me. I am about to write some things which I’ve never said out loud, not even to myself in my quietest moments. I have no idea how you will respond to my words but if I hit a wrong note please do not mock me or chastise me. I am prepared to give you my heart, I ask that you treat it gently and with kindness.

A little bit about me to start with, before I turn to you. I am enjoying my life now, I love my job, I enjoy a good life, I adore my children and although leaving them was the hardest thing I ever had to do, I love them and I know they love me back. My only goal in life is to be there for them now so that as they get older they will still love me and not hate me for leaving them when they were so young.

For all that I am in a relatively good place, my demons are still here. There’s a constant voice in my head telling me how bad I am or what damage I am doing to those around me. I try to ignore this voice but sometimes it is deafening.