Authors: Dee Dawning
and entered the office.
Sally came to Brenda's office, and peeked in. "Hi, Brenda."
Brenda's face lit up. "Hi. How'd it go?"
"Spectacular. The show will be on at eleven. We can watch it together if
you'd like."
"I'd like that."
"Is Lindy in?"
"No, she called in and said she has a hair appointment. She said she hoped
to be back in time for the show."
"Don't worry, Millie is going to record it for her in case she doesn't get back soon enough."
"Good then we'll have a recording that anyone can see anytime they want."
Brenda grinned. "Not to mention for You Tube."
"Now, there's an idea."
Sally headed to her office and was favored with a new stack of messages. As
Fifth District Congresswoman, she was used to messages. She thumbed through
them, but stopped on the message from Dillon Reed.
We think we can clear enough time for you to visit with Winfred again next
Friday. If that's all right, Winfred would like to have dinner with you and Lindy Thursday night. Let me know if that works for you.
Dinner with Winfred.
Sally grew excited at the thought of having dinner with the mega celebrity. She checked her calendar. She had some things going, but
nothing she couldn't move. She dug out the card Dillon had given her and sent
an email.
Hi, Dillon,
Thursday night and Friday works for me, but
I'll have to check with Lindy. I'll let you know
Monday at the latest, if that's all right.
Sally
~ * * ~
Republican National Committee – Chairman's Office
Shortly after Crowe Magnon returned from lunch, the intercom buzzed.
"Yes?"
"Sorry to bother you, but Mr. Rogue is on line one for you."
What the eff does he want?
"Fine I'll take it."
Crowe took a sip of his coffee, loosened his tie and shuffled through some
papers on his desk. He pushed line one, picked up the handset, leaned back in
his chair, and put his feet on the desk, intent on controlling the upcoming
conversation.
"What can I do for you, Boss?"
"Took you long enough. I don't suppose you caught The Winfred Opry
Show today."
"You're right. I didn't catch it."
"Don't get snippy with me. I know at least a dozen guys who'd kill to have
your job."
"Sorry, Boss. Watching that communist bitch isn't something I indulge in.
Why?"
"Well, Crowe, sometimes you have to watch the enemy so you know what
they're up to. You don't think the Dembos and a cadre of gotchas watch Wolf
News and listen to our army of radio hosts to find out what we're up to and
check for inconsistencies so they can rat us out to the lazy mainstream media?"
"I never thought about it."
"No offense, but that’s the difference between us. I'm always thinking and
scheming and you, well, you're still learning. Son, you're in an important
position. You can't let your guard down and you have to become as devious as I
am." "Yes, sir, I'm trying. You are the most devious man I know. You are my…"
fucking
"…role model."
"Well, thank you, Crowe."
"You're welcome sir. What is it you called about?"
"This crackpot new women's party! Women, they're always whining about
something and getting in our way."
Crowe chuckled. "That might be, Boss, but it's nice to have one around
when you, you know, feel like having one around."
"No, I don't know. What do you think I am, some sex crazed pervert?"
"Sorry, sir. You were going to tell me what you want."
"Yes, these two women who appeared on The Winfred Opry Show. Sally
Cummings and Lindy Rollins. I want you to put some people up to investigate
them. I want to know all their dirty little secrets."
"That could get expensive, sir."
"Crowe, you have to realize our backers have more money than the U.S.
Government."
"Yes, sir. And now they want to buy it."
"That may be, but it's none of our business. Is it?"
"No, sir. Anything else?"
"Yes. I need you to guest on a show, like they did, but not Wolf News. We
don't need to be preaching to our choir. We need to reach the viewers to whom
this new party might appeal. We need somebody out there to counter the poison
they spew out."
"Did they lie?"
"Not overtly, but there were plenty of innuendos and of course they harped
on about our alleged, war on women."
"Yes, sir. What did they say?"
"Crowe, you're the party chairman. I'm sure you could dig up a video of the show somewhere."
"Yes, Boss, I'll get right on it."
When Crowe finished with Rogue, he rang Willie Joe Flounder. "Yes, Boss?"
"Can you come up here? I need you to do some things."
Five minutes later, Willie Joe slipped in. "Yes, Boss. What do you need?"
"I just had a talk with our strategist, and he wants us to do certain things."
Willie Joe sat in a chair, but didn't put his feet on the desk. "Rogue? What does he want?"
Crowe smiled, self-satisfied that his underling kept his feet off his desk. "He wants us to put a team together for the purpose of getting the lowdown on the
founders of that new women's party—Cummings and Rollins."
"What if there is no lowdown."
Crowe smirked and frowned. "There's always a lowdown."
Willie Joe nodded. "Probably, but what if there isn't.
Crowe took a big, impatient breath. "We do what we always do."
Willie Joe smiled. "I love dirty tricks. Is that all?"
"No. I need a video of today's Winfred Opry show. Then I need you to pull
some strings and get me on as a guest on a talk show, a.s.a.p."
"Not a problem. I can get you on Willie O'Blarney or Shawn Hinsanity
tonight."
"No, the Boss, I mean our strategist, said no Wolf News."
~ * * ~
Half a dozen members of the staff barged into Sally's office, smiling and
giggling. Millie held a magnum of champagne, while Carla carried a stack of
plastic glasses. "Celebration time!" Brenda smiled, "Time for some bubbly."
Sally smiled back, but remained seated. "I knew it was going to be a great
day. What're we celebrating?"
Millie began opening the champagne. "Two things—"
Brenda said, "Three things if we count you and Lindy's spectacular guest
appearance on Winfred's show." Brenda gazed at Millie. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you."
"That's all right." Millie turned to Sally. "Beside your wonderful interview with Winfred Opry, and her generous donation, we hit a hundred candidates,
and an hour later we hit a million members."
Sally's jaw dropped. "A million members? I had no idea we had that many.
The last time I checked, we had just under five hundred thousand."
Carla laughed. "It's the show you were on. Women are signing up in
droves."
Sally glanced at everyone. "Really?" When they all nodded, Sally rose. "I propose a toast then."
Millie popped the plastic cork and poured champagne into the nine plastic
glasses.
The ladies lifted their newly filled glasses in preparation of the toast.
"A toast to the best damn entertainer on TV, our new friend and benefactor, Winfred Opry."
They clinked their glasses as a group and said in unison, "To Winfred
Opry," and sipped their bubbly.
~ * * ~
Crowe Magnon's office - Monday morning
Crowe glanced up as Willie Joe walked into his office holding a plastic case
and a memo pad. He handed the plastic case to Crowe. "Here's the video from Friday's show"
Crowe favored Willie Joe with a rare smile. "Thank you."
Willie Joe took a seat. "You're welcome. I also got our 'A' team, the 'Merry Mischief Makers', on the lowdown thing."
"Good. Anything yet?"
Willie Joe crinkled up his lips and frowned. "Really Boss, it's only been…"
He glanced at his watch. "…sixty hours, forty-eight of which were the weekend."
"Sorry, I guess I'm a little anxious. What about the shows?"
"That's a bit of a problem. The Sunday shows are all booked up for two
weeks, as are the morning shows."
Crowe began to worry.
Rogue is a fat turd, but I don't want to ruffle his feathers
by letting him down.
"What about the late night shows?"
"Except for that late, late, late show, One for the Road, they're either booked a month ahead or they're not interested."
Crowe rolled his eyes. "Geeze, I've never even heard of that show. What
time is it on?"
"Two to three a.m."
"Christ, what kind of viewership do they have?"
Willie Joe shrugged. "A few thousand, I imagine."
"Forget it." Crowe dug his large hands into his sandy mane. "I'd probably reach more liberals and indies slumming on the Wolf News O'Blarney Show,
than that."
The corners of Willie Joe's lips curved up into a smile. "There's another
show I can get you on anytime—starting tonight, but you're not going to like it."
~ * * ~
Crowe Magnon waited off-set as Rose Maddock went through her five-
minute monologue about her next guest—him.
Maybe I made a mistake.
Rose Maddock was, after all, a ball-buster—correction—a Republican ball-
buster. If social security is the third rail of politics, Rose Maddock was the
Republican third rail of talk TV. No one gets anything past the notorious Rose
Maddock.
But, what choice do I have? I had to get on a show and counter what those SAFE
bitches said on Winfred Opry's show.
Shivers ran down his spine as Rose introduced him, "Mr. Crowe Magnon,
welcome."
He froze for a moment. Her voice sounded somewhat cheerful.
Is she
mocking me?
It doesn't matter.
I can't do anything about it now.
He forced his right foot forward and then his left.
Remember to smile.
Wearing his most gracious smile, he soon shook Rose's warm, welcoming
hand with his cool, sweaty one. As he sat down, she inspected her hand and
wiped it on her pants.
"Well, I'm really glad you could join us. It's not every day we get favored with a Republican guest, let alone one of your background and stature."
Answer her you fool.
"Ah yes, Rose, I'm looking forward to it. After a while, you get tired of all the scripted questions and answers at Wolf News."
Rose seemed to think about what he said for a few seconds then gazed at
him and smiled. "Well, we're glad to have you with us. Let me ask you, was there anything I just said that you would like to correct or comment on?"
Damn, I didn't pay attention to the liberal pabulum she just spouted. She did say
war on women
. "Only that this so-called war on women is a fabrication." Crowe paused to scratch his suddenly itchy nose."
Rose posed a gotcha grin. "Really, there's no war on women?"
He sighed and continued, "Let me state categorically, there is
no
Republican
war on women."
"Ow!"He reached for his nose and squeezed it—hard.
Rose looked on, confused, but sympathetic. "Are you all right?" he told me that regardless of ability, the odds were with the male candidate and they'd not only back him, they'd do everything to thwart my effort if I ran against their
wishes.
Holding his nose, he replied in a chipmunk voice, "I think so. I just had a pain shoot through my nose. I'm sorry."
"That's okay. As long as you're okay."
All of a sudden, he recalled what Karol Rogue had said to him the day
before.
Just deny 'the war on women' until your nose begins to grow.
"Does my nose look the same?"
"What do you mean?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Is it red, did it, maybe get any bigger, any
longer?"
"Longer? No. Not that I can tell. Do you feel like continuing?"
Crowe nodded. "Certainly."
"Okay, let's move on. You claim there is not a war on women."
"That's right." Crowe's nose tingled.
Rose rolled her eyes as she smiled. "Okay since there's no war on women,
how do you explain the continuing hostility toward equal pay for equal work
laws by republican legislators?"
He shrugged again. "Beats me. Must be coincidence."
Crowe could tell Rose wasn't buying it, the way she pursed her lips and
glanced off to the side. "Do you know what many law enforcement officials say?"
"Not really."
"They say there is no such thing as coincidence."
"I can't help it. That's the only explanation."
"Fair enough. Is it a coincidence that most Republican legislators want to
defund Planned Parenthood?"
Crowe scratched the bald top of his head then ran his fingers through his shaggy mane. "Probably."
"Okay. What about the fact that the House passed a bill aimed at Women's
contraception, which would make everyone's healthcare subject to the whim of
their employers."
Crowe gritted his teeth when he reflexively shrugged a third time. "It's the only explanation."
Rose leaned forward. "And is it a coincidence when these legislators write
these bills? Something, maybe a republican male imp who hates women, takes
over their mind and makes them write and write? And, when they finish,
voila,
they have a bill requiring a trans-vaginal ultrasound for any woman who needs
an abortion. And, this miraculously not only happens in Texas, but Virginia,
North Carolina and even Pennsylvania.
"Or maybe they have an epiphany and write a 'Personhood' bill, which