Read Goddamn Electric Nights Online

Authors: William Pauley III

Goddamn Electric Nights (2 page)

After about a minute had passed,
she was gone again. And my heart stopped.
 
          
I
sat there in the darkness, unmoving, for what seemed like a lifetime. I didn’t
know what to do. I had found the most beautiful woman in the entire world, but
I couldn’t keep her living. I couldn’t give her any more blood, at least not
the amount that she needed. Or could I? I mean, I simply couldn’t keep feeding
her my blood. Eventually I would die and someone else would find her. No, it
had to come from someone else.
 
          
I
started with my parents. As I mentioned before, they never appreciated the gift
of life anyway. My first time killing was by far the hardest for me mentally,
but the easiest for me emotionally. I didn’t love my parents, they were
strangers to me, but I also wasn’t a murderer. Not yet, anyway. So I had to do
it while they were sleeping.
 
          
To
keep from seeing their faces, I covered them up with a pillow. Being just a boy
then, I didn’t have the strength to overpower and suffocate them, so I stuck
the pillow over their faces and slit their throats with my pocket knife… before
they even had a chance to open their eyes. Before they had the chance to get a
good look at their killer - me, their only son - and look at me in the eyes. If
they had, it would have been the first time they’d ever done so.
 
          
I
dragged their dead bodies into my bedroom and hacked them up one piece at a
time, feeding Suzie the raw slabs of dripping meat, bones and all, until they
were completely gone. It only took Suzie a week to finish the two of them off.
She didn’t even give them a chance to stink before she gobbled them up and
asked for more. And I wanted to give her more. I wanted to give her everything
she needed. So I did.
 
          
I
went out and found more meat.
More blood.
More bodies.
Anyone and everyone that I
could lure into my house.
The easiest was other children.
Friends of mine.
They gave me no trouble. It was around my
fifth or sixth kill that I became numb to it all. It just didn’t affect me
anymore. Not mentally. Not emotionally. And as the years went on, it wasn’t
difficult for me physically either. The hardest part was that I was always
moving, always on the go. I never got the chance to rest. Even if I wanted to
stop feeding her, I couldn’t. I’d always hear her screaming, crying,
begging
me for more. We were connected, mentally connected.
I could have taken her back where I found her, buried her beneath all of those
mattresses and scrap metal pieces, but it wouldn’t have made any difference.
She would still be screaming. And I would always hear her screaming.
 
          
Over
fifty years have passed and still, I feed her. I’ve been dedicated to her ever
since the day I first saw her smile at me through that convex television
screen. I’ve killed so many people. More than any other human in the history of
humans, even terrorists, I’m sure. Terrorists kill hundreds or even thousands
all in one shot. I’ve killed mine over the span of an entire lifetime. And I
don’t feel bad. I don’t regret anything. I’ve spent my life with the most
beautiful woman in the world. We’ve had a happy life together.
 
          
But
now I’m getting tired. I’m an old man now. Suzie hasn’t aged a day. I’m not
even sure that she understands the changes that are happening to me. I’m
slowing down.
Getting weak.
I won’t be able to take
care of her much longer.
 
          
In
all of those years, there’s only been one thing that I’ve wanted to do that I
never got to. In all those years, we never kissed. I’m getting old.
Weak.
I don’t want to die not knowing what it’s like to kiss
her.
 
          
I
kneel down beside her and stroke my hands over her hard pink shell. I trace the
letters of her name with my index finger. They still shimmer the same way they
did all those years ago. A tear forms at the corner of my eyes as I lean in to
kiss her. I bury my tongue into her mouth, tasting her insides.
Electric.
It’s even more wonderful than I had ever imagined.
 
          
As
she begins to suck in and chew away at my face, all I can think about is how I
hope whoever finds her next makes her as happy as I always have.

 

 
         
THE SPIDERS OF
HONEYVILLE

 

 
           
PART ONE

 

 
          
THE DAY OF THE SNAKE

 

 
 
          
Mrs.
Dorothy Sanders is one hot piece of ass. She’s got big beautiful bleached
blonde hair, a pair of gorgeous tits and a tight round ass she shakes for all
the men-folk. She calls me up from time to time
sayin

she needs her pipes cleaned (
she says
that I am the best in town,
heh
heh
).
I’d say I’ve plugged her pipe at least twice a month since her husband fell
down that elevator shaft two years ago.
 
          
My
beeper buzzes. I put down my tools and angle the LCD screen away from the
light. It reads: (o
)(
o).
Speak of the devil
.
 
          
I
stand up, pull my gloves off my hands, and ask the lady of the house if I can
use the telephone. Normally, I don’t like to stop in the middle of a job to
make a personal call, but for Mrs. Sanders I’ll do just about
any
damn thing she needs. I pick up the
receiver and dial her number. I lick my lips and clear my throat. I want my
voice to sound deep, sexy-like. She answers.
 
          
“Hello…”
 
          
“Hey
baby, how’s it -”
 
          
“Red?
Is that you, Red?” she interrupts anxiously.
 
          
“Yeah,
baby, it’s me… you need
ol
’ Red to come give you some
-”
 
          

Goddamnit
, Red! Get your scrawny ass over here and help
me!” She sounds desperate.
 
          

Wha
- what’s wrong, honey?”
 
          
“There’s
a goddamn snake stuck in the bathtub drain, Red! I’ve got me a hair appointment
down at Dolly’s in an hour! I need to finish my shower and get down there! Now
get your ass over here and get it out!”

 
          
I love it when she orders me around
like this. She’s a real woman. I breathe hot an’ heavy into the phone.
 
          

Goddamnit
, Red! I need you as a plumber today!”
 
          
Click.
She hangs up the phone. I pack up my tools and load up the truck. It’s just the
first of the month. Damn,
she’s
wantin

it bad
,
heh
heh
.

 
 
          
 
 

 

 
 
          
She
answers the door completely naked and pulls me inside by the front of my
coveralls. She doesn’t speak a
word,
she just pushes
me into the bathroom and points feverishly at the snake stuck in the drain, her
titties
bouncin
’ against
one another like a couple sumo wrestlers.
 
          
“Okay,
okay…” I say pulling my clothing out of her grasp, “Damn, woman. Just let me
work!”
 
          
She
nervously chews her fingernails.
 
          
I
set the toolbox down at my feet. I kneel and put on my red leather gloves. I
hear a hiss and then a scream. The scream came from Mrs. Sanders. The hiss came
from the demon serpent now
barin
’ its fangs about an
inch away from my upper lip. Its body is straight as an arrow and venom is
drippin
’ from the tips of its fangs and pooling on the
floor below.
This is one mean
motherfucker
.
 
          
Quickly,
I snatch the hammer from my toolbox and stick the claw-end into the body of the
snake, just a hair below its wild-snapping skull. I pull with enough force that
it pops the wretch’s head right off and sends the bloody ball hurling through
the air – I nearly lose my balance when it does. Mrs. Sanders screams and bounces
up and down with joy. I walk over to her perfect naked body and grab her ass
with both hands.
 
          
“You
still got a couple minutes free,
dontchu
?” I say with
a sly grin. She smiles back. I drop my coveralls to the floor.
 
          
A
strange stench pollutes the air – it smells like a perfect mix of skunk and
orange juice.
Me
and Mrs. Sanders look back at the
lifeless, headless body of the snake lying in the tub. A thick yellow fog is
spewing from the bloody hole in its neck where its head used to be.
 
          
“Jesus
H. Christ! What the hell is that?!” I say. I look back at Mrs. Sanders. She’s
got a disgusted look on her face. She tries to speak, but instead she
collapses. I catch her just before she hits the floor.
 
          
Then
the stink gets me.

 
           
PART TWO

 

 
          
THE YELLOW STINK

 

 
 
          
Every
inch of their decomposing bodies fascinates me to no end. How can such a
diminutive amount of vapor cause so much devastation? I’ve been studying
science for over forty years now and never before have I seen such a fantastic
disease! Of course, when I say fantastic I mean for it to be taken as
unbelievable or outrageous, not wonderful. No, this is far from wonderful.

 
          
Zombilictirubitosis
, or more
commonly referred to as
ZobmiPox
or
Z-Pox
is a very rare disease
caused by
zanthous
noisomeness
,
or
The Yellow Stink
. The Yellow Stink is
released from the body of a three-year-old western whip snake when any part of
its head or body has been severed. The Yellow Stink instantly leaks through the
wound and into the surrounding air, filling the lungs of their predators,
paralyzing them instantaneously, and causing a slow deterioration of the host’s
internal and external organs. The bodies of the infected literally lay and rot
for months, maybe even years! We are still not certain of the full capability
of this disease, as our subjects are the only two known to have ever come into
contact with
zanthos
noisomeness
.
We learn something new about the disease every day.
 
          
The
female subject is especially rare, because not only does she have
Zombilictirubitosis
,
but she is also eight months pregnant – three of those months while infected.
So far, we have not detected any abnormalities with the child, a male, while in
utero
– which, of course, is wonderful news. We plan
to deliver the baby via cesarean section on October 29.

 
           
PART THREE

 

 
          
THE YELLOW STINK BOMB

 

 
 
          
“Hey,
baby!” shouted Diana excitedly.
 
          

Shhh
!
Are you trying to get me
fired?” I look back over my shoulder to see if anyone had heard her
squealin
’.
 
          
“Diana,
now I told you about this. I can’t be
sneakin
’ you in
here if you
ain’t
quiet! These scientists here all
have bugs up they asses. They won’t
letcha
get by
with
nothin
’.” I spit out my wad of
chewin
’ tobacco into my hand and toss it outside just
before
lockin
’ the back door. “Now,
didja
remember to bring it?”
 
          
Diana
smiles and nods her head. She holds up her purse and pulls out a small
camcorder.
 
          
“That’s
what I’m
talkin
’ ‘bout, honey!” I say. Diana bounces
up and down with excitement and makes a strange
gigglin

noise. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with her.
She’s a goddamn dingbat.
But she’s the only girl I know who owns a
video camera and there
ain’t
no way in hell I wasn’t
gonna
get this on tape. This
recordin

is
gonna
make me a goddamn millionaire!
 
          

C’mere
, I’ll show you where they keep the things.” I say,
wavin
’ my hand toward the end of the hallway. “Be prepared,
they smell like rotten ape shit. You can smell ‘
em
through the walls.”
 
          
Diana
pinches her nose.

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