Authors: Ivy Smoak
Tuesday
Alina
We crushed Serbia in the first game. I was sitting on the
bench gulping down water when Kristen nudged me in the ribs.
"They're here."
I turned around to see where she was looking. Bryce, Tim, and
Alex were squeezing their way past some other spectators. Bryce smiled and
winked at me as soon as he caught me staring. Tim blew Kristen a kiss and Alex
slapped his hand, clearly embarrassed by what Tim was doing.
But I didn't dwell on what Tim and Alex were doing, because
my gaze was stuck on Bryce. He was still sporting his workout clothes. He had
this sweaty V down the middle of his T-shirt that made me gulp. Some of his
hair was sticking to his forehead. It was somehow sexy and adorable at the same
time.
I had dreamed about him all night. I wasn't sure if Kristen
had gotten in my head or if I was a lot kinkier than I had originally thought,
because I had dreamed about being with Bryce in the village square. Or at
least, near it. He had pulled me down an alley in the village square, pressed
my back up against the wall, and kissed me like he had during Operation Red
Rip. Only this time, I was encouraging him to go farther. His hand slowly
traced up my thigh while his other hand unzipped my dress.
The ref blowing the whistle drew me out of my daydream.
I squeezed my thighs together.
"You okay?" Kristen asked.
"Mhm."
I'm just ridiculously horny.
I took
one last long sip of my water and got in the circle that my team had formed.
"Two more games like that first one, and we're going to
the semi-finals," Coach Hammond said. "Stay focused and let's get
this done."
The ref blew the whistle again and I ran onto the court. I
looked back over at Bryce. He was waiving a poster in the air. It read, "I
Dig Alina - Go Team USA." Tim was holding one that said, "Kristen
Loves Juggling Balls - Go Team USA."
Bryce digs me.
Kristen laughed in front of me. She turned around. "Tim
is really trying to get that devil's threesome going."
"Pay attention," I said and gestured to the other
side of the net. I smiled to myself and looked at the girl that was about to serve
for Serbia. I thought I might be nervous with Bryce watching me. Instead, it
made me play even better. I wanted to impress him. I wanted to forget about
Chris, win gold, and win over Bryce. It was just like Kristen had said. I could
have it all.
The hitter on the other side spiked it hard. I dove to the
left and bumped it perfectly to our setter. I was on fire.
***
The crowd went wild as Kristen landed the final spike on
Serbia's side. I joined the hug in the middle of the volleyball court. We were
soon surrounded by all the members on our bench too, laughing, crying, and
screaming.
We're heading to the semi-finals!
After shaking hands with the other team, Kristen and I rushed
toward the exit. I wanted to see Bryce. All I could think about was kissing
him. I wanted to jump into his arms. Him bringing that sign and cheering me on
was such a sweet thing to do. I just hoped he was going to kiss me back.
Kristen seemed just as eager to see Tim, even though she would never admit it.
"Is that Chris?" Kristen asked, stopping in front
of a row of bleachers. I almost ran into her as she abruptly stopped in the
middle of the crowd exiting the stadium.
I turned toward where she was looking. Chris was standing on
the stairs talking to some tan brunette girl with big breasts. She was a
Gabriela Santos wannabe. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and smiling at
her.
If I hadn't been about to go meet up with Bryce, I probably
would have burst into tears. Chris had seriously come to my game to give some
random girl flowers? What an asshole. He never brought me flowers. He said they
were a waste of money because they died so fast. Apparently this girl was worth
the wasted money. Chris leaned in and whispered something in her ear. The girl
laughed and touched his bicep.
I rolled my eyes. "Who cares if it is?" I said. I
brushed past Kristen.
"Alina!" Chris' voice made me cringe. I looked over
my shoulder to see him running down the steps. Before I could say anything,
Kristen was walking toward him.
For some reason, I felt frozen in place. The stadium was too
loud for me to hear what they were saying. So I just watched the scene unfold
in silence.
Kristen poked him in the middle of the chest and said
something. Chris laughed and lifted up the flowers. Kristen pointed over his
shoulder at the girl he had clearly been flirting with. Chris shrugged and
looked over at me. He gave me one of those looks that used to get him anything
he wanted. But today I wasn't fazed.
He put his hand on Kristen's shoulder and lightly shoved her
to the side so he could get past her.
My feet unfroze and I walked over to him. "What do you
want, Chris?" All the joy I had felt from my team's victory seemed to
evaporate.
"To give you these." He held up the flowers.
"Congratulations, babe." He leaned forward to kiss me.
I put my hand on his chest to stop him. "Chris,
stop."
He pulled back and gave me a funny look. "I stayed away
for a few days to give you time to cool off. Let's move forward, okay?"
"Is that an apology?"
"Yes. We've already talked about this. Gabriela tricked
me. We shared a kiss. End of story."
"Shared a kiss? You said she kissed you and you shoved
her off."
"Yeah, that's what I meant."
"Those two things are different, Chris. How do you
expect me to trust you?"
He smiled again. "Babe, come on. It's me. Don't do that
thing you always do."
"What thing?"
He sighed. "Where you don't let things go. You need to
learn how to forgive people. If you had forgiven Gabriela years ago, this whole
thing wouldn't have been that big of a deal. And she couldn't have used your
own anger against you. You're not even mad at me. You're just upset with her.
So how about you come back to my room and we can celebrate your victory how we
should have celebrated mine."
Each word out of his mouth made me even more angry.
"You're such an asshole, Chris."
"Because I'm right?" There was that damn cocky
smile again.
"Why do you always have to be right about everything? I
told you that stuff about Gabriela so you'd support me, not hang it over my
head. How could you do this to me? With her?"
"I said I was sorry."
"Actually, you didn't say you were sorry. You just
shoved flowers in my face."
"Well, I'm saying it now."
I stared into his eyes. He didn't look sorry. Last night I
had promised myself that I wouldn't let Chris ruin this week for me. Yet, here
he was ruining this victory. I should be celebrating right now, not fuming.
This wasn't what love was. Love was putting the other person first. It was
supporting them. It wasn't hooking up with their arch nemesis during the most
important week of their life. This relationship was so one sided, and I had
been too blind to see it before. "I don't forgive you, Chris. And I don't
believe it was only one kiss." I turned around to walk away from him.
"Alina." He grabbed my wrist. "I'm choosing
you."
"Over Gabriela? I didn't realize that was a choice you
were debating."
"You know what I mean."
"Well, I'm not choosing you."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means that what we have isn't healthy. All you care
about is physical needs, not emotional. You don't love me because you're too in
love with yourself."
"God you're pathetic." He said it under his breath,
but I still heard him.
"You know what? How about you just be you. And I'll be
me. And one thing's for damn sure. We're not together anymore, Chris."
"Fine. If that's what you want. Good luck in the rest of
your games. If you end up facing Brazil in the finals, you're going to need it.
Gabriela's so much better than you." He tossed the flowers at me and
walked away.
My whole body felt cold. It wasn't just what he said, but the
way he said it. He wasn't talking about Gabriela being better at volleyball. He
was talking about their kiss. Or whatever else they did. And it didn't matter
how horrible Chris had been the past few days. His words cut through me just
like they would have when we were happy. His opinion had always mattered so
much to me. I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't as good as Gabriela. It felt
like I was a freshman at NYCU again. Gabriela had spread rumors about me to the
rest of my team to the point where none of them would even look at me. Then she
found a way to barricade my dorm room from the outside so that I'd miss
important practices and games. And finally, the night before our term papers
were due, she snuck into my room and smashed my laptop and shredded all my
papers. After that, I went home and never went back. But this time I couldn't
run home.
"Why didn't you tell me the whole story?" Kristen
asked.
I took a deep breath. How much had she heard of that? The expression
on her face made it seem like she had heard all of it. "I don't know. I
didn't want you to hate him anymore if we got back together. You don't have to
worry about that now."
"Alina." She put her arm around my shoulders.
"I'm so, so sorry."
And even though she hated Chris, I knew she meant it. "I
can't believe he kissed her back," I said.
"I know."
"You were right about him. Why didn't I listen to
you?"
"Because he's pretty. And you never had a boyfriend
before."
I laughed.
"Can I tell you something, though?" She let go of
my shoulders and stood right in front of me. "I'm actually glad that you
two dated."
"Seriously?"
"Because now you'll recognize a good thing. In
comparison."
"You mean Bryce?"
Kristen smiled.
"I'm already sold on Bryce. Do I look okay?"
"You look like you just played three games of
volleyball."
"So...bad?"
Kristen laughed. "But he's already seen you after ugly
crying with snot all over your jersey. And he still likes you."
"Still." I wiped some of the sweat off my face with
the back of my hand.
"Come on." She grabbed my arm and pulled me toward
the exit.
Bryce was standing by the door with his friends. I chucked
the flowers in the trash right before we reached them, but not before Bryce had
seen them. He glanced at the trashcan and then back at my face.
"Congrats on the win," Alex said. "Who knew
our volleyball team was so good?"
Kristen laughed. "Everyone except you, apparently. We're
favored to win gold. And we're going to win."
"I like my women confident," Tim said.
I tuned them out and looked up at Bryce. He was smiling at
me. I suddenly felt extremely self conscious.
"You dig me, huh?" I asked. "I like the
volleyball pun."
"I'd never lie on a poster." He had rolled the
poster up and was holding it in his hand. I thought he might give it to me, but
the fact that he didn't was even better. It meant he wanted to use it again.
"Congratulations, Alina," he said and leaned in for
a hug. I didn't hesitate to hug him back. He smelled like his cologne and
sweat. I'm pretty sure the combination was my new favorite smell in the world.
I could easily feel the muscles in his back through his shirt. I had the urge
to trace every muscle with my fingertips, but kept my hands rooted in place. I
reluctantly pulled back when I felt like I had probably been hugging him for
too long. But he hadn't stopped hugging me either. Maybe he liked having me in
his arms just as much as I liked being in his.
I nervously tugged the bottom of my jersey. "Are you
feeling better?"
"What?"
"Last night, Alex said you weren't feeling well..."
"Oh, right." Bryce laughed. I loved the sound of
him laughing. "I'm good. My Uber driver just took the bumpiest route
possible. That combined with eating way too much Brazilian steak was not a
pretty sight."
"I'm sorry about all the texts. I thought you'd been
kidnapped." I smiled up at him. He was going to think I was so ridiculous.
"It's okay. It was nice that someone was looking out for
me."
The way he said it reminded me of when he was talking about
the reason why he was such a good runner. Because he had something to run from.
I wanted to ask him about it, but not in front of Kristen and his friends.
He leaned in close to me. "As much as I love my friends,
maybe you and I could hang out tonight just us?"
"I'd love that." I coughed awkwardly. "I'd
like that I mean."
Love? I can't say love this soon. I'm going to freak
him out.
Bryce smiled at me. "We'll catch you guys later,"
he said as he grabbed my hand.
I immediately interlaced my fingers with his. Again, I
couldn't help but notice his large, manly hands. My hand felt so small in his.
Kristen looked down at our intertwined hands. "Have
fun," she said with a wink.
Tuesday
Alina
Bryce kept his hand in mine as we sat down side by side on
the train. He scooted in close to the armrest, the only thing that was
separating us. The train's air conditioning was on full blast, but I could feel
Bryce's body heat radiating off of him. His hand was so warm. I felt safe and
happy when I was with him. This was how I should be feeling after my game. I
wanted to rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. But falling asleep
wasn't exactly the best use of the only alone time we'd gotten since he'd given
me my phone back on that bench.
"You were amazing today." Bryce traced the lines on
my palm with his thumb as he spoke.
I wasn't sure if my cheeks blushed because of his compliment
or because of the way he was touching me. My whole body felt warm.
"Thanks."
"Really. I don't think you lost a single point. I've
never seen volleyball like that."
I laughed. "We have a really good team."
"And they're certainly lucky to have you."
Kiss me.
But Bryce didn't move any closer to me. Maybe
because I was a sweaty mess. He had just come from his practice too. A long
shower and some nicer clothes might make our first kiss better anyway. But I
wanted to run my hands through his hair and feel the muscles in his back again.
I shifted a little closer to the armrest. Maybe he'd get the hint.
"Speaking of people being lucky to have you, I'm
guessing Chris came to the game?"
I knew a few ground rules about dating, even though Chris had
been my only boyfriend. And one of those rules was that you don't talk about an
ex on a date. "Yeah. But it's definitely over. We don't have to talk about
that."
Bryce continued to trace my palm with his thumb. It was so
soothing. It felt like I could tell him anything. And his silence made it seem
like he wanted me to.
"At dinner when Kristen said he hooked up with my arch
nemesis, she was talking about the girl that bullied me in school. Gabriela
Santos. She plays for Brazil. During our match against Brazil I got this
envelope on my seat. I opened it up and it was pictures of Chris with Gabriela.
And she was topless. I was so upset, we lost the match. It was all my fault. I
just...she just...I couldn't play against her. She did it on purpose to mess
with me, I know she did. She has this way of crawling under my skin. And she
used my relationship with Chris against me. Chris said he didn't know it was
her. And that nothing happened. But then he kept changing his story. Eventually
he said she kissed him. But then it was him kissing her back too. And I don't
know what else happened, and I don't want to know. I don't want to think about
it at all."
I realized I was rambling. But for some reason I couldn't
stop. "He said it was my fault. That if I didn't still resent Gabriela I
wouldn't be upset about the whole thing. But that's not true. I'd still be
upset with him for cheating on me, no matter who it was with. And he said it was
my fault for not celebrating the way he wanted to celebrate after he got his
gold medal. But I couldn't. My coach has a sex ban, and I couldn't risk being
benched. We have to win gold. I need the money." I swallowed hard. I don't
know why I didn't stop talking. Now Bryce was going to think all I cared about
was money. Which wasn't true.
I looked down at our hands. "I mean, it's not just about
the money for me. I know that there's more important things than money. I want
to win. I want to beat Gabriela." I put my face in my free hand. "And
there's more important things than revenge. This is all coming out wrong."
Bryce laughed. "Hey." He put his fingertips under
my chin and tilted my face back to his. "I get it. Beating your arch
nemesis, especially after what she just did, will be the most satisfying
feeling in the world. That's not revenge. That's overcoming something. And
everyone here wants the money that comes with gold. There's nothing wrong with
that being an incentive for victory."
"All I meant to say was that Chris and I are done."
Bryce laughed again and his fingers dropped from my chin.
"I'm glad to hear that." He squeezed my hand. "Tell me about why
you need the money."
"I..." I let my voice trail off. Chris had told me
my plan was dumb. That I should be using my education after I retire from
volleyball. Or that I should go pro. I didn't want to do those things, though.
They didn't make me as happy. And Bryce wasn't Chris. He loved dessert. Maybe
he'd understand. I looked up into his blue eyes. "My grandma owns a
bakery. But she has beginning stages of Alzheimer's and has to retire. The
bakery is kind of in disarray. It needs new ovens and basically a remodeling in
general. My parents don't want to front the cost of all that. They're planning
to sell it. But it was my dream to take over for my grandma. I love baking. All
my best memories from my childhood were in that bakery. I need the money so I
can take over the lease and buy the necessary equipment to keep it going. This
is my only shot. They're selling the bakery at the end of the month if I can't
take over."
"See, that's a good reason." Bryce smiled. "Is
your grandmother's bakery in Wilmington?"
"Yeah. It's the cutest little shop. And it's actually in
a really good location. If I could fix it up, I know it could do really well
again."
"I envy you."
I laughed. "Why on earth would you envy me?"
"Because you know what you want to do after all this. I
just graduated too, and I have no idea what I want to do."
"Are you going to keep running after the ITAs?"
"I don't know. It depends on a lot of things." He
looked out the window. We were passing some of the beautiful mountains in Rio.
But it didn't seem like he was actually seeing them. He seemed lost in thought.
"You said you run because you had something to run from.
What was it?"
Bryce shrugged. "Everything. I felt like all I did was
run. We grew up in foster care. Bad foster parents, even worse foster siblings.
It wasn't...easy."
My heart seemed to constrict. That was why he knew what it
was like to be bullied. "You said we?"
Bryce smiled. "Yeah, me and my little sister, Em."
"Is that why you're so good at comforting girls when
they cry?"
He laughed. "I guess I've had quite a bit of
practice." He looked down at our hands, rubbing his thumb against my palm
again.
I loved that feeling. I never wanted him to stop touching me.
"Why do you run now?"
He looked back up at me. "I need the money too. To pay
for Em's college. I don't want her to have to start her career with a bunch of
debt."
"That's really sweet."
"Or horrible, since I'm motivated by money?" He
raised his eyebrow at me.
I laughed. "Well, sweet and horrible. Maybe I could come
to your race tomorrow and cheer you on?"
"I'd love that."
I bit my lip. It was almost like he said it because he knew I
said love earlier by accident. "Where does Em go to school?"
"Penn U."
"Oh, in Philly? That's actually really close to where I
live. Do you visit her a lot?"
"Not as much as I'd like to. But if I win gold tomorrow,
I'll be able to more often. Me and my greedy ways."
I gently nudged his arm with my free hand. "You knew
what I meant." My hand hesitated on his arm a moment too long. God his
bicep felt amazing. "Sorry, I..." I let my voice trail off and
laughed awkwardly as I removed my hand.
His eyes lingered on my lips. I watched his Adam's apple rise
and then fall.
He's going to kiss me!
"You're making it really hard to be respectful." He
leaned forward slightly. I could smell his cologne. I wanted to lick his skin
and taste it.
I took a deep breath. All I wanted was his clothes on the
floor of the train. "What if I don't want you to be respectful?"
Phones buzzing and ringing all around us both made us jump.
Bryce dropped my hand and pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Shit."
His eyebrows lowered.
"What's wrong?"
"They found Liam."
"Is he okay?"
"No." He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his
knees. "They found his body."
"Oh my God." I put my hand over my mouth.
The train squealed as it started to come to a stop.
"I'm sorry, I have to go." He slid his phone into
his pocket and stood up.
"Bryce, I'm so sorry. Did you know him?"
"What? Yeah. Kind of." He ran his hand through his
hair. His face looked pale.
"Do you want to go get dinner and we can talk about
it?"
"No. I'm sorry, I have to go," he repeated when the
train stopped moving. He lifted out a single rose from his backpack and handed
it to me. "Congratulations on your win, Alina." He leaned forward and
kissed my cheek. And the next thing I knew he was pushing his way past the
other athletes getting off the train. I looked out the window to see him run
off the train. He stopped in the middle of the street and bent over with his
hands on his knees. It looked like he was going to throw up. Maybe he still
wasn't feeling well.
I tried to shove my way through the other athletes too, but I
wasn't as big as Bryce. It took me a few minutes to get off the train. And
Bryce was already gone.