Authors: Susan I. Spieth
That little blunder resulted in
Kristi’s demotion from “Drowning 101” to “Dog Paddling 101,” the class for
mostly inner-city kids who never learned to swim.
It also ended Jan and Kristi’s one and
only class together.
Dear
Jan,
I'm
glad you decided to come back to our Rockbound Highland Home.
I’m also pleasantly surprised to see we
have a class together.
Oh, I
probably shouldn’t tell you that.
You might start being suspicious of everyone in all your classes.
Okay, I will narrow it down for
you.
Let’s just say I REALLY look
forward to seeing you in class.
I
am saying too much to someone who has not yet joined our organization.
I have to stop
now
as it would be dangerous for both of us.
Just
know I am glad you came back and I hope to hear from you soon.
It's been a while since we last
corresponded and even just writing to each other is a subversive way to have
fun, isn't it?
I think I even
saw you smiling recently.
SKIP
Dear
SKIP,
You
might be REALLY happy to see me in class uniform, but my guess is that you are
one of the leering guys in my Drowning class.
Although it seems to me that there are a
few other women more worthy of your attention, I will take it as a compliment
that you REALLY look forward to seeing me.
I REALLY look forward to knowing
who you are!
In
fact, this is REALLY starting to drive me crazy.
I am REALLY getting
unnerved by your spying
!
Jan
She scoured the pool deck at the
beginning of the next survival swimming class but only recognized Drew, his
roommate and Rick Davidson.
A
couple others looked familiar, perhaps from another class or her
battalion.
With all of them, she
tried to keep her eyes above their chest level.
They conquered “The Bob and Travel”
across the pool in Speedos and then again, wearing fatigues and boots. This
entire sequence, jumping into the pool wearing fatigues and boots, then
removing them while “Bobbing and Traveling” to the other end of the pool, is
how Drowning 101 got its name.
As grueling as the course was, it was
the god-awful Speedo that motivated Jan to pass Drowning 101.
Even if it killed her.
A familiar voice called the
ten-minute bell.
“Sir, there are
ten minutes until dinner formation.
The menu for dinner is—oh shit, I don't know.
And who cares anyway?
But get your
asses
outside in Dress Gray over gray.
Ten minutes, Sir!”
Dogety stood under the hall clock
wearing the full-dress hat, tennis shoes, and the dress-gray coat, on
backwards.
He turned to go back to
his room.
That’s when Jan pounced.
“BEANHEAD, HALT!”
Role reversal, a long-standing
tradition on the one-hundredth night before graduation, allowed plebes their
only chance to haze firsties.
The
first classmen dressed in rally-type attire and
spazzed
off in every possible way, knowing they were not really going to get in
trouble.
“Yes, Sir.”
Dogety turned to face Jan.
“Do you know how ridiculous you look,
Beanhead?”
“Yes, Sir!”
I
should have known he would not play fair.
“Your coat is on backwards.
Take it off and turn it around.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He removed the coat, revealing only the
white t-shirt underneath.
“Dogety, you have a scrawny
chest.
Have you been eating?
Do you do any push-ups or sit-ups?
Your arms look like spaghetti for God’s
sake.”
None of it was true.
He had a very nice chest with strong
arms, but this wasn’t about reality, Jan decided.
“Sir, at least....”
“Is that one of your five responses,
Dogety?”
“Well...”
“No excuse, Dogety!
Your body looks like a limp noodle.
You obviously don't work out enough, nor
are you eating enough!
Otherwise,
you would be more filled out, stronger and more attractive to women.”
“Sir, I...”
“Quit callin’ me ‘Sir,’ Bitch!”
The words flew out of her mouth and she
regretted it immediately.
But this
would be her only chance to give the shit back to him, even if she had to pay
for it later.
She walked to him,
putting her face only inches from his.
In a voice barely above a whisper, she said,
“You're not just spazzing off in my
hallway, Dogety.
You’re an
embarrassment to the entire Long Gray Line.
Grant, Lee, Pershing, Patton, MacArthur
and Eisenhower—all of them are turning in their graves now because of
you.
These great ones who came
before us—their honor, their sacrifice and their spirit—are still
here but you are tarnishing that legacy.
You will NOT make a mockery of this great institution.
Now get the hell out of my
hallway!”
Silence.
Even Jan could not believe she had
repeated, practically verbatim, the words Jackson had fumed at her in Beast.
She had not realized how much she had internalized.
“Do you understand me, Dogety?”
He turned and walked away.
Jan and Kristi moseyed into the Mess
Hall as all firsties were known to do.
They sat on either side of Angel, the table Commander.
The cows and yearlings took their usual
spots.
Dogety, Trane and Wincowski
sat in the plebe seats.
“Ma’am, the drink for tonight is
lemonade.
Would anyone not care for
lemonade, Ma’am?”
Wincowski yelled.
“Sir, the dessert for tonight is
chocolate pie.
Would anyone not
care for chocolate pie, Sir?”
Dogety continued to show disrespect toward the plebe women.
Jan decided not to say any more to
Dogety.
But Kristi said, “Dogety,
do we look like SIRs to you?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Leave it alone, Kissy,” Jan
whispered.
“Dogety, the reason you can’t tell
the difference is because you don’t have any experience with women,
”
Kristi
shouted
down the table.
Oh
no…here we go.
“Men who know women don’t have a
problem recognizing them,” Kristi added.
“But you always have problems with
that…hmmm…”
Kissy,
leave it alone.
“Sir, I know one when I see one,
”
Dogety
spouted
off.
“Shut up, Dogety!”
Angel yelled.
Jan and Kristi looked at her
incredulously.
Angel never said
anything mean or remotely
cross
.
“You don’t have an opinion here.”
Wow!
Angel!
Who would have known?
One minute after the study hour bell
sounded, Dogety pounded on her door.
Jan had already filled in her roommates about the minute calling
incident, and they all knew he would come for her.
“Come with me, Wishart!”
He was wearing his Full Dress Gray coat,
the coat with brass buttons and tails.
Jan followed him to Cadet Holdern’s door.
“Wait here.”
Dogety went inside the new Company Commander’s
room.
Jan stood outside,
desperately trying to hear through the door.
She was not sorry for saying those
things to Dogety, and she would not apologize or whatever else they wanted her
to do.
But then she began to
panic.
What if I have just blown
everything?
What if they kick me
out for insubordination?
Or worse,
what if they give me a hundred hours of walking tours?
Oh damn, why'd I open my big mouth?
“Cadet Wishart, report to the Company
Commander!”
Dogety shouted from
inside.
She opened the door, stepped into the
room and saluted.
“Cadet Wishart
reporting as ordered, Sir.”
The
room was dark, lit only by candles on the sink, the desks, and the
windowsill.
Firstie sabers, pulled
from their scabbards were displayed across each bed.
The Company Commander and his Executive
Officer, Dogety, were seated behind their desks, in Full Dress Gray.
Cadet Trousdale, Jan’s second semester
Squad Leader, stood in the middle of the desks facing Jan.
Oh man, this is serious.
Holdern saluted back from his seat
and said, “Cadet Wishart, Cadet Dogety reports that you have been highly
disrespectful and insubordinate and have acted in a manner unbecoming an
officer tonight.
Is that correct?”
“Sir, may I make a statement?”
“Go ahead.”
“
Sir,
tonight was role reversal.
I spoke
to Cadet Dogety in the same way others have spoken to me in the past.”
“Was it disrespectful, insubordinate
and unbecoming, Cadet Wishart?”
“Yes, Sir, it probably was.”
Jan could not say otherwise.
“Probably?”
“Yes, Sir.
It was.”
“Cadet Wishart, what did you say
exactly?”
Holdern asked.
“Sir, I told Dogety he had arms like
spaghetti and his body looked like a limp noodle.”
“Is that all?”
“No, Sir.
There was more,” Jan admitted.
“Well?”
“Sir, I told him he was unattractive
to women, and I called him a bitch and an embarrassment to the Long Gray
Line.”
Okay, I will be packing my
trunk tonight.
Jan couldn't be sure, but she thought
she saw a faint smile on Cadet Holdern’s face.
Her Squad Leader cleared his
throat.
Both looked down for a
moment.
The Commander looked back
at Jan and said, “If you felt you were treated in a disrespectful manner, why
didn't you report it to your superiors before?”
“Sir, I...
”
Since when do plebes
demand respect?
“What, Wishart?”
“Sir, I just...I just didn't
know....”
“Ignorance is no excuse, Cadet
Wishart.
If you had a legitimate
grievance, you could have come to any one of the upperclassmen in your chain of
command and it could have been dealt with professionally,” the Commander
stated.
“Yes, Sir.”
It’s
that chain of command thing…
“Miss Wishart, it is never
appropriate to degrade someone.
You
will never lead people by attacking them personally.
Do you understand me, Cadet Wishart?”
“Yes, Sir.”
Although that was
the whole point.
“There's never any excuse, even
during role reversal, to talk that way to subordinates.
You will never garner respect as a
leader if you speak to people like that.
It's unacceptable and I will not tolerate it in Company H-3.
This is a serious offense, Cadet
Wishart.” Cadet Holdern seemed to have a slight smirk.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Please leave the room while we
discuss your punishment.”
Jan
executed an about face and walked out closing the door behind her.
She waited in the hallway again but
didn't try to listen to the conversation this time.
Whatever!
If they send me packing, maybe it's for
the best anyway.
She thought
she heard an argument between Dogety and Holdern.
But then she heard laughter and thought
she must have been mistaken.
Just as she decided to lean her ear
to the door, Dogety shouted, “Wishart, report to the Company Commander!”
She reported as before, then Cadet
Holdern said, “Cadet Wishart, you have committed a serious offense, you have
insulted a superior officer.
You
have shown disrespect for your chain of command.
You have displayed conduct unbecoming an
officer.
Do you have anything
further to say in your defense?”
“No, Sir.”
I’m screwed.
Do not pass go
,
do not collect $200
…
“With Cadet Dogety's full support, we
have decided to give you another chance, Miss Wishart.
We believe you can learn from this
incident and use it to become a better officer.
Therefore, we have decided not to give
you demerits or area tours for this infraction,” Holdern said. “Cadet Wishart,
you are going to dig a grave instead.”