Happy Chaos (26 page)

Me and Balthazar getting ready to leave for junior prom. He looks super cool, and me? Let's just say I would like to go back in time and fix my hair.

 

There is one boy who my youth would not have been complete without. His name was Brian Green. We went through every stage together, and he was always there for me. Looking back, if I had to choose who always had my back when I was a teenager—a person I could depend on if I ever felt like I was falling down—it was Brian. He came from a great family, and I knew him from the time he was awkward through his transformation into a total heartthrob. He was the first boy I knew who got his own place and bought super-cool cars.

I could literally gush about Brian and all of our moments for a whole chapter, but instead I will keep it short and sweet. Our lives were filled with funny and playful moments, like the time he picked me up and my brother tried to scare him off while wearing red long johns, or cruising around in his gorgeous old convertible sports car. Playing pool at all hours. But one memory stands out to me more than all the others with Brian. One night, we were sitting talking, and in our conversation I said, “Hey, why don't you pick me up from school one day?” He said, “Sure.” We went back and forth and I told him he would flake and he said he wouldn't—you know the way you flirt as a kid. The next day, as I got out from my Catholic school (I'm not Catholic but I loved the uniforms), I walked out to see Brian sitting in his car with music pumping. This was at the height of
90210
and all of the cheerleaders with their pom-poms and pleated skirts stared in shock and awe as I jumped into the passenger seat and we cruised off. If I had to choose one of many moments when I felt most popular and on top of the world as a teenager, I would have to say that this was definitely one of mine.

No words . . . I mean, really? I think our expression says it all.

 

At about fourteen years old, I had the biggest crush of my entire life. I was in New York doing a funny talk show called
Girl Talk
with Sarah Michelle Gellar when I went to interview New Kids on the Block. They were at the height of their fame at the time, and every girl in the world was in love with them. It was on the stage that I saw the most handsome boy I had ever laid eyes on. His name was Mark Wahlberg. As my luck would have it, our paths would cross again back in LA at Universal Studios a few months later. We were backstage when Mark's brother Donnie introduced us. My heart immediately burst out of my chest. It was at this moment that I felt butterflies and flushed beyond words. I mentioned that I needed a date for an Emmy party the next night. Donnie immediately offered Mark, who smiled and said that he would love to be my date. The next night we met on Sunset Boulevard at a hotel where the party was taking place. I met him at the front of the hotel, decked out in my nineties best: black catsuit dress with a skirt and even shorts (yes, I said shorts) along with knee-high socks and platform shoes. He had on a blue floral shirt with jeans. As we walked in, photographers took photos and we puckered up. My heart was racing. We sat in a corner and talked all night. The next day he and his friend came to our house in Burbank. We played pool and laughed, and I was giddy with excitement. My stepdad let us take his gold Honda motorcycle for a drive up the street. I remember Prince playing through my head as we stopped to look at the lights in the valley.

My crazy crush on Mark lasted for a long time. One of my favorite memories was going to Boston with one of my best friends, Maggie, and climbing into Mark's big car with pumping speakers and listening to his Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch demo on the car stereo. This was pre–Calvin Klein, pre-fame, and I was crazy about him. His smile was enough to make any girl fall head over heels. He had all of the talent inside, and he was destined to turn it into something amazing.

Mark Wahlberg and me on my stepdad's motorcycle. I was so crazy about that Boston boy.

 

There were the best friends who turned into crushes and then turned back into friends. There were the crushes whose lives ended too early, and those that lasted for years. Who would have ever thought a boy-crazy girl like me, who seemed to fall in love with a new guy every week, would settle down with the love of her life at such a young age? All of the practice over those years must have really helped me to open my heart when the time was right. By the time I turned twenty, I had fallen in love with my biggest crush of all, and now here we are, over fourteen years later. Who says that crushes can't turn into true love?

Take a moment for yourself to reflect on your childhood crushes, close your eyes, and savor the nostalgia of it all. How did that person or people inspire who you are today? Now get prepared to support your little ones when that day comes, because we all know that no matter how much we try to slow down time, it will happen, and, boy, when it does, watch out!

Question of the day: What is the most rebellious thing you did as a teenager?

“My dad told me to drop college, get a job he liked and cut my hair, or he'd throw me out. My wife told me to just stay out all night and then come back the next evening. It worked. That was really it.”

—Allen

“I went on a week long road trip with friends instead of going to school.”

—Amelia

“I ran away from home once . . . Well kind of. I ran to my favorite spot, which was 20 feet from the back door. Everyone kept calling out my name but I was upset and needed to cool off. When I came back, I got grounded for three weeks.”

—AnaLiesa

“I dyed my hair blue.”

—Katie

 

P
oet might be only five, but sometimes she acts like a teenager. Every once in a while I hear a little tone in her voice. She'll say, “Mo-om,” while rolling her eyes when I've said something embarrassing to her. The first time your kids roll their eyes at you, you don't know whether to laugh or cry. When I remember the stuff I did as a teenager, first I think,
My poor mother,
and then I think,
Oh my God, we are so in for it.

As I've mentioned, my mom always had an incredibly liberal attitude with her children. She basically said, “If you're going to experiment, do it at home.” And it's funny, because I think that is one of the reasons my brother and I turned out so well—because our mom was so open. It just never seemed like much of a forbidden thrill. Sure, I had my wild-child moments, but I got them out of my system pretty early.

Once my mom and I went to New York for a big event. I was probably sixteen at the time, and I left my dress at the airport—and I didn't notice until we'd gotten all the way to the hotel. Mom was annoyed with me, and since it was already late, she told me to go to bed. She got back in a taxi and went to the airport to get my dress.

Meanwhile, a young actor friend of mine was in New York. He sneaked me out of the hotel room and I got totally stoned with him for the first time. I remember that in this dazed and confused state we thought it would be super fun to go running up and down escalators all over Manhattan.

Of course, all the while this was happening, my mom thought I was fast asleep at the hotel. Finally I raced back to the room, reeking of pot smoke, and knowing my mom was going to be back any second to check on me. So I jumped in the shower and washed my mouth out. When I caught my reflection in the mirror, I was really flushed. I was just lucky the room was dark when my mom came in and I was deep under the covers, pretending to be asleep.

When I was seventeen, my mom didn't even blink when I told her that I wanted to go on tour with my friend Danny O'Connor, who was in House of Pain. I used to carry a little video camera with me wherever I went, filming everything, almost like a video journal. My mom totally encouraged me to chase my inspiration, so when I decided I wanted to do a documentary on House of Pain, Mom agreed and Meeno came along with me. It was a blast, and I became good friends with the whole group and everyone on the road in the process.

Danny O'Connor and me playing around for the camera

 

One night we were out shooting really late and I stayed over at my friend Danny's house. The next morning, I left to go back home in my little black Jetta and accidentally went full speed into reverse, slamming into the back of Danny's old hatchback. His car was fine; mine was totally trashed. So I ran inside and yelled, “I need stickers!” Then I plastered the back of my car with House of Pain stickers everywhere—like that was going to hide the damage from my mother. One look at my patch job, and even I knew that there was no way my mom wasn't going to see that huge dent. She was easygoing, but she wasn't
that
easygoing.