He had to move on. And if that meant literally moving to a different house and school, so be it.
* * *
Laney was curious to know what was going on in Zach’s classroom. He never lowered the blind over the small window of his classroom door. Ever. She was past the point of being a creeper as she had been organizing file folders on the part of the counter that just so happened to be near her own door. She watched as Lawson walked up to Zach’s door, turned the door handle, watched as her friend looked at the door oddly when it failed to open. Ah. So Zach had locked it, too. Interesting.
Lawson turned around and Laney wasn’t quick enough to mask her spying. He ambled over to her room, opening the door to slide inside. After he had let the door close behind him, he tossed a thumb in the direction of Zach’s door. “What super secret stuff does your stud muffin have going on?”
She focused on her file folders and mumbled, “He’s not my stud muffin.”
“Ahhhh.”
She cast him a sharp glance. He raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, I didn’t say anything. I’m just wondering what he’s got going on that he needs to lock the door and cover the window.”
“I was wondering the same thing,” she muttered.
“Oh, there we go.” Lawson watched through the window as Zach opened his classroom door, propping it with the door stop.
“Gotta run, heartbreaker,” he tossed over his shoulder as he laid a hand on the door handle to leave.
“What makes you think I’m the heartbreaker?” she demanded.
Letting out a sigh, Lawson turned to face her, crossing his arms. “Laney, I love you like a sister. But we all know you have issues with commitment.” He paused, studying her before he continued in a gentler tone. “We all knew you’d break him, Laney. He was all in and you … well, you barely tested the water with your toes.” He shrugged, tossing a glance through the window in the direction of Zach’s room before returning his gaze to her. “I’ve got a feeling something big is happening and, ultimately, it’s because of you. Because you wouldn’t take the leap.”
“But that’s not me!” she cried out, throwing her hands in the air. “Everyone knows that.”
With a pitying look, he said, “Yeah, we all know that. But that guy over there,” he gestured in Zach’s direction, “that guy wanted to believe differently. He gambled and lost.”
Without another word, Lawson turned and exited her classroom, leaving her with his words in the wake. Words that confused her, made her feel conflicted, made her wonder.
Words that left her feeling more unsettled, more troubled than ever before.
C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
I
T HAD BEEN OVER THREE
weeks since that fateful Sunday she had ended things with Zach. Her life had felt overcast since then, like she had been merely going through the motions. Finally, the others in her yoga class had stopped asking when Zach would be in attendance, again. She certainly hadn’t approached him to try and talk to him. He’d made it clear from what he had said that Sunday and with how he acted at work.
He was done.
He didn’t make any attempts to annoy her, to pick at her, instigate an argument like he had always done in the past. That, in itself, drove the message home. She wasn’t even worth his time to harass anymore. Never would she have thought she’d be upset about Zach not getting on her nerves by saying something obnoxious.
Sure, he was civil to her, spoke to her when absolutely necessary. But it was clear that he took advantage of opportunities when he didn’t actually have to talk to her. He emailed her lesson plans, communicated through that method. There definitely weren’t any random lunches together.
Laney finally had to admit a few things. She missed his former obnoxiousness. She missed him using bogus excuses to have lunch with her at school, saying that the place had “accidentally” made a veggie sandwich. Missed going to yoga class with him and catching him checking out her ass during her ‘downward dog’ pose. She missed surf lessons, especially when he pulled her in for a kiss as a reward for catching a wave or having good form.
Plain and simple, she just missed him.
“Laney Natalia Kavanaugh! I need you in here, please,” her mother called from in the kitchen.
She let out a tiny groan at hearing her full name being called. That only meant one thing.
She was in trouble.
Dragging her heels like a little kid called to the principal’s office, she entered the kitchen to see her mother standing over a large sauce pot, stirring it.
“Yes, ma’am?” she asked with dread.
Her mother set the wooden spoon on the holder before turning to face her, wiping her hands on her apron. Tilting her head to look at her, she raised a brow.
“What happened?”
“What do you mean, what happened?” she asked her mother slowly, not understanding the question. “I was setting the table for Sunday dinner. Like usual.”
Her mother made a tsking noise. “You know what I mean. What happened with you and Zachariah?”
Letting out a long sigh and looking away, Laney’s voice was subdued. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Her mother pointed a finger at her, accusingly. “I didn’t ask if you wanted to talk about it. I asked what happened.” Hands on her hips, she persisted. “What did you do?”
Laney threw her hands in the air, exasperated. “Why does it have to be what I did? Why couldn’t you believe that maybe it was him?”
“Because anyone with eyes could tell that boy is in love with you! Has been for quite some time,” her mother shot back without missing a beat.
When she stared in shock, her mother gave her a pitying look. “Oh, Laney.” She reached her hands out, taking her daughter’s hands in her own.
“Honey, listen to me. Your father made a choice to leave us. It was his choice; nothing that we did caused it. He didn’t want to be tied down with a family, thought he was better than that.” Taking a deep breath before continuing, her mother’s eyes held immense sadness when they gazed up at her. “In no way does that reflect upon you or your brother. If that’s what’s been holding you back from love …” Her mother’s voice trailed off, as she appeared to be at a loss for words.
“Ma, I’m just … I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to set myself up for him leaving. For the day when he’s just over it—over me—so I ended it before that could happen.” Laney’s voice sounded frail even to her own ears. “We come from different worlds and he needs someone more. Someone better …”
Frowning, her mother shook her head. “Oh, Laney. Worrying doesn’t stop bad things from happening in your life. All that does is prevent you from enjoying the good things. If you don’t ever put yourself out there, ever take that leap, you’ll never be able to experience the joy of love.” Her lips rolled in as she chose her words carefully. “I loved your father very much. I don’t regret loving him even with the way things turned out. I experienced a great love, even if it was brief, and I got you and your brother.” Her eyes lit up and her lips curved into a smile. “As far as I’m concerned, it was well worth it.”
With a fierceness only a mother can have, she continued, “Laney Natalia, you’d better not ever speak about not being enough for Zachariah—or anyone—ever again. You’re grasping at straws. Letting fear lead you.
“I know deep down that you’re going to regret going through life always playing it safe. If you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never experience the joy that’s possible when you have love in your life.” Her mother pulled her close to hold her, running a hand over her back in a soothing manner. “You have to take the leap,” she whispered.
Laney’s eyes fell closed as she basked in the comfort of her mother’s embrace and took in her words. She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever manage to find the courage to take that leap.
And, if she did, would it end up being too late?
* * *
Zach had only recently told Lawson about his transfer request and how things had gone down with Laney. So when his friend had suggested the two of them head down to Surfside to listen to the live band and have some beers, he knew it was out of concern and that Lawson was upset with his decision.
“I think you’re making a mistake, man.” Lawson shook his head before leaning in. “You’re just gonna to give up?” He gave a look of pure disbelief. “After years of foreplay?”
Zach let out a scoffing laugh. “Years of foreplay? Really?”
Lawson looked at him sternly. “You mean to tell me that every single time you said something to get under Laney’s skin it wasn’t for the purpose of getting her to pay attention to you?”
His lips pressed thin. “You know what it was.”
“Exactly.” Lawson nodded. “That was your form of foreplay.”
Incredulous, he stared at his friend. Lawson just clicked his tongue at him. “Seriously, man. You didn’t realize it, did you? It was building up to the point you had gotten to before she got spooked.” Lawson leaned back in his chair and shrugged. “She’s always been a tough nut to crack. Because you don’t expect this gorgeous woman who seems to have her shit together to be so damn gun shy when it comes to relationships, let alone the big ‘L’ word.”
His gaze rested on Lawson for a long moment as he mulled over his friend’s words. Wearily scrubbing his hand over his face, Zach let out a long sigh. Before he could comment, Lawson continued, raising an eyebrow at him. “You must’ve forgotten what happened over a year ago.”
Brows furrowed in confusion, he looked to his friend to expand on his statement.
Lawson’s expression was one of exasperation. “Um, you know, that whole Mac and Raine thing? Remember how he fu—” he paused to glance around, noticing some older folks sitting nearby, “er, screwed up, majorly. And you and I helped him plan how to get her back.” His friend looked at him pointedly.
Studying his beer bottle, he absently picked at the corner of the label. “It’s not the same, man.”
“What’s not the same?” a familiar, deep voice asked from behind him. A strong hand clamped down on his shoulder and he knew he’d been set up. Fixing a glare on Lawson, his friend held up his hands in surrender as Mac took a seat across from them at the table.
“Dude, he came to me. Like I was going to argue with Mr. Navy SEAL, here? I like living.”
“You figure out how you’re getting Laney back, yet?” Mac’s question came at him just before he asked for a water from the waitress who retreated with a dreamy smile. That man merely had to smile and flash that dimple and women everywhere were transfixed.
Not Laney, though
. Zach dismissed the thought as soon as it crossed his mind. Because it didn’t matter anymore.
“Look, guys, I appreciate this, really I do, but it’s pointless. Laney told me she doesn’t want a relationship with me. That’s it. End of story.” He took a long drink of his beer.
Mac leaned his forearms on the table and his blue eyes zeroed in on him. “You don’t think it’s possible for her to change her mind?” he asked.
Zach shook his head. “Not Laney.”
Mac leaned back in his chair as the waitress set a glass of water on the coaster before him. Bringing it up to his lips, he paused at the last second. “So, that’s it? You’re just up and moving? Never to be heard from, again?”
He rolled his eyes at his friend’s melodramatic tone. “I’ll be down in Neptune Beach, not in a different state, for God’s sake.”
Mac gave him a sharp look. “Yeah, but it won’t be the same.”
Zach watched with only partial surprise as Foster slid into the only remaining available chair at the table. “Damn right, things won’t be the same.”
Fuck
. On top of everything else, as if he needed Laney’s brother here. No, thanks. Wearily, he groaned as he ran a hand over the back of his neck, muscles already tense.
Getting down to business, Foster leaned his thick, muscular forearms on the table, his light brown eyes focused on Zach. “So. You’re really leaving, huh?”
Whipping his head around to Lawson, he watched as his friend gave a sheepish look before lifting a shoulder. “I sent them a text while you were in the restroom.”
With an eye roll, he pressed his palms against his eyes. “Damn it, Laws,” he bit out, jaw clenched in irritation.
“You’re really leaving?” Foster repeated his question.
Inhaling deeply before letting it out in a slow hiss, he nodded. “Yep.”
“Huh. Guess I don’t really blame you.”
Warily, he eyed Laney’s brother. It felt like a trap. He glanced over at Mac only to find him also watching Foster interestedly.
Shit. That did not bode well. At all
. Returning his gaze to Foster, he just waited.
Three. Two. One
.
“You’re a moron if you think Laney won’t come around. You’re taking the pus—” He stopped abruptly when Mac cleared his throat loudly, giving a brief nod in the direction of the older ladies sitting nearby. “Weak ass way out by just up and moving to another city and a different school.” Pointing a finger at him, Foster continued, “And if you don’t think Laney’s going to be upset when she finds out that you’re leaving, you’re an even bigger moron and don’t deserve her.”
“Hey, hey,” Mac tossed a sharp look at Foster, “easy on the guy. Your sister did gut him, after all.” Mac turned his attention back to Zach. “Laws gave us a brief recap about that. Sorry, man. That definitely had to suck ass.”
Eyes falling closed, Zach leaned back into the chair. “Seriously, Laws?” he muttered.
“What? I knew this called for more assistance, for the big guns. And who comes to mind when you say the words ‘big guns’?” he waved his hand toward Foster and Mac. “These two, of course. Duh.”
“Things are already weird without you, man. Especially since you haven’t shown up for karaoke Saturdays,” Mac interrupted.
“I’ve been busy looking for a new place down in Neptune Beach, trying to find something nearby the school.” Zach took a long drink of his beer, wishing the entire conversation were already over.
Foster and Mac exchanged a look, doing that silent communication thing the former SEALs often did. Finally, Foster nodded. “Well, let me know if you need help moving into your new place,” he paused to smirk, “so I can be out of town.”