I thought I could wait until night and slip home under cover of the darkness. But then I’d be like a sitting duck here, just waiting for Bruno to find me. I had no doubt he’d be back to scout me out, after all the building was empty. No. I had to get away now, while I still had the chance. In the bright light of day.
But I just couldn’t bring myself to face the world looking like this. Maybe I could phone Calvin, ask him to come for me. Maybe he could bring me a long skirt to cover my bloodied legs. Besides which, Bruno wouldn’t dare to approach me if Calvin was with me.
With shaking hands
,
I pulled out my mobile.
It was dead.
I’d forgotten to charge it last night.
Illogically, the thought of a shower popped into my mind. And then, as if it were a mirage, suddenly a shower really did materialize before me. All I could do was stare at it in a stupor, wondering if I had only dreamt it up. Dropping my handbag with its precious papers onto the floor, I crept up onto the shower tray. Plunked my hands around the taps, still expecting it to disappear at any moment. The taps twisted in my hands and blessed warm water poured out all over me.
I curled into a ball on the floor of the shower, gratefully letting the water wash every trace and vestige of blood and violation from me. All of a sudden, as I lay there, the tears just welled up inside me, unexpected, filling my chest to bursting with sharp-edged pain and cramming out of me.
It was just the physical violence. The feeling of his hands against me, hard, cruel, implacable. The feeling that someone hated me so much that they wanted to hurt me this badly. I began to cry with broken sobs. Deep, wracking sobs that shook all the way through me and felt as if they would have no end, letting the tears pour down my cheeks and mingle with the water from the shower.
I don’t know how long I lay there this way. I felt like I would never be clean or whole again. But time was ticking by and before I knew it, long shadows were arching through the frosted glass, painting ominous figures across the bathroom floor. The day was almost over. Before long, all the offices would be closed, and Bruno would be back.
I jumped to my feet in a panic, nerves and muscles much steadier and stronger now. I didn’t know what time it was, since the mobile was dead. But I knew I had to hurry.
I spun the shower taps, scrambled out and rushed to the door. I knew I was a sorry sight, streaming water in puddles at my feet. But at least I wasn’t bloody anymore. I glanced down at my legs. Not a spot of blood remained on them or on my shoes to betray the ordeal I’d just been through. I could still make out the dark stains on my skirt, but they were barely noticeable against the blackened fabric.
I eased the bathroom door open, my heart pounding so hard it seemed my chest would explode. The corridor was empty. I made a dash for the elevators and clawed at the buttons. I must have pounded against them literally a thousand times at least.
Suddenly, too late, I realized from the little numbers above the door that the nearest elevator had paused on the uppermost floor, the penthouse suite, where Bruno had his office. And now it was on its way down towards me.
I felt rooted to the spot, petrified with terror. Before I could make a single move, the elevator dinged in front of me.
The doors began to open.
I didn’t hang around to see who would pop out the elevator doors. Terror jolted me into action, and I bolted for the stairway with fire at my heels. I charged through the emergency escape door and crashed down the stairs, taking them two and three at a time. My heart thudded in my chest and I didn’t stop until I’d put several floors between me and whoever I imagined was after me.
At last, hearing muffled voices on one of the landings, I stopped and barged through the emergency door into the hallway. A small group of businessmen stood chatting in low voices near the elevator, and I approached them. They glanced up at me without much interest, but then a few of them did a double take at the sight of me. I pulled back, suddenly feeling self-conscious with my stringy hair dripping pathetically all around my face.
No one said anything to me, but I noticed them sneaking surreptitious glances at me. I was relieved when the elevator arrived.
The tower where the temp agency was located was only a few hundred feet away from Bruno’s office building. Out on the street I mingled with the crowd, trying to blend in inconspicuously. Fortunately, most people were too absorbed with their own troubles and thoughts to pay much mind to me.
I wound my way into the lobby of the TD Tower. The floor gleamed, and smartly dressed executives passed beside me in shoes with clicking heels, many carrying impeccable briefcases. I pulled my hair back and pushed the straggling locks behind my ears. Clouds in the sky flashed gold and crimson in the setting sun, the light reflecting tenuous on the sparkling porcelain floor of the lobby. I hurried towards the elevators. I didn’t know what time it was but it seemed that large numbers of workers were starting to leave.
I pushed my way into the temp agency on the twenty-third floor, grateful to find the office still full. The receptionist gave me a queer look, but didn’t say anything when I asked for Geri, my agent. Soon Geri rushed out with a smile, her smile fading into puzzlement when she caught sight of me.
“Annasuya,” she said, sticking her hand out automatically for the customary handshake. “What happened? I got a strange email from Bruno Jarvas full of complaints and criticisms about you. Come to my desk. Tell me
your
side of the story.”
She led me to her cubicle in the middle of the office pool and held out a seat for me. I huddled onto it, shivering, and studied the woman who usually got me my top assignments.
In her late thirties, attractive and immaculately groomed, Geri always wore her makeup and dark hair perfect. Today she appeared a bit harried, and red spots that you could tell weren’t from her makeup stained her cheeks underneath the high-coverage foundation.
“It’s a good thing I know you, Annasuya, and you’ve always received the highest ratings from our clients,” she continued. “Or otherwise, from Bruno Jarvas’ comments, I would never think of hiring you again. Tell me what happened.”
I began to shake harder, but no words came to me. At a loss as to what else to do, I slipped the signed papers from my bag and slid them across the desk at Geri.
“You’ll pay me for today’s work, right?” I managed to stammer out, my teeth chattering.
Geri glanced over the papers.
“Yes. Of course. We always do. You know that,” she replied succinctly, then filed the papers onto a tray on her desk.
After that she leaned back, clearly waiting. I buried my face in my hands. How do you tell someone who’s almost a complete stranger that you’ve just been raped?
Geri sighed with impatience.
“Obviously we’re not going to get anywhere like this. Maybe you need to take a break. Have a month off. Do you think?”
I shook my head desperately. I needed work. We were so short of money.
Geri reached forward and peeled my hands from my face.
“Talk to me, Annasuya. Tell me what’s up. Is something wrong?” She paused. “Is it
us?
Are you not happy working with us?”
I shook my head again, hard. Geri seemed to mull things over for a bit.
“Are you in some kind of trouble?” She lowered her voice. “Do you need help? Do you want to talk about it?”
She laid her hand on my arm in a friendly manner.
“What happened to you, Annasuya?” She fingered my damp sleeve in surprise. “You’re all wet. Is it raining outside?”
She glanced out the window. I snatched my arm away and started chewing my nails compulsively. The fading polish tasted bitter in my mouth. I’d started wearing polish to curb my nasty nail-biting habit, but now I was too jittery to stop.
“It’s not raining. I washed myself...” My voice was almost inaudible.
Geri stared at me in amazement.
“You washed yourself? Why on earth would you...”
Her voice trailed off. Her eyes widened in incredulity and growing comprehension. She clapped her hand over her mouth.
“Shit. I don’t believe this,” she muttered under her breath. To me, louder, she exclaimed: “Wait here, Annasuya.”
She leapt to her feet and disappeared, returning a minute later with her boss, Julia.
I’d met Julia once before. She was an older lady, probably nearing retirement age, who inspired respect and confidence with her combination of cordiality and brisk competence. Now she dropped into a chair next to me and wasted no time in trivialities.
“Hello, Annasuya. You remember me, don’t you?” she began. “I’m Geri’s boss, Julia. So what happened between you and Bruno Jarvas? Do you want to tell me?”
I stared at the floor. Julia drew a deep breath.
“Annasuya, tell me. Did Bruno Jarvas... do something to you?”
I hesitated, nodded.
“Something bad? Something horrible?”
Another nod.
“Did he attack you? Did he... assault you?”
I nodded again. I knew what her next question would be. But she didn’t ask it.
“Annasuya, I trust you’re a smart and sensible adult. You know that you should go to the hospital, don’t you? And report this to the police.” She paused. “Do you want us to accompany you? You shouldn’t have washed yourself, you know. Now you have no proof...”
I bit my lip.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I stammered out at last with my eyes turned to the ground. “I’m not telling anyone. Just please... I need more work. If you’ve got any new jobs for me...”
Geri and her boss glanced at each other. A gawky young man with thick, horn-rimmed glasses and spiky hair stumbled inopportunely into Geri’s cubicle at this moment, waving a sheath of papers in one hand and some sort of brightly painted contraption in the other.
“Geri, I need your signature,” he screeched urgently as he lay the contraption down on the desk next to us. “And check out my latest invention...”
His voice trailed off as he noted the grim look on Geri’s and Julia’s faces.
“Oh. Uh. Did... did I come at a bad time?”
Geri gazed at him, thoughtful. Seemed to come up with something.
“No. No, Hugh. Actually, you’ve arrived at a most opportune moment,” she told him in a soothing voice. “Here, give me those papers. We could really use a cup of water. Would you mind getting one while I sign those papers?”
Hugh bumbled off and returned in a minute with a plastic cup filled to the brim. Julia tended the cup to me. I tried to take it, but my hand was shaking too hard. Half the water spilled out over my fingers. Julia held my hand steady as I sipped.
Geri peered up at Hugh and handed the signed papers to him with a smile.
“Thanks,” she said.
She waited for him to leave, but he didn’t move.
“Is there something else?” she asked at last.
“You didn’t look at my windmill.” He gestured towards the painted apparatus, a bit crestfallen. “It really works.”
He balanced it in his hand with pride. It looked like a miniature log cabin made of wooden slats, like popsicle sticks, painted in cheery fluorescent colours. A well-balanced set of blades stuck out from one side. Hugh pressed a button, and the blades began to spin at the same time that a light blinked on and a tinny bell started ringing inside the structure.
Geri smiled indulgently.
“Neat, Hugh. You’re very talented.” She glanced at him. “But don’t you have work to do?”
Hugh shook his head. Then nodded. But he didn’t move from his spot.
“What happened?” he said at last. It was clear curiosity was bursting out of him from every pore. “Are you Anna? Is that your name? Or something like that. You left your timesheets with me once, remember?”
“Annasuya,” I mumbled.
“Oh yeah, I remember now.”
He mimed a thumbs up at me.
“Gorgeous name, Annasuya. And, um, your hair looks nice today,” he finished lamely.
I gaped at him in a stupor and tugged unconsciously at a shapeless, watery strand. Hugh gulped, then hightailed it out of there. Julia stared after him.
“He’s friendly enough,” she sentenced. “Hard working. And he does cheer up the office a bit with his eccentric electronic inventions.” She bit her lip. “But perhaps he could use a bit of help in the social department...”
She smiled and turned towards me.
“Well, Annasuya, we were saying. I think you really should go to the hospital and report this to the police.”
I shook my head.
“What good would it do?” I asked bitterly. “The only thing that would accomplish is that the whole world would know what happened to me. And Bruno would get off scot free anyways. And they’d say that I was the one who asked for it. That maybe I shouldn’t have worn a short skirt or something. That’s what always happens.”
I chucked the empty cup into a waste paper bin and started shuffling towards the door.
“Thank you so much for listening to me, Geri.” I tried to smile at her. She had always come through for me in the past, and I knew she deserved much more from me than I was able to give her at this moment. “Please call me right away if a new job comes up. Please. I need it.”
Geri ran after me as I headed out the door.
“Don’t worry about me,” I told her. “I’ll be all right.”
I slammed the door before she could reach it and careened down the stairs before she could come after me, bumbling down several flights before I dared to come out and catch an elevator.
*
Calvin nearly hit the roof. He hung about in the kitchen, wringing his hands uselessly and banging objects down onto the counter without rhyme nor reason.
“That perverted son-of-a-bitch! I’m going over to his place right now and giving him a beating he’ll never forget. If I bump into him on the street, I’ll skin him alive.”
He waved his hands about in the air helplessly.
“What’s his name, Anna? Why won’t you tell me?”
I shrugged.
“What good would that do? I don’t know where he lives anyways.”
Calvin pounded a can of baked beans onto the counter, trying unsuccessfully to gouge a hole in the hard marble.
“I can look him up. And you
do
know where he works. Why won’t you tell me
that
at least?”
I grabbed him by the shoulders.
“You are
not
going over to his office, you silly jackass.” I snuggled my head against him. “He doesn’t exactly work alone, you know. And I’m not letting you get into trouble because of me. I
won’t
be blamed for you getting a police record. So there!”
He started punching the air with his fists again. I hugged him tight and pecked a kiss on his cheek. He stared at me in surprise, then sagged in my arms as if deflated.
“Oh, you’re right, sweetie pie. I know you are. It just makes me feel so bloody powerless and like we were puppets or something getting dragged about on a string by this pervert.”
I shook my head and pressed my finger against his lips.
“Puppets on a string, no, sugar pops. We’ll never see him again.”
Calvin nodded thoughtfully and began to follow me about the kitchen rather ineffectively as I started to cut onions and open tins. I stuffed a few lettuce leaves into the lab rats’ cage.
“At least you should’ve gone to the police,” he said, pouting. “And not washed yourself off like that. You could still get a medical exam done right now, you know, even though you’ve already showered and changed.”
I shook my head vehemently.
“I’ve told you, no, no and no, Calvin. And that’s the end of that.”
Calvin glared at me helplessly as I got dinner onto the table, shaking his head the way people do when studying Egyptian hieroglyphics.
“So you’re just going to forget about it? Pretend it never happened? And that fucking bastard gets away with it all?”
I nodded firmly.
“Exactly.”
Calvin made sure that at the very least I got myself signed into a self-defence class and hustled me into a therapy group as well.