Here for You (29 page)

Ian would have kept looking. He disliked misplaced things. But he didn’t argue. He wanted to get it over with as much as Cole. Once his housemates knew Cole’s plans, they could start to make it a reality.

They listened to the radio and made small talk all the way to Cole’s house. Cole sat with a dessert perched on his lap, a peach pie. He had a slight furrow between his brows and his hand kept tapping his thigh in some quick rhythmic beat.

Look my way
, Ian thought,
and I’ll know things are good.

But Cole’s gaze remained straight ahead.

“So what’s up, Cole? Why did you call us together tonight?” Sandy asked after their dinner was halfway done. The conversation had been light for the most part. Marc telling funny stories about culinary school, and Tomas adding a few stories about working as a bouncer. Cole had chatted animatedly, making Ian wonder if he’d only imagined his earlier behavior. But at Sandy’s question, Ian froze with his forkful of peach pie at his lips and searched Cole’s expression.

“Is it about rent?” Sandy added. “’Cause I have my share.”

“Sort of.” Cole bit his lip. He looked at Ian, who smiled at him encouragingly. “It’s two things, actually. The first involves Brendan. Well, his brother.” Cole’s gaze slid toward River. “I wrote to Brendan’s brother Owen. Just telling him a few things. I invited him to come here. If he wants to do that. I don’t know if he’ll even respond.”

“Wow,” Tomas said. “Will he actually come here?”

“I think it’s a fifty-fifty chance,” Cole said.

“What’s it matter?” River pushed his chair out and stood. “He can never replace Brendan.” His eyes narrowed to slits.

Ian stared at him. River radiated anger, his expression wary. But it was the sadness there that caught Ian’s attention, his eyes so wounded beneath their fury. It nearly hurt to look at River. For a split second, Ian imagined a world without Cole in it. Nothing like that better ever happen. It shocked Ian how desperate it made him. How vehement to push it away before the worry struck Ian as hard as a blow.

“Of course not,” Cole replied softly to River. His gaze was pleading.

“Never replace him,” River repeated.

“Look—” Cole rubbed one hand over his face. “That’s not what I think at all. It isn’t why I wrote to Owen. Brendan can never be forgotten. Jesus! I miss him every single day. But don’t you agree Brendan would have written to Owen eventually? I’m trying to fulfill his wishes. Don’t you understand that?”

Ian felt a pang deep in his chest. He hated the pain in Cole’s voice.

“Whatever.” River’s hands trembled as he spoke. “You already wrote him. It’s done.” River’s jaw set.

“I didn’t realize your permission was needed,” Cole said waspishly.

“Hey, guys come on. Let’s not fight about it,” Tomas said.

“I’m not fighting,” Cole said, looking at River, who’d yet to sit back down. “I’m sorry I stirred things up.”

“At least what you needed to tell us is done.” Tomas shrugged. “Let’s move on.”

“Wait a sec, is that it?” Marc asked, looking at Cole. “You said you got us all together for two reasons. Right? What’s the second one?”

Ian looked at Cole sharply.
Here we go.
Cole straightened up a little. He offered Ian a shy smile. His expression, though, looked tentative.

“Well, you guys know how much I care about you and this house. That’s never going to change. I’m here for you guys forever. I—God, this is even harder for me to say—”

“Why don’t I like the sound of this one either?” Marc interrupted.

“Jesus, you’re not sick or anything?” Tomas jumped in.

“No! God, no. I’m sorry. This is coming out all wrong. It’s nothing bad. I just—some parts of my life have changed recently—and where I want to be….” Cole stared at them, and then he screwed his eyes shut and let out a soft groan. “Fuck! This is really difficult to say. Especially when I give all of you such a tough time about our house and…. The thing is—”

“You’re moving out.” River crossed his arms over his chest, breaking his silence. “Is that it?”

“You are?” Tomas looked from Cole to Ian and then back again.

When Cole couldn’t seem to answer them, his throat working convulsively, Ian said, “He’s moving out. When you guys find another housemate, that is. Neither of us wants to leave you in the lurch. But Cole and I want to be together twenty-four seven, have a home together.”

“Twenty-four seven,” Marc said. “Get that for your next tattoo, Ian. It’ll go well with the hourglass too.”

“It sounds like a convenience store,” said Sandy.

When Cole didn’t answer, Ian felt a small part of him crumple. He rushed ahead to speak for them both.

“It’s fast, but it’s what we want.” Ian paused and glanced at Cole, who wasn’t looking at him, but staring at the floor. “Don’t worry, though, Cole figured it all out. He already spoke to Andrew, who’s considering living here. You all know him from the café, right? He’s a good guy.”

There was a mumbled sound of agreement.

Tomas said, “Yeah, he’s cool, but… he’s not Cole. And while I’m all for you and Ian seeing each other, all this is so fast. Isn’t it?”

Marc frowned.

River said nothing.

They all looked to Cole.

“Ian—” Cole’s voice shook.

“What?”

But he knew. He read the unspoken words all over Cole’s face. Ian saw the misery on there.

I’m sorry
, he imagined Cole struggling to say.

Hell, sometimes ignorance really was bliss. Ian wished he didn’t know Cole so well. But Cole had been tighter than a rubber band all day. That he snapped at the thought of hurting his housemates now did not surprise Ian.

He could be a jerk about it. He could argue. Ian was great at arguing. If he pushed Cole hard enough, Ian knew he could persuade him. He felt torn between what he wanted and what might be best for Cole. It wasn’t that Cole didn’t want him. Ian felt secure there. The last few weeks they’d been glued together, craving each other, loving each other. He couldn’t fake that kind of emotion. Cole was way too honest to ever pretend.

Ian drew in a breath. “You know what? There’s no rush, right? Maybe it is too soon for this. We’ll work it out.” He tried to smile, even as sadness filled him.

Ian ignored the cramping in his stomach. He took comfort in the fact that Cole looked equally unhappy.

Cole’s wide-eyed gaze swung from one person to another. His eyes met Ian’s last.

“I don’t know what to do,” Cole whispered. “I just want everybody happy.”

There was a tight silence. Ian tasted something bitter at the back of his throat. But Cole’s face had contorted with such anguish, a bigger part of Ian only wanted to hold him close.

“It’s all right,” he said.

“It’s not all right,” Cole replied. “I can’t hurt you, Ian. Not in this lifetime. Not ever.”

“Okay, dumbass,” said Marc, in a much louder voice, making a rude sound. “Listen up! Enough of this being so fucking noble. You want everybody happy? Well, that’s your entire problem. Don’t you know you got to make yourself happy in this messed-up world? You need to follow your heart and move in with Ian. This is bullshit. And you two are pathetic. I’ll pack your bags myself, Eggs.”

Cole stiffened. “But—”

“No buts.” Marc smirked at Cole. “If you don’t go, I’m going to kick you out of here myself.”

“It’s fine,” Sandy agreed. “I like Andrew.”

River and Tomas said nothing for a moment.

Then Tomas smiled wistfully. “Marc’s right. I’ll miss you. A lot. But you’re not moving far. And we all expect visits. And dinners.”

“But I….” Cole fumbled for words. “I thought I could leave. And I want to be with Ian. But after everything that’s happened, I can’t
abandon
you guys.” He stopped talking when River moved suddenly.

River stood, he crossed the room to Cole and hugged him hard. “Time’s a fucking gift. Don’t you dare waste it! Live what you two just put into all that ink.” He touched Cole’s tattoo. “You love him?”

Cole’s whole face softened. “Yes, I love him.”

“Then go,” River said. He pulled Cole into another rough embrace.

As Marc and Tomas, and even Sandy, came over and embraced him too, Ian felt a lump form in his throat. He silently vowed to make certain Cole did not lose these guys or anything else. He’d protect and fight for anything Cole needed or wanted from this point forward.

“I never want to disappoint any of you,” Cole said to them.

“You won’t,” Tomas answered. “Like you’re always telling us, Cole, we’re family.” They all hugged tightly, their heads touching. None of them broke the circle.

After a moment, Cole looked up at Ian. His eyes were bright and happy. “Guess it’s a done deal.” They shared a glance, and in Cole’s expression, Ian read a lifetime of promise. Releasing his housemates, Cole smiled and stepped toward Ian, warmth and acceptance on his face. “We’re officially moving in together.”

Ian whooped like a kid at Christmas as he pulled Cole into his arms.

“I
KNOW
this is going to sound nuts, but for a second back there, when all of us hugged? I felt Brendan’s presence.” Cole pressed his face against the car window. “Nuts, right?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Ian glanced over at him. For the night Cole had thrown a few things together and put them in his car, but soon he’d be bringing all of it over to Ian’s house—
their
house. Ian smiled. The place would never seem too big and empty again.

“As a pretty logical guy, I thought you’d argue with me.” Cole’s expression grew solemn. “It was as if Brendan’s spirit was hovering over us. Did anything like that ever happen to you?”

“Once. When my aunt Iris died. She was a good person. The best. She spent time with me growing up, a lot more than my parents did, even in my rebellious teenage years. She was a musician, totally different from the rest of the Starks,” Ian said with a small smile. “She lived in this tiny place on the edge of the woods, grew her own vegetables, and wrote songs for a living. I was lucky enough to spend a few summers there. My parents took my older siblings abroad and claimed I was too young to go. Aunt Iris took me in and made me feel as if I wasn’t the extra seat.”

“Extra seat?”

“My siblings had front-row seats to my parents, and I was in the cheap ones.”

“Ahh.” Cole touched his arm. “Their loss.”

“Yes, I think so too.” Ian flashed a real smile. “Aunt Iris never made me feel less than others. She was the first person in my family I invited to my college graduation, the first I wanted to call when I passed the bar. She died not long after.” Ian cleared his throat. “I went to her place to sort through things the morning of the funeral. I was sitting in her garden, and I saw this amazing butterfly. It’s weird, but I knew it was Iris. It has no logic to it, and I usually hate psychic mumbo jumbo, but I knew in my bones it was her. Watching that butterfly….” Ian shook his head. “I’ll never forget it.”

Cole smiled at Ian. “I’d like to believe Brendan’s spirit is someplace beautiful too.”

A
FEW
days after vowing to move out and telling the others, Cole began to slowly make it a reality. He and Ian packed boxes of his things. The next step was securing a definite date when Andrew would move in.

There was a kind of limbo for a week or so. Cole tried to spend time with Ian, and on the days they missed each other, Cole almost hurt. He equally gave time to his housemates, knowing soon it wouldn’t be the same. But real families were like that too, sometimes splintering off in different directions, but it didn’t mean the love wasn’t right there underneath. A house, in the end, was only an object.

Home
was a different word altogether.

He and Ian had to manage around their different work schedules. Ian came to It’s Five O’clock Somewhere often after he closed his office. Cole visited him at lunch, except when he overslept, and Ian would call.

“Hey, Sleepyhead.”

“Hmm?”

“Grab a shower and meet me at The Busy Day Café in twenty minutes.”

“Hmmm… okay.”

Cole heard Ian’s low laugh. “Make that forty-five. I can see you’re going to go right back to sleep.”

The mutual nights off were the best. Cole’s heart would be racing as Ian had him on his hands and knees. As he did delicious, wicked things to Cole. Or Cole did them to Ian. Either way, they’d soar to satisfaction.

“Cole,” Ian would say.

His name sounded so sweet. They’d link hands, stare into each other’s eyes. Ian would give a rough sigh of contentment.

At last the day came that Cole moved into Ian’s house. His housemates threw him a bon voyage party as if he were about to take a long sea cruise instead of just moving a few miles away. Cole was deeply touched, though, and he drank and danced and joked with them far into the night. Tomas even teared up.

“Stop it,” Cole scolded. “Before I start too.”

For a giant of a guy, one who looked dangerous in bars and alleyways, Tomas had always had the sweetest heart.

“Sorry.”

“Just don’t put on any Disney movies,” Marc said, coming up to them. “Especially
Bambi
.” Although his voice was teasing, his eyes, Cole noticed, rested on Tomas with a tender expression.

He glanced at River, who was leaning at their backyard fence, his arms crossed protectively. If anybody needed to cry, it was most likely River, and Cole wished he could go to him, but River clearly did not want his pity. He nodded to Cole with a tiny smile.

“I can’t believe how much stuff I got rid of,” Andrew said. He’d been moving in his things all day. He pushed his floppy blond hair out of his face and smiled, excitement sparkling in his eyes. Andrew had an open friendliness that the others needed, and after that bad breakup, this might be exactly what he needed too. Cole felt it was right, and an easiness filled him.

“Are you ready for this chaos?” Tomas asked Andrew.