Hers for a While (10 page)

Chapter Twelve

“Well, after the past few days in the hospital, I’m sure you’re both up for some good news.” Dr. Parsons entered Jack’s room, shaking Jack’s hand as he sat in a chair beside the bed. “The pneumonia has cleared up in your lungs, which means you can bust out of here soon.”

Alice let out a deep breath. Some of the tension eased from Jack’s face, and he smiled for the first time in days. “There’s a but coming, isn’t there?” he asked. Just like her, he had learned that when Dr. Parsons came around, it was just pile after pile of bad news.

“Well, you will get to go home, but we’ll be sending a home health nurse in to check on you and I want you in my office for a follow up in a week. Also, with your lungs in the state they’re in, you’ll have to be on oxygen. When I see you in a week, I’m hoping you’ll have a decision on whether or not you want to do chemo treatments. I understand it’s a big decision, but there’s really not a lot of time to mull it over too long.”

Jack squeezed Alice’s hand. It had been a weight on their shoulders, and had talked about it, but neither could say yes or no on what they wanted to do. “I won’t ever get to work again…” it came out as a statement, almost as if Jack was just realizing that his firefighting days were over.

Dr. Parsons patted his foot as he walked by. “They’re processing your discharge paperwork now. I’ve got a social worker setting you up and we’ll have you squared away with everything you need to take with you. Do you have any questions for me?”

“No.” Jack stared up at the ceiling. “Not much else to do. Not much else to say.”

Alice’s heart ached. Dr. Parsons made his exit, leaving them alone. “Well, I’m glad you’re finally getting out of here. Maybe a good night’s rest in your own bed will be the best medicine.”

“Do the guys at the firehouse know about this? It’s been several days and I’ve missed some tours, so I’m sure they do.”

“Yeah, we called your chief. They came up here a few times right when you were first brought in, but you were asleep. They wanted me to let them know when you go home. They want to see you. They’re worried.”

“I’m never going to get on the truck again, Alice.”

She brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed it, gently, making sure she didn’t pull the IV’s out. “You never know, Jack.”

“I’m dying, Alice.”

“The doctor doesn’t know everything. People have lived a long time after a diagnosis like this. Why not you?”

He pulled his hand away, glaring at her. She wondered when he’d finally show some emotion behind all of this. Here it came.

“You want me to do the chemo, don’t you?”

“What do you want to do, Jack?”

He let out a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling again. “If you want me to do the treatment, I will.”

Before Alice could reply, a nurse came in with his personal belongings and the discharge paperwork. It was bittersweet. Jack was getting out of the hospital, but he still wasn’t out of the woods by any means.

***

It was going to take a lot to get used to seeing Jack hooked up to oxygen. Being at home was nice, but the tension still surrounded them. Even with the guys from the fire department there, it was dreary. Jack seemed to be having a good time with them, and Alice was glad for the friends and support they had. Watching from afar, she kept her distance and gave them time to hang out and talk about past calls and crazy saves Jack had been a part of.

There was a sorrow in his eyes. When he realized his days on the truck were over, it was like something had died inside of him. Being with his coworkers, or brothers, as he’d correct her, was even more of a wake up call.

“Hey, how you holding up?” One of the firefighters caught her in the hallway, and she couldn’t remember his name.

“Doing okay. It’s good having you guys come over. I think Jack is getting sick of my company. Sitting still drives him crazy.”

“I’m Frankie. I think we’ve met before. I work alongside him in search and rescue. It’s all a shock. When we were told about it, we had a hard time believing it. I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times, but if you need anything at all, please call us. We’ll be here for our brother.”

Alice squeezed his arm. “That means a lot, Frankie. We appreciate it.”

“Jack’s a hard ass. This is just temporary. He’ll be back stronger than ever.”

Alice didn’t know what to say back, but forced a smile as Frankie made his way back to the group. Why was she being so negative? Over and over again, she told Jack to keep fighting and here she was, doubting everything.
What a hypocrite.
The air was too thick in the house. Stepping out onto the back porch, she took in the fresh air.

Staring out into the yard, she imagined a couple of kids laughing, giggling, and running through the yard. She pictured Jack out in the driveway, shooting hoops with their son. How wonderful would it be to see him slumped over the engine of a car, teaching the child how to repair it?

“Alice?”

Turning, she saw Jack in the doorway. “Hey Babe.”

“They all headed out. Thanks for calling them over. You okay?”

She wiped the stray tear on her cheek away, forcing a smile. “I was just daydreaming.”

Stepping farther out onto the porch, he couldn’t completely get to her due to the oxygen chord not reaching. She cut the distance, sliding closer to him.

“Daydreaming about?”

She held his hand, feeling like there were a million knots in her stomach. Shaking her head, she looked back out into the yard. She had to be strong for him. How would he handle it if she mentioned children?

“Nothing. It’s stupid.”

Jack arched his eyebrow and followed her gaze. “You’re tearing up over nothing? C’mon, Babe. Talk to me. I don’t want you clamming up on me. Not on top of everything else.”

She swiped the moisture under her eyes and leaned against the railing on the porch. “I was thinking about how awesome it’d be to see a couple of kids running across the yard, playing. Maybe seeing a little boy shooting hoops with you.” Her voice cracked. “You’d be a great father, you know.”

“I always wanted to be one,” Jack replied, leaning on the railing with her. “You’d be a great mom, too. You’ll be a great mom,” he said, his grip tightening around her hand.

“It’s not too late for you to be a dad, Jack.” She had no idea where this was coming from, but it hit her blindside. In fact, it felt far-fetched, but with the little time they were working with, she had to let it all out. “You want kids, right?”

Jack pursed his lips as he thought about her question. “That’s a loaded question, Alice.”

“How so? You’ve told me before that you’d love to start a family.”

“Back when I wasn’t sick. Back when I didn’t have a tumor the size of Texas growing in my lung.” He bit his lip as his eyes welled up. “Of course I want kids. I want them with you. But you’re gonna move on from this and find another man who loves you. You’ll grow old together and witness the very thing you were just daydreaming about.”

Alice shook her head as the tears flowed freely. This is not how she wanted the conversation to go. “I want a child with you, Jack. There’s still time. You’re still here. You always talk about your father’s legacy and continuing it. It doesn’t have to stop.”

Jack raked his hand through his hair. “There’s too much to think about right now. I meet with Dr. Parsons soon and he’s going to want to know about chemo. If I do the treatments, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna zap any shred of sex drive I have left. That’s something to think about. Not to mention that it can cause infertility.”

“Yeah.” She stared back out into the yard. “I guess we need to take it one step at a time.” It was stupid to even bring it up. Jack had too much on his plate. Pressure to have a child would just make him weaker. “I’m sorry that I said anything.” She started for the door, but his hand stopped her.

“I’m glad you told me. No more keeping anything to ourselves. With less than a year on this earth, I want to know your every waking thought.”

“You might regret that, Jack. My mind is a scary place.”

“Scarier than where I’m at right now?”

His question sent a chill down her spine. It was best to leave that one unanswered. She had no idea how to respond to it.

***

“Your O2 is up to a decent level. How have you been feeling?” Dr. Parsons scanned over Jack’s chart.

“Not bad. I’d hate to think how I’d feel if I wasn’t on the oxygen.”

“Are the meds doing okay? Any bouts of coughing? Any blood?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. I’ve just been tired. Lot’s on my mind.”

Alice sat across from him, hating to see him up on the examination table. The doctor’s office smelled just like the hospital had, spawning horrible memories of when he had first been brought in by the ambulance. It was like there was an elephant in the room. The chemo question was never going to go away. She hated that she was so hell bent on him doing it and he was hesitating. It was ultimately his decision, but she still couldn’t let it go.

Dr. Parsons turned to face them, his expression stern. Here it came. “Have you made a decision about treatment?”

It was as if the air got sucked out of the room, and Alice closed her eyes. The anticipation was killing her.

“I’ll start the treatment and we’ll see how it goes, Doc. I’ve gotta admit something. I’m pretty scared about it. I’ve heard that sometimes chemo kills people long before the cancer would have. Is that true?”

Dr. Parsons folded his arms over his chest, almost shocked that Jack asked such a question. “It does weaken immune systems and is hard on the heart.”

“Trading one issue for another,” Jack replied.

“In a sense, yes.”

Jack looked at Alice and held eye contact for a few seconds. “Like I said, I’ll start the treatments. We’ll take it one day at a time. I guess I don’t have very many days to wait.”

“We can get you started on your first one today. There’s a room set up. With as aggressive as your cancer is, it’s best to move fast. I’ll get everything squared away and have a nurse come get you here in a few minutes.” Dr. Parsons left the room.

“Jack, if you’re doing this because I want you to, don’t base your decision solely off of that.”

He slid off of the examination table and walked to the counter. Sifting through a few of the magazines, he ducked his head and let out a deep breath. “We’ll give it a shot, Alice. I’ll do anything for you. If chemo means I can add some time with you, I’ll do it.” He cupped her cheek and she leaned into his callused palm.

“Okay, Jack. Like you said – one day at a time.”

Annie stood aside as they hooked him up to the IV. She had never seen him as nervous as he looked – his eyes wide, his hands balled in fists as they adjusted everything. Too bad chemo didn’t serve as a calming effect.

“Okay, Mr. Turner. You’re all set up. We’ll come check on you in a few minutes. If you need anything, please let us know.” The nurse patted him on the arm and offered Alice a smile as she walked back to the nurse’s station.

“Well, so far so good,” Jack said, his hands still in fists. “You look like you’re about to puke, Alice.” He smiled, and it was so genuine that it made Alice’s heart melt.

“I’m so proud of you, Jack.”

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “I’ve been poked and prodded with so many damn needles recently, this is a walk in the park.”

Annie hoped he’d keep the positive attitude. She had done tons of research on cancer treatments and knew that this was nothing compared to when the side effects would start kicking in. Maybe he was still strong enough to ward off some of the bad ones. Maybe he’d be one of the lucky ones that didn’t get any symptoms at all. Something had to go their way. Maybe, just maybe, this was the turning point and he’d be okay.

Emotions crept up again, and Alice felt the burning sensation behind her eyelids. She had cried so much, she wasn’t sure if there was anything left in her tear ducts. Rather than let Jack see her cry yet again, she made an excuse to head to the bathroom, where she locked herself in a stall, hiding from the real world, even if it was just for a few seconds.

People came in and out, and finally, after she was unsure of how much time she had stayed there, she put her brave face back on and went back to Jack. A nurse was pulling his IV out.

“Done already?”

“Yes ma’am. He’s scheduled for the same time tomorrow. We’re going to administer daily for a week, and then back off a bit to give his body a chance to grow some healthy cells. Dr. Parsons wants to be aggressive with the treatment. Mr. Turner, I have to warn you that you might start feeling the effects sooner than you think. You’ve received a strong dose. If you have any complications you can’t handle, go to the ER and they can contact Dr. Parsons.”

“Complications I can’t handle,” Jack repeated. “That sounds promising.”

It terrified Alice. Now wasn’t the time for Jack to be prideful, and she hoped he’d be honest if something happened.

“Let’s get you home, Jack. You need to get some rest.”