His Expectant Lover (11 page)

Andie felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and took it out, hoping it was a message from Antonio about what they would be doing tonight.

It was definitely a message, but not about their evening’s activities. He was going out of town. To…Milan?

She almost burst into tears at the thought of him going to Milan, their city, alone. She wanted so badly to text him back and ask if she could come, but her fingers hesitated over the letters. The last time they’d been in Milan together, it had ended disastrously. But oh, it would be so nice if things could change.

So instead of asking if she could come with him, she texted him a message of good luck and hoping he had a safe trip.

After staring at her computer for several minutes, she shook herself out of her funk. This was ridiculous. He was going to Italy on business and most likely wouldn’t have time to be with her anyway. At least, she hoped that was the case.

And since she was stuck here with nothing to do, she was going to get her life back! He could go off to Milan and do all kinds of wonderful things with his co-workers and friends, but she had no one to socialize with here but Ms. Snyder. She’d been living here in his fabulous penthouse, wearing the most beautiful clothes she’d ever encountered and making love with the man every night. But she still felt like she was living in limbo.

Enough! Standing up, she shut down her computer and packed it up. She’d been sitting here in his office, feeling close to him because there was so much of his personality here that reminded her of him. But she was being ridiculous! She had to get a life that didn’t include Antonio. She had to start living and not just waiting for him to…

To what? What was she hoping he would do? Fall in love with her? To love her with the same crazy intensity that she loved him?

Andie snorted, feeling ridiculous now that she realized what she’d been hoping for. Enough was enough!

She snatched her phone up and dialed a gal pal that she used to hang out with when they’d had time in between modeling gigs. “Hey, Jenny! How are you doing?” she asked. She curled up in one of the big chairs in Antonio’s great room, laughing as she and her friend caught up on everything that had been happening over the past few months. At the end of the conversation, they made arrangements to meet for lunch the next day. Andie felt enormously better now that she was taking charge of her life.

The next hurdle was trying to figure out how she was going to pay for her little excursions. She would have to get a job, she realized. She couldn’t do much because of her pregnancy, she knew. But what about getting just a menial job? Or maybe she could start tutoring? Yeah! The idea of helping others learn to write sounded like a wonderful opportunity. She opened up her computer and found several places that were looking for tutors. Some were the agencies that hired people to help students, but she didn’t care. It would be a little extra money in her pocket, plus, she would get out and meet people, have a life other than just waiting here for Antonio every night. She could still work on her books, but she had to find a new life.

She might not want a long term career in the tutoring field, but as she worked up her resume and submitted it to the various agencies, she was excited about the whole idea. She liked helping people and if she could give an aspiring writer some tips, that would make her feel a whole lot better about life.

In the meantime, she still had some money left over in her bank account. Not much, but enough to tide her over until she could get a job and receive a paycheck. And right now, she wanted to get out of this penthouse. She wanted to get back into life and see other people.

Changing into her running shoes, she printed out her previous manuscript with Antonio’s state of the art printer, gathered up the papers and stuffed those into her tote bag. And she was off! She felt wonderful as she walked down the street. Not like her old self, because she was very pregnant and there was really no way she could get around that fact. But even the gloomy skies couldn’t get her spirits down.

She stepped into a coffee shop – not one of her old haunts – she was in the wealthy section of Manhattan instead of her normal Bronx hangouts. But sitting at a table by the window, watching people pass by while she sipped herbal tea was a wonderful feeling.

She spent two hours editing her manuscript and feeling better about even that. It was time she submitted this one to publishers, she thought. Her heart shuddered, thinking about all the rejection letters she’d received on her other manuscripts but this one was great, she thought. This one really deserved to be published.

As soon as she walked into the penthouse that night, she ran into a nervous Ms. Snyder.

“Oh, goodness! I’m so glad you’re back!” she said with obvious relief.

“I just went out to a coffee shop. Is everything okay?” Andie asked. She felt her phone vibrate in her purse and lifted it out, feeling her heart speed up as she saw who was calling her.

“Antonio?” she asked, not really sure she trusted that he was calling her. He never called her during the day. Why would he start now? “Aren’t you in Italy?”

“Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

Andie looked at the phone, her anger rising at his tone. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I had to report all of my activities to you.” She dumped her bag by the door and pulled out her manuscript. “Why are you calling me?”

“Because Ms. Snyder said you weren’t there any longer when she tried to find you for lunch. So where the hell did you go?”

Andie bristled at his tone. “I don’t answer to you, Antonio. So just stop the third degree.”

“Answer me, Andie!”

“I was with my boyfriend, okay?” she snapped, lying through her teeth. “He’s the guy who actually talks to me. He’s the one who wants to see me every once in a while.” With that, she snapped off her phone, refusing to listen to his interrogation any longer. How dare he ask her where she’d been! Her phone immediately started ringing again but she ignored it, turning it to mute.

She slunk down onto one of the large chairs, her manuscript in her lap but it still took her several minutes to calm down enough to read through the words. Fifteen minutes later, Ms. Snyder walked in, carrying a phone. “Mr. Alfieri wants to talk to you,” she explained, obviously not sure what to do.

Andie took the phone, not wanting Ms. Snyder to be in the middle of this argument. “Are you stalking me?” she demanded.

“Who the hell is he?” Antonio growled out.

“Who is who?” she came right back.

“The boyfriend!” he spat out. “I’m turning this plane around and I want an answer.”

Andie realized that he thought she’d been serious. “Are you kidding me?”

“Just give me his name, Andie!”

Andie felt bad and he sounded furious. She hadn’t realized that he would take her words seriously and softened her tone. “I don’t really have a secret boyfriend, Antonio. That was just…I don’t know. I just…” she sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Look, I just went to a coffee shop to get a cup of tea. I have been in your place for weeks now, only going out in the evenings with you. I want to get a life back. And I just needed to be around people.” She heard the silence at the other end of the line and felt worse. It was bad enough that they rarely spoke to each other, she didn’t want what conversations they actually did have with each other to be confrontations. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you would take that seriously. I don’t have a boyfriend. I haven’t seen anyone but you and the people you introduce me to each night and Ms. Snyder. I need some social interaction.”

“And a coffee shop does that for you?”

She bit her lip. “No. Actually, that was just the start. I’m going to get a job.”

“No,” he commanded. “No way. You need to stay home and eat.”

Andie laughed, hearing the change in his voice. He believed her, thankfully. “Antonio, I need to work. I need to be around people. I’m writing and you know that I love that, but I’m a better writer when I have people around me, things to inspire me.”

There was silence for a long moment. “I’m not asking permission, Antonio. I know it is going to be hard for me to get a job when I’m pregnant, but I’m going to try.”

“I’ll give you money to spend. You don’t need a job.”

She almost laughed at his grouchy tone of voice. “I need a job for more than just money. And no, I’m not taking your money.”

“Yes, you will, Andie. I should have set up an allowance for you already. I’ll get that taken care of immediately.”

“Don’t you dare,” she gasped. “Allowances are for kids and teenagers. I refuse to take money from you.”

She heard him sigh. “Andie, you’re going to be my wife. You’ll have to take money from me.”

“About that,” she started to say, wanting to find out what his thoughts were on the subject of their marriage.

“Look, I can’t discuss it now,” he told her, interrupting whatever she was going to say. “We’re about to land and I have meetings scheduled for the rest of the day. Can we talk about this when I get back?” he asked.

But it wasn’t really a question. “Yes,” she replied. “Of course.”

“Stay safe, Andie. And eat something. You’re looking more beautiful every day. Just stay healthy.” He hung up after that, not giving her a chance to say anything in return.

Although his words were sweet, he didn’t say any of the things she really needed to hear. Things like “I love you” or “I miss you, wish I didn’t have to take this trip.” Or even better, “I was hoping you could come with me and we could change the ending so that it turns out better than the last time we were in Italy together.”

She sighed and looked around, trying to decide what to do. She felt like she was in a limbo with her relationship with Antonio. But did she really want to rock the boat? Did she want to push him? She’d done that once. Couldn’t she be satisfied with what they had now?

Andie wasn’t sure. It felt like a cop-out, like she was cheating time and very soon, he was going to tell her that he’d made a mistake.

Then there was the sudden thought that he was probably introducing her as his fiancée simply because she was pregnant. And they weren’t ever going to get married, he was simply presenting the façade to his acquaintances to save face and avoid a scandal. Oh, goodness, how could she have been so obtuse? She sat there in the big chair, quickly realizing that the man probably wasn’t going to marry her which was why he didn’t want to discuss the wedding. He just wanted everyone to think he was going to marry her until the baby was born!

Andie felt like a fool! How could she have been so stupid?

She tossed her manuscript down onto the coffee table and wandered over to one of the large windows, staring out but not really seeing anything. She was too busy beating herself up for what she’d believed, what she had still been hoping might happen. When was she going to get it through her thick skull that Antonio wasn’t going to love her? He was probably incapable of love!

She saw her reflection in the glass and cringed, not wanting to appear so pathetic. Not that there was anyone here to see her looking like a weeping willow, but it was the point! It was a pride thing, she told herself.

Okay, so Antonio wasn’t going to love her. There would be no happy-ever-after with the two of them. Well, fine! If he wasn’t going to love her, then she could just do without him! She had things to do, preparations to make. This pregnancy, and she covered her son’s body with her hands as she walked away from the window, had at least shown her that she was vulnerable. She had to get a career going, something to help her if…she was about to tell herself that she had to get a more secure job so that if she ever got pregnant again, she would be more prepared. Then she realized where her mind was going and forced those thoughts to come to a screeching halt.

No, she’d gone through the initial terror, joy and confusion at the beginning of this pregnancy. She would not put herself into that kind of a position again. First of all, she couldn’t imagine letting anyone touch her, not the way Antonio touched her. And could she ever settle for something less than what Antonio made her feel? It would be a long time before she could even consider being with another man. Just the thought made her skin crawl. But she had to start thinking about the future. No more living in limbo.

And besides, Antonio would be in her life for a long, long time. Not as a lover, that was a given. But as the father of their child. This little guy was innocent. She couldn’t battle with Antonio about custody of their child, but nor would she live with him. She’d have to have a decent job in order to maintain joint custody of the little guy. And she damn well would keep custody of him, she thought with a powerful surge of love. This little guy would need his mother! Of course, he’d need his father too, but Antonio worked long hours and traveled suddenly. No judge would award him custody of his son under circumstances like that, right?

Oh, goodness, she needed a job. She needed a reliable income. And she needed a lawyer, an apartment, a good day care! The list was overwhelming, but so was the idea of living with a man she loved with all of her heart, but who didn’t return those feelings.

No, she needed to stand on her own two feet. She’d been independent for most of her life and she refused to give that up now.

Over the next week, she worked hard on her manuscript, tried very hard to eat everything Ms. Snyder put in front of her but she also got out into the world, absorbed some sunshine and moved around where other people moved. She reconnected with her friends, had lunch with them, laughed and groaned at their stories of modeling antics and, most amazingly, she found a job! It was just a tutoring job and it was only part time, but it was a job. Her boss, a nice lady in her forties with four kids, explained that she would need to slowly build up her reputation to get more students. The pay was pretty lousy, but again, once she was requested by a particular student, she would earn a larger percentage of the tutoring fee.

She had four students by the end of the week and was feeling pretty amazing.

That’s when Antonio came back.

Andie was practically dancing as she walked through the door as she tossed her purse into the corner where she usually kept it and heading towards Antonio’s office to start working on her latest book. She’d finished editing the other and was debating how to market the story. She still didn’t have an agent but she thought about sending the manuscript directly to the publishing companies. Of course, unsolicited manuscripts went into what was called a “slush pile” where it was read along with thousands of other stories that were sent in. And it was usually reviewed by a novice editor, someone supremely overworked who would skim the first few pages to see if it was even a possible story to move forward.

“Where did this come from?” Antonio demanded, startling Andie since she hadn’t known that he was even back from Italy.

Her initial reaction was surprise and excitement. A smile broke out on her face and her eyes lit up. But then she remembered that he’d left her for ten days. Of course, he called every night to check in with her, but she suspected it was more to make sure she was here and not out parading through the streets naked. Or more likely, he wanted to make sure she was taking care of his son.

Her hands moved over her belly again, feeling awkward and fat. He’d probably been surrounded by slinky Italian ladies with dark hair and dark eyes, tan skin that shimmered in the sunshine. Women who had a waistline!

Andie couldn’t even wear nice shoes because her feet were so swollen. She propped them up as much as she could, but it seemed like she was fighting a losing battle for attractiveness and her pregnancy was winning.

“I didn’t know you were back from Italy,” she said, suppressing both her smile and her excitement. “Did you have a good trip?”

“It was very productive, thank you.” Antonio looked at her with hungry eyes, wanting to pull her into his arms and make love to her. But she seemed different now. More distant. Damn! He couldn’t figure out how to get her to the altar. He wanted her married to him. He wanted her bound by law to stay with him but he knew she was pulling away and he had no idea how to bring her back. Before he’d left for Italy, at least he’d been able to hold her in his arms every night, to make love to her responsive body and see her splinter apart at his hands. He suspected, by the look in her eyes, that those glorious nights were over and he cursed himself for leaving her. He should have taken her with him. He never should have let her out of his arms.

And she looked so beautiful. Her pregnancy was making her glow. He’d always thought that was a bunch of bunk but it had happened to his sister and all of his brothers’ wives when they were pregnant and now his beautiful, sexy Andie had that special light. He’d been surrounded by glittering socialites who spent too much time on their appearance. Every woman he spoke to, he compared to Andie and they all came up lacking. He wanted her with a need that was bordering on the obsessive.

“Tell me what you’ve been doing while I’ve been away,” he said, closing the manuscript and tucking it under his arm.

Andie looked at him warily. “Can I have my manuscript back?” she asked carefully. She didn’t understand his mood. It seemed strange, controlled. Angry almost. Why in the world would he be angry? He was the one who left her! He was the one that went back to Italy when he could have either brought her with him or stayed here.

He shook his head when she continued to look up at him. “No. It’s good. I’m going to send it in to a friend in the publishing field.”

Initially, Andie’s heart soared. He liked her book? How wonderful! His opinion shouldn’t matter to her, but it did. It really did!

And then his words hit her. “You’re going to send it to what?” she asked, her breath caught in her throat. What did “a friend” mean?

“I have a friend from college who runs a publishing company. I’ll let him take a look and see if he wants to work with you on it.”

Andie’s heart plummeted with that announcement. A college friend? A guy who probably owed Antonio favors? That didn’t sound right. “No,” she replied, compressing her lips and squaring her shoulders. “I don’t want you to do that.”

Antonio was surprised. “I thought it was every writer’s dream to be published? Why write if you don’t want others to read your stories?” He realized that he was irritated by her reaction. Why wasn’t she letting him help her? It was one more way she was pulling away from him and he was furious with the situation, wanting to know how to tie her to him forever. He wanted her and couldn’t seem to work her out of his system. The more he knew about her, the more he wanted to know. She was like a drug that he couldn’t get enough of.

Andie took a deep breath, trying to calm down. For some reason, she wanted to burst into tears but she was tired of being on an emotional roller coaster so she suppressed her need to sob out her frustration over trying to get published, ignored her need to bury her face in his chest and feel his strong arms wrap around her. She couldn’t rely on him to make her feel better any longer, no matter how much she loved the feeling of having his arms hold her tight. He’d gone to Italy by himself, leaving her here all alone. That in itself was a huge clue as to how he viewed their relationship. Expendable. She needed to get used to the idea of not having him around and stand on her own two feet.

Trying to explain to him why he couldn’t call in a favor, she took a deep, fortifying breath. “Because your friend wouldn’t give you an honest opinion about my story. He might publish it just because he is your friend and he owes you, or wants you to owe him a favor in the future.” She pretended to smile, pretended that everything was okay even when her heart was breaking because she wanted him to want her so badly. “I understand, and I sincerely appreciate your offer,” she explained. “But I need to do this on my own.”

Antonio didn’t understand what was happening except that his lovely Andie was pulling away. “What’s going on?” he demanded gruffly.

Andie curled her arms around herself. “I just need to do this on my own, Antonio. You’re a sweet man, but…”

“But?” he demanded, his teeth gritting as he moved closer to her. He almost roared when she stepped back. The thought of pulling her back into his arms occurred to him, sounded like the perfect idea, but he resisted, sensing that something was seriously wrong. Why the hell hadn’t she asked to come with him to Italy? Why hadn’t she wanted to be with him? She’d become so distant! And so damn beautiful as her pregnancy continued. No, that wasn’t true. She’d been achingly beautiful before she’d become pregnant. She was just softer now, more womanly.

He shook his head. That wasn’t it either. Damn, she infuriated him with all of this confusion in his mind. The one other time he’d let a woman get into his head, she’d burned him pretty badly. He’d sworn never let another woman do it again but here she was, standing less than two feet away and he was so torn up about what to do, how to keep her in his life without feeling that horrible, wrenching pain again that he was a mess!

Why couldn’t she just act like all the other women in his life? Why did she have to be so different? And so damn beautiful!

Ms. Snyder stepped into the room. “Dinner is ready whenever you are both hungry,” she said, unaware of the tension that was gripping Antonio and Andie.

Antonio ground his teeth together again. “Let’s get you some food and you can explain to me what you have been up to while I was gone.”

He took her hand and Andie thought about curling her fingers away from him. But even this small touch she craved. Oh, why didn’t he just sweep her up into his arms like he had before and make love to her until she was crying with the beauty of what they shared? It might not have been perfect, she thought as she sat down across from him at the small table, but it had at least been something.

Now that he was back, they were polite strangers again. Just like before.

She picked up her fork and fiddled with the food on her plate. “Well, I got a job,” she said, smiling brightly, relieved by her latest accomplishment.

Antonio’s fork crashed to the delicate plate with a loud clatter. “Why the hell did you get a job? I told you I would provide for you.” He was glaring at her now as she looked pretty and excited over yet another example of how she was pulling away from him.

She shrugged one of her delicate, still-too-thin shoulders. “I don’t want an allowance from you. That’s something a parent gives to a child. We’re not even related,” she said, then wished she’d bitten her tongue to stop herself from uttering those words. “I mean…”

He caught the comment and glared at her. “But we will be married. In fact, we need to set a date.”

She sighed and rested her fork down gently on the side of her plate. “Antonio, we don’t need to get married.”

“Yes. We do,” he told her firmly. He didn’t know why, but he just knew that marriage was an absolute need. This woman, their child…it would work out. He’d make sure that it worked out. The alternative was just not going to happen.

“No. We don’t. Maybe fifty years ago a pregnant woman needed to marry the father of the baby. Or any man, for that matter. But we’re not…”

He glared at her over the small table as he interrupted her excuse. “That’s my child. You’re the mother, I’m the father, we’ll be married.”

She almost laughed at his stubbornness. “Antonio, we don’t need to be married.”

He took a sip of his wine, glaring at her over the rim of the glass. “Two weeks, Andie,” he finally said. “We’ll be married in two weeks.”

She almost choked with his words. “Two weeks?” she whispered.

“Yes. Be ready. I’ll call Georgette and tell her that you need a wedding gown. We can have the ceremony at my parents’ house and have a honeymoon right afterwards,” he explained, then smiled at the idea. “Two weeks in Grand Cayman. How does that sound? I read that swimming takes some of the pressure off of the stomach during pregnancy.” His heated eyes dipped lower where her pregnant belly forced her to push back from the table slightly. “We’ll relax and get to know each other a bit better.”

With those words, he stood up and left the table, leaving a confused and desperate Andie to watch him with hungry eyes.

Married. The word tumbled around in her mind but she simply couldn’t imagine herself married to Antonio. It was both so right and yet, so painfully wrong. She loved him with all of her heart but he felt…Andie had no idea what he felt for her. Possessiveness? Most likely. Desire? She shivered, thinking about how he had been making love to her before his trip to Italy. Yes. At least, he used to desire her. She wasn’t so sure now.

Why hadn’t he pulled her into his arms when he’d seen her earlier?

She sighed and tried to eat some of the meal, but she was just sick from trying to figure out her life.