His Surprise Son (16 page)

She shook her head. “Complications,” she murmured.

Tucking a finger beneath her chin, he raised her face so he could see her. “What?”

“We shouldn’t add complications to our situation.”

He dropped a quick, soft peck beside her mouth. Teasing, she thought, and very erotic.

Endeavoring to keep her wits about her, she placed her palms on his chest to create a little space between them. “Every kid with estranged or missing-in-action parents has the same fantasy.”

Breaching her space-creating efforts, he dropped another kiss, this time on her jaw. “Yeah?”

He wasn’t listening. The barely there shadow of his stubble rubbed her chin. He felt so good. Smelled so good. “Yes,” she murmured, closing her eyes, fingers gathering a fistful of his shirt. He felt so good. Smelled so good. “Every kid wants his estranged parents to get together again. But mostly that happens in the movies. In real life, it’s so much more complicated, and when it doesn’t work out, everyone is disappointed, and...” One of his hands was massaging the back of her head.

Letting go of his shirt, she thumped a fist against his pecs—excellent, rock-solid pecs. “Eli comes first,” she said with more force as he nuzzled her ear, which sent goose bumps shivering up and down her arms
and
legs, then nipped her lobe with his teeth, a tiny, playful nibble. “If anything else we do could hurt him—”

She didn’t have to finish that sentence.

Inhaling deeply, Nate pulled back, though he kept her in the circle of his arms.

“All right, I hear you. We should put first things first.”

She nodded.

“We didn’t do that last time,” he acknowledged.

“No.” She shook her head, feeling sad suddenly. “Cart before the horse, and all that.”

“Yeah.” His hands moved to the less intimate area of her upper arms. Lightly, he rubbed up and down, then gave her a squeeze and let go. The letting-go part was filled with palpable reluctance. “Okay,” he said in a rough, trying-to-control-himself voice that was very flattering. “Job one—getting to know my son.”

“Yes.”

In the darkening night, he searched her face. “What happens in the movies...when the parents get back together?”

“They usually don’t show anything beyond the reunion. Maybe it works for a while and then the couple part again and break their children’s hearts.”

“Cheery. Or they pull each other up every one of life’s mountains and enjoy the view together for the rest of their lives.”

Izzy wanted that so much it scared the stuffing out of her. “In a Disney movie. But who lives in a Disney movie?”

“No one,” he agreed. “But almost every story is rooted in at least some truth.” He reached out to tuck strands of her hair behind her ears, then brushed his knuckles down the side of her cheek. “So, I was a big Lewis Carroll fan as a kid.
Alice in Wonderland.
Go figure. You know what Alice says?”

She shook her head.

Nate’s lips curved. “Something to the effect that she believes in up to six impossible things. Usually before breakfast.”

Chapter Sixteen

N
ate flew to Chicago for four days the following week for business and personal reasons. He took care of the business, then went to see his mother.

Lynette Thayer’s Lincolnshire, Illinois, condominium was a world away from Nate’s childhood home in Thunder Ridge. Back then, the Thayers had been strictly working-class, and their personal belongings had reflected that fact. Now a hutch filled with bone china and fine crystal graced one wall in the dining area, where Nate and his mother sat, awkwardly pushing Caesar salads around their plates.

“You knew,” Nate said, his voice the only sound in the apartment, “you knew about Eli, didn’t you?”

With her eyes on her lettuce, Lynette nodded slowly. Behind the designer glasses she favored these days, her small eyes blinked several times. “I’ve known for quite a few months now. I didn’t know how to tell you. When your friend Jax called you about his project...”

Setting her fork on the edge of her plate, Lynette sighed. Her hands, thin and heavily veined, folded resignedly in her lap. She spoke so softly Nate had to strain to catch the next words.

“I was frightened, but glad you were going back. I wanted to tell you years ago that we lied about Isabelle and the baby. But your father had his first heart attack, and then you met Julianne, and—” She sighed again. “Everything seemed so perfect between you two. We assumed Isabelle would put the baby up for adoption when she left town. I told myself it couldn’t be good for anyone to dredge up the past.”

Lynette looked at her son, and for once her carefully applied makeup was incapable of masking her age. She looked older than he’d ever seen her. “It’s impossible to deceive another person unless we deceive ourselves first,” she murmured. “I learned that lesson the hard way.”

When her lower lip began to tremble, Nate could see his mother reach deep inside for the steely strength that was more typical of her.

“When I told you Isabelle miscarried the baby, I first had to convince myself that I was protecting your future rather than my desires for your future. I told myself that my life experience gave me the privilege to decide what was best. I robbed you of the only child you might ever have. And I let that girl...that young girl...deal with pregnancy and childbirth on her own.”

Nate had expected a difficult conversation today. He had cautioned himself not to accuse or blame even though he’d wanted to shout and point fingers and demand an explanation he could accept. Now he knew there would be none of the above. No shouting, no chastising, no pound of flesh and no explanation that would ever make up for the years he’d missed with his son. The years they had all missed.

“Izzy managed well.” He said it as matter-of-factly as he could. “Her bosses at the deli helped. She’s a great mother.”

Lynette nodded. “I hired a private detective to find the child after you and Julianne broke up. It didn’t take him any time at all to locate Isabelle and...your son. He sent me photos.” She looked at Nate, and this time she was incapable of stemming the tears that flowed down her cheeks. “I had no idea how to tell you. I’m proud of nothing I’ve done. But I hope now you’ll be able to have some kind of relationship. Some sort of...”

Lynette hid her face behind her hands as sobs shook her body.

Nate didn’t have to think or weigh his options. He moved to his mother’s side and put his arms around her. In the past couple of months, he’d learned enough about human frailty and family to know they sometimes walked hand in hand.

“I think we all have enough regrets to fill an ocean,” he said and felt her nod against his cheek. “I’m done with that. We start from here.”

“Have you seen him, Nate? Does he know?”

“I’ve seen him. He’s terrific. He doesn’t know who I am yet.”

“Oh, dear—”

“That’ll come. I have pictures on my phone. You want to see?”

Sniffling into her napkin, Lynette looked at him with watery appreciation. “May I?”

* * *

While Nate was in Chicago, Izzy reflected that having him back in her life made it harder than ever to be away from him. Thankfully, approximately thirty hours after he left Thunder Ridge, he phoned, saying he missed her and Eli. Izzy felt happy, champagne-like bubbles popping in her chest. Then he said he was wrapping up some business and added, “I went to see my mother.”

Instantly, trepidation turned the champagne bubbles into fizzing anxiety.

“She hired a private investigator and found out you and Eli were in Thunder Ridge. She’s felt guilt ridden for years, but for a long time couldn’t face admitting what she’d done and then didn’t know how to tell me once she found you. When the job opportunity with Jax came up, she waited, hoping I’d discover everything for myself—admittedly not the best way to handle it, but I think it’s accurate to say she was terrified.”

Izzy put a hand to her temple. “This is hard to take in all at once. Did you tell her you met Eli?”

“I did. She cried. We don’t have to decide anything now, you know, about visits or anything. She’d like to write to you, though, if you’re okay with that, and apologize.”

Izzy wasn’t sure what she was okay with in this moment, but she agreed, nervous yet finally trusting that Nate would always protect their son’s feelings. And hers.

Even though Nate had planned to be away four days, he didn’t last that long. On day three, he returned. “Indefinitely,” he responded when she asked how long he could stay.

She invited him to join her and Eli on a bike ride to Trillium Lake for a picnic. After they ate, Eli grinned knowingly, gave her broad winks and a thumbs-up behind Nate’s back, then took off when he met two of his friends.

Nate was obviously disappointed he wasn’t going to spend more time with his son. He glanced around at the families, tourists mostly, camping in the park and rowing or swimming or sunbathing on the lake. He seemed particularly interested in a young couple with a toddler. It was easy to follow the train of his thoughts, and Izzy experienced a stab of guilt that Nate and Eli had not been able to share a first swim and first canoe ride like the little family he was watching.

Feeling her guard lowering more and more where he was concerned, she told him how she felt.

“Let’s take guilt off the table, okay?” he suggested. “I’ve had several big helpings already, and all I have to show for it is indigestion.” Lying on his side on the blanket she’d brought, he squinted up at her. “It’s probably too public here to kiss you, hmm?”

Pleasure colored her cheeks. “Probably.”

“Yeah, and we have that agreement about not putting the cart before the horse.”

“We do.”

“I bought a canoe,” he announced. “Big enough for three. Would you and Eli like to join me for a float on the lake tomorrow?”

Oh, boy, would she. But she donned her mother hat. “I have to work tomorrow. You should take Eli. Just the two of you.” Nate looked excited and adorably nervous. She placed a hand on his arm, enjoying the role of reassuring him instead of the other way around. “He’ll love it.”

* * *

After half a day on the lake with his son—his
son
!—Nate was sure he’d found the missing link in his life. He couldn’t get enough of looking at Eli, studying the boy the way one would study a painting by a master.

Nate was remembering, too, to look directly at Eli when speaking, and Eli’s speech was becoming more accessible to him all the time. As they finished their lunches on the shore while their canoe bobbed in the water, Eli talked about his basketball coach’s obvious hairpiece and about how one year, the team glued a toupee onto a basketball and some kid named Lyle dribbled the thing all the way up the court before the coach noticed.

Nate laughed, enjoying his son’s delight in the retelling as much as he enjoyed the story.

“Do you want to take one more spin around the lake?” he asked as he wrapped up the remains of the lunch Izzy had packed for them.

Izzy. Standing at her front door in jeans and a Pickle Jar T-shirt, with her hair in a simple ponytail and her face free from makeup, she’d looked utterly beautiful this morning. Standing with her and Eli on the front porch, Nate finally had the feeling for which he’d been searching nearly two decades: wholeness. He felt whole.

He had a surprise for Izzy, one he hoped would make his intentions for their combined futures very clear. But there were details to be hammered out, and he couldn’t tell her for a couple of weeks.

“Yeah, let’s go again,” Eli agreed. “Straight across. We can beat our last time.”

“Not much for relaxing paddles around the lake, are you?” Nate mock complained, but, really, he felt invigorated by his son’s boundless energy.

Grinning, Eli jumped up to help pack the remains of the picnic so they could get into the water. As he began to fold the blanket they’d been sitting on, he asked, “So, you like my mom?”

The question was so unexpected Nate dropped a thermos of lemonade. He looked at his son, wondering how to play this. Sincere? Casual? Should he affect misunderstanding?

But Eli wasn’t judging and didn’t seem unhappy about the prospect. Nate answered honestly but carefully. “Yes, I like your mom. I like being around her. I like being around you, too.”

Instantly, he regretted saying that to a teenage boy, but Eli didn’t seem awkward or embarrassed.

“Okay.” Nodding with more sophistication than he probably had, Eli advised, “You should keep seeing her, then. I think she likes you, too.”

Nate would have loved to pursue that, but today was about Eli. He shoved the picnic items in a cooler, stowed everything under the bushes where they’d docked, and tossed out a challenge. “
Twice
across the lake. First time with only you rowing, and second with only me. We time it, and the winner buys root beer floats.”

Eli’s smile seemed to spread all the way across his face. “Triple-scoop waffle cones.”

“Done.”

They got in the canoe, and Eli worked tirelessly, muscles pumping while Nate timed him. He crowed with victory as they reached the bank.

“Not so fast,” Nate said darkly, but he enjoyed his son’s competitiveness. “My turn.”

The sun was hot and high. Peeling his T-shirt over his head, Nate got down to business, grabbing the oars. Eli heckled him good-naturedly. Nate was grinning before he was halfway across the lake. By the time he’d reached the far bank, he was crowing victory, just to see Eli’s reaction. It didn’t occur to him until the race was over that Eli was no longer laughing. No longer even talking. Or smiling.

He didn’t even want to argue over who’d won. “It doesn’t matter,” Eli mumbled, sullen. “It’s late. I have to go.”

No conversation was desired. Nate didn’t have enough experience to know how to address the sudden mood shift. He tried joking. “If you demand a rematch, I guarantee I don’t have enough energy to win.”

“I don’t want a rematch. I need to go.”

The silence extended uncomfortably. “Eli, if I did something...or said something that bothered you...” Nate stopped, having no idea how to continue. “Do you want to talk about something?”

But Eli wasn’t even looking at him. He was pretending, Nate was sure, that he didn’t hear what was being said.

Fear, frustration and guilt—he wasn’t sure over what—began to gnaw at Nate. By the time they got back to town, he was as grouchy as Eli.

Carrying the picnic gear to the house, he thought he might drop everything and run so he could return to the hotel and try to figure out what the hell he’d done wrong, but Izzy ushered them both in, saying she had a new dessert to try out on them. Something she wanted to start serving at the deli.

Eli hadn’t wanted to get the ice cream, and he didn’t want any dessert now.

He signed something to his mother. No talking so Nate could be included. He didn’t even glance in Nate’s direction.

Izzy frowned. She both signed and spoke, “You didn’t tell me you were seeing Trey tonight. I made dinner. I thought we could all eat and watch
Hotel Transylvania
. Do you know Nate likes that movie as much as we do?”

Eli did glance in his direction then, with an expression that approached a sneer. He signed again to his mother.

“Why?” she asked. “Don’t you feel well? And, honey, remember that Nate doesn’t know ASL, so you need to speak, too.”

“Fine. I said, if I can’t go to Trey’s, then I’m going to my room. Okay?”

“No,” Izzy said, “not okay.” She looked at Nate. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

Her question seemed to incense Eli. “What are you asking him for? He’s not part of this family. He doesn’t know anything about me.”

“Eli—”

“He’s not! Who is he? Some guy you’re dating? Or not even dating? You want me to call him ‘Uncle Nate’?”

“Hey!” Nate waded in. “Don’t talk to your mother that way.”

Eli turned on him. “Don’t tell me what to do. Who are you? My life isn’t any of your business. Neither is hers.” He gestured to his mother. “Why are you hanging around all of a sudden?
Who are you?
”

Izzy and Nate did probably the worst thing they could have done at that point: they stared mutely at their son.

Eli shook his head, mumbled, “Never mind. I don’t care!” and raced up the stairs to his attic bedroom.

Thunderstruck, Izzy looked at Nate. “Does he know? Did you—”

“No, of course not, not without telling you. I don’t know what happened. Everything seemed great, and then—”

“What?”

Nate spread his hands. “I don’t know. It changed.” He felt like an ass for having no better explanation.

Seeing his frustration, she put a hand on his arm. “Teenagers are like that sometimes,” she attempted to reassure, but it was obvious she wasn’t reassured herself. “I’m going to go up and talk to him.”

“I’ll—” he shrugged, feeling impotent “—head back to the hotel.”

“No. I’ve got iced tea and coffee cake, and... Stay,” she said, looking at him imploringly. “It’s time we started working through some of these parenting things together.” She tried a smile. “Lord knows we need the practice.”

Nate wanted to hold her. He wanted to give her strength. And get some for himself. He wanted to know how to do this, right damn now.