Home To You (23 page)

Kendall poured two big glasses and cut the cellophane wrapper off the chocolate. She took a sip of Shiraz and a bite of an Aztec Spice truffle and groaned at the mingling of the sweet, spicy taste with the wine—at one time she would have said it was better than sex. Now she knew just how lacking it was. Still, for a combination of chocolate and wine, it was almost perfection. Almost, but not quite. When she thought of perfection, she saw Jack—her Jack. She took another swig of wine to anesthetize her heart. She’d always known he was too good to be true. Too beautiful, too loving, too perfect to be real.

“Where did you just go?” Erin walked in when she was daydreaming, joined her on the couch, and grabbed her wine. “You had a smile on your face, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite so radiant.”

“It’s the wine and chocolate.” Kendall got up to grab a throw that David always insisted she keep hidden away. He’d say, “You wouldn’t want to ruin the lines of the furniture or, God forbid, make the place look cluttered.” Or lived in. Living here was like living in a model home. There was nothing personal, no knickknacks or goofy photos, no notes on the refrigerator door held up by the tacky magnets she collected on vacation. No pictures that Janie, Erin’s soon-to-be-adopted daughter, drew for her and decorated with glitter that left sparkles around, no matter how often you cleaned.

“Honey, I’ve plied you with wine and chocolate before and I’ve never seen that look. Spill.”

“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t real.”

“What wasn’t real?”

“Jack and everything I thought we had together.” Her face tightened and she blinked back the tears, her eyes felt gritty and hot, and her heart felt as if it was in a vise that grew tighter and tighter with each beat.

“Kendall, I want all the details. Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”

Kendall got up and turned on the gas fireplace, and Erin stretched out, pulled a throw over them both, and got comfy—or as comfy as you could on these über-firm cushions. Kendall missed the smell of burning wood, the crackle of a real fire, the life it contained.

She started and got lost in the story. She was surprised when Erin kicked her. “You did not call him the Grand Pooh-Bah to his face!”

She smiled thinking of it. No wonder he’d looked shocked. “I did. I just didn’t know I was doing it.”

“And you told him your ex was a Jackson Sullivan wannabe?”

Kendall shrugged.

“What else did you say about him?”

Kendal cringed. “When he said he was working in lieu of paying full rent, I was incensed. I may have called him Harmony’s own Scrooge McDuck and told him he was too cheap to pay for labor.”

“And you wonder why he didn’t introduce himself?” Erin nudged Kendall with her foot and almost spilled Kendall’s wine. “And it’s not as if he really lied. I mean, technically,
Jack
is a derivative of
Jackson
.”

“He knew I didn’t know who he was, and he ran with it.”

“You were pissed at David and took it out on this poor, nameless, faceless guy who just happened to be helping you out of a jam. You made him sound like the
devil incarnate. Did you ever think that maybe he was just trying to save you embarrassment? I mean, could you imagine how you would have felt if he told you who he was?”

“I thought you were here to make me feel better, not to rub my mistakes in my face.”

Erin refilled both their wineglasses. “Yeah, but sometimes a friend needs tough love and a good bullshit meter. You’ve been mine often enough. It’s nice to be able to return the favor.”

“I know I should say thank you, but I’m just not feelin’ it.”

“Don’t worry—there’s plenty of wine left. I’m sure after another glass or two, you’ll change your tune. Go on with the story. I heard about both sex sightings. The rest of the story is a little spotty.”

It took two more glasses of wine for Kendall to spit it all out.

“Damn, girl. In a week, Jax took you from the frigid depths of despair over David to sexual satisfaction and multiple, screaming orgasms. The man could get you off fully clothed, without ever touching you below the waist, and you’re complaining about him withholding a little information?”

“It was his name.”

“That’s debatable and totally understandable too. You sounded like you hated him.”

“He played me for a fool.”

“And you paved the way for him. Sounds to me like he did all he could to resist your sexy self. Face it: you wanted a piece of that, and you teased him until he folded like a cheap suit at the Laundromat.”

“I did. He was so different from David in every way. Erin, I’d been having bad sex for seven years and I didn’t know any better. I had no idea what I was missing. David made me feel like there was something wrong with me.”

“There is something seriously wrong with David. It’s just not normal. I mean, look at you. You’re better-looking than Liv Tyler. If I were a guy, I’d be all over you.”

“Jack thinks David might be asexual. Not that anything is wrong with that—it’s just wrong to blame any problems on your unwitting partner. I never thought about it before, but Jack might be onto something there.”

“You talked to Jack about your sex life with David?”

“Well, yeah. There was so much I didn’t know about sex. It was kind of embarrassing. And David was never interested in . . . um, you know, other things.”

Erin giggled. “Have more wine. I need to know what the hell David wasn’t interested in.”

Kendall finished off her glass. “Oral sex.”

“For your benefit or his?”

“Both.”

“You mean he never . . . ?”

Kendall shook her head, and it felt like she was watching a slow-motion 3-D movie. She thought she’d better slow down on the wine consumption.

“Not even to try it?”

“No. David had a thing about saliva. I was curious . . . and, well, Jack had never asked.”

Erin almost choked on her wine. “Kendall, there are some things men don’t ask for, and blow jobs are one of them. If a woman is willing to tame the one-eyed monster, they usually just give it a lick, and the guy’s in heaven. I’ve never had to ask for permission, and I’ve never heard of a man who didn’t love it—well, except for
maybe John Wayne Bobbitt, but that would be understandable.”

“How many men have you talked to about blow jobs?”

“Just a few. You know how it is. You go to a bar, you’re talking to a strange guy you’ll never see again, and the conversation turns to sex. You can ask anything and tell him anything—there’s no pressure, as long as the man in question isn’t buying you drinks.”

Kendall’s head lolled back onto the cushions and felt heavy. “No, I don’t know how it is. I never went to bars unless I was with David. And even if I had, I wouldn’t have talked to a strange man about sex. I could hardly talk to Jack about it, and I loved him.”

“You loved him?”

“I do. . . . I mean, I did. I wish Jack were here. If he hadn’t gotten the mother of all headaches, I’d be happily clueless. We’d have had more time. You know, it was no wonder he looked so relieved when I told him my parents weren’t coming back until Thursday.”

“You said they were back.”

“They are. I thought they were coming in on Thursday, but they were supposed to arrive on Tuesday. Because of delays, they arrived early this morning—really early. I just keep thinking that if he hadn’t gotten sick, we might have made it out before Dad came by the cabin.”

“Your dad walked in on you?”

“I was clothed, thank God, which was unusual, since Jack introduced me to the adventures of cooking half-naked. It’s fun, if you haven’t tried it. Counters are cold, though.”

“Back to your dad.”

“I found Jack’s prescription bottle for his pain pills with
his name on it.” A tear leaked out, followed by another and another. Shit. “So I gave him his medicine, ’cause he looked really bad, and told him I knew who he was.”

“What did he say?”

“The usual bullshit. He said he loved me and that he could explain. But I’d heard it all before, and I wasn’t about to fall for it again.”

Erin sat forward and grabbed Kendall’s foot. “He said he loved you?”

She shrugged and wiped her face on the throw. “He didn’t mean it.”

“What if he did? Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out? Here’s a guy who is smart, talented, gorgeous, a gentleman, an amazing lover, rich, and he says he loves you—I’m not seeing the downside here. Kendall, what do you have to lose?”

“I don’t know who he is. How do I know his name is all he lied about?”

Erin reached into her bag and got out her iPad. “That’s easy. Let’s Google him, shall we?” She typed in his name and hit Images—Erin was very visual. “Wow, the man was born to wear a tux. Look at him. I’m almost happily married, and I’m drooling.”

There was a full page of pictures, most of which were taken at black-tie charity events in Chicago. It didn’t look as if he was ever photographed with the same woman twice. What did he do, call 1-800-DIAL-A-D8? All the women he was photographed with were Kendall’s basic nightmare—blond-haired, blue-eyed blow-up dolls. Kendall’s exact opposite. Kendall might hold her own in formal wear, but she hated attending those functions. David would always dump her before the hors
d’oeuvres were served, and she’d spend the rest of the night on her own, fending off drunken bankers.

“See? I’m not even his type.”

“No, you’re exactly his type. Look at these women—they’re just dates. There’s no connection. Look at the body language on his part—he looks as if he’s posing for pictures before his turn in the electric chair.”

Kendall rolled her eyes. “Right. I bet he slept with almost every one of them.”

“Probably. A guy who looks like Jax would be expected to put out, but he doesn’t care about them. Now let’s look at his Wiki page.” Erin fiddled around on her iPad while Kendall tried to ignore the voice in her head that sounded just like Jack’s telling her she was the first woman he ever cared about.

“Wow, an Olympic-level swimmer. It says here his time would have beaten the winner of the Olympic Trials, and that a family tragedy prevented his attending. What happened?”

“His parents were killed in a car accident, and his sister was seriously injured. He mentioned the Olympics, but I thought he was talking figuratively.”

“He started college when he was, like, sixteen or something, and graduated with an MBA in three and a half years after just losing his parents.”

“He wanted to be able to take his sister in. I guess his family situation was nightmarish after his parents’ death.”

“Kendall, this guy’s a freakin’ genius. He was the youngest fund manager ever to hit Wall Street. He was written up in the
Wall Street Journal
.”

“No wonder losing his ability to deal with numbers threw him for a loop.”

“What?”

“Oh, my God. I didn’t just say that out loud, did I?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“He was in a skiing accident last month. Suffered a pretty serious brain injury and lost his ability to deal with numbers. It’s coming back, though. I mean, I’ve seen real improvement over the past two weeks, but who knows if he’ll ever be able to do what he did before?”

“Kendall, you need to talk to him. I understand why you ran—I do. Getting hurt so soon after dealing with what David put you through, well, that’s a normal knee-jerk reaction. But this guy is the real deal, and except for his full name, it sounds as if he told you the truth. You have to at least give him the chance to explain. Can you imagine what’s it’s like to be him, to know what he used to be capable of and have that gift taken away?”

Yeah, she could imagine. Hadn’t this whole thing with David made her question her own ability as a therapist? Jax’s situation was so much worse. He didn’t have to question it; he knew he’d lost it. The only question was how much of what he’d lost he might regain. Knowing who he was and what he did for a living, well, she could understand his wanting to keep the result of his injury to himself. He controlled billions of dollars of other people’s money—their life savings. If word got out, he could lose millions. “You can’t tell anyone about Jax’s problem, Erin. Please. I just realized what it could mean to him and his company.”

“Of course I won’t say anything to anyone. Besides, I’m sure he has very capable people working for him. Are you going to talk to him?”

“Do I have much choice?”

J
ax Sullivan had billions of dollars under management, and felt like a recalcitrant twelve-year-old who had been driven home and sent to his room.

Unfortunately, he was too sick to do anything but suffer in silence. It turned out that when one tossed one’s cookies soon after taking pain meds, the chances are pretty damn good those pain meds went out with the rest of the stomach contents. He wasn’t sure that was the case. Since he couldn’t pinpoint the amount of time between ingestion and expulsion, there was no way to really know. Which was why any sane person, even one in terrible pain who had just lost the love of his life, was stuck waiting for the phone alarm to tell him it was safe to remedicate.

After the first real dose, he slept, and now he waited for the third. It had been ten hours since Kendall left him. Ten hours was a really long time.

For the first time since his accident, the thought of being completely drugged out was a relief. For too short a time, he couldn’t think about Kendall and wonder where she was, he couldn’t recall the look on her face when she’d read his name off that damn prescription
bottle, and he was able to erase the expression of sheer disbelief in her eyes when he told her he loved her.

He couldn’t stand being in bed anymore, so he rolled off, doing his best to move his head as little as possible. Grace had pulled the blackout shades, so he wasn’t sure if he’d crash again if he saw light. He grabbed his sunglasses and put them on before heading downstairs.

He hadn’t eaten anything since the night before, and even that had been a light dinner. Kendall sitting across from him was even more appetizing than her food. They’d often returned to the meal after he effectively lured her back to bed—or, in some instances, a long stop in the hallway—but that hadn’t been the case last night. No, last night had been special—even more special than usual.

Tears burned the back of his eyes—he barely remembered the feeling. He hadn’t cried in more than a decade. Actually, he hadn’t cried since before his parents’ death. He wasn’t sure if this was an improvement. Pain surrounded him; it was not only in his head, but also in his heart. It made it hard to breathe, it made it hard to think, it made it hard to put one foot in front of the other. He grabbed the banister on the stairs and sat. He needed to put it all aside and do something to get Kendall back. Crying wouldn’t help matters.

“Jackson Finneus Sullivan, what are you doing out of bed?”

He blinked and focused and found Grace at the bottom of the steps, her silver hair catching the light from the overhead chandelier, her hands on the hips of her mom jeans. She wore a navy sweater that he knew would smell like Chanel No. 5 and a look that had made him cower ever since he could remember.

Damn, he was a grown man. He refused to cower.
“Grace, I love you, but I’m not a child and I refuse to be treated like one.”

Now the similarities between Kendall and her mother became startlingly clear. He knew where Kendall got her eyebrow raise and her death glare—both of which were cutting into him. If he’d thought Kendall’s was bad, Grace’s was worse. “Jackson, the doctor said—”

“I know what the doctor said. I spoke to him. It was probably the drastic change in barometric pressure that triggered the headache. Stepping out into the blinding light didn’t help matters, but that doesn’t matter, Grace. I need to find Kendall. I need to talk to her. I love her. I can’t lose her.”

Grace took a deep breath and looked like she was about to blow. “You can’t lose her?” Her voice got eerily calm. “I wasn’t aware that you ever had her, Jax. Or should I call you Jack?”

He winced. Grace obviously knew all—well, all about his lie, anyway. As for what else she knew, he really didn’t want to know.

Grace turned, and he thought she was going to leave him sitting there and not give him a chance to explain, but instead she opened the front door to reveal Jaime with his hand up to knock.

Jax took one look at Jaime and wondered if Jax looked half as horrified as Jaime obviously did to be back on Grace and Teddy’s shit list.

Jaime shot visual daggers at him. “Afternoon, ma’am. I just came by to check on Jax.”

“Jaime Rouchard, I had a feeling I’d be seeing you today. You were always so good about facing up to your shenanigans, but I thought you were well past the age of teenage pranks.”

“Yes, ma’am. I mean, no, ma’am.” Jaime stumbled over his words like a toddler in his first pair of big-boy pants.

Jax shook his head and then regretted the action. The dynamic duo had gotten caught again, only this time they’d both have to bend down in order for Grace to box their ears—unless one or both of them were sitting on the steps. He grabbed the banister, concentrating on taking the stairs one step at a time, then hung on to the newel post in what he hoped was a nonchalant lean, before shaking Jaime’s hand—he thought since he’d dragged Jaime into this clusterfuck, he owed him protection and did his best to maneuver between Grace and his best friend. Unfortunately, it meant now
he
was the one suffering the lethal burns of Grace’s laser vision.

Jack refused to shuffle his feet under Grace’s scrutiny—mostly. Grace was a scary woman. And now that he thought about it, Teddy had nothing on her when it came to radiating danger. When Teddy, the ex-Marine drill sergeant, was mad, you knew it. But Grace was different; she excelled in subterfuge. The woman could feed you cookies and then kill you.

“Have you eaten, dear?” She stepped around Jax, making a point to smile as she literally took Jaime by the arm and steered him toward the kitchen. “I’ve made a nice, savory stew with homemade sourdough bread for dinner. You’ll be staying, won’t you?”

Jaime let himself be led but turned his head in a pleading gesture, as if he knew he was headed to the gallows and Grace was the hangman.

Jax followed, and before he could come up with a good excuse to get them the hell out of there, Grace had both of them seated, plated, and damn near confessing all as soon as the aroma of lamb stew hit their olfactory
glands. Oh, she was good. Jax hadn’t had lamb stew in several years. But he remembered every bite of every bowl he’d ever eaten and polishing off an entire loaf of bread to sop up every last drop of the broth. His mouth watered, and his empty stomach growled like a caged tiger.

Teddy strolled in just as he’d raised his spoon, waiting for Grace to give them the go-ahead to dig in.

Teddy pointed at Jaime. “You.” Then he aimed his finger at Jax. “And you. The office. Now.”

Grace and Teddy separately were formidable. Together they were indomitable, and their timing impeccable.

Jaime gave Jax a we’re-so-screwed look. They both returned their unused spoons to the table with a clank and rose to their feet with all the enthusiasm of two tomcats sharing the same leash.

They survived the walk, a trip both of them had traversed more times than they cared to remember, and stood in their assigned places before Jax’s father’s old mahogany desk—the same desk Teddy used to deal with the estate accounts.

Jax and Jaime assumed the position—hands linked behind their backs to hide all evidence of shaking, feet shoulder width apart to prevent fidgeting, and eyes straight ahead in military form, just as Teddy had taught them. Unfortunately, they never seemed to control their reaction to the sound of the door closing.

Teddy walked past them with a back so straight, his spine looked as if it were forged out of steel. He sat and leaned back in the worn leather chair, looking like a cross between John Wayne and Bill Cosby. There was no way to know if he was going to pull out a six-shooter for cleaning or perform Cosby-esque facial gymnastics; maybe
both. Whichever way it went, the silence seemed to last forever. Death-row inmates had shorter queues before their walk to the electric chair, and at least they got a last meal. The ticking grandfather clock ratcheted up the tension until it was difficult to breathe.

Jax’s stomach clenched, and he was almost glad Teddy had insisted they have the talk before they ate. Getting raked over the coals was bad enough, but Jax was certain if he’d eaten, he’d be turning several shades of green instead of just growing paler by the moment.

By the time Teddy moved, Jax knew both he and Jaime looked so bad, they’d make albinos look tan. That Teddy left them standing long enough to sweat through their shirts; it could have been his trademark.

“What in the hell were you boys thinking?”

Jax swallowed audibly. “Kendall came up to the cabin for the same reason I did. We wanted to get away where no one in town would know we were in Harmony. If you and Grace knew either of us was having problems, you’d have been on the first plane home. Kendall wanted time to process everything, and I didn’t want to worry anyone.”

“I know about Kendall’s job loss and what that sorry excuse for a fiancé did to her, but I’m still in the dark when it comes to why you felt the need to disappear, and not only keep your return a secret from everyone, but your identity a secret from Kendall.”

“Kendall didn’t tell you?”

“If she had, do you think I’d be wasting my time talking to you?”

“No, sir. I don’t.”

“Now, do you want to tell me what the hell is going on in that head of yours, son? I’m just about out of patience.”

“No, sir. As far as I’m concerned, it has no bearing on the problem as I see it.”

“And just what is that?”

“The problem is that I made a mistake and withheld information from Kendall, and it came back to bite me on the ass. For some reason, Kendall and everyone else in town seems to think I’m the devil incarnate. Kendall didn’t recognize me. She told me all about Jax Sullivan before I got the opportunity to introduce myself. If I had, she would have hightailed it back to Addie’s.”

“And why would that have been a problem?”

“Because she would have told Addie I was there, and Addie would have felt obligated to inform you of my presence. There were two bedrooms, and I thought if Kendall stayed, we’d both get the peace and quiet we were looking for. I never expected to fall in love with her, sir. Believe me, a relationship was the last thing I was looking for.”

“And yet here we are. I’ve never seen my daughter truly devastated before, and to find out that you not only abused our trust, but you also took advantage of her when she was already beaten down—” Teddy’s gaze slammed into Jaime. “And you went along with this?”

Jax stepped forward. “He didn’t find out until I was already in too deep to get out.”

“Did you ever hear the saying ‘If you dig yourself into a hole, the first thing you should do is stop digging’?”

“Yes, sir—from you. I asked Jaime to back up my story. I take full responsibility. I forced his hand. I put him in an untenable position—”

Jaime pushed Jax aside. “I did what I thought was right, and I’d do it again. You weren’t there, Teddy. Kendall is the best thing that ever happened to Jax, and from
what I saw the other day, I think she felt the same way about him. I saw them both happy for the first time since we were kids. Jax may have gone about it the wrong way, but he never intended to hurt her. As a matter of fact, Jax played a big part in rebuilding some of the damage David did. Kendall will see that when she calms down enough to think clearly.”

Teddy took his time staring at Jaime, who didn’t so much as twitch. “I heard Kendall paid you a visit before she left.”

Jaime’s hands seemed to instinctively shield his privates, and he swallowed hard. “Yes, sir.”

“No permanent damage, I hope.”

“No, sir. I think Kendall has forgiven me. At least she said we’re even.”

Jax shook his head and asked, “What did she do?” Kendall was about five-foot-nine; Jaime was six-foot-two and 220.

“Let’s just say I took one for the team. I just hope it doesn’t affect my ability to reproduce.”

Jax swallowed back a groan. Man, he knew Kendall was pissed at him, but to be that pissed at Jaime . . . “Sorry, man.”

“Yeah, you don’t know the half of it. After the swelling went down, I had to go face Addie. It wasn’t pretty.”

Jax met Teddy’s gaze head-on. “I know I messed up in more ways than I can count—”

Jaime faked a cough that sounded like “Literally.”

Jax stopped feeling sorry Kendall had kicked Jaime in the balls.

“I know I don’t deserve your understanding or your help, but you have to know how special Kendall is. How
could any man in his right mind not fall in love with her? Please tell me where she is.”

Teddy scrubbed his face with his hands. “She went back to Boston this afternoon. She doesn’t want to see you.”

“But—”

“Jax, I know my little girl a lot better than you do. The best thing you can do right now is to give her space. When she’s ready to deal with you, believe me, you’ll know it. She gets that from her mama. If you push her, she’ll go off, and the fallout will be irreparable. I’d help you out if I could, but I have Grace to contend with, and you know her: she’s like a mama bear when it comes to protecting her kids—and, yes, that’s including you and Racquel. After hearing what Kendall’s been through in the last few weeks, Grace and I were torn. Right now it seems as if you’re holding your own. Am I wrong?”