Horrid Henry and the Abominable Snowman (4 page)

Henry smiled. But fun as it would be to haunt people, he’d rather stop horrible enemies from snatching his stuff in the first place.

And then suddenly Horrid Henry had a brilliant, spectacular idea. Hadn’t Mom told him just the other day that people wrote wills to say who they wanted to get all their stuff when they died? Henry had been thrilled.

“So when you die I get all your money!” Henry beamed. Wow. The house would be his! And the car! And he’d be boss of the TV, ’cause it would be his too!!! And the only shame was—

“Couldn’t you just give it all to me now?” asked Henry.

“Henry!” snapped Mom. “Don’t be horrid.”

There was no time to lose. He had to write a will immediately.

Horrid Henry sat down at his desk and grabbed some paper.

MY WILL

WARNING: DO NOT READ UNLESS

I AM DEAD!!!! I mean it!!!!

If you’re reading this it’s because I’m dead and you aren’t. I wish you were dead and I wasn’t, so I could have all your stuff. It’s so not fair.

First of all, to anyone thinking of stealing my stuff just ’cause I’m dead…BEWARE! Anyone who doesn’t do what I say will get haunted by a bloodless and boneless ghoul, namely me. So there.

Now the hard part, thought Horrid Henry. Who should get his things? Was anyone deserving enough?

Peter, you are a worm. And a toad. And an ugly baby diaper face smelly ugg potty pants poopsicle. I leave you…
hmmmm. That toad really shouldn’t get anything. But Peter was his brother after all.
I leave you my candy wrappers. And a muddy twig.

That was more than Peter deserved. Still…

Steve, you are stuck-up and horrible and the world’s worst cousin. You can have a pair of my socks. You can choose the blue ones with the holes or the falling down orange ones.

Margaret, you nit-face. I give you the Purple Hand flag to remember me by—NOT! You can have two radishes and the knight with the chopped-off head. And keep your paws off my Grisly Grub Box!!! Or else…

Miss Battle-Axe, you are my worst teacher ever. I leave you a broken pencil.

Aunt Ruby, you can have the lime green cardigan back that you gave me for Christmas.

Hmmm. So far he wasn’t doing so well giving away any of his good things.

Ralph, you can have my Goo-Shooter, but ONLY if you give me your football and your bike and your computer game Slime Ghouls.

That was more like it. After all, why should he be the only one writing a will? It was certainly a lot more fun thinking about getting stuff from other people than giving away his own treasures.

In fact, wouldn’t he be better off helping others by telling them what he wanted? Wouldn’t it be awful if Rich Aunt Ruby left him some of Steve’s old clothes in her will thinking that he would be delighted? Better write to her at once.

Now, Steve. Henry was leaving him an old pair of holey socks. But Steve didn’t have to know that, did he? For all Henry knew, Steve loved holey socks.

Right, Mom and Dad. When they were in the old people’s home they’d hardly need a thing. A rocking chair and blanket each would do fine for them.