Read Horrid Henry's Joke Book Online
Authors: Francesca Simon
Horrid Henry's Joke Book (3 page)
Warning! Make sure you can make a quick getaway if you tell a rabid baby-sitter any of these jokes. Believe me, I know.Henry
: Rebecca, you remind me of a movie star.
Rabid Rebecca
: Oooh. Which one?
Henry
: The Incredible Hulk.
Rabid Rebecca
: I always speak my mind.
Henry
: I'm surprised you have so much to say then.
Rabid Rebecca
: Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I buy myself a new T-shirt.
Henry
: So
that's
where you get them.
Henry
: Why do I have to go to bed?
Rebecca
: Because the bed won't come to you.
Rebecca
: How long can someone live without a brain?
Henry
: How old are you?
Did you hear about the baby-sitter who accidentally plugged her electric blanket into the toaster?
She spent the night popping out of bed.
If you want to make your mean, horrible parents really scream, just tell them one of these jokes.What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What's got four legs and an arm?
A Rottweiler.
What do you call a parakeet that's been run over by a lawn mower?
Shredded tweet.
What did the fly say as it hit the windshield?
That's me all over.
What's the last thing that goes through a wasp's mind when it hits a windshield?
Its sting.
What's green and red and goes around and around?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross the road again?
Because he was a dirty double-crosser.
Did you hear about the man who had a dog with no legs?
He took it for a drag every day.
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
Boy oh boy! Jokes do not get more horrid than these.What's hairy, scary, and wears its underwear on its head?
The Underwere-wolf.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Underwear.
Underwear who?
I underwear my mama is?
Why do werewolves have holes in their underpants?
So furry tails can come true.
What gushes out of the ground shouting, “tighty whities, tighty whities”?
Crude oil.
What gushes out of the ground shouting, “Underwear, underwear”?
Refined oil.
What hangs out your underpants?
Your mom.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of underpants?
In case he got a hole in one.
What's the best way to make underpants last?
Make vests first.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Icy.
Icy who?
I see your underpants.
What goes 300 mph on a washing line?
Honda pants.
What do you get if you pull your underwear up to your neck?
A chest of drawers.
Mini Minnie
: Do you know how old Miss Battle-Axe is?
Lisping Lilly
: No, but I know how to find out. Take off her underpants!
Mini Minnie
: Take off her underpants! How will that tell us?
Lisping Lilly
: “Well, in my underpants it says, â3 to 5 years.'”
