Authors: Yelena Kopylova
"
"I don't consider I'm to blame for anything that has happened since you came into this house. You've manoeuvred everything very nicely.
You've hoodwinked a silly old woman into believing you are what you're not. "
"Oh. Is that it? She would love to hear herself called a silly old woman. Now let me tell you something. Her kindness to me is because I've expanded those Works. Profits went up by ten per cent last month and your stepfather got the credit.
zoe
But who did the groundwork? Who suggested the alterations, and saw them through ? I'm telling you, if anybody should be running that place, it's me. "
Her cup clashed into the saucer. She rose to her feet, and she growled at him, "That's your aim, is it? Oh yes, I can see it now: right from the beginning, that's been your aim; but let me tell you. Henry is too well ensconced in that job and unless you would like to try and kill him, as my father did, you'll stay put where you are."
He was gaping at her now, then his eyes narrowed.
"Your father tried to kill him?"
"Yes. Yes; you didn't know that, did you? But he wanted that job so badly he was willing to kill for it. Now why don't you try the same?
You're young and strong; your swimming has put muscles on you. Go on, knock him off. But be clever and do it like Dad did; arrange it so it looks like a burglary. "
Quietly now, he said, "You've kept that close, haven't you?"
"It was best kept close."
"Does Great-gran know?"
"Yes, she knew, but she wanted things hushed up, so when Mam said she was marrying Henry she didn't protest over much, because Mam was in such a state then she would have brought the whole thing to light. And there's one thing that Great-gran can't stand and that's adverse publicity in any way.
Remember that, Andrew, adverse publicity in any way. And so she
wouldn't like to know of your visits to a certain house in Bog's End, would she? "
The colour flooded his pale face and he barked at her, from low in his throat, "Who drove me there? First, it wasn't good for the baby you were carrying;
afterwards, post-natal depression. Another excuse. If I hadn't had my child to take my mind off things, God alone knows what I would have done to you. "
"Yow child? Yes, you've said it, your child. She's my child, I bore her. Don't forget that, and don't go too far. There's something I'm going to have out with you, but not tonight, not this night. Perhaps we'll start the New Year with it. Yes, yes; perhaps we'll start the New Year with it. Now you'd better get out to where you are going before I change my mind and dash upstairs into Great-gran's room and tell her where you're going first, before you join your men pals. And I'm quite capable of doing it. Don't forget that."
She watched his whole body stiffen, his fists clench at each side of his hips, then his big soft-lipped mouth, the feature that marred his otherwise handsome looks, stretch wide as he ground his teeth one set over the other. But her eyes never left his face, and he turned from her and marched from the room.
As if she had just been in actual combat she dropped down on to the couch and sat gasping,
2. drawing in long, shuddering breaths. She wanted to cry. Oh, how she wanted to cry. But in a short while, once he was gone from the house, she'd have to go upstairs and read to her daughter and she knew that already the child was sensitive to her feelings:
she would say, "You sad, Mammy?" or "You vexed with me. Mammy?" And she would have to smile at the first question and say, "Oh, no, no, of course not. I've got a bit of a headache, that's all." To the second, she would enfold her in her arms and say, "No, darling, I'm not vexed with you. I could never be vexed with you." And her daughter would put her arms around her neck and hug her. But only, as the last time she had done that and had kissed the child, to be told, "You have a nice mouth, Mammy; Daddy's mouth is wet." She shuddered with the feeling that ran through her at the picture the childish words conjured up.
Something would have to be done, and soon. But what? What? Whom
could she talk to? There was no-one to whom she could confide, "I'm afraid of my husband's affection for his daughter ... my daughter." To whom could she say that?
She didn't know how long she lay there, but when the door opened she started, then relaxed as she saw it was her grandmother.
Victoria came up the room and seated herself on the couch, and without either greeting or preamble, she said, "I've had indigestion ever since Christmas Day. I shouldn't eat that kind of food; yet other people can. Why should I be like this?"
But when there was no retort from her granddaughter, she turned her head and looked at the young woman lying with her back against the head of the couch, her eyes closed, the muscles of her jaws showing white through the skin, and, her tone changing, she enquired, "What is it, dear? What is it?"
"Nothing, Gran, nothing."
"Oh, you can't hoodwink me. Things aren't right between you and him.
He's off again tonight, I see; tonight of all nights. Of course, I wouldn't have stayed up. I never do now; I hear the bells and the hooters from bed. But that's me. I'm no longer young. Still, even when I was young' she was talking as if to herself now'I could see no reason to stay up just because a date was changing, starting all over again, one, two, three, four, five. But then you're different, you're young. "
She was looking at Peggy again.
"And you never seem to have any fun, do you, dear?"
She reached out and took Peggy's hand.
"You know what I think? I think you should never have married Andrew.
He's changed this house. Do you know that? Oh, Mother is over the moon with him;
but I'm not, Peggy. No; I'm not. Between you and zio
me, I'm not. I don't know, there's just something about him. I won't say it's slyness but it's something. And you don't get on, do you?
And then there's Emma. He's obsessed with that child. Do you know that?
He's obsessed with her. It isn't right. There's something not right about the way he goes on with her. He's promised now to take her swimming. "
Peggy opened her eyes and turned her head sharply and looked at her grandmother.
"When did you hear that?" she asked.
"Oh, I heard him talking to her.
"I'm going to take you swimming in the baths." he was saying.
"You'll like that. You'll love that."
That's what he said. I'll tell you what. You go over to May's, they always have a bit of a carry-on on New Year's Eve, and I'll keep awake and see to Emma. "
"Thanks, Gran; but you know I never leave her alone at nights, and you're bound to drop off."
"I'm not bound to drop off." Victoria's tone altered.
"Look, my dear, I'm not in my dotage yet, and I know I'm a grumbler and a complainer.
You could say the only form of comfort I've got are my complaints; I'm forever complaining about my complaints. Oh, I know all about
myself.
Oh yes, I do, dear. And so, look, I tell you what. Later on you can bring her into my bed and then go over there and see the New Year in.
Now you're not to say no. All right, if I fall asleep she'll fall asleep, too. And you know, dear, I've been a mother. I had your
mother as a baby, and you know something? She howled for the most part of her first two years. I never knew what it was to have a decent night's rest. Oh, your grandfather took his turn. Give him his due, he was very good. But you see, I was a mother, I've had a baby, I know all about it. Even when you were small and Lizzie had a bad time of it, I saw to you. Oh yes, I did. " Her head was bobbing up and down now, and Peggy, smiling wanly, nodded in return, saying, " Well, I can't remember what you did in those early years. Gran, but I remember how you used to bounce me on your knees in time with "To ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross" "
"Yes, yes I did. Fancy you remembering that. And do you remember "
Wee Willie Winkie" and " There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile"? Oh, and so many others. We played games, you and I.
That was when your father wasn't in. Oh dear me." She now lay back on the couch and, staring towards the fire, she said, "Been a funny house, this, held so many lives and hardly any of them happy, except my mother's."
Her voice took on a high, hard tone now, and again her head was
nodding.
"Oh, she was happy all right. And she's been happy ever since, bossing everybody around, playing the queen of the castle. Yes, yes." She gave a short laugh now.
"We used to play
ZI2,
"Queen of the castle" on Shields sands. Do you remember? "
"Yes, Gran, I remember." And Peggy now patted her grandmother's hand, saying, "If one could only remember the nice things, the pleasant things, and let others go by; but it's always the reverse: the
unpleasant things grow like weeds and choke any nice memory you might harbour."
"I don't like to hear you talk like that, Peggy. You're too young to talk like that. On the twentieth of next month you'll be twenty-two.
You haven't really started to live yet, and you're talking like a woman who's experienced life. "
Yes, she was talking like a woman who had experienced life, because she had experienced life. Since she was sixteen she had experienced life, and none of it had been good, except that she had given birth to a daughter and also that she had found out what love was, but had
experienced the painful futility of it.
"There, that's settled. You slip over now ... well, as soon as you've seen Emma off to sleep, and tell May that you'll be over later.
But wrap up well before you go through that garden be cause it's enough to freeze you out there. I'm sure we're going to have snow.
Later on, put your new blue frock on, the wool one; you look lovely in that. "
Victoria now pulled herself to her feet and, looking down on her granddaughter, she said, "And not only in that, lass, you're a lovely young woman. There's nobody in the family had your looks. I think Emma might take after you. She's got his hair, but that's all. The main thing is, she'll have your character. You know the saying, "
Handsome is as handsome does"; that applies to men, but " Beauty is as beauty does", that applies to women. When all's said and done it's the character that counts." She turned away now and walked to the fire, and there, looking at it, she stood with her hands joined below her waist like a penitent child and said, "I spoilt my life and those of others about me, especially my husband's. And I blame myself. But then, when I come to think and ask myself what made me like this, I haven't far to seek the answer. It's sad, you know' she turned about and looked at Peggy" It is sad when a mother outshines a daughter, and aims to do it to the extent of trying to fascinate her son-in-law. So the only way I seemed to be able to keep Arthur was to become dependent on him. "
"Oh, Gran. Gran." Peggy had her arms around the elderly woman now, and they clung together tightly, and there was a break in Peggy's voice as she said, "Why didn't you talk about this before? You ... you could have talked to Mam. Why didn't you?"
"Funny that, dear, I couldn't talk to Lizzie, not to my own daughter.
I suppose it was in a way because I knew she didn't really love me.
And, too, I always felt slightly inferior to her, if you know what I mean:
Lizzie was clever, bright; I never was. "
"Gran, I love you. I do, I do." And she knew she did, but it was only during this moment that it had happened, in this moment of
revelation.
They were both crying now and holding each other tightly, but when they flopped down on to the couch their tears turned to laughter and
Victoria, wiping her face, said, "Do you know something, girl? I think this is the happiest moment of my life."
"Oh, Gran. Gran. Well, I'll tell you something, if it is, we'll have many more happy moments like it, because I feel I've just found you and I feel sorry for Mother that she never found you."
"No, your mother never found me, dear. No. It's strange when people go through life lost to each other. They are living in the same house, eating at the same table, and, in the case of Lizzie, part of my own being. But as you say, she never found me. Oh, my dear Peggy, you know, I don't think I'll need any pills tonight, nor perhaps tomorrow either."
They again fell against each other, their laughter mingling, and Victoria, her voice firm now, said, "He's bound to be on his way out, if he hasn't gone already, and so go on up, do your duty and leave the rest to me."
Instinctively, in acceptance, Peggy took her grandmother's face between her hands and gently kissed her; then they went out together.
"May you come over here and see the New Year in? Lass, you may bring your bag and baggage and come over here and live for good."
"No, she can't! I'm not having another female in this house; we've got enough." And May leant forward from her chair and stroked the cat and its kitten that were lying on the rug before the blazing coal fire.
"Come over here and live and take the whole house from me? Huh!"
"Well, let her come over here temporary, Mam, while I'm away. She may have my room, and you can arrange it between you what you're going to charge her."
"Charge her?" Frank Conway turned on his son.
"Charge her! You know, you are a mean scrub. All you can think about is your mistress upstairs. For two pins I'd go up and slap your
ukulele in the face."
There was a burst of laughter now and May fell against Peggy,
spluttering, "Laugh, I nearly died. One of the cheeky monkeys from down the road called after him' she pointed at Charlie 'the other day,
"Give us a tune on your ukulele, mister." So that's what he's playing now, a ukulele. "
Peggy looked from one to the other. There was so much love and
companionship and understanding between these three people that she was hurt by it.
"I won't have to stay long," she said, 'because, knowing Gran, she'll likely fall asleep. "
Yet even as she spoke she knew that her grand mother would not fall asleep, not tonight she wouldn't. Poor Gran. At this moment she had the urge to fly back to the house, take her into her arms again and say