Indelible (11 page)

“I need you inside me… Now,” I pleaded desperately. “I can’t it take anymore.”

“Where are the condoms?”

I pointed to the top drawer of my dresser, then fell back onto the bed and focused on breathing. I needed to calm down a bit, or I was going to come apart before he even made it inside me.

He’d ripped my panties off for Christ’s sake!

Judd was back before I had a chance to miss him, his mouth finding mine once again.

While he kissed me, he pulled me up so I was sitting on the bed. He was sitting on his legs, and urged me to come forward and straddle him. I held on to his shoulders as I did so, kissing him everywhere I could reach.

I hovered over him briefly, looking into his eyes as I lowered myself, taking him swiftly and deeply inside of me. I let out one deep sigh of relief, pleasure, and contentment before moving up slowly. I pulled up until I could barely feel the tip of him, then plunged back down. The sound that emitted from his throat drove me wild, and I began to move more quickly.

The placement was just right, so every time our bodies came together I got closer and closer to my release. I continued to hold on to his shoulders as I moved, and when I felt like I was about to come apart I whispered, “Right there. Never stop.”

Judd put his hands on my hips and held me in place. He thrust upwards, bringing his hips up off the bed and hitting me in just the right spot. I gripped his shoulders and held on as he took me for the ride of my life.

We missed class, but I wasn’t about to lose any sleep over it. That had been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I don’t know if it was because I had actual feelings for Sam – feelings beyond just wanting to get laid – or if it was my desire for her that had been drawn out and not immediately gratified. Whatever it was…I wanted to bottle it.

I already wanted to feel that way again.

I left Sam’s with her number, a smile, and our next planned date.

Leaving Sam had been hard, but she needed to get ready to go pick up her daughter, and I had plans to have dinner with my dad. With classes, practice, and cleaning up at Mrs. P’s, my week was busy, as was Sam’s, so we’d decided to wait until Saturday for our next actual date.

Nothing was going to stop me from seeing her at the coffee shop on Wednesday though.

Sam said that she wanted me to meet Karrie. I was nervous because I knew that she never introduced any other guy to her kid, and because I didn’t have a lot of experience with kids.

I still didn’t quite have a handle on Sam being a mom. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It’s not that I was upset, surprisingly, because I really wasn’t. Yeah, she wasn’t upfront about it, but as I’d said to her, I probably wouldn’t have given her a chance had I known. And shit, I really would’ve missed out.

The weird thing was that I was kind of excited to meet the kid and see what Sam was like as a mother.

We were going to have a picnic in the park. Something low-key and easy. At least, I hoped it would be.

I rode toward my dad’s, narrowly avoiding having an accident when my mind flashed back to Sam’s face as she’d come. The memory of all that red hair contrasting with her milky white skin was enough to make me swerve my bike.

When I got to Dad’s house I still wore a satisfied grin. He was sitting on the porch and yelled out, “What the hell are you so happy about?”

My grin immediately fell as I saw the empty beer cans surrounding him and the cold one in his hand. It wasn’t even five o’clock yet.

“I thought we were going out for dinner, Dad,” I said as I walked up the steps, looking pointedly at the beer in his hand.

“Shit,” Dad said guiltily. “I forgot.”

“Let’s go inside,” I replied. “I’ll order pizza.”

“What do I need to go inside for?” Dad asked angrily.

“Come on, Dad,” I said calmly. “Just come inside.”

I picked up a few of the empty cans and walked inside without waiting for him to follow me. He may get upset when I tell him what to do, but luckily he wasn’t a violent drunk. He was just sad, which continued to break my heart.

I looked around the messy kitchen and felt anger of my own bubble up. When he finally entered the room I turned on him.

“Jesus, Dad, when are you going to start taking care of yourself?”

He looked startled, and then tried to cover it by retorting with, “Nobody asked you, Judd. I don’t need you coming here and cleaning up after me.”

“Obviously you do,” I said, my voice calm and low. “Every time I come here you have empty beer cans, unwashed dishes, and trash littering the house.”

“Who asked you?” my father asked wearily. “You don’t have to come here, you know. I don’t need you.”

I tried not to show how his words hurt me. I knew he didn’t mean the things he was saying, but they still cut deep. He was the only person I had left in this world.

“Yes,” I stated firmly. “You do need me, old man.”

I walked over and sat at the table, never taking my eyes off of my father.

“How long are you planning to do this? Until you kill yourself?” I asked, keeping eye contact with him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, turning toward me jerkily.

“The drinking, Dad… You drink all day, every day. Mom has been gone for a long time, and I know you miss her, but it’s gone on long enough. It’s time for you to get over it and start living your life again.” I knew my words were harsh, but they were long overdue.

My dad sat down in the chair across from me with a thud, a hurt look on his face. He brought the beer can up to his mouth, and then paused, looking at the can before back at me. He put the beer down slowly and placed it on the table.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted, crestfallen. “I’ve been drinking for so long; I don’t know how to stop.”

I felt like my heart was breaking as I reached out and took his hand in mine. “We’ll get you some help.”

When the tears started to fall down my father’s face, I stood up and pulled my father up to stand next to me. He got up shakily and I took him in my arms. As he cried he whispered, “I miss her so much.”

“I know, Dad,” I choked out. “I miss her too, but she wouldn’t have wanted you to do this to yourself.”

“I know,” he said helplessly.

We held each other for a few moments as he cried. In the years since my mother’s death, I’d never seen him cry, and we’d certainly never held each other.

When he was done, he pulled away awkwardly and smoothed down his hair. “So, what do I need to do?”

“I’ll look online and make some calls,” I replied. I already had a place picked out, but I didn’t want to freak him out. It was going to take a lot of extra hours at the flower shop, and maybe a part-time job, in order to cover what his insurance wouldn’t, but I knew I needed to work fast and get him into rehab while he was willing.

“Are you going to keep grinning all night?” Molly asked with a chuckle. “You look like the cat that ate the canary.”

I laughed softly and didn’t respond until she pulled my hair, causing me to yelp.

“
Hey
!”

“I want details,” Molly said as she squirted the dye on my hair.

We were in my kitchen, giving my hair a touchup and drinking wine while Karrie and Thomas watched a movie in the living room. I could hear them giggling at something that was happing on the television.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied.

“Samantha, I will not hesitate to keep pulling your hair until you spill,” Molly threatened.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “What exactly do you want to know?”

“How was it? What was the best part? Was he as hot naked as I imagine him to be?”

“The. Best. Ever,” I bragged saucily. “Him ripping my panties off though—hotter.”

Molly paused and walked around so she could look me in the face. Her mouth was hanging open and her gloved hands were covered in red dye.

“He ripped your panties off?”

I nodded, knowing that I was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Jeez-us.”

Molly focused her attention back on my hair, but murmured under her breath, “Ripped the fuckin’ panties right off. Shit, that’s hot.”

I couldn’t stop the chortle that escaped my mouth, and tried to keep my head still so that I didn’t end up with dye all over my back.

When I stopped laughing I wiped my eyes and said seriously, “I told him about Karrie.”

“Really? How did that go?”

“Better than I thought, actually. He understood why I didn’t tell him right away, and actually admitted that if I had he probably wouldn’t have given me a chance.”

“Wow… Well, at least you were both honest.”

“Yeah, I’m surprised by how much I like him, considering what my first impression of him was, but I really do like him.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Molly replied.

“I’m going to let him meet Karrie on Saturday. I’m nervous about it, but we are just going to meet at the park and have a picnic. Very low-key. It’ll be just like she is meeting one of my friends. No pressure.”

I hoped.

“Are you worried she won’t like him?” Molly asked.

“I don’t think that will happen, although I can admit that it has crossed my mind… What if she doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like her? What if he spends the day with us and realizes that dating me is a lot harder than dating one of his regular bimbos? All of those thoughts keep going through my head.”

“Of course they do, Sam. It’s normal to be nervous about this, especially since he’s the first guy that you are introducing to Karrie. But you know what? Whatever happens will be for the best, so don’t worry too much about it.”

“I know… Hey, so how’d it go with Bill after the baseball game? You never said,” I asked, changing the subject.

“
Girl
, if me saying that the way Judd kissed you was hot always gets that reaction out of Bill, I’m going to shout it from the rooftops every day! He was an animal.” Molly sounded smug and happy.

She piled my hair up on top of my head and spread the last of the dye around to hold it down, and then removed the gloves and washed her hands.

“I’m ready for that wine now,” she said as she sat next to me at the table.