Is He a Girl? (2 page)

“I never said that,” said Marvin.

“Linzy earned that sticker in gymnastics,” Mrs. Redpost said proudly.

“That’s good, Linzy,” said Marvin.

“Watch,” said Linzy.

Marvin watched his sister do a somersault in the hall.

“That’s great, Linzy!” he told her.

He meant it, too.

Marvin couldn’t do a somersault. He just thought girls were better at somersaults than boys.

Just before going to bed, Marvin tried to kiss his elbow
one more time
.

He’d been trying all evening. Between homework problems. Before and after he brushed his teeth. While feeding General Jackson.

General Jackson was his pet lizard. The General lived in a glass cage next to Marvin’s desk.

“This is stupid,” Marvin told General
Jackson. “Even if I could kiss my elbow, nothing would happen.”

General Jackson stuck out his tongue.

Marvin was wearing Ninja Turtle pajamas.

He liked being a boy. He was glad he was a boy! Girls were stupid and weird. One thing for sure. He did not want to turn into a girl!

At least not forever. Maybe it would be okay for a few minutes. Just to see what it was like.

But you can’t turn into a girl just by kissing your elbow, he thought. That was stupid. Casey Happleton was stupid. Why would anyone want to turn into a girl if girls were always saying stupid things like that?

He tried kissing his elbow again.

It just bugged him that he couldn’t do it.

It was twelve o’clock. Midnight.

Marvin lay asleep, all twisted and tangled in his sheets. He was hugging his pillow.

A full moon shone through the window.

He rolled over. Then he flopped back the other way.

As he rolled and flopped around in his bed, he got more and more tangled in his sheets.

Then, still hugging his pillow, he rolled right off the edge of the bed.

But he never hit the floor. He was so tangled that the sheets held him up.

“Huh-wha?” he said.

He found himself hanging upside down. All wrapped up like a mummy.

He tried to get back onto the bed. He pulled a sheet.

Suddenly his elbow was jerked almost to his mouth. Then it bounced back.

He tugged the sheet again.

Again his elbow jerked to his mouth.

He pulled, then kept on pulling, harder and harder.

His elbow moved closer and closer.

It felt like his arm was breaking.

He stretched out his lips.

It felt like his shoulder was about to pop out.

He gave it one hard yank!

The sheet pulled out from under the mattress. He fell to the floor.

But as his head hit the carpet, he kissed himself on the elbow.

Marvin got up. He checked himself over. He was still a boy.

Of course he was still a boy!

He couldn’t wait to tell Casey. That would prove once and for all she was weird.

He climbed back into bed.

No, he couldn’t tell Casey, he realized. Then she’d think he was weird for kissing his elbow.

But he had done it. That was the main thing.

There’s nothing Marvin Redpost can’t do!
he thought.

He went right to sleep.

He dreamed he was playing baseball.

The bases were loaded. Two outs. Last inning. His team was losing by three runs.

A home run would win the game.

“Good. Marvin’s up,” said Nick. “Marvin will hit a home run.”

“There’s nothing Marvin Redpost can’t do,” said Stuart.

“It’s his elbows,” said Nick. “He has the strongest elbows on the team.”

Marvin stepped up to the plate.

The crowd was cheering, “Mar-
vin
! Mar-
vin
! Mar-
vin
!”

Clarence was the pitcher. Clarence was the toughest kid in Marvin’s class. Maybe in the whole school.

Marvin tapped the plate with his bat. He raised it above his shoulder.

Clarence spat on the dirt. He glared at Marvin.

Marvin waved the bat back and forth. He was afraid of Clarence but tried not to show it.

Suddenly Clarence laughed.

Then everyone else laughed too.

The umpire spoke to Marvin. “I’m sorry, young man,” he said. “But you can’t play. You’re out of uniform.”

“Huh?” said Marvin.

He looked down at his clothes. He was wearing a dress.

Marvin woke up screaming.

His mother came running up the stairs. “Linzy?” she called. “Linzy, are you all right?”

“It wasn’t Linzy,” Marvin called to her. “It was me, Marvin.”

“Marvin?” asked his mother. She opened the door to his room.

“I had a nightmare,” Marvin explained.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No!” Marvin said right away. He couldn’t tell his mother that he wore a dress!

“I’m okay,” he said.

His mother kissed his forehead. “Good
night,” she said, and started out the door.

“Why’d you think I was Linzy?” Marvin asked.

“I don’t know,” said his mother. “You sounded like Linzy. Go back to sleep.”

But he didn’t go back to sleep.

He was afraid of turning into a girl.

“It’s already started,” he said aloud. “I already sound like a girl.”

That’s what his mother had said.

“I sound like Linzy.”

He listened to the sound of his voice as he spoke. To see if it was true.

Maybe. It was hard to tell.

He spoke some more. “Mary had a little lamb. Her fleece was white as snow.”

His voice did sound a little bit funny.

“Wait! Why am I talking about Mary and her dumb lamb?”

That’s a girl poem!

But his voice did sound different. He was sure of it!

In school his class had been learning about butterflies and moths. A caterpillar goes to sleep. And when it wakes up, it’s a butterfly.

He remembered Mrs. North had said, “No one knows exactly how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.”

Now Marvin had an answer.

Maybe it kisses its elbow
.

He got out of bed.

He felt safe, as long as he was awake. He just couldn’t go to sleep. Not until he kissed his elbow again.

Two hours later he was still trying to kiss his elbow.

He held his elbow in front of his face and jumped up and down. He thought that maybe if he could jump high enough and fast enough,
his mouth would bump into it.

He stopped jumping. He looked at his bed.

“I have to go to sleep sometime,” he said, listening to the strange sound of his own voice. “I can’t stay awake forever!”

He yawned.

“Boys don’t turn into girls,” Marvin told General Jackson. “I’m just having strange thoughts because it’s so late at night.”

He looked at his clock. It was almost three thirty! He had school in five hours.

His eyes closed. He forced them back open.

“Casey Happleton is just a weird girl,” he told the General.

General Jackson stuck out his tongue.

“My mother heard a scream in the night,” Marvin explained to his lizard. “So
of course
she thought it was Linzy. Because Linzy is her little darling! That doesn’t mean I sound like a girl!”

That made sense. Except his voice did sound different.

“I’m probably just getting a cold. From no sleep!”

He got on his knees. He bent his elbow around one of the legs of his desk chair. Then he tried to meet it from the other side with his mouth.

He tried another way.

He tried the other elbow.

“Casey Happleton is so weird!” he said.

He looked at his bed.

When he kissed his elbow the first time, he had been all tangled up in his sheets. Like a mummy.

So all he had to do was get tangled up in his sheets again!

He climbed back into bed. He tried to wrap the sheets around himself exactly the way they were before.

But the bed felt so good. The sheets so cozy.

He hugged his soft pillow. His eyes closed. He went to sleep.

Just like a caterpillar in a cocoon.