Authors: Jennifer Bernard
Dismayed, Lizzie looked from one to the other. “But . . . we never did anything in public. We never told anyone. We didn’t think the firehouse had a clue.”
Again, Sabina lost control of a mouthful of water. “We had an ongoing joke. Every shift someone would find a way to mention your name to Mulligan so we could watch him clam up. It takes a lot to shut him up, you know. But that magic word,
Lizzie
, would do it every time. Everyone knows how he feels about you. Well, maybe everyone except him. You might say he fought it tooth and nail.”
Lizzie rounded on her brother. “Were you in on this too?”
He grinned, completely unashamed. “Yes, but they gave me a handicap because of my built-in advantage, being your brother.”
“That’s . . . I can’t believe . . .” Lizzie spluttered. How naïve had she and Mulligan been to think they were fooling everyone. “Is nothing sacred to you guys?”
“Nope,” said Sabina with a wink, a beautiful flash of turquoise. “But I thought you were just having fun. Or that he had such a crush he couldn’t talk about you. I didn’t realize it was serious.”
“I didn’t either,” Fred agreed. “You never brought him to meet the family.”
“We were trying to keep it quiet. So much for that brilliant idea,” Lizzie said wretchedly. “Besides . . .” She broke off with a sound that was half sob, half hiccup.
“Besides what?” Sabina put a comforting arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “Let it out. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
Lizzie wasn’t sure anything could make her feel better, besides the sight of Mulligan walking out of Under the Mistletoe. But Fred, her most trusted brother, and Sabina, someone she admired and considered a role model and almost an older sister, were looking at her with such caring concern that she broke down. “I love him, but I don’t know if he loves me. He never said so. And I was afraid to tell him my feelings because I thought it might drive him away from me. He kept saying I deserved someone better. I kept thinking he’d walk away at any moment, and I didn’t want to give him a reason. And now . . .” A huge sob bubbled up from her chest. “Now I might never get a chance to tell him.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Sabina wrapped her arms around Lizzie, while Fred patted her on the back. “Don’t think that way. We’re giving it everything we got, I swear we are.”
“I know.” Lizzie sobbed on the other woman’s shoulder, unable to stop the flow of tears. “I know you are. I don’t know why I’m being so silly.”
“You’re not silly.” Sabina gave her a shake. “You’re a woman in love, and the man you love is in danger. You’re not being silly. Except about one thing.”
Lizzie sniffed, wiping away her tears with her fingers. “What?”
“Mulligan is crazy about you.”
The words were sweet balm to her soul. “I know he likes me. And I know we have . . . um”—she dared a glance at Fred—“good chemistry. But I think Mulligan sees himself as someone who shouldn’t fall in love and get married and have a family and all that normal sort of stuff. He thinks he belongs on the outside looking in. I tried so hard to change his mind, but I don’t think it did any good.”
“You don’t know that,” Sabina said, with another reassuring squeeze. “I never saw Mulligan lose his cool over a woman before you. He’d flirt, he’d hook up, he’d move on. Then he’d barely remember their names. But with you . . . I’m telling you, he’s different with you. He changed. I think he’s absolutely head over heels for you. And if we get him out of there, he’d better tell you how he feels or I’ll kick his street-fighter ass.”
Someone shouted in their direction, and Sabina caught Fred’s glance. “They want you over there. You got your RIC kit?”
Fred nodded, took a deep breath, and began to put his face mask back in place. Lizzie felt as if she was losing her lifeline, with both Fred and Sabina leaving. But of course they needed to get back. Mulligan needed them much more than she did at the moment.
“Be careful,” she told them both, her throat tight. “Don’t do anything crazy.”
“Nah. That’s Mulligan’s job.” Fred gave her an encouraging wink, then prepared to drop his mask.
She twisted her hands together, dreading the moment she was alone again. “I just wish I could do something.”
Fred lifted his mask again. “You know what? Maybe there is. Maybe you should try reaching Mulligan on the radio. When people are unconscious, different voices have different effects. If he feels for you what I think he does, maybe the sound of your voice will catch his attention.”
“Great idea,” said Sabina enthusiastically. “Come on, let’s find Brody. He can clear it.”
“But . . .” Lizzie clamped down on her lip as Fred caught her wrist and they all hurried across the parking lot. “Do you mean talk to him on the tactical channel? The one everyone is using?”
“I was thinking of channel six, the Mayday channel, the one we keep clear for emergencies,” said Fred. “What’s the problem?”
“Everyone will hear me.” Lizzie wasn’t exactly shy, but the thought of all the San Gabriel firefighters listening in on her private communications with Mulligan—even if they were completely one-sided—made her feel slightly nauseous.
“We mostly stay on the tactical channel. Someone might hear if they’re checking channel six, but we won’t listen. Just keep it G-rated and everything will be fine.”
She made a face at him. “Very funny.”
They rounded the corner of the strip mall, the exposed back entrance on First Street. Firefighters armed with pry bars and other tools had cleared a tunnel-like path into the building.
“Looks like it’s ready,” said Fred, tensely. “He paused and turned back to Lizzie. “Listen. It’s just a long shot, but if it works, does it really matter who heard you say what?”
“Of course not. Let’s do it. Right this second. Where’s Brody?” She spotted the stern, dark-haired captain and ran toward him, Fred on her heels. “Captain Brody. Fred said I should try to reach Mulligan on the radio. Please, can I try it?”
He shot a startled glance at Fred. “We haven’t gotten a peep out of him. It’s probably broken.”
“Yes, but if there’s a chance . . .” Lizzie’s heart was racing. “I think it’s worth trying. And at least . . .” She shook her head.
At least she’d be able to tell him she loved him.
Whether he heard it or not . . . well, she had no control over that. She never had.
“Let her, Cap,” said Sabina softly.
He nodded, spoke a few words into his handheld radio, then handed it to her. “Try the tactical channel first. If he’s been unconscious this whole time, he wouldn’t have been able to push the trigger for the emergency channel. If that doesn’t work, I’ll switch it to the Mayday.” Great. So she’d be baring her heart in front of the entire fire department. When she hesitated, Brody gave her a go-ahead thumbs-up.
She cleared her throat and closed her eyes. Brought up an image of Mulligan’s face, the way he looked after sex, gazing down at her with sleepy, contented, sated eyes.
“Mulligan, can you hear me? This is Lizzie. Lizzie Breen.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “I guess you know that part by now. Everyone is here trying to get you out. And I do mean everyone. Did you know that Thor is here, and Matt McBride and Psycho? I’m not sure you know half the guys who came to help. And it’s Christmas Eve Eve, and I’m sure they have lots of Christmas stuff to do, but they’re all here. They all want to lend a hand because they care about you.”
She paused to listen for some kind of response, but heard nothing but dead air. And a faraway chatter of two firefighters discussing something fire-related.
Put them out of your mind. And get more personal, silly. Share your heart with him.
“So, apparently everyone in the firehouse knows we’ve been seeing each other. I should have known when I got to the fireground and everyone was so worried about me. But I was too frantic because of you. Mulligan, we don’t even know if you’re still alive.” Her voice caught. “They’re about to go into the building, but the IC isn’t sure it’s a good idea because it’s so risky. If he knew you were still alive . . . if you could just make one little sound . . . that would really help a lot.”
Nothing but the same staticky crackling. At the back entrance, an authoritative-looking firefighter was gesturing toward the structure. Was he the IC? Was he the one who would decide whether Mulligan was worth rescuing?
She lowered her voice, as if she could send her sound waves only to him, not to anyone else on this crowded channel. “Mulligan, there’s something I have to tell you, even though I’ve been avoiding it because I didn’t want to freak you out. I love you. At first I thought it was just a misguided crush. But it didn’t go away, and the more we saw each other, the deeper it got, and then we . . . well, you know . . . after Fred’s engagement party, we started . . . being together more, and my feelings for you wrapped around my heart like a million tentacles, and they’re never going to let go. So you might as well know that, because it’s not going anywhere. And I also wanted to tell you this. Remember at Rachel’s, in the guest room . . .”
She broke off, suddenly remembering the firefighters possibly listening in. When Brody said, “I’m going to switch it to the emergency channel,” she could have kissed him.
“We’re switching to channel six, Mulligan. Maybe you’re over there,” she said into the mic, then handed the radio to Captain Brody.
He pushed a button and all the other voices disappeared. “It’s me again,” she continued. “I don’t know if you heard any of that. Okay, where was I? Remember Rachel’s guest room, when you gave me that book,
Bang the Drum Slowly
? We never talked about it afterward, because I don’t have a lot of time to read and I guess we were busy with other things. I mean, I know we were. But I did read it. I read it a couple of times, and I think I know why you like it so much. Mulligan, you’re just like the hero in that book. If someone in the firehouse called you from the Mayo Clinic and asked you to come pick them up, and you barely knew the guy, you’d do it. Just like Henry in the book. You would keep that guy’s illness a secret, just like in the book. You’d help him stay on the team even if it cost you money. You might be kind of rough and no-nonsense like Henry is, but you’re also loyal and upstanding the way he is.
I know what you’re thinking right now. You want to argue with me, tell me you’re not a hero like Henry Wiggen. That you don’t deserve the kind of praise I’m giving you. Well, all I can say to that is . . . fine. Argue with me. Come on. I dare you. You know what happens when we argue. We always end up laughing, and then we end up doing things I can’t really repeat on the radio. Even though supposedly no one’s on this channel.”
Was that a smothered laugh she heard? One of the firefighters must have switched over to six. Her face warmed.
“Mulligan, I need you. I need you to answer me. I’m all alone out here, spilling my guts with the San Gabriel Fire Department listening. I’m begging you, help me out. Just make a sound. I love you, Mulligan. I don’t care about any of the so-called reasons why you think you don’t deserve love. They’re complete bullshit. You deserve love more than anyone I know, because you haven’t gotten enough of it. But I have enough, I have an endless mountain of love for you, and all you have to do is make one little sound in exchange. That’s all.”
Silence.
“Otherwise, I’m going to keep talking and I might end up saying something really embarrassing. I mean, more embarrassing than what I’ve already said. Like that I think I loved you from the first time you tagged me out in that softball game. And that I ran for home because I wanted you to tag me out, because you would have to touch me, and I wanted to see what that would be like. And it was like an electric shock. Oh, Mulligan, you have to be alive. You have to be. I’d know it if you weren’t. Please, please, just make one little—”
She broke off, because a new tapping sound had caught her attention. “What’s that?” she asked, then realized no one else heard. “Emergency channel, guys! I hear something!” The sound came again. “Did you all hear that?”
“Don’t know,” someone answered in a gruff voice.
“Shhh.” When someone tried to say something, she shushed them again, oblivious to the fact that she’d just told the fire department to pipe down. “Everyone quiet, please.”
Perhaps out of shock, they all obeyed. And the tapping came again, a rhythmic sound, like someone beating out a pattern with drumsticks. “Does anyone know Morse code?”
“Griffin was in the navy. Griffin, you there?”
“Here,” came the voice of an older man. The tapping began again. “Yep, it’s definitely Morse code. Short, long, and two shorts. That’s an
L
. Then an
I
. Two longs, two shorts. That’s a
Z
. Then another
Z
. I think he’s saying ‘Lizzie.’ ”
“He’s saying Lizzie!” She practically screamed the news into the radio. “He’s alive. He’s saying Lizzie. Mulligan, we can hear you. Hang on, they’re coming. Mr. Incident Commander, you have to go in! He’s alive, he’s saying Lizzie. Did you all hear that?” She waved at the firefighters by the back entrance, then launched herself in that direction, only to feel someone snagging her arm.
“You can’t go there,” said Captain Brody. “Vader, Fred, and the rest of the RIC team are going in. You need to keep your distance.”
Right. Right, of course. They were professionals. She’d just get in the way.
She nodded, aiming an apologetic smile at him. “Listen, Mulligan, Vader and Fred are coming for you. I’ll be waiting right out here. I love you. Just hang on a few more minutes and they’ll be there. I love you so much, and I don’t care if that scares you. You’re just going to have to deal with it. Okay?”
More tapping.
“That’s an
O
and a
K
,” said Griffin drily. “Never thought I’d use Morse code to play matchmaker.”
But Lizzie wasn’t paying attention anymore, because two firefighters—her brother and someone who might as well be her brother—were stepping inside the ravaged building.
Please, please, let everyone come out alive.
L
IZZIE’S REAL-LIFE VOICE
on his radio had pulled Mulligan from his weird delusions. The words she poured into the smoky space, in that bright voice that felt like sunshine, made his heart swell with painful joy. She loved him, that beautiful, brave, laughing, compassionate girl. Loved
him
. Scarred, wounded, tough-as-nails Dean Mulligan.