Read Jesus Lied - He Was Only Human: Debunking the New Testament Online
Authors: CJ Werleman
In other words, Jesus proclaims that he will never use a miracle as a tool for proving his majesty. The Jonah metaphor is a nice little cryptic clue, as it is his only allusion to his future resurrection three days after his death, as with the case of the prophet Jonah. How delightfully devilish of Jesus!
There is also the passage in Matthew where Jesus is on his 40 day tease-a-thon with Satan. The red skinned horned devil took Jesus to the top of the Temple in Jerusalem, with the offer that if Jesus should jump (because surely his father, God, would save him) then, in return, he would give him the keys to the kingdom of earth:
“
If you are the Son of God,” the Devil said, “Then throw yourself down. For it is written: “He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” (Matthew 4:6 NIV)
Jesus considered the offer for only a nanosecond before replying forcefully:
“
It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” (Matthew 4:7 NIV)
So, whatever you do, don’t ask God to prove his existence by way of asking FOR ANYTHING during prayer. I.e. forget
‘Ask and ye shall receive’
. I digress.
It’s interesting to note that this is a line taken directly from the Hebrew Bible, verses 6:16 of Deuteronomy. As you can see, the Synoptic Gospels are quick to point out the purpose and limitations of Jesus’ miracles.
This viewpoint, however, is not shared with John, who calls the miraculous performances of Jesus ‘signs’, rather than miracles. These ‘signs’, according to John, are used explicitly for the purpose of convincing people to worship him as God.
Case in point, Jesus revisited the city of Cana in Galilee, the same town he performed the water into wine trick at a wedding reception, there was a royal official whose son was suffering some mystery illness. The illness is unknown but John writes that the young boy was on his ‘deathbed.’ The official learns of Jesus’ whereabouts, and having heard of his majesty and miracles, summons Jesus to his home to heal his son. After arriving (without so much as a cake or casserole, mind you), Jesus says:
“
Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders, you will never believe in me.” (John 4:48 NIV)
Jesus lays his hands on the boy’s head, and says to his father:
“
You may go. Your son will live.”
Jesus departs, and seven hours later the boy’s health is miraculously restored. This is one of seven ‘signs’ of John’s gospel, with the most famous being the resurrection of Lazarus, a story unique to John.
Lazarus was from Bethlehem and was in the final throes of battling some kind of terminal illness. The dying man’s sister sent for Jesus in hopes of a divine intervention to save her brother’s life. Jesus receives the telegram, reads it and replies,
“Do not worry your brother’s life will not end in death”
, but he decides to stay where he is to continue his preaching. A few days later Jesus finally turns up to their house, but is informed that Lazarus has been dead in his tomb the past four days. The dead man’s sister scolds Jesus,
“Lord if you had been here when we sent for you, my brother would still be alive.”
Jesus calms the grieving sibling with the words:
“
Your brother will rise again. I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11: 23-26 NIV)
The woman replies,
“Yes I do believe this”
, and in turn Jesus asks to be led to the deceased’s tomb. Once there, the accompanying relatives of Lazarus forewarn him of the odor that will most likely be emanating from the rotting corpse. Jesus rolls away the stone guarding the tomb with his great big god like arms, and plants himself next to the dead Lazarus. Jesus then closes his eyes, tilts his head skywards, and calls out to God:
“
Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” (John 11:41-42 NIV)
I wonder how it was that Lazarus’ sister repaid Jesus. Seriously, nothing gets the ladies jumping like turning their dead brother into a freaking zombie! So I am told.
Nonetheless, this passage further illustrates that John believed the purpose of Jesus’ miracles were divine signs specifically crafted to make the disbelieving rabble of people believe in him. Of course, being the devout believer that I am, I really shouldn’t point out that John’s testament of Jesus’ ‘signs’ completely contradicts the accounts of the other Synoptic Gospels.
A further theological hole that John digs for himself by means of this passage is in that he records Jesus asking his heavenly father for his prayer to be answered. But John states clearly that unlike the others, Jesus is God in the human form. Why would Jesus then need to pray to himself for miraculous intervention for the resurrection of Lazarus, which he could easily perform himself? It makes no sense whatsoever, mind you, maybe I shouldn’t be so picky… most of John makes no sense… brings in lots of dollars though. And keeps the guy with the John 3:16 sign at football games in a job!
From a historicity perspective, like everything else that has been alleged to have happened during Jesus’ life, no external accounts or reports of these supposed miracles exist. G. A. Wells, observes in his book,
The Historical Evidence of Jesus:
“
Their (Gospels) miracle stories are nearly all couched in general terms, with no indication of time or place or details concerning the person or persons who benefited.”
What I personally find troubling, at least from a philosophical standpoint, is that Jesus is claimed by the Gospels to be either the Son of God, or God himself. If this is so, then surely it’s only reasonable to enquire as to why he used his miraculous gift of curing illness or benefiting mankind in such an astonishingly limited fashion.
Jesus healed a blind man but not blindness; he healed a leper but not leprosy. Biblical analysis points to the fact the he only ever healed a small group of Palestinians living in a tiny little part of the Mediterranean. Is it too much to expect that such a divine being with insight, apparently, far beyond even our earthly imaginations, should have provided us more?
If John is right, and miracles were a tool to prove his divine status, then why are we left with so much doubt? Obviously, the writers of the New Testament had only a 2
nd
century understanding of science and medicine (ah, she has a temperature, we should trepan her skull – Google ‘trepanning’!), and therefore, as an obvious piece of fiction, their lead character, Jesus is saddled with their limited imagination and creativity.
Another former minister turned non-Christian is Charles Templeton who tackles the issue of the Gospels’ claims for the miraculous in his book,
Farewell to God: My reasons for rejecting the Christian faith:
“
Most of the illnesses that afflict humans were beyond the comprehension of the men and women of that day and, of course, beyond Jesus’ comprehension, too. No one at that point in history had even a rudimentary understanding of the causes of physiological or psychological illnesses or of the various other afflictions to which humankind is subject. Most thought of them as punishments from God or the machinations of Satan or other evil spirits.
“
When, for instance, epilepsy brought on a seizure that caused the victim to collapse and writhe on the ground as though struggling with an internal enemy, when food poisoning produced a paroxysm of vomiting, when a raging fever led to intense shivering and delirium, or when a migraine attack produced visual aberrations and excruciating pain, it seemed reasonable in that pre-scientific time to interpret such phenomena as the work of an evil spirit. And, when the affliction passed, it was equally reasonable to interpret it as the triumph of a benign spirit over a malign.
“
Many illnesses, then as now, were psychosomatic and could be ‘cured’ when the sufferer’s perception changed. Just as today a placebo prescribed by a physician in whom the patient has faith can effect an apparent cure, so, in earlier time, faith in the healer could banish adverse symptoms. With each success the healer’s reputation would grow and his powers would, as a consequence, become more efficacious. It would appear evident that this is what happened with Jesus . . .It is clear in the text that Jesus was seen by the general populace as a wonder-worker. The stories of his exploits were before him--by word of mouth, of course, and thus subject to embellishing--and when he entered a town the state of heightened expectation would often be close to mass hysteria. As a consequence, the apparently miraculous would happen.” (Templeton, pp. 111-112)
A summary of each of Jesus’ thirty-four miracles, as recorded by the respective Gospels, include:
1. Water into wine
(John)
2. Healing of the Royal official’s son in Capernaum
(John)
3. Healing of the demonically possessed man in Capernaum
(Mark and Luke)
4. Healing of Peter’s mother in law
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
5. Catching a vast number of fish in Simon’s boat
(Luke)
6. Healing a leper
(Matthew and Mark)
7. Healing a Centurion’s servant
(Matthew and Luke)
8. Healing a paralytic
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
9. Healing a withered hand
(Matthew and Mark)
10. Raising a widow’s son
(Luke)
11. Calming the stormy sea
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
12. Healing the demonically possessed woman in Gerasene
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
13. Healing a woman with internal bleeding
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
14. Raising Jairus’ daughter
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
15. Healing two blind men
(Matthew)
16. Healing a mute that was demonically possessed
(Matthew)
17. Healing a 38 year old invalid
(John)
18. The feeding of 5000 men
(Matthew, Mark, Luke and John)
19. Walking on water
(Matthew, Mark and John)
20. Healing a demonically possessed girl in Tyre
(Matthew and Mark)
21. Healing a deaf man with a speech impediment
(Mark)
22. The feeding of 4000 men
(Matthew and Mark)
23. Healing a blind man Bethsaida
(Mark)
24. Healing a man born blind
(John)
25. Healing a demonically possessed boy
(Matthew, Mark and Luke)
26. Catching a fish with a coin in its mouth
(Matthew)
27. Healing a blind and demonically possessed man
(Matthew and Luke)
28. Healing a woman that had been crippled for 18 years
(Luke)
29. Healing a man with dropsy
(Luke)
30. Healing ten lepers
(Luke)
31. Raising of Lazarus
(John)
32. Healing of Bartimaeus of blindness
(Mark)
33. Restoring a severed ear
(Luke)
34. Catching a great number of fish
(John)
In summary, of the thirty-four documented miracles – only one ‘miraculous event’ is recorded by all four Gospels; the feeding of 5000 men. Sixteen of thirty-four are recorded by only one of the four.
A Christian must now ask himself one or two confronting questions, such as why would, for example, three of the Gospels include the account of Jesus walking on water, which let’s face it – must have been fucking incredible – but Luke decided it was irrelevant to his biography? Hmm.