Just Breathe Again (18 page)

  As Marsha tried to save her failing marriage she too wasn’t herself. Not happy and chipper like she normally was, Marsha was sleeping a lot during the day. A few times Jeannie would get home from work and she would still be in bed. 

  Jeannie found herself at the cemetery more and more. She would take a blanket and just sit there and talk to Lydia and Vince as if they were alive. Sometimes she fell asleep and other times she took her lunch and ate leaning against one of the gravestones. Marsha had suggested maybe she should try a support group again like she did when Vince died. Strangers, sob stories, and talking about her grief wasn’t going to help her. She thought she needed a psychologist or anti-depressants again to help her get through this terrible time. She made a couple of appointments, but didn’t show up. Jeannie was too depressed to go.

       Jeannie had returned home from work and planned to drive over to the cemetery and eat dinner. Dinner would be a sandwich and a thermos of coffee. She found an article in a magazine about running she wanted to read to Lydia while she was there.

  “Jeannie, someone’s here to see you,” yelled Marsha from upstairs. John was once again on a trip and Michael was at baseball practice. 

  With her newly grown-out, highlighted hair pulled back in a ponytail and her favorite ripped jeans and t-shirt on, she didn’t prepare for an unexpected guest, especially not the one she saw stepping out of the car.

  Standing in her driveway was Kane. Knowing she had no time to run and hide, or pretend not to be there, Jeannie shook out her ponytail and wiped her wet bloodshot eyes.

  “Hi, Kane. What brings you in the area?” she heard Marsha asking him as they were walking to the back porch. The whole scenario sounded a little too staged and Jeannie had a feeling Marsha may have organized this little meeting. 

        “I had to meet with a few people and I thought I would stop in and say hi. I hope Jeannie’s here.” His voice sent heat to her cheeks and her pulse firing up.

       “She’s out back. Go on and get your butt back there, handsome. I’m making coffee and dinner. How about you stay with us and eat?”

       “That’s very nice but, I was going to see if Jeannie would join me for a quick bite somewhere.”

  Jeannie heard this whole conversation, like they were being loud for her to overhear. She sensed something was up, but she played along with their charade.

  “Hi,” she said, acting surprised as they walked back. Kane was as good looking as ever and Marsha was walking behind him checking him out. Jeannie had not seen him in a while and his hair grew out, and his beard was fuller. His rock hard body, tanned from the outdoors, Jeannie couldn’t help but look him up and down under her sunglasses. 

  “Hey, you two talk. I have dinner to make. Nice seeing you, Kane. Stop over again anytime,” said Marsha, making a lewd gesture behind his back. 

  “Will do, Marsha. Good seeing you too,” said Kane, turning around. Marsha stopped making her gesture and pretended to be fixing her hair.

   “Hi, Kane, what a surprise. I haven’t seen you or Carmen in so long.” She stood up and hugged him. 

  He smelled wonderful and she couldn’t help notice how he lingered when they hugged.            

  “Carmen is back in school and should be back out again in a couple of months. She is about finished and the work she is doing is overwhelming. She is interning in a law office in between classes. She’s worn out. I’ve been all over the place, Europe, D.C, it’s been crazy. I was in town and stopped to see if you would join me for dinner.”

  “Well, I’m a mess. I just came home from work and I look terrible. Can you give me a minute to get dressed?”

  “Don’t change. I like those ripped jeans and t-shirt. Makes you look edgy,” he smiled and winked at her. He sat down on the chair next to the fireplace. He bent over and put his elbows on his legs as he seemed to stare at her over the top of his Ray Bans.

  “Well, let me at least go and comb my hair. I was just heading out, but I’m so glad you stopped by,” she said, getting up and noticing he looked her up and down. His eyes were on her as she walked away.

  “Take your time I like sitting back here. It’s so peaceful,” he said. Jeannie hurried downstairs in an all-out panic. She teased her hair a little, put on makeup, and spritzed on her new perfume. It was going to have to work because she didn’t have the time to do anything else. She put on her new lipstick and hoped she looked presentable. Jeannie gave herself a quick glance in the full length mirror and turned around to see her ass Kane was looking at. She noticed she didn’t look too bad for approaching forty.

  As they were leaving, she saw Marsha smile and wink at Kane and sealed the fact this was an intervention on Marsha’s part. How sneaky she was. Jeannie would deal with her later.

  “I’ll pick up Michael. Don’t you rush back,” she yelled, as Jeanie sat in Kane’s car.

  “Thanks, Marsha. Don’t forget him,” she yelled out the car window and flipped Marsha off.

   Kane had a nice BMW, so clean inside the car looked brand new. A far cry from the Jeep or what she liked to call “The Heap”. The leather seats were cool against her hot flushed skin. She noticed how masculine and powerful Kane looked driving this expensive car. His hands, she noticed, sported a manicure and his fingers were big and thick. He held onto the gear shift and Jeannie noticed how sexy he looked. They went to a little barbeque restaurant down the road. Though the pain of her depression still gnawed away at her, there was a twinge of excitement being with Kane. For almost one minute Lydia and Vince wasn’t all she thought about.

  They talked, ate and, had a couple of beers. Jeannie found herself laughing and feeling happy and relaxed. Kane loved to talk she noticed, and once he started he would not be quiet. His nonstop talking could be he was nervous, but either way, dinner was nice having a man to talk to for a change.

  “It’s the second year anniversary of Katherine’s death. It’s coming up next week,” said Kane, sipping his beer. They both reached over for the salt at the same time and Kane’s hand touched Jeannie’s. She flinched and drew back, afraid of his touch. .

  “I’m sorry, go ahead. Vince’s three year anniversary was a few months ago. I didn’t make it through Lydia’s one year anniversary very well. Are you doing okay?” asked Jeannie watching him eat.

  “I’m good. Carmen has been taking the anniversary hard. With our faith and between the both of us, we will be okay.  It is funny how they are gone and not living in our lives anymore yet we are the ones that suffer and miss them.”

  “I know. I drove by our old house last week and depression hit me hard. It sometimes hits when you realize they were people that were a part of your life and they are gone forever. I’ve been spending a lot of time at the cemetery.”

  “They aren’t gone forever. We are supposed to see them when we die. It’s what our faith tells us.”

  “You’re right, but my faith wasn’t strong. I used to be devout, but after everything I’ve been through, she said, taking a bite of her salad. 

  “You have to try to get your faith back, Jeannie. That’s the only way I’ve maintained. Please try to go talk to your priest it does help,” he said.

  “I know I will, it’s so new and the pain is too heavy in my heart. In time I’ll get back.” Jeannie had no intentions of stepping foot into any church. She was done with that hocus pocus. To her, religion was a fairy tale made up for people to get through their miserable lives until they die and then there is nothing.

  Jeannie noticed women eying Kane quite a bit while they ate, which he seemed oblivious to. He was the center of attention to a group of women having drinks at a table near the bar. When Jeannie stood up to use the restroom one of the women obviously drunk, came up to her while she washed her hands at the sink.

  “Your boyfriend is hot,” she slurred, raising and lowering of her eyebrows. Jeannie couldn’t help but laugh at her and smiled friendly.

  “Thank you, yes he’s quite the looker.” A prickle of uneasiness hit her as she agreed that he was her boyfriend.

  “Don’t waste that one. I bet he’s amazing in the sack.” A burst of heat shot through her and Jeannie decided the conversation needed to end. Thankfully, a couple more women came in laughing and carrying on. Jeannie took that opportunity to slip out and get back to her conversation with Kane.

  The time flew by when they were there and before she knew it they left and were driving back to Marsha’s. Kane turned to her with his blue eyes while they were driving and said, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I hope I’m not being too forward when I say I can’t get you out of my mind. I have tried, believe me. I even tried staying away from you for a few months in hopes you would, oh I don’t know, disappear out of my thoughts. In fact the more I tried not to think, the more you were there.”

  “Wow, I guess I have to be honest and say that I have been thinking about you, as well. I had a terrible time with the holidays and not having Lydia again. I’ve been a little depressed.” 

  “I want to see you more. I’ve mourned Katherine and will love her forever. I need to move on from that miserable place I’ve been. It’s time. If it wasn’t for Carmen I don’t know how I would have made it.”

  “Poor Michael was even trying to get me to play video games with him to cheer me up. He told me to get a life too. It’s sad when a thirteen year old tells you that. And then there’s Marsha who is trying to get me out and living.”

  “Oh the pressure you and I’ve been facing. When Marsha called I was ecstatic. Oh, damn, I gave it away.”

  “I knew she was up to this. I’m going to tear her up when I get home,” laughed Jeannie.

  “Go easy on her, Jeannie. I planned on calling you. She sped the process up faster for me and made it a little easier.”

  “Well, I guess I’m glad she did.”

  “I am,” he smiled at her. 

  He looked at her and she noticed he gazed at her ample breasts. He stared at the cleavage she was most proud of flaunting. She must be looking pretty decent in her new push up bra because she caught Kane looking at them and looking away most of the night.

  When they made it back to Marsha’s, Michael was eating with them and Kane wanted to see him. She heard Michael laughing from whatever funny thing Kane told him. Jeannie threw Marsha a look to let her know the gig was up and she knew what was happening. Marsha made a “V” with her two fingers and wiggled her tongue in between them laughing. 

  The evening was cool, and the wind blew causing a chill in the air. Jeannie made coffee with cinnamon and cream and they sat outside by the fire Marsha must’ve started for them. She was such a mood setter. Jeannie was surprised she didn’t throw a mattress down on the porch so she and Kane could fuck. She should go into the matchmaker business and make a fortune. The smell of the burning wood, the breeze on her hot skin, and the image of the heat coming from the open fire made the tension a little stronger between them.

 Kane sat next to her. His thigh touched hers and the heat from his body sent a shiver through her spine. She didn’t know if she should move or leave it there and enjoy his warmth. 

  “Thanks for coming over tonight. I’m glad you did. If you hadn’t, I would be sitting here drowning in my sorrows and eating dinner at the cemetery.”

  He was sipping the steamy coffee while he looked at Jeannie. “I’m happy I did. The night ended too quickly. This coffee is good. I like the cinnamon. I’ll have to brew it like this at home.”

  “I love cinnamon at night. It makes it taste, exotic.”

  “It’s sexy coffee, Jeannie,” he winked. Him saying sexy sent her into thoughts she shouldn’t be having. But, he was so sensual and masculine. They sat in silence enjoying each other’s company and not wanting to end the evening.  Just sitting with a man without saying anything was nice for a change.

  “Well, I better get on the road. It’s a long drive home and I have to fly to D.C. tomorrow for the day,” said Kane, as he stood up to leave.

  Jeannie hated that he was leaving already.

  “Walk me to the car if you don’t mind,” he continued. 

  He stuck his head inside the house to say goodbye to everyone. Marsha took that as an opportunity to rush over and hug him, grabbing him in one of her tight bear hugs. She laughed as his face turned beet red.

  “Michael, I’ll see you later. Let me know when you have your first football game. I would love to come and watch you play.”

  “Okay, I will. Do you like basketball too?”

  “I played myself. I can show you a few of my secret moves,” he smiled, and it melted Jeannie’s heart to hear him take an interest in Michael.

  “Sweet,” answered Michael.

     Jeannie walked him the short distance to his car. Without any warning, he turned and grabbed her by the waist. His blue eyes narrowed as he stepped closer. Jeannie gasped, not expecting him to touch her like that. 

  His warm breath on her neck sent shivers down her spine. He groaned into her and kissed her on the lips. His kiss wasn’t soft and easy, more like hungry and demanding. His lips were warm and wet as he stole a kiss parting her lips open with his tongue. She had not kissed a man since Vince died and she was afraid she forgot how. The kiss sent a chill through her whole body and she shivered.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I needed to taste your lips,” he said, smiling a sleepy sexy smile. Jeannie tilted her head to the side and grinned up at him.           

  “No apology necessary,” she said, looking down.

  Kane nudged her chin up and his lips were on hers again as he pulled her against him roughly. This time she melted into his body putting her arms around him. He tasted tempting like beer and cinnamon from the coffee. His smell was masculine like soap and cologne and she breathed him in. His tongue licked her lips both top and bottom then dove inside her mouth. She let it explore her as his hands caressed her ass. Her legs were weak as her hands dove into his wavy hair, stroking it and wanting to hold him closer to her. He squeezed her ass, causing her to moan. He pressed up against her pushing his hard cock into her thigh. It had been so long since she had been with a man or since anything sexual had awakened inside her. The feeling of what was in his pants and pressed up against her made her wet and those sensual feelings scared her.