Authors: Mahalia Levey
Verse 1
All I wanted was your respect.
Learned early on what I’d never get.
Your hate, fists, words, broke me down.
My face a transgression you’ll never forget.
Acts of vengeance against a bastard child.
Chorus
Take a good look at what you've done to me.
Lacerated, desecrated reasons never validated.
Glass house, glass child, glass man
Eviscerated I sit with nothing to give
Worthless engraved in my skin while he gets it all,
Yeah he gets, it all. The good, the bad. The good, the bad,
He gets it all. Your support, your love, your praise.
Lacerated, desecrated reasons never validated.
Glass house, glass child, glass man
Glass house, glass child. Glass man.
Verse 2
Her sins made me, deprived me, where’s the love
to revive me. Desperate to love, to trust, too haunted
see, too tormented to believe there’s good in me. Self-hate churning,
dragging me down an endless abyss, his face, his rage, torn by her
scorn, hating I was born.
Chorus
Look at what you've done to me.
Eviscerated I sit with nothing to give,
Worthless engraved in my skin while he gets it all,
Yeah, he gets it all. The good, the bad. The good, the bad.
He gets it all. Your support, your love, your praise.
Verse 3
Can't forget the memories.
Can't escape the triggers. Lost in her regret. Strangled in your hate.
Tip the bottle to the head find some peace at last.
Slow deep burn.
Slow deep burn. Killing me. Killing me.
Chorus
Look at what you've done to me.
Eviscerated I sit with nothing to give,
Worthless engraved in my skin while he gets it all,
Yeah, he gets it all. The good, the bad. The good, the bad.
He gets it all even in death. Your support, your love, your praise.
Lacerated, desecrated reasons never validated.
Glass house
Glass child, forgetting how to feel to survive.
Glass house
Glass man
Glass house, glass child. Glass man.
“Yeah, that was one hellacious song. How about we lighten up with a good ole song about sex. Fuck drugs, we don’t do that shit or condone it, not in our band, but damn sex makes everyone feel better. Shea drop the beat for Sex Slave. Jimmy fondle that board like your woman’s clit. Make it dirty, you know they like your dirty ass. Jackson, make her hungry, make her ravenous for a taste of your fingers across the fretboard.”
Jimmy shook his head. Leave it to Garrick to remind them of their over sexual song that never got played on air. He chuckled while his friend spoke dirty to every female in the audience with his words and evocative imagery. Stroking his guitar, Jimmy gave the fans a lewd gesture, swiveling his hips, punctuating his chords with staccato strokes. In his peripheral, he noticed Sameera standing by watching, but kept his gaze on the mass in front of him.
Jumping around stage sucked the remaining energy from him. Garrick flew into the next song without preamble, keeping the fast pace, the amped energy and jumping with the pyrotechnics created by Nev. Twenty minutes later, they wrapped up their set with Uncommon Enemy. Jackson stepped to the edge of the stage and tossed his pic at a fan. Shea tossed up his drumsticks and caught them. Kissing the end of each one, he hurled them into the middle of the pit.
“Thank you, Indianapolis. We love you. Goodnight.” Garrick crumpled up the set list and tossed it in the eager sea of fans while Jimmy tossed two of his pics into the rampaging crowd anxious to have a memento.
They headed off stage to freshen up and grab some food in the green room. Jimmy passed Vin with a lovely redheaded bombshell on his lap, locked in conversation. He shook his head and headed into the room. Shelby, his regular for Indianapolis, stood and sashayed over to him.
“Hey lover, thought we could hook up while you’re here. It’s been awhile.” She ran a red painted fingernail down his chest, leaned in and trailed her hand over his dick.
“How’d you get back here?” He knew of course. Jacob wanted Sam for himself. “Tonight’s not a good night for me. I’ll have to pass.” He motioned to his guard, Mason. “Please see Miss Shelby out and prevent her from coming backstage ever again.”
“You don’t have to be a bastard, maybe one of the guys in Final Regret would love to have my company.”
Jimmy laughed. “No. Goodbye, Shelby.” Sam came in at the tail end of the conversation. He saw the flare of jealousy flash across her eyes before she banked it. Grabbing a beer and a sandwich, he plopped down.
“Hey, good show.” She sat next to him and tucked her feet under her.
“Glad you liked.” Jimmy ate his food in silence and drank his beer. When he was done, he got up to grab a handful of cookies and a bottle of soda, sat down and resumed eating. Shea and Jackson ran through, cell phones to their ears. He didn’t envy them, having to check in and be accountable for their whereabouts. Pussy whipped in love fuckers.
“Are you okay?”
Sam probed and he admired her ruthless determination to smooth things over. Jimmy shoved a cookie in his mouth and chewed. Fuck no, he wasn’t okay. “I’m not in the mood to talk.”
Sam trailed her hand up his thigh. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Space.”
“I thought maybe we could go back to the bus and talk.”
Double chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookies melted in his mouth. After he finished his dessert, he turned to Sam. “Meerkat, what do you want from me? Assurances? To trust you? You should’ve given me the letter as soon as you received it. I thought you were hiding something from me with how you reacted yesterday all weird and flighty when you rushed out to start dinner.”
“Trouble in paradise already? We have weeks left on the road. Best to nip that shit in the bud before we pull out.” Garrick slapped him on the shoulder. “Night, Sam. Nev says hello.”
“When you’re on a bus people always meddle.” Jimmy sighed. “Sam, sit back, relax and grab some food. I’m going to grab seconds.”
“Okay.”
Jimmy left her on the couch and loaded up a plate of food.
Sam filled her own plate and went to sit with her bandmates giving him the desired space he’d requested.
Halfway through his plate, Trish stormed into the room clearly in a mood over something. Once she saw him, she beelined for him.
“I didn’t do it.” He chuckled, knowing her crazy panic look, one he’d caused many times before.
“We have to talk. Like now. Grab your plate and bring it to the bus.”
He dawdled. Snagged another handful of cookies and stacked them on the plate next to a pile of chips, pickle and meat loaded sub.
“
Now
.” The click of her heels double timing down the corridor cracked him up. He followed her out to the bus.
“Where’s the fire?”
Instead of answering, she dialed a number on her cell phone.
“Officer Creighton. I have Jimmy O’Riley here with me now.” She handed him the phone.
“This is Jimmy. I haven’t broken any laws that I know of. Do you have some warrant for my arrest? If so can it wait until the tour is over. I’d happily take over any assumed issue.”
“I’m afraid, Mr. O’Riley, I have some troubling news for you.”
“Tonight seems to be the night for it. What can I do for you?” Jimmy shot Trish a look. She shrugged and mouthed, “I don’t know what’s going on.”
“We’re going to need you into fly to Montgomery, Alabama tonight to pick up a package. I’m sorry we can’t go into detail over the phone. Our business should only take a day or two at most. We understand you’re on a tight schedule. You’ll need to make some preparations before you leave, aside from that. When is the soonest you can get here?”
Jimmy frowned. “I can grab a commercial flight and be there as soon as possible. Are you certain you can’t divulge what this is all about? I don’t like flying blindly into shit.”
“I think it’s better for all if we discuss the situation in person. We’ll await your personal assistant’s call with your flight information and pick you up personally.”
“Okay.” He hung up the phone. “Trish what the fuck is going on?”
“I don’t know. They were really cryptic. Whatever is going on, it’s damned important. You’re on the next flight to Montgomery. Thankfully they had a first class seat left. A car is here to take you now.”
“Fine. What are you going to tell Garrick?” Jimmy grabbed his backpack and shoved a fresh set of clothing into the bag.
Trish led him out to a town car. “I’ll tell him there was a family emergency. Text me if you have problems. Sorry we couldn’t get the jet here soon enough. I will have it on standby in Montgomery to bring you back to us. Try to be back for the next show. You have all day tomorrow and most of the evening. Let me know if there’s an issue so we can have someone fill in for you. Really, call me when you know what the hell is happening.”
“Thanks.” Jimmy laid his head back against the plush seats trying to get a handle on what was going down in Montgomery. The driver raised all windows and left the underground parking spot. After dialing Sameera’s number, he reached her voicemail. “Meerkat, had to take an emergency trip, not sure what’s going on. I’ll hit you up when I know more,” he paused. “Sam, I forgive you. Sleep tight.”
Extending an olive branch was the right move. Putting on his ear buds, he relaxed.
Chapter Eight
“Welcome to Montgomery, Mr. O’Riley, we’re glad you came. You must be tired, I can’t imagine a four hour commercial flight was comfortable.”
“Thank you. I did manage to get some sleep.” Jimmy tossed his backpack on his shoulder and donned a baseball cap and sunglasses.
“Mind if I see some credentials?”
“Of course.” Officer Creighton took out his badge. “Do you have any luggage?”
“No. Just this. Can you tell me what is going on?”
“I know you’re anxious but this is a delicate manner. We’ll escort you by car to our destination. You should be able to sleep for a few more hours.”
“Where are we headed to?”
“Valley, Alabama.” The officer led him through the massive airport to the taxi stand. “Perks of being in law enforcement.”
Scenarios and questions ran through his head. Did he get someone pregnant in Alabama? Or something else equally bad.
“Sir, with all due respect. This is nuts. I’ve flown here as requested for whatever secret thing you have going on. I need answers.”
“The social worker asked me to maintain her confidence and wait until we got to the daycare to give you information. I can see you’re not going to let up. In short, your deceased brother, Miles, has a daughter. Her mother recently passed away, due to untreated appendicitis. She has no other family. The child, Millicent, is all alone.”
“You’re joking, right?” Jimmy put his hands to the bridge of his nose. “My brother wouldn’t have kept a child a secret from me. We told each other everything. Are you certain you haven’t made a mistake?”
“Reggie, the mother, left a living will, naming your brother and yourself as emergency contacts. I take it she didn’t know he passed away. Through her records we tracked down other members of your brother’s team who corroborate the two had a lengthy affair at one point in time. It is possible he didn’t know, with his job and unavailability, she may not have told him.”
“How old is my niece?” He prayed his saintly brother did not cheat on Sam.
“Millicent is four years old. She doesn’t understand what’s happening or that her mother is not coming back. Her world has not fallen apart yet. She will need someone to take charge and care for her, get her through losing her mother.”
“What happens now?”
“That is entirely up to you. We’ve run a thorough criminal background check on you and have nothing major causing red flags, except for your near death experience after losing your brother. We didn’t have to search hard for the singular incident. It was posted everywhere. In the event you don’t feel equipped to take on guardianship of your niece, she’ll go into state care and end up in a foster home until she turns eighteen. When that happens she’ll be thrust out of the system and on her own.”
Jimmy swallowed a knot in his throat. “I don’t know anything about taking care of a kid.”
“Son, there’s no manual, it’s learn by trial and error. I have four boys and one girl. My princess. In my years of parenting, I’ve found they need unconditional love, food, shelter, clothing, a firm hand, but most of all patience.”
Jimmy laughed. “I’m not sure I’m capable of loving, I wasn’t loved.” He looked out the window.
“Wait until you meet her. We have a few boxes of her things from her mom’s at the daycare. The provider, Mrs. Lula Bell, was friends with Reggie and gathered some items your niece may want. The rest is still in the rental house.”
“Has my niece’s mother been buried? Was there at least a funeral?”
“No. This happened seventy-two hours ago. The body was released for cremation yesterday. The city doesn’t have the funds to bury those without insurance or a family member to take over and claim the body. If you don’t take her ashes she’ll be buried in an unnamed city owned lot.”
“Excuse me for saying this, but this is a lot to take in. What you’re asking of me is a lot. Sending my brother’s daughter to a foster home is unacceptable.” He ran a hand through his hair. The thought of his mother finding out about Millicent turned his stomach. “When we arrive in Valley, I’ll organize packers to clear the entire house and ship all contents to mine while I’m on tour. Did Reggie have any wishes in regards to her remains?”
“Not stated on the living will. My suggestion is to talk with Mrs. Bell and find out what Reggie was like, that may give you some suggestions to either bury or spread her ashes.”
“I need to process. I’m now wishing I hadn’t pushed you for answers.” Jimmy craned his neck to clear the fog in his mind. The scenery wasn’t much to look at, though. What on earth was he going to do with a small child? Better yet, how could he finish the tour?
“Why wasn’t my mother on that list of relatives?”
“There was an addendum about your mother and father not being allowed visitation with Millicent or be selected for possible custody. Seems like Reggie knew a lot about your family to include that as an addendum.”
“Yeah.” Jimmy’s mind raced. His heart hurt for the little girl who’d lost two parents. What was Miles thinking leaving Reggie who seemed like a good woman for him? His mother of course came to mind, no doubt if she knew he was happy, she’d ruin that by forcing a future with Sam on his brother. Still, he couldn’t believe the strong man his brother was came home to do what their mom demanded. He found some peace knowing Miles wasn’t with Sam during this period in his life and wondered if his brother knew he had a child, he’d have chosen to leave his dangerous job, then brushed it off. His brother lived and breathed fighting for the cause. He’d never give up on his band of brothers, his external family. His brother, until his last drawn breath, lived to protect, to change that would kill him as surely as not living and breathing music would kill Jimmy.
The car came to a sudden stop, jarring Jimmy. He woke to look out the window, noticing they’d parked in the driveway of a house.
“I thought I’d let you sleep the rest of the way,” the officer spoke.
Jimmy dug in his pack for his eye drops, wanting to clear what felt like sand grains paining him and sighed as the saline drops took the irritation away. Shoving the bottle back in the pocket, he found his gum and stuffed a piece in his mouth, not wanting to offend anyone with bad breath. On the way back, he’d stop off for a toothbrush. “It’s go time.”
The outside of the home held curb appeal, warm yellow paint made the sight a welcoming one. He climbed out and stretched his legs, noticing an official car ease up the drive. A woman in a suit and skirt exited with a briefcase. Instead of heading to the door, he waited. The tall African American woman joined him.
“Mr. O’Riley, I’m Sarah Stevens, the social worker for Millicent O’Riley. Shall we?” She headed up the driveway to Officer Creighten. “It’s good to see you again. Thanks for getting him here so quick.”
Jimmy ambled up next to them. The rapport they exhibited went way back. Instead of probing, he waited to be included in their conversation, while waiting for the caregiver to open the front door. The officer rang the bell a second time. Jimmy heard the clicking of heels and braced himself. An older woman opened the door and moved to the side. “Good morning. Come in, come in.”
What the fuck.
He’d assumed the caregiver was a younger woman like the mother of his niece, not a woman in what appeared to be mid-forties with a face full of sunshine and exuberant life.
“I’m Mrs. Bell, but call me Lula. Officer Creighton, Ms. Stevens, so glad to see you again, though wish it was under better circumstances.”
Jimmy followed the others into the main room. His eyes took in the family photos on the wall, the smell of fresh apple pie baking and the homey décor. Mrs. Bell led them to the sitting room. Legos, toy cars, Barbies and doll house accessories littered the floor.
“Please excuse the mess. Millie is not having a good morning. She isn’t the best sharer today. She and Kalen have had a rough time getting along, been watching them two since infancy.”
“That’s understandable. I’m Jimmy, her uncle.” He offered his hand. The woman moved around the table and hugged him. Taken aback, he awkwardly hugged her back. He’d never get used to Southern charm.
“Boy, you act like you’ve never been hugged by a mama,” she admonished, flashing a smile.
“It’s been a long time.” He offered a weak smile and took a seat. His mother never hugged him, the first time Garrick’s ma did his skin felt all crawly, now he was used to affection from people he knew.
“Why don’t we let Millicent meet her uncle? I’ll grab the tray of muffins and bring out some juice. You must be starving after all this traveling, and call me Lula, boy, we’re family. I’ve cared for your Millie since she was a few weeks old.”
“I appreciate all you’ve done.” He waited for the first glimpse.
What if she doesn’t like me?
Lula returned a few minutes later. Jimmy’s eyes trailed over the little person squeezing her hand hard. He noticed her cork screw curls, big blue eyes and cleft in her chin as she half hid behind the woman’s legs.
“Child, come on out, meet your Uncle Jimmy.”
“Hi.” She peeked out and tucked herself back against Lula.
“That’s a pretty dress you have on. I like blue. Is it your favorite color?” He crouched down and smiled at his niece.
“Millie, remember when someone asks a question you answer it.”
“I like blue. I like Frozen. Can I play with the Barbies now?” She tugged on Lula’s hand.
“Did you apologize to Kalen?”
Jimmy noticed the little boy straggling into the room wearing a big frown.
“Her didn’t apologize, Mrs. Lula.”
“I’m sorries, Kalen. You can play with me now.” The two children dropped to the floor of toys and began to quietly play. Jimmy couldn’t tear his eyes away from Millicent, the spitting image of his brother, down to the deep dimples showing when she smiled. He felt like a Mack truck ran over him. Then he heard her giggle and his heart swelled. How could he not take this little girl and cherish her? Right then he promised God he’d raise her right, treat her like a princess and as long as he drew breath in his body, no harm would befall her.
“We have some papers for you to sign, Mr. O’Riley.” Mrs. Stevens withdrew a stack of papers from her briefcase. “I took the liberty of getting the court orders signed, giving you guardianship. This packet contains her birth certificate, social security card, immunization record, current pediatrician, and history of health. ”
“There are two sets of orders.”
“Of course. You’ll sign both, keep one and we’ll keep the other. We’ll expect to follow up with you for the first six months. Nothing too formal, a phone call, whatever, we know you’re a busy man, but we have to ensure her safety and well being.”
Jimmy signed both sheets and kept the one with the other papers. In the corner of his eye, he saw his niece watching him. “What has she been told about her mother?”
“I’ve been telling her, her mama’s in Heaven with her Daddy now. Unfortunately, she keeps asking when she’ll be back from Heaven.” Mrs. Lula sighed. “I miss that woman, she was a great mother.”
“Do you know why we were never told about Millie? My brother would’ve moved heaven and earth if he knew he had a kid.”
“Reggie was complex. She showed me pictures of her and Miles when he was out here. You know once they get a call they disappear for an untold amount of time. She wanted to be with him but couldn’t handle life not knowing. She got pregnant right before the third time he went away, and he was gone for nine months. She had Millie and told him there was nothing for him to return to. She didn’t want to be that woman hoping her man would come home, or wonder how long his assignment would last, one year, two or if he’d die in action. The not knowing was more than she could handle.”
“I know how life can be hard. I always wondered where he was and what he was up to. I finally quit worrying, figuring, I’d know the moment something bad happened. I don’t blame her for locking us out of her and Millicent’s lives. She was doing what was best to protect her daughter from the possible pain of losing her father.”
“Jimmy, Officer Creighton and I are leaving. You have our contact information if you need anything. A private car will bring you back to the airport. Good luck.” They both shook his hand. As they retreated, Jimmy grabbed a loaded blueberry muffin and drank a cup of juice.
“Life is full of surprises, young man. You and my Millie will be just fine. I feel it in my bones. Knew so the moment I laid eyes on you. You are what this little girl needs, more than me.”
“Ma’am, I’m glad you have that much confidence in me.” He sure as shit didn’t.
“It’s Lula. I’ll leave you to watch them for a few and make your calls. I picked up Reggie’s urn today. She’d want to be buried by the one she loved.”
“Miles. I will make sure to give her her last wish.” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Trish.
“Finally, I’ve barely slept worrying about you.”
Her pissy voice brought a chuckle from him. “I need a discrete moving company to pack up the items at 109 East Harbor in Valley, Alabama. Hire a security team to unload it all in my guest house. And Trish, I’m going to need a second tour bus and Carlie to fly out to the next show.”