Lena's River (10 page)

“I can’t believe you have to go.” Lena almost pouted.

“I know, but there’ll be other times. Right now I have
to get Sala back on her feet so she can return to work. She’ll have to miss a
few days as it is, even counting the rest of the vacation. The doctor said two
weeks absolute quiet and rest.”

“Are you sure you don’t need me to come back with you?
There must be something…” Lena thought she would at least try.

“No, you and Gina need to stay here and fish the heck
out of that river. That would make me happy. You come back with some photos and
a few good stories – that’s all I ask.”

Levi called: “She’s all set. When you pull out into the
road I will check the chains, but from here they look good.”

“Thanks Levi. I hope we meet again.” Mary extended her
hand which Levi shook.

He smiled at her and gave Lena a sidelong glance. “I’m
sure we will.”

Lena hugged her friend. “Call my phone and leave a
message when you get home. I’ll check my phone this evening. I need to call the
sis’ anyway.”

“I will do that. I imagine it will take the nurses an
hour to get Sala dismissed. And we’ll stop for a break at the Junction.” Mary
bent down to give Pascal a pet. “What a great dog.”

Levi hung back then stepped up and rested his hand on Lena’s
shoulder as Mary pulled out of the campground with her vintage trailer in tow.
Lena waved goodbye. She felt a little empty.

They stood there for a moment. A breeze caught Lena’s
hair and twirled it around her face as a tear escaped.

Levi gave her a light hug. “She’s a nice lady.”

Lena wiped an eye on her sleeve. “She’s the best.”

Levi waited a moment then asked: “How about I make you
an espresso?” Lena didn’t answer. “Unless you’d rather have your own space…”

“No, I would love a coffee. Thanks, Levi.” She started
to follow him to the picnic table then grabbed his elbow. “Thanks for being
here.” She felt awkward and wanted to add more but didn’t. She let go of his
elbow and put her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt.

Yep, play your cards close, Lena and he
will go the route of your exes. But at least you’ll have the satisfaction of
never having to put yourself on the line, right? If you love – you lose.

Lena wished her brain would just stop interjecting.

Levi stood still. A soft look came into his eyes as he smiled
down at her. “You bet. My grandmother always advised me that good, strong
coffee is the best medicine. Of course, she drank about dozen cups a day.”

“Geez, she must have been wired all the time.” Lena sat
down at the picnic table as Levi set up her stove. He whistled for Pascal to
come. The small dog settled down in the grass next to Lena’s camper.

“Didn’t seem to bother her but she was definitely a
little eccentric.” Levi chuckled.

Lena wanted to ask more about his family but held back.
She didn’t want to pry into unknown territory, but she wanted to know more
about his grandmother since he’d mentioned her a couple times.

She ventured at last: “Was your grandmother religious?”

“Do you mean - was she a practicing Jew? No. She was my
maternal grandmother and a staunch agnostic. She and Dad used to have
incredible philosophical arguments but they never got angry at each other.”

“That is impressive. They must have understood each
other pretty well. I mean, mother-in-laws don’t often like the man her daughter
chooses to marry.”

“Oh, she was fond of my father; if anything, they had
mutual respect. My grandma was a smart lady. And I know it was a great comfort
to her that my Mom was safe and loved and didn’t have to go through what she
did.”

“What do you mean? Did your Grandmother have a hard
life?” Lena was curious now.

“You could say that. She was a young child when the
Nazis took over Europe. She spent two years hiding in the basement of a safe
house until friends of the family smuggled her out of the country in a truck
crate.”

“Geez, that’s awful. The poor lady! Did she talk about
it much? I mean, that was a singular experience for anyone to go through, let
alone a child.”

“Too many endured situations like that and worse. My
grandmother was one of the lucky few who got out before being sent to the
camps. No, she didn’t talk of it much but I know it had a huge influence on her
later philosophy.” Levi measured and poured water into the aluminum coffee pot.
“Dad found it challenging to counter her agnosticism in the face of her
experiences. She lost most of her family during that war and she couldn’t
believe in a god who allowed horrible things to happen.”

“I would have to agree with her on that point. But what
do I know.” Lena picked up a small stick and tossed it for Pascal. The dog
bolted after the stick and soon brought it back to Lena.

“I think I would have liked to meet your grandmother.”
Lena said, tossing the stick again.

Levi nodded: “I know you two would have hit it off. She
had a quirky sense of humor and was an independent thinker. She would have
liked you, Lena.”

“That’s cool. I’m not sure I could have held up in
conversation with her. I wouldn’t know how to begin a philosophical discussion
let alone argue points.”

“Oh, they were a common event around our dinner table. The
whole family got involved. It got quite animated but never aggressive.”

“Wow, sounds like a good time.” Lena laughed and shook
her head.

“It was and I learned a lot. I paid closest attention
when science or history topics came up. It was a great educational opportunity
now that I look back on it.” Levi finished leveling out coffee into the little
aluminum mocha pot and screwed the top on. Then he lit the stove under it,
adjusted the burner setting, and sat down opposite Lena.

“What about you? Did your Mom and sister have little
routines at dinner?”

“Nah, my Mom liked to eat in front of the TV. She
worked hard and didn’t have much time or patience for anything abstract. She
was happiest when she was outside working in the garden or fishing on the
river. We never really talked about deep stuff. Not until she got sick. But
even then she was pretty quiet and stoic about the whole thing. She was a nuts
and bolts kind of lady.”

A shadow grabbed at Lena’s heart as she remembered her
Mom and those painful last weeks. As she tried to shake off the sadness, she stole
a nervous glance at Levi. His brow was furrowed and anxious.

She added quickly: “Don’t worry; I’m not going to start
crying again.”

****

Gina sat on a log next to Lena who sat cross-legged on
the sandy river bank. She watched Lena tie a fly onto her lure.

“Girl, you need to start doing this professionally.”

Lena smirked: “You mean turn the RV Park into a fly
fishing shop?”

“Well, no – not the whole thing, but at least display
some of your tied flies and offer them for sale. You’ve got lots of room in the
office.”

Lena peered at Gina over the tops of her sunglasses.
“You’ve always got a scheme, Gina.”

“I’m serious, girl. This fly is a piece of art. Let me
work on a display for you. We could set it up in the office near the register
and see what happens. I’m pretty sure the tourists would go nuts over these.”

Lena thought for a minute, intent on the tiny fly in “I
don’t know, Gina. I run at full speed during tourist season.”

“Yeah, but you’ll have more time during off-season. And
if you had
more
money
…” Gina held her hands apart and wiggled her
fingers to emphasize
more money.

“I have more time right now, I admit, but having to
keep a decent supply of flies in the office would take a lot of tying time.
Besides, I enjoy doing this for fun. For me, tying flies is therapeutic and I
have a lot on my mind right now. Thanks though; it’s a good idea.”

Gina was silent for a minute. The wind in the tree tops
made a sudden whooshing noise. They both looked up to watch the hemlock top
knots bounce in the breeze which had picked up during the afternoon.

“It’s okay to have a lot on your mind but a person has
to assess - do these things weigh you down or help lift you up? The grieving
process might require picking yourself up and getting on with your life, Lena. You
can’t move on if you’re stuck. Life is for the living.” Gina stood, adjusted
her waders and walked downstream along the river a few yards. She chose a spot,
waded into the shallows and threw a cast. The cloudy sky made the water in the
pools shimmer like giant emeralds.

Lena kept her focus on the fly she tied in her hand but
when Gina walked away, Lena followed her with her eyes. Then she frowned.
Gina’s words got under her skin. Her friend cared about her, she knew that, but
sometimes Gina could be blunt. What was she getting at anyway?

She didn’t need Gina’s criticism – like she wasn’t
mourning her mother’s death the right way -
as if there was a correct way to
be sad after someone you loved died. What right does she have to judge me
because I don’t want to sell fly fishing accessories?

Gina’s whole idea was silly. Besides, she’d have to
move a bunch of stuff in the office and she didn’t want to reorganize right
now. It was too soon. Her Mom’s fingerprints were still on everything in there.
The thought of disturbing all those things made her unhappy. She wasn’t ready
for that kind of change.

Then she thought about Levi. If she let him into her
life that meant major change – the kind she wasn’t sure she could handle. Yet,
whenever he was around she felt lighter – freer somehow. He helped her feel
alive again. In spite of herself, she didn’t want things with Levi to end. She
shook her head and tied off the last tiny knot. She stowed the miniscule pliers
she held in her left hand back into her bag.

There was no sense in thinking any of this through
right now. It wasn’t next week yet. There was loads of time between now and
then. She had a few days to remain in the comfortable limbo which was supposed
to be her vacation. Lena stood up and attached the fly to the end of the line.
She twirled the line in a graceful sweep a short ways over the water and then
back. She stopped to adjust the fly.

“Hey, how’s it going? Any luck?” Levi appeared on the
sandbar a few feet away.

“Hey, no I haven’t cast yet. I was testing out my new
fly.” Lena felt herself stiffen. Did he sense she had just then been thinking
of him? It was irrational to feel vulnerable but she did.

Levi ambled up and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.
“You okay? You look mad.”

Lena sighed and answered: “Oh, it’s nothing. Gina’s a
therapist and well… she decided to offer free, professional advice a few
minutes ago. I’m irritated with her, that’s all.”

“Oh, I see.” Levi paused. “That’s hard to take especially
if it comes from a friend. She should know that if she’s as professional, as
you say.”

“Yeah, she’s only trying to help. They all want me to
get back to normal.
I
want to get me back to normal. There comes a time
when you want to shut it all off, you know? But I’ll tell you, I feel like I’m
turning into a Debbie Downer.” Lena shook her head.

“I think you’ve been remarkably cheery considering. The
grieving process makes its own schedule. You can’t rush that kind of thing.” He
rubbed the two day stubble on his chin. Lena shrugged but didn’t answer. He
said: “So, you want to up the fun factor around here?” Levi put his arms around
her shoulders and pulled her to him. Lena remained stiff and continued to
fiddle with her line and lure.

“Yeah, I feel like I need to switch gears, if you know
what I mean. Go do something different.” Lena stepped out of Levi’s arms and
waded a few steps into the water. He repositioned the Mariner’s hat on his head
and shoved his hands in his pocket.

He was quiet for awhile. Then he called: “How about we
drive to the ocean? You said you had a favorite beach here on the Peninsula.”

Lena half-turned towards him, holding the line with her
thumb pressed against the fish pole.

“We could do that. I’m not sure.” Lena let her sentence
dangle. It was a sweet gesture on his part and she knew her tone was less than
enthusiastic. Her thoughts raced along with the current of the river.

Levi watched her again for a few moments then kicked at
the wet sand where he stood. “Okay, well I’m going into town to do some more
printing. I’ll be back later if you decide on something. Come Pascal!”

He turned and walked back up the edge of the bank with
his shoulders hunched forward and head down. He disappeared into the trees; the
little dog trotted at his heels. Lena watched them out of the corner of her
eye. She knew she should call after him; she knew she had hurt him. Her heart
was a jumble of emotions and there was no order or sense to anything she felt.
If she didn’t know what she wanted it was best just to stay quiet and to keep
fishing.

Yeah, Lena. You really have a way with the
guys, for sure. Here’s someone who is falling head over heels and you can’t
deal. You’re hopeless and sad.